The Road to Wings

by Julie Tizard

  “I’m not sure what to put on my dream sheet.”

  “Casey, what do you want more than anything in the world? What is your heart’s desire?”

  “I want to fly and I want to be with you. I think I could be happy flying any jet so long as I get to come home to you every night.” She reached for Kathryn’s hand under the table. This felt so right and so complete, right here and now with Kathryn.

  Kathryn squeezed her hand in reply. “I want that too, but the plane you fly right out of pilot training is a really important decision. Do you want to teach other people how to fly? Do you want to teach brand-new student pilots in the Tweet, where they will try to kill you three times a day, or do you want to upgrade pilots with basic flying skills to the T-38? If you fly a fighter, you have to ask yourself, ‘Do I want to try and kill people with an airplane?’ because that is what you will be required to do. ‘Do I want to be the first woman in a fighter squadron where the men probably don’t want me there?’ You’re the only one who can answer those questions for yourself.”

  “But what would be the best choice for us? Should we fly in different squadrons here at Willie? I think I would love to fly a fighter, but I would get sent away, maybe overseas even, and I don’t want to be separated from you.”

  Kathryn struggled with telling Casey about her own next assignment. She wanted to tell her the truth, but hopefully, she had fixed things with the wing commander and she wouldn’t get sent away to school for a few years. She wanted Casey to stay at Willie with her and become an instructor pilot. She wanted to live with Casey and make a home together, but she also wanted what was best for Casey’s career.

  “Casey, I can’t decide this for you. You have to make the right choice for you. Of course I want to be with you, but you’re the one who has to live with it. I can’t tell you what life would be like as a fighter pilot because I was never allowed to even try for that, even though I was fighter qualified when I graduated from pilot training.”

  “Couldn’t you apply for it now that fighters are open to women?”

  “No. They will never let any of us who flew heavy aircraft, like the tanker, fly fighters. They wouldn’t let me cross-train even though I’ve taught pilots who became fighter pilots. They will only allow new women pilots into fighters. I’m not the best person to talk to about this. Bulldog has tons of experience flying fighters and can tell you what life is really like as a fighter pilot.”

  “Okay, I’ll talk to him. But if I choose to stay at Willie as an IP, what jet do you think I should teach in?”

  “Again, you have to decide what’s the best fit for you. You’ll be a great IP in either airplane. When I came back to Willie as an IP, I had the choice and I wanted to fly the T-37 because I thought I could have the greatest impact on future Air Force pilots as their first IP. Also, I like the people in the Tweet squadron a lot better. They are more down-to-earth, and I thought all the guys in the T-38 squadron were assholes. But that is just my opinion.”

  “Well, I have a lot to think about. I wish we could fly together again sometime.”

  “You never know. We just might get a chance to.” She squeezed Casey’s hand again.

  *****

  Now that Casey’s check rides were complete, she had a few more solo rides and some four-ship formation rides left to fly to complete the program. The students who had finished their check rides talked nonstop about their assignment preferences. As Casey observed her classmates and their IPs, she could see clearly the over abundance of arrogance, cockiness, and testosterone that Kathryn meant when she said they were all assholes. Generally, they all were. Just then, Bulldog came bursting into the flight room just like he always did.

  “Champ! How are you doing today?”

  “I’m good, Bulldog. Hey, I was wondering if I could talk to you later about my assignment sheet?”

  “Why don’t you come on over for supper tonight and we’ll go over it. I’ll tell the Boss to set a place for you.”

  “Great. I’ll see you at six.” She was glad she didn’t have to talk about assignment choices in front of her classmates. Several of them had been asking her what she was putting on her dream sheet. Before the big announcement that women could now fly fighters, they had assumed she would fill one of the IP slots for their class. They were happy about that since none of them wanted to come back to Air Training Command as an IP. Now that she could be in competition with them for a fighter, they’d become more wary of her.

  *****

  Casey got to Bulldog’s house with a six-pack of Dixie beer.

  “Oh, hi, hon! Come on in. Well, aren’t you just as sweet as pie to bring me some Dixie beer.” Merrilee greeted her with a big hug.

  “Hi, Merrilee. Whatever you’re fixing, it smells delicious.”

  “Oh, I’m just whipping up a batch of fried chicken.”

  After another delicious dinner, they went outside on the patio to crack open a few Dixie beers. Even though it was December, it was still balmy in the Arizona evening.

  “So Bulldog tells me you two got to talk about pilot stuff, so I’m going to clean up in here so you can chat.” Merrilee got up and went back into the house.

  “Bulldog, I need you to tell me the truth about flying a fighter. Do you really think I have what it takes?”

  “Of course you do, Ace, or I wouldn’t have passed you on your rides. You fly as well as, or better than, any man I’ve ever trained. The question you’ve got to ask yourself is, ‘How much shit am I willing to put up with to fly a fighter?’ because they’re going to make your life hell in a fighter squadron, that’s for sure.”

  “But why? Women have been flying Air Force planes for seventeen years now.”

  “That doesn’t matter. You’re trying to get into their boys’ club and they don’t want you, or any women. I was around when the first gals started at the Air Force Academy, and those women got nothing but abuse and harassment for the entire time they were there. Do you know what the class patch was for the pilot training class before women started flying here at Willie in 1976? Their motto was LCWB—Last Class With Balls, and they all wore that patch on their flight suits. There are still some asshole IPs here who try to wash women studs out even today. It doesn’t matter how well you fly, those fighter boys will try to wash you out too. Do I think you can stand up to them and fly circles around them? Yes, I do, but you’re going to pay a high price for it. You won’t be getting any invites to squadron parties or barbecues, and the wives will resent you, big-time. It’s going take a while before those fighter jocks get used to the idea that women pilots can fly as well as them. Do you want to be the first one to bash her head through that door?”

  “Wow, I had no idea, Bulldog.” She was feeling defeated before she even got a chance to try and fly a fighter.

  “On the other hand, you could stay here at Willie as an IP for four years, really improve your own flying skills, then apply for fighter training. You’d be a senior captain in the squadron and have more flying hours than most of them guys in the unit. Fighter lead-in training would be a piece of cake after being an IP at Willie. But if you really want to fly a fighter, you can do it, Casey.”

  “Why did you leave fighters and come back to Willie to be an IP, Bulldog? Most people think that’s a crazy thing to do.”

  “I suppose it is, but most people don’t have a boy like ours. When the doc told Merrilee and me that our baby would have Down’s, well, it just about broke our hearts. I’d dragged Merrilee and our two older kids all around the world chasing my dream of being a hotshot fighter pilot squadron commander. Merrilee told me, ‘It’s the Air Force or us,’ so I chose my family. The doc told us he wouldn’t make it to age eight, and he’s already two years past that. I’m just damn lucky I’ve got a few friends in high places who got me a job at Willie where I can still fly and be home every night. That’s very hard to do in the Air Force. I’ve had a great career and I still love strapping on a jet and flying, but coming home to the giant smile that
my li’l punkin’ gives me when I walk through the door is worth more than anything. We just try to treasure every day we have with him.” Bulldog got very quiet after that.

  “Thanks for talking to me, Bulldog. You’ve given me a lot to think about. I should go, it’s getting late.”

  “See you tomorrow, Ace.”

  Casey got up to leave and say good-bye to Merrilee while Bulldog stayed outside sitting in the dark.

  “Merrilee, thank you for another delicious dinner. It was great.”

  “Did you and Bulldog get everything straightened out?”

  “Oh, I don’t know, I’ve got a lot to think about with my assignment request.”

  “I want to tell you something, Casey. Bulldog told me you’re the second best student pilot he ever flew with, and that you could fly any jet the Air Force has.”

  “Really?”

  “Yes, he did, and you know who was the very best student pilot he ever flew with? Kathryn Hardesty.”

  “Wow. I didn’t know she’d been his student.”

  “She’s a very special woman, as I’m sure you know.”

  Casey was starting to feel nervous. Where is she going with this?

  “Casey, the Air Force is a great life, but don’t let it be the only thing in your life. Make the right decision for your career and for your family, regardless of what the Air Force says. You get what I’m saying here?”

  “I think I do, Merrilee.” She had no idea what to say next.

  “We love both you and Kathryn, and if you choose your family first, you won’t regret it.” She pulled Casey into a big hug and kissed her cheek. “Good night, darlin’. Don’t be a stranger.”

  “Good night, Merrilee. Thanks for everything.”

  She could hardly believe what she’d heard as she walked to her car. They know about Kathryn and me. How can they know about us? They know about us, they want us to be together, and they love us. I am blown away.

  Chapter Thirty-seven

  As Kathryn walked into her office, her secretary said, “You need to get over to the wing headquarters building immediately. The deputy wing commander said he wants to see you ASAP.”

  “Do you know what he wants?”

  “No, but it sounds serious.”

  Kathryn ran over to his office wondering what the big rush was about.

  “Colonel Marcus will see you now, Captain Hardesty.”

  “Thank you,” Kathryn answered as she went into the deputy wing commander’s office which was almost as big as the wing commander’s office.

  Colonel Marcus let her stand at attention in front of his big desk for a long minute before he finally looked at her.

  “The wing commander wanted me to fill you in on the status of your request to delay your school assignment. Frankly, I was surprised he’d even offered it to you in the first place when I think there are other officers on this base who are much more deserving of this opportunity.”

  She listened to his words without moving. She’d never liked this self-serving ass and was usually able to avoid dealing with him.

  “Captain Hardesty, you have exactly two choices here. One, accept this assignment to go to school and get promoted, or two, decline the assignment and you will immediately be sent to Thule, Greenland, to work in a non-flying job in their command post, which will effectively end any future career advancement you will ever have in the Air Force. So what’s it going to be?”

  Kathryn tried not to gasp as his words sank in. After everything she’d done as an instructor pilot and accident investigator, after all the sacrifices she’d made for the Air Force, this was his response to her request to delay school? To punish her like she was a traitor? “Sir, may I have a few days to evaluate my options before I give you my decision?”

  “If it was up to me, you’d be out of here tomorrow, but Colonel Johnson told me he’d give you twenty-four hours to make up your mind. If you’re smart, you’ll choose the school assignment, but it’s up to you. Report back to me by 0900 hours tomorrow. Now get out of my sight.”

  “Yes, sir.” Kathryn did an about-face, then left his office trying to hold her head up.

  She walked the few blocks back to her office. What was she going to do now? Her mind was spinning as she thought about her options, none of which were good. If she went to Alabama for Air Command and Staff College, at least she could fly home to Phoenix one or two weekends a month to see Casey, and the school assignment was only for one year, so maybe they could be together after that. Where could they be stationed together? What airplane would Casey fly? Kathryn knew the Air Force would send her back to fly the KC-135 tanker, but maybe Casey could get a fighter assignment to a joint base. A lot of pieces would have to fall into place to make that happen. A weight of dread descended on her shoulders.

  *****

  Casey was happy to see her name on the big schedule board for her last solo contact flight today. After the heavy discussion with Bulldog and all the thinking about assignments, she would be grateful just to get up into the sky and slip some surly bonds for a while. She was relaxed and confident as she climbed the ladder into the front seat of her jet. She quickly went through her preflight checks and was glad the backseat was empty of an instructor pilot. It would be just her and the White Rocket today.

  As always, when she released the brakes for takeoff and pushed the throttles up into afterburner, her head snapped back against the headrest and she started to hyperventilate. She shot down the runway, lifted off, got the gear and flaps up, and calmed her breathing back to normal. It was a gorgeous day without a cloud in the sky and she was at one with the jet. She could sense every little vibration as her speed accelerated to three hundred knots. She didn’t have to look at the engine gauges to know where her power was—she could set the throttles by feel. She could hear her speed without looking at the airspeed indicator. She was the one flying through the sky, with this T-38 merely strapped to her body.

  She wanted to run through all her acrobatic maneuvers. This practice area, which used to feel like it was the size of a postage stamp, was now her playground. She seamlessly went from a loop to a perfect barrel roll to a slice back to an Immelman. Her mind was three maneuvers ahead of the jet as she weaved her tapestry in the sky. She laughed out loud as she flew ten aileron rolls in a row. She heard music in her head and smiled. She had no doubt that she could handle any situation in this jet. After surviving the near-death experience of her electrical malfunction and no flap high-speed landing, she no longer had any fear flying the T-38. For the very first time during the year she’d been in pilot training, she was sure and confident in her ability to fly and felt like she was now a real Air Force pilot. She was higher than her altitude of thirty-nine thousand feet. The only thing that would have made this flight any more perfect would be to have Kathryn fly with her. She wondered if they would ever get to fly together again.

  As she requested her clearance to return to Willie, she saw some small, white puffy clouds at the bottom of her practice area. They called her name to come and play. She lowered the nose to pick up speed and yanked and banked as she flew between, over, under, and around them.

  After three touch-and-go landings and a picture perfect full stop landing, Casey taxied clear of the runway, opened her canopy to the crisp air, and now understood what she would put on her dream sheet—first choice, T-37 instructor pilot to Willie; second, T-38 to Willie; and third, F-15 to Luke Air Force Base, Arizona. She was very excited about her decision and thought she had a good shot at getting her first choice. She couldn’t wait to tell Kathryn her news.

  *****

  Kathryn had been on the phone all morning trying to figure out what to do before she had to give her decision to the wing commander. She’d been calling in markers all over the Air Force to see if she could find a way out of this situation. She’d spoken to an old friend who now worked in tanker pilot assignments at the personnel center in Texas. Her friend hadn’t given her much hope and confirmed that it was within the
wing commander’s power to send her to Greenland if he wanted to. It seemed her only option was to accept the school assignment and hope that she and Casey could survive a one-year separation. She was worried about that separation. Her friend Barb lost her relationship over a separation from her partner, as had many other women she knew. Maybe she and Casey would be different. They had something very special and she hoped they would be strong enough to make it. She would give her answer to the wing commander tomorrow and accept the school assignment, but she’d still try to find another way to work around this dilemma. She did not take no for an answer easily or she never would have become an Air Force pilot. She decided to hold off telling Casey until she had exhausted all her angles.

  She didn’t want to ruin the surprise she had for Casey with this bad news. She’d been working on this for a while and was really looking forward to seeing Casey’s face when she found out.

  Casey’s class was having their assignment night party in two days and she still hadn’t heard what she was asking for on her dream sheet. Despite trying not to influence Casey’s choices, she secretly wished Casey would ask to stay at Willie as an IP. She could be one of the first women to fly fighters, but Casey would also make a great IP. She was so smart and had developed into a very strong pilot. She communicated well, worked hard, and would be very dedicated to her students. Kathryn felt a pang of sadness that she wouldn’t be here to watch Casey grow into a great instructor.

  Kathryn had been the only woman in her pilot training class, the only woman in her instructor pilot class, the only woman IP in her flight, and she’d wished for a woman mentor to help guide her, but there was no one at the time. Now, at least, there were some other women IPs who could help out Casey even if she couldn’t.