by Julie Tizard
“Have you impounded the aircraft maintenance and service records?”
“Already done, ma’am.”
Kathryn finished marking the crash site on her maps and completed her accident photos. The medical and maintenance specialists had everything else under control, and the security police had the site secure, so Kathryn returned to the base to start the next phase of her investigation—the part she dreaded most—determining the identity of the dead student.
As she drove back across the desert to the base, she was struck at how beautiful the sunset was. The sky was streaked with soft shades of pale lavender blending into subtle hues of salmon and silver on the clouds. She loved the sunsets in the desert sky, but this one just made her sad. That student pilot will never see this again.
The crackle of her radio brick snapped her out of her thoughts.
“Flight Safety, this is Squadron Ops.”
She recognized the voice of the squadron commander. “Go ahead, sir.”
“Come up on secure channel seven.”
“Safety is on secure seven, sir.”
“We heard about the fatality. We’ve identified the student, and the class commander has impounded the grade book and training records. They’re in my office when you get back here.”
She reached for her pencil in her left sleeve pocket. “I’m ready to copy, sir.”
“The student pilot is First Lieutenant Casey Tompkins, Good Grief flight, call sign Hook 21.”
Kathryn dropped her pencil, stunned by the news.
“Safety, did you copy?”
“Yes, sir, I copy,” she answered softly. “Sir, I believe she lives on base in the bachelor officer quarters. I’ll head over there now to examine her personal effects.”
“After you’re done at her quarters, report to my office. We need to get the preliminary press release together. This one’s going to get a lot of attention.”
“Yes, sir.”
“Squadron Ops out.”
Kathryn had to stop driving. She struggled to breathe as tears blurred her vision. Oh, my God, Casey.
Chapter Twelve
Kathryn stood in front of the door to Casey’s quarters waiting for the BOQ manager to let her in. She was dreading this task even more than seeing the accident site. The horrid memories of going through Marie’s personal effects after her plane crash made her physically ill. Just then, the BOQ manager showed up to let her in.
Kathryn felt guilty being in here, like she was violating Casey’s private space. She recognized the subtle scent of Casey’s shampoo in the air. The room was tidy and well organized, just like Casey was. Apprehension rose in her as she looked around at Casey’s personal things—a framed photo on the desk, some books on the nightstand, dirty laundry in the basket by the closet, a cork bulletin board with her weekly schedule on it. Kathryn picked up the picture on the desk, looking closely at Casey and her family. She had a beautiful smile on her face and was almost as tall as her father, with her arm draped across her mother’s shoulders. She seemed to look right into Kathryn’s soul.
Casey’s flight suits hung in the closet. Kathryn slowly ran her hand down the sleeve as sadness descended over her. The grief from Marie’s death, and now Casey’s, merged together and overwhelmed her. She had to sit down on Casey’s bed. Holding her face in her hands, hot tears flooded over her, and she cried out, “Oh, my God, Casey, what happened to you?”
Fighting the grief, she shook her head hard and wiped away the tears. “Get over yourself, Kath. You’ve got a job to do here.” She stood and looked around the room, noticing a rainbow-colored button on the bulletin board. It read, “Dip me in honey and throw me to the lesbians!” Oh, crap. I can’t let anyone else see this.
Kathryn was quite sure Casey was gay, but she certainly hadn’t talked to her about it because she was a student. If the investigating board found out Casey was a lesbian, it would make it into the official accident report, maybe even as a related cause of the accident. She had to protect Casey’s reputation from the homophobes in the Air Force even if it meant jeopardizing her own career as the accident investigator. She owed Casey that much.
Images of hiding her relationship with Marie after her crash came flooding back. She remembered the sadness of removing their love letters and pictures. Protecting Marie’s reputation with the Air Force was the last act of love she ever did for her.
Kathryn grabbed a trash bag from under the sink and rapidly scanned the room for anything gay. She snagged the rainbow button off the bulletin board, then looked at the titles of the books on the nightstand—lesbian romance novels. Into the bag they went. She opened the drawers and removed a photo album and a small bundle of letters tied with a red ribbon. Just as she was putting these in the trash bag, she sensed someone else in the room. She quickly turned.
Casey.
Kathryn was sure she was hallucinating.
“Captain Hardesty? What are you doing here? Am I in some kind of trouble?”
Kathryn slowly stood up, frozen with disbelief. This apparition of Casey was speaking to her.
“Captain Hardesty?”
Kathryn slowly walked over to Casey and gripped her shoulders to see if she was real. She stared directly into Casey’s eyes for a long moment. Then she reached up, put her arms around Casey’s neck, and pulled her into a tight hug.
*****
Casey was stunned. First, she’d almost killed herself on her solo ride, and now Kathryn Hardesty was holding her in a full body hug. What the hell was going on today? How in the world did Captain Hardesty know what happened on her solo ride when she grayed herself out doing a very bad cloverleaf? Did Albuquerque Center see her on radar and report her to the supervisor of flying?
Casey’s mind raced as she stood there letting Captain Hardesty hold her. After she lost her vision when she was pointed straight at the ground, she had pulled blindly to what she guessed might be the horizon. After a few tortuously long seconds, her vision slowly came back when her blood returned to her brain and eyes. She’d been amazed to find that the airplane was sort of level with the horizon in a twenty-degree bank turn. After realizing that she’d almost blacked herself out, she’d scared herself so badly she just flew around the border of her practice area until she’d burned enough fuel to head back to the base. Just as she was about to return, she heard Albuquerque Center broadcast that all aircraft were to return to Williams Air Force Base immediately. It took her a while to get back because the other aircraft were trying to return at the same time. When she did get back to the base, they told her to make a full stop landing. The parachute room was strangely empty when she hung up her chute. When she went back to her flight room, the doors were locked with a sign on it directing the students to return to their quarters. She was confused but glad to leave the squadron building after her near-death experience on her flight. She still didn’t understand why Captain Hardesty was hugging her, but she was enjoying the feel of her warm, firm body pressed against her.
Captain Hardesty let go of Casey and stared at her again.
“Casey, I thought you’d been killed in a plane crash. I’m very glad I was wrong.”
“What? You thought I’d been in a plane crash? My flight today was pretty bad, but I certainly didn’t crash. I don’t understand what’s going on.”
The radio brick crackled to life. “Flight Safety, this is Squadron Operations.”
“Safety here, go ahead, sir.”
“We misidentified the student in the accident. Maintenance just gave me the correct tail number from the accident site. It’s 8081, not 0086. The mishap student used the wrong call sign. His call sign was Hook 22, not Hook 21. It’s not Lieutenant Tompkins; it’s Lieutenant Mike Harris.”
“Safety copies, sir. I’ll head over to his quarters now. Can you have the BOQ manager meet me again to let me in?”
“Roger. Ops out.”
“Oh, my God. Was Mike in a plane crash, Captain Hardesty?”
“Yes, Casey, he was. I’m v
ery sorry, but he’s gone,” she said softly.
“I was just talking to him two hours ago. We went out to fly our solo missions at the same time. This can’t be true.”
“I’m afraid it is true. And I’m really sorry for the confusion, but we thought you were the student pilot in the accident. I’m so glad you’re okay, but I have to get over to Mike’s quarters. Do you know where he lives?”
“He lives next door to me, ma’am. I have a key to his room.”
“You do?”
“Yeah, we studied together and hung out all the time. He did my laundry for me and I made flash cards for him. He was my best friend in the flight, my only friend really. We decided to exchange keys in case either one of us forgot to set their alarm and slept in on early week. He has a key to my room too. Or he had one. Oh my God, I still can’t believe this.” Casey had to sit down as she choked up thinking of her friend.
“Please take me over to Mike’s room and let me in.”
“Yes, ma’am.”
They went next door and Casey opened the door to Mike’s room. The furniture was identical to all the other rooms in the bachelor officer quarters except that the linoleum floors were gleaming and the room looked like it was ready for a Saturday morning white glove inspection. The twin bed had perfect hospital corners, and the blanket was tucked in so tight you could bounce a quarter on it. Every Air Force officer knew how to do this from their initial weeks at basic training, but no one continued this practice after graduation. The room was so neat it looked staged, not like a real person lived here.
*****
Kathryn looked around the room, but nothing was out of place. She looked more closely at the standard cork bulletin board. Mike had a calendar with his flights and sims marked on it. Next to each flight or simulator day, Mike had written a note in tiny, precise handwriting. Kathryn started reading the notes by the flight entries.
Screwed up the takeoff today.
Carter yelled at me again. Can’t make level turns.
Messed up in the EP sim. I’m such a fuckup.
I don’t feel ready for my check ride. I think I’m going to bust.
Kathryn was shocked at what she read. Every note was a severe reproach on himself. Mike was severely self-critical. This might be an explanation as to what happened in the air today. She wouldn’t allow herself to jump to any conclusions. She would complete a comprehensive investigation then report her findings, but she had a gut feeling where the evidence would lead her and it wasn’t good.
Casey also saw the notes on Mike’s calendar as she looked over Kathryn’s shoulder.
Kathryn turned to her. “Casey, you are not to say anything about this to anyone. This is part of an accident investigation now, and I need your word you will not discuss what you’ve seen here with anyone.”
“Yes, ma’am, I understand.”
“Did Mike ever talk to you about his flying? How he felt he was doing or about these notes?”
“No, he didn’t, but I suspected he was struggling. He complained about Lieutenant Carter screaming at him in the plane, but he never did anything about it. I told him to ask for an IP change, but he wouldn’t do it because he didn’t want to look like a weak dick.”
“When I realized what Dave Carter was doing to you, I should have flown with him. I flew his dollar ride with him and he seemed so happy. I had no idea he was having a hard time.”
“Mike tried to hide that. He had to call his father every week to give him a progress report and I could hear him yelling on the phone from my quarters.”
“It sounds like Mike was used to putting up with bullies. Please don’t say anything about this, Casey. I need to continue going through Mike’s personal effects, so you can return to your quarters now. I’m sorry for the confusion earlier, but I’m really glad you’re all right.”
Kathryn reached up, put her arms around Casey’s neck, and pulled her into another firm hug. This time, Casey hugged her back and they held each other for a long moment.
*****
Casey left Mike’s room struggling with shock and sadness at his death. He had been the first guy in her class to treat her like an equal. He was smart, funny, but also insecure. She had no idea how insecure he really was until she saw his notes, and she wished she’d made more of an effort to help him. They talked all the time about what an ass Carter was and how they couldn’t wait to get to the T-38 so they could have a different IP.
She’d come very close to death herself today, but for whatever reason, her number wasn’t up yet. Captain Hardesty could just as easily be investigating her crash today instead of Mike’s. She’d been so shocked to see Kathryn in her quarters when she walked in. She thought she was in big trouble until Kathryn pulled her into that embrace. She’d been frozen when Kathryn put her arms around her in that long, warm hug. She didn’t know why Kathryn was hugging her, but she didn’t want it to end. She had a strange mixture of feelings about Kathryn Hardesty.
She looked down and saw the trash bag Captain Hardesty had been holding. Casey opened the bag and was surprised to find her lesbian books, her love letters from Lynn, and her rainbow button. Captain Hardesty thought she had been investigating Casey’s death and was trying to “straighten up” her room so the Air Force wouldn’t find out she was a lesbian. She was trying to protect me.
Chapter Thirteen
The mood in the classroom was quiet and somber. Mike’s seat was empty and no one even looked at it. Their class commander, Captain Morgan, walked up to the front of the classroom.
“Today is a hard day for all of us. Lieutenant Mike Harris was a friend to everyone in this class. There will be a time for grief, but today is not that day. We have a job to do, and we cannot let this accident distract us from that job. Unfortunately, death of a friend is a part of being an Air Force pilot. This is a dangerous job, and every pilot on this base has lost a friend in an aircraft accident at some point in their career. We have to learn to deal with it. There will be an accident investigation, and we’ll get the results of that investigation when it is complete. Do not waste time speculating on what may or may not have happened. The best way to honor Mike is to learn from this accident and go on to be better pilots for it. There will be an informal memorial in the O Club casual bar this Friday at 1600 hours. Everyone needs to be there.”
Casey struggled to fight back tears. Mike’s absence left a gaping hole in her heart. She’d never known anyone her own age who had died, but she needed to put her sadness aside and deal with it later. Air Force pilot training stopped for no one.
When the class got to the flight room, the master schedule board had a big X through the flights and sims scheduled for that day. Instead it said, “Safety Down Day.” Several of the IPs, including Lieutenant Carter, were absent. The flight commander, Captain Stavros, walked to the podium as the room was called to attention.
“Take seats, everyone. We won’t be flying today as several IPs are being interviewed by the safety investigation board. Instead, we’re going to have a ground day focused on flight safety and accident prevention. We are coming into a very intense phase of training, with more solo flights, and there is no IP sitting next to you to save your ass if you screw something up. You’ve all soloed the jet, and the responsibility is on you to save yourself. The best way to get through this is to continue to work hard, learn your stuff, and be heads up when you fly.”
Casey looked up at the schedule board. There was a blank line under her name where Mike’s name had been. He had been erased from the flight just as if he’d washed out of the program. She tried to concentrate on studying her instrument flying manual but was having a hard time keeping her mind focused. Her thoughts kept drifting back to that sustained hug from Captain Hardesty in her room. She was surprised when she felt little tingles move into her stomach remembering the feel of Kathryn in her arms.
Lieutenant Carter came back to their flight room the next day and grumbled about wasting his time with the safety board. Casey sensed
he seemed nervous. Maybe they thought there was something wrong with his screaming instructional technique. Maybe they thought he was to blame for Mike’s crash. They would find out soon enough after the investigation was complete. She kept looking for Captain Hardesty’s name on the schedule board, but she didn’t see her all week. She assumed she was tied up with the investigation.
The whole class was glad when Friday finally came and they could go to the O Club to blow off steam and remember Mike. Casey had several beers as they told stories about Mike. Her favorite story was the one where Mike borrowed Jeff’s flying gloves, then barfed into them on his second flight because he forgot his airsick bag. They raised their glasses in a final toast to Mike led by their flight commander, Captain Stavros.
“To Mike Harris, who has flown his final flight west into the sunset. To us, and those like us, damn few left. Hoo-ah!”
No one cried for Mike in public. It wasn’t “manly,” and there was no crying in the Air Force. Casey looked across the room and noticed Captain Hardesty standing in the corner watching the activities. She looked subdued until she locked eyes with Casey. She gave her a head nod and a slight smile. Casey felt warmth spread in the pit of her stomach and she smiled back.
She noticed Captain Hardesty quietly leave the bar shortly after the last toast to Mike. Casey stayed for another half hour but was feeling antsy as the drinking increased and the volume of the men got louder. She was overwhelmed by the reek of testosterone and beer in the air and needed to get away from the maleness that had surrounded her all week. What she needed right now could only be found at a lesbian bar.
She drove into Phoenix to the Incognito Lounge. She didn’t feel particularly good about what she was looking for, but she wasn’t feeling guilty either. Casey wanted a quick hookup—that’s all. She needed the intimate company of a woman to free her mind from thoughts of Mike, plane crashes, and pilot training.