I wanted to hate it, but it was too perfect. The perfect balance of things enjoyed, from the song of the nightingale, to even her cats roaming the halls and rubbing against my trousers.
Every day was supposed to make me move away from where I’d been, and I tried to shake the heartache that latched on. No one liked to yearn for what they can’t have. No matter how much I moved my axe, flexed my muscles, yelled, and screamed from the pit that now lived in my stomach, I noticed the sheer absence of what had once felt so much like a part of me.
“The gods are idiots,” I muttered. Even in my anger, a little bit of respect still remained. I couldn’t unleash the true venom I felt pumping through my veins.
Despite closing my eyes and trying to ground myself, everything around me still pointed to… this place This. Place. I reached for the place my miniature Mjolnir used to hang around my neck—eons ago. A part of me wanted to throat punch people, and another part just wanted to go home.
Even if this was supposed to be heaven, it surely wasn’t home.
I just needed to grab the gun and then head back to Midgard. It would be my back up, for surely, I’d need more than just that which I had stowed at Heimdall’s guardhouse.
As if on cue, Freyja glided into my room. I quickly slid the gun into my satchel. Since the door was open, that must have been a sign for her to come in without knocking. I tried not to roll my eyes.
But in my mind, everything that had gone wrong up until this point had something to do with someone trying to tell me about my destiny, instead of letting me find out for myself. But maybe they thought I’d get lost like Christopher Columbus and cause the demise of cultures, societies and people groups.
I shrugged.
Everyone wants to be a hero, and no one wants to carry the burden.
“Sometimes we are,” she answered. The air practically shimmered around her, and my anger shifted away, the nearer she came it was as if she’d dabbed on lavender oil. “I’m sorry you don’t like it here, Sif. There have been many valiant men and women who would have traded places with you in a millisecond.”
“True, but I feel as though I’m being jailed, held captive. I’ve rarely been outside the walls, and this sword and sorcery show going on here isn’t the latest video game.”
“You’re bored?”
“I’m beyond bored! And when I’m bored, my mind wanders. Sure, I’d like to one-day kick butt like the Valkyrie, but right now, I’d do almost anything to watch a great football game, barbecue in the backyard, and have a party; hell, even karaoke might sound great right about now.”
Freyja pursed her lips, and if I’d not been paying attention, I might have missed the slightest of wrinkles between her brow.
“You know, what you need isn’t entertainment, but a goal. And I shall help you achieve that. You are to head out with Thor on patrols.”
Suddenly I couldn’t swallow. I’d been avoiding him since his return and time alone with him, wasn’t something I was ready for.
My mouth went dry, and I couldn’t force my lips to form the words of “Hell no” that I wished to scream.
“But, but, but…”
“No, don’t you worry. Thor can be impatient, hot-tempered, and quick to respond, but inside he has a heroic heart.”
I rubbed my arms to rid myself of a chill that suddenly appeared.
I’d read enough mythology over the years to know how everything might be—and the idea of riding along in his chariot for days to fight monsters that could kill me, well, I wasn’t too sure I was ready for that after all.
“I can still die, and unlike Thor, I don’t have his ability to call down lightning.”
“What are you suggesting?” Freyja moved over to my bed and took possession of the satchel.
“A way of embracing tradition and progression, allowing more than just peasant clothing while the gods dress in finery.”
“Then you can be that progression.”
I hesitated to move. Freyja was the queen of Asgard and only through her kindness was I even there. The weight of the universe on my shoulders, I bowed my head and acquiesced.
Nothing good would come from this.
Chi would have to wait.
Chapter 13
Sif
The only place I could be alone was in my chambers and that only half of the time. Although I wasn’t supposed to notice the guards who continued to follow me throughout the realm, there for my protection, nearby they remained—a shadow in my periphery. Luckily, they at least stood outside of my door and not in my room.
Freyja’s hall, gothic in architecture, with large buttresses, vaulted ceilings, and adorned with gold, the limestone hall was the place I called home.
After a long day on the field with Kara, I walked through the eight-foot-high doors, into the room with cathedral ceilings akin to Notre Dame. A large chandelier affixed with glowing orbs illuminated the large space.
I should have known what I was getting involved in when I chose the agent of chaos himself to fall in love with. Now, I was screwed. Thinking of him caused something within me to rumble, and something akin to shamanic drums began to beat; for a brief moment, I thought Loki stood across from me.
The air around us seemed to shimmer.
“What magic have you done?” I asked. I could feel my heart in my chest thudding louder than even I wished to acknowledge, but there he stood. His magnanimous ocean blue eyes stared back at me, and he stood tall, just as I remembered, minus the custom-tailored dark blue suit. “Surely, Heimdall will know that you are here.” I let the rest of my thought drop. If the gods found out I was talking to Loki, the enemy, what sort of trouble would I even land in?
“I’ve done nothing. But I did hear your call.” He smiled a broad grin, showing perfectly white teeth. “I’ve come as an agent of chaos, my dear, but not for you. A warning. Not all is as you believe it to be.”
“Yes, I learned that lesson with you,” I rebutted. Did he think that he could just zap me out of Asgard in some haze and I’d listen? I should fawn all over him—even if I really wanted to? My gaze raked over him, and I noticed that he’d tried to tone down those things about him that could have made me fall to my knees, to kneel before him. “Your lies are why I am trapped here.”
He was in my head. And I still hadn’t been able to get him out of there.
He quirked a lovely eyebrow. “So, the brawny and strong Thor hasn’t won you over yet? And here I thought he would have conquered.”
My hand itched to smack him for that insult, but instead, I laughed. “You lost all rights to know what I do. You walked away.” I wanted to pretend that it wasn’t so, but that was like pretending I was clean from him. He was still in my system, in my veins, and I wanted him…loved him, still. Maybe?
He stepped closer, and I could smell the whiskey on him. “I have done many things, but there is something special about the way fire danced on you, Hjarta.” He seemed to emphasize that word, speaking it like a caress, and I wanted to believe him.
He leaned forward and blew on me, and my eyes closed to open again to my hands holding a blue flower and a note:
Those who promise to protect you, keep you for your demise. Find Harley.
I squinted reading the words. I didn’t need to be reminded of my friend Harley, who Thor had killed. My friend, who loved Lady Hel, and whose death sparked off the apocalypse. I dropped the letter, and as it floated to the ground, it began to burn—nothing more than ash once it touched the ground.
A chill rushed me.
Despite everything that took place, I knew that Lady Hel loved Harley just as he loved her. The way that they’d been one, united, with a love that filled the room with a palpable sense of serendipity, a fated love that bridged everything between them. It was almost like when she breathed in, he exhaled. They worked in tandem, united in all things.
And I understood that crushing blow when Harley died. He’d been my friend, and nothing had prepared me for his leaving, not even my n
ow being in Asgard.
The memory dissipated like smoke and a knock on my door stopped my continued contemplation.
“Are you okay?” Freyja asked and strutted through the door followed by the guards. Her Empress-Style dress affixed with metal wrist guards and accented with a shiny metal breastplate. “Heimdall’s horn alerted that you might be in danger.”
I gulped. “No, I am fine, as you can see.”
“Your time here has been difficult,” she began. “You are in a difficult spot for sure, but we are doing all that we can to assist you in your transformation.”
“Is that why I’m here?”
Freyja nodded. “So that you can reach your potential and I will help you, be the mentor you need.” Freyja stretched out her hand for my own. “Your path is not such an easy one, that we know, but you must walk in that which is revealed to you.”
She snapped her fingers and I sunk into darkness.
Silence, in this cold, dark room, and I stared out, and squinted until the inky blackness began to take shape. And twinkle.
A woman began to approach me, half her face hidden behind a black paint over her eyes, with a red tribal painting covering the bottom half of her face. She was followed by another woman dressed in a white gown with asymmetrical shapes of gold metal that moved towards me. She too had half of her face hidden under a mask, blue and white. Finally, a third woman approached, wearing a cow’s hide. They began to move in a circle around me, chanting words I didn’t understand.
I watched and clapped my hands; the ice and fire mixed, exploding before our eyes. I took my place in the circle. I’d stepped into the time before the beginning, surrounded by the stars before the gods, before man, before it all.
“Welcome sister,” they chanted, and together we took a seat at the roots of Yggdrasil and began to carve. It was time for creation to begin. “We all exist past, present, future, and all time simultaneously together.”
Chapter 14
Thor
“You can’t just sit up here and watch her from afar, son,” Odin called out and took a seat next to Thor under the large tree that provided some shade from Sol’s heat.
With his attention so focused on Sif, he’d not heard his father’s approach.
“You know she curses us,” Thor said. He subconsciously rubbed his red beard and tried not to notice how her hair was changing from Sol’s rays. No longer was her rich dark brown like the coat of a mighty warhorse, but Asgard was changing it, as if her being there could transform her to make her belong.
Odin surely knew as much as he did about the on-goings with Sif, if the ravens were doing their jobs and reporting everything back to him. Thor couldn’t help it. Whenever he got a chance, he watched her.
Unsure of what to say, if he approached, and unwilling to turn tail and run.
“So, you protect her from here?” Odin asked
“No, the game seemed interesting.”
“The only game happening, son, is the one in your head,” Odin said and pointed out to the field. “While she is there, she thinks of nothing, but when the exertion from training is over, that is when her thoughts return, and when she will sneak down to Midgard to fight for humanity.”
Odin had a gift with magic and spells, but Thor knew mindreading wasn’t part of his repertoire. “How do you know? Has Freyja told you such, or the ravens?”
Odin shook his head. “One doesn’t need magic to understand what is happening, just a keen eye. Loki is powerful in his own right, but the spell he worked was of love, and to undo such, it takes something even stronger.”
Thor scowled in silence. While he’d been in Helheim trying to find a way to save Earth, she’d had a dalliance with an enemy of the gods; and although he and his kin were exiled, it didn’t mean that all traces of him were gone.
“We have all experienced that pain,” Odin continued. “But it changes nothing. We couldn’t let her fall into their hands, and if you want to keep this place safe, as well as the Midgard that you protect, then you will do everything you can to woo her to your side.”
“She’s all right,” Thor hedged.
“She is on the fence of wishing to return to a world that can never be her home, and you must assure this.”
Thor pushed off from the tree’s trunk. “I attempted that and look what happened. Isn’t that why you sent me down there before everything with Hel happened?”
Lady Hel had attempted to destroy the world, and as the protector of Midgard he had to appear and make sure the people remained safe, but Thor couldn’t shake the feeling that a part of that whole thing had to do with his father’s instigating ways.
“Father, surely there are other things she can do here, out of harm’s way instead of in Midgard. Without her, I can accomplish more, and slay the threats against us. But if I have to make sure she isn’t hurt, well, anything could happen.”
Odin began to laugh, a rousing laughter that made Thor frown. In all of his years, he’d only heard his warrior of a father laugh with mirth a handful of times. It was like the farting of a bird—weird.
“Don’t stare at me so. You have no idea how to behave around this woman, and act like it is some strange dance that you two partake in. And she leads.”
“She’s strong enough for that.”
Thor shook his head. He no longer wished to discuss Sif, especially to his father who should have known a thing or two about women, but who seemed only to father children with a variety of them. “Did mother like her gift, the two cats to pull her mighty chariot?”
“Seeking a new conversation will not be rid of your problem. Attraction is something that you must face head-on. And that is why she is perfect for you. Because she is strong. She will not need you, but if you prove yourself to her, she will want you all the same.”
Thor crossed his arms, causing his biceps to flex.
Thor remained silent.
“You needn’t concern yourself about the state of Asgard when Midgard needs you,” Odin continued. “I am here, as are your brothers. We will defeat any attack that may come.”
“What do you suppose I do?” Thor finally asked.
“You’ve made a fool of yourself so far. What’s it going to hurt to keep doing it.” Odin clapped Thor on the shoulder. “Listen, son; women are like a sharp blade. If you‘re not careful, they will cut you.”
Thor watched Sif leave the field, a frown she didn’t hide well etched on her face. Off the field, her shoulders slumped a little. She was far from weak; he saw how she held her weapon and continued to fend off every attack Kara brought her way. Yet, that spark from when they’d first met, that zest was gone. She was like a wet paper bag. “She is quite unhappy here.”
It didn’t take a seer to figure out why she trudged away from the field. Nor did it take a magician to cast a spell to reveal to her why she needed to remain. He could do that. Thor pulled back his shoulders, rose from his spot. This would be his chance.
“Well, son,” Odin said. “I’d suggest you figure out a way to make her say your name with feeling instead of Loki’s.”
He had just that in mind. He needed to bring the thunder.
Chapter 15
Sif
I stumbled on through the city of Asgard which I no longer thought of as being a golden, beautiful city, but it was more of my prison with its tall golden towers.
Finally, down on the River’s banks, I rubbed my arms to ward off a non-existent chill and stumbled along the blue-lit sands, as it was illuminated with bioluminescence.
How could I be in heaven and still be experiencing hell? My temples throbbed.
I’d been a delicate teacup, easily broken. But what was worse: to be a teacup and not know it, or just to be shattered? I removed the vial of lavender oil and placed a few drops on my temples to help me relax.
No matter where I looked, all I saw were shadows of Loki. He was always there, just out of my gaze: Loki and that pain weaved itself tighter into my bones until my body ached. I couldn’t
wish for death, but I couldn’t hope for life either.
His robust and hearty laughter, his deep voice that lit a fire under me. For a fleeting moment, I smiled, and it drifted away.
“I take it that smile is not for me?” Thor asked, coming to stand next to me.
I’d not heard his approach, and I felt my lips expand, but it wasn’t a welcoming smile. He was the god of thunder, the protector of Midgard—I had to respect that, but he didn’t make me burn…only Loki could do that.
“I take it that your journey went well?” I asked. It was the best I could do to be polite. I wanted to take his hammer and hit him with it.
“I know you blame me for your being here,” he began.
“I don’t blame you any more than I blame myself.” Who knew that I’d be used as a weapon and potentially destroy all the realms, and that was why everyone wanted to collect me? Shivers of fury again clawed my back.
“You’ll have to forget your time in Midgard…” Disapproval dripped from his lips.
The words hung in the air. He didn’t mean just my time there, but also Loki, as if he could dictate what I could do, what I should do.
“Are you attempting to man-splain it to me? Tell me how I am to behave? Or make this prison that much more unbearable? I am not haunted by my life there, but that was my life, my friends, and community, and now you’ve stripped it all from me.”
“But who are you lying to, Sif? Loki took your heart and betrayed you. I would never do that.” He moved in closer as if trying to close the space between them. I took a step back and raised my hands. “Soon we shall marry, have kids of our own. Loki is just a hiccup.”
“What?” I practically shouted. I must have missed something. “I am to marry you?”
“That is the only reason you are still here. It is the best that the key be protected by the strongest of gods, after all.” He thrust out his chest, full of himself.
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