“Just stay still.” He pulled her close to his chest.
She could feel the ripple of his muscles against her skin as he began to swim back toward the shore. Being pinned close to his body was pleasant, but something else was what made her feel calm. She believed him. She knew he wasn’t going to let go of her until they reached the shore. She couldn’t remember the last time she trusted a person that much.
The swim back was a blur of his movement and his warmth. Maybe she could have made it on her own part of the way, but he didn’t give her that option. Once his arm was around her it was as tight as a vise.
As they neared the shore, the lifeguard swam over to them. Only then did Dane release her so that she could stand up on her own.
“Are you okay?” The lifeguard looked her over.
“Yes, I am—thanks to him.” She smiled at Dane.
“Thank you for your help. I was in a bit of a situation.” The lifeguard shook his head. “Every time the current is this strong, there are problems.” He looked back at Ella. “You need to be aware of your surroundings. There was no reason for you to be out that far.”
“I didn’t mean to. I guess I just drifted.”
“This isn’t a pool.” He raised an eyebrow at her. “You have to respect the danger that open water poses.”
“You’re right.” She nodded. “I’ll be more careful.”
She began to wade the rest of the way out of the water.
Dane started to follow after her, but the lifeguard stopped him.
Ella looked back at the two, who were still within hearing distance.
“What you did was very brave but also very risky. You both could have drowned.”
“I didn’t want her to get any further out. And I’m a strong swimmer.”
“Maybe, but I saw her panic. Are you alright?”
“Yes, I am.” Dane frowned. “I wouldn’t have done it if I didn’t think I could.”
“I get it.” The lifeguard nodded. Then he blew his whistle at some kids roughhousing. “Back to work.” He dove into the water.
When Dane turned back toward the shore, Ella was too embarrassed to even look at him. She knew she’d put him at risk, and worse yet, she’d panicked when he had tried to help her.
Dane started to walk toward her—she could tell by the slosh of the water, but his son cut in front of him.
“Dad, what were you thinking? Maybe I’m the one that needs to stay home from college to keep an eye on you.”
“I was fine, Tommy.”
“But what if you weren’t?”
Ella looked up in time to see the father and son lock eyes and the current of tension that sparked between them.
“Thomas, I’m fine.” Dane cupped the back of his son’s neck and looked into his eyes. “I promise, I’m not going anywhere.”
“You better not.” Thomas frowned. “No more playing hero.”
Ella reached the sand and kept walking. She realized that her attempt to find peace had robbed both Thomas and Dane of theirs.
Chapter 10
When Dane saw the fear in his son’s eyes, his heart broke just a little. Thomas had already endured a great loss when he’d had to say goodbye to his mother. It wasn’t right of Dane to put him through that fear yet again. He pulled Thomas into a quick hug. He knew his son wasn’t one to hug in public, but the moment called for it.
“I’m sorry I scared you.” He looked into his eyes.
“You should be.” Thomas pulled away and smirked at him. “But at least you proved me right.”
“Proved you right, how?”
Thomas looked past Dane at Ella, who’d walked toward her lounge chair.
“You like her.”
“Huh?” Dane’s gaze returned to his son.
“You like her, or you wouldn’t have gone after her.”
“That’s not true. I would have helped anyone who needed it.” Dane narrowed his eyes.
“If you say so, Dad. Anyway, I’m going to go take a shower. Are you coming up to the room?”
“Not just yet. I think I need to relax a bit after all the excitement.”
“I bet. Let me give you one tip.” Thomas quirked an eyebrow.
“What?” Dane regarded him skeptically. He wasn’t sure what kind of advice Thomas could give him that he’d actually take.
“Ask her to dinner.” Thomas smiled.
“No.” Dane shook his head and laughed a little. “I’m not going to do that.”
“Why not? You saved her life. She owes you. It’s the perfect time to pounce.”
“Pounce?” Dane frowned. “We really need to work on your dating etiquette, son.”
“Okay, sure, but after you ask her to dinner. Alright?” Thomas grinned and headed out of the water before Dane could respond to him.
He looked back toward Ella, watching her gather up her things. With some hesitation, he waded out of the water. As he walked up to her, he noticed that she seemed to be making an effort not to look at him.
“Are you sure you’re okay?” He was only there to make sure she that she was okay. That’s what he told himself.
She gripped her book tight and stared at her manicured toenails. “I’m fine.”
Dane raised an eyebrow at the cool way she’d responded. As far as he could remember, she hadn’t even thanked him. Could she still be angry about the sand being kicked on her?
“Okay. Sorry to bother you.” He started to turn away.
Before he could get far, she stepped in front of him. Her damp brown hair created a half-curtain between them as she tilted her head.
“I’m sorry.”
“Sorry for what?” Dane tried to look into her eyes, but she moved her head each time.
“For putting you at risk. I can’t believe I was that stupid.”
“Hey.” On instinct he reached out and brushed her hair back from her face so that he could see her. He didn’t realize how presumptuous that was until she shied back from his touch. Only then did he notice tears in her eyes. “You’re not stupid. We all make mistakes, Ella. I’m just glad that you’re okay.”
Her cheeks reddened as she blinked back her tears. “I’m sorry, I’m not usually so emotional. I’m just embarrassed.”
“You have no reason to be.” He tried to look into her eyes again, but again she looked away. “Ella, you didn’t do anything wrong.”
“I panicked. I almost drowned you.”
“No.” He smiled and rested his palm on the curve of her shoulder. “No, you didn’t. You were scared, like anyone would be, but you didn’t even take me under. It’s a natural reaction. The important thing is that you’re safe.”
“Yes, I am. Thanks to you.”
He managed to catch her eye for a moment.
“Thank you, Dane.”
“Does this make up for the sand shower earlier?” He tried to hold her gaze.
“Yes, I think so.” She smiled just enough that he began to relax. “Actually, I think I owe you. Can I buy you a drink?”
“I don’t really drink.”
“Oh.” She nodded. “That’s alright. I should probably go.” She started to walk away, then suddenly spun back around. “Then let me take you to dinner.” She locked her eyes to his. “I’m not taking no for an answer.”
Dane’s heart skipped a beat. Was he ready for something like that? “I don’t know, I’m here with my son. I’m not sure if I should leave him alone on the first night.”
“That’s sweet, but I don’t think that your son will mind.” She tilted her head toward Thomas, who’d only made it halfway up the ramp to the hotel before his attention seemed to have turned toward a few young women.
Dane doubted he’d see Thomas any time soon.
“Still, I just—I mean, you don’t owe me anything.” He frowned. “I’m sure you have better prospects.”
One side of her mouth curved up into a half-smile as she swept her gaze over him. She cleared her throat. “Nepali’s at seven.” With a light smil
e, she turned and walked away.
Dane hadn’t answered, but it didn’t seem to matter to her. The woman who was in tears a moment before now walked with a gait of pure confidence. She had every reason to be confident. From the sway of her shoulder-length hair to the curves of her figure, she was beautiful. She was also the first woman he’d really considered beautiful since he’d met Pam.
That thought confused him more than anything else. Was he letting the adventure of vacation get to him?
As Dane walked back toward the hotel, he thought about the way Ella had looked at him. He knew he kept in shape, but he never thought too much about whether he was attractive to women. He never cared really. There was only ever one woman whose attention he’d wanted.
But he had to admit that when Ella had focused her eyes on him, he hoped that she liked what she saw. He didn’t know why. What could she possibly see in him? She seemed the type who wanted to stay young forever. Dane was the type that never really enjoyed being young. He didn’t find pleasure—even as a young man—in the same things that his friends did. While they were out cruising the strip, he was tucked away at home trying to figure out how to get Pam to notice him.
Now he wondered if there was any way that Ella would ever actually notice him. Even if she did, did he really want her to?
Chapter 11
As she walked to her cottage, Ella tried to figure out what she’d just done. Why did she insist on taking Dane to dinner?
Sure, she owed him her gratitude, but dinner might be sending the wrong message. Still, she couldn’t shake the desire that she seemed to have—to want to get to know him better.
Maybe it was the way he interacted with his son that intrigued her. She’d dated a few men who were fathers, but they were the distant type. This man seemed to be very involved in his son’s life. She respected that. What could one meal hurt?
She unlocked the door to her cottage and prepared to be disappointed by it again. But this time she found the sparse decor rather comforting. Earlier, in the moments when she’d realized that she was far enough out in the water not to make it back, she hadn’t thought about a single possession. She hadn’t worried about her job. Her only thought was whether or not anyone would miss her—and not just friends and family. There it was again—the desire that she thought had disappeared with Louis—a desire for one partner who would be by her side through everything.
“Everything that’s left.” She muttered the words and sat down on the edge of her bed. It wasn’t like her to be so insecure, but for once, she felt her age. She could evade it in the clubs while she danced with twenty-something-year-olds, but the truth was that she was past forty—past the age when she’d expected to have done so many things. She would have thought that she’d be successful, wealthy, and married—or at least in a committed relationship. Kids had never really entered into the equation for her. She liked kids fine, but she enjoyed her freedom.
But here she was, alone in a hotel room—in paradise—wondering how her life ended up so off track. She did well enough financially, but she certainly didn’t have the wealth that she’d hoped for. Most of her time had been spent bouncing between dates. The only hobby she’d taken up was dancing, and that was only because of that one adorable dance instructor she’d met in a coffee shop.
It was as if she hadn’t allowed herself to get involved in anything since Louis. She’d never realized just how detached she’d become from life, all while somehow believing that she was living it to the fullest.
As these thoughts carried through her mind, she looked through her closet. She had the perfect dress to wear, but her hair was a mess from swimming, and she hadn’t bothered to bring much make-up.
“I’ll be fine without it. It’s just dinner with a friend. That’s all.” She pulled the dress out of the closet and spread it across the bed. It was a slinky red number with a skirt that just grazed her knees. She liked the way it flowed on her body. The shawl that went with it made her feel like a bird, though she’d never tell anyone else that. No, she had to keep up the hard image—there’s Ella, wild and immune to heartache.
But that wasn’t the truth. Ella worked hard to keep up the image, not just for others, but also for herself. More than anything, she wanted to believe that it was true. But it wasn’t.
She held up the dress in front of the bathroom mirror. As she looked at her own reflection, she saw all the subtle flaws of her skin that make-up usually covered. There were creases in places she wished there weren’t. Her eyes bore dark circles, but not too heavy—nothing a good dose of foundation couldn’t cover. She realized there was no way she was going to dinner without looking the part.
She hung up the dress, took a quick shower, and changed into some jeans and a loose blouse. She grabbed her purse and headed out the door. She had noticed a salon in the lobby when she’d first arrived. If she had any luck, she’d be able to get in. If she didn’t, she’d just try to talk her way in.
When she stepped off the elevator and into the lobby, she noticed a group of men gathered around the fountain in the center of the room. Her best guess was that they ranged in age from twenty to thirty. They were a handsome group, and one wore a sign that declared him a groom-to-be.
She smiled to herself as she watched them joke and laugh with one another. She loved the playfulness of a younger man. They were always up for anything and never clingy.
Chapter 12
When Ella stepped into the salon, it was already busy. The woman at the front desk ushered her back to an empty chair. She sat down in the chair and waited for the stylist to walk over.
As she waited, she glanced over at the chair next to her. A woman sat in it with a magazine open in her lap, but she wasn’t looking at it. She stared across the room into a wall mirror. Ella noticed how relaxed the woman looked and hoped that she’d be feeling the same way when she’d had her turn with the stylist.
“Hello, how are you today?” A female stylist walked up to Ella and began to comb through her hair. “What are you interested in?”
“I have a dinner date. I’d just like a simple up-do. Do you offer make-up services?”
“Yes, we do. As soon as your hair is set I’ll take you over to the cosmetics table.”
“Thanks.” Ella settled back in her chair.
The woman beside her looked up from her magazine and spoke. “All of this for a date? He must be someone special.”
“No, not really. It’s not even really a date—just someone I met.” Ella remained still as the stylist worked with her hair.
“So why the hair and make-up?”
“I just like to look my best at all times.”
“You mean, you want to make him want more than just a friend on this date?” The woman winked at her.
“No.” Ella frowned. “I just feel uncomfortable about going without all this. I usually do it myself, but I planned on this being a solo vacation so I decided not to bring my make-up and hairstyling gear.”
“I can understand that. I like to take a break too. I’m only here because I’m attending a wedding. Everyone has to look just perfect according to the bride. She’s a sweet girl, but she has no idea how life changes perfect.”
“What do you mean?” Ella glanced over at her. “How can perfect change?”
“Well, I guess perfect doesn’t, but our perspective of it does. I used to need to have my red lipstick on before I left the house. It wasn’t a choice, it was a need. One day I couldn’t find it, and I freaked. I caught sight of my crazed self in the mirror and was shocked to see that my lips looked just fine. I had bought into the idea that lipstick made me perfect, when I was perfect already. After that, I never had to look or dress a certain way. Now I just wear what I like and add make-up when I feel like it.”
“I can’t imagine being that comfortable with myself.” Ella frowned.
“Why not? You’re a beautiful woman.”
Ella blushed and glanced away. “I can make myself look that way.”
“But you can’t make yourself feel that way.” She leaned forward and offered her hand. “I’m Jillian, by the way.”
“Ella.” She took Jillian’s hand in a quick shake. “I wish I could be as confident as you.”
“You are.” Jillian smiled so wide that Ella had to smile back. “You just aren’t allowing yourself to be. It’s our primal nature to be confident. We’re trained out of it by our surroundings, because—well, we’re surrounded by insecure people. But deep down inside, we know who we are. Am I saying too much?”
“Not at all. I feel confident at certain times. Let’s say, I find confidence in being seductive.”
“Many women do, and there’s nothing wrong with that. The problem is when you only feel confident because of external approval. I went through a phase like that. I was dating a different man every week. I thought I was having a fantastic time, until it struck me that I hadn’t had a meaningful conversation in months. Despite all the men I was meeting—and all the numbers in my phone—there wasn’t a single man in my life who actually knew anything about me.”
“Oh?” Ella narrowed her eyes. Jillian’s story sounded very similar to her own.
“It was because I wasn’t trying to be with any of these men. I wasn’t trying to make a connection. I was using them for validation. I wanted them to want me so that I’d know that I was desirable. But it didn’t occur to me that they only wanted the image I presented, not the person I truly was inside. The more I sought attention, the more I lost sight of myself.” She scrunched up her nose. “Please don’t think that I’m preaching, it’s just that realizing my own confidence has changed my entire life.”
“How so?” Ella was genuinely curious about this woman.
“I no longer need to worry about how I look—not really. When it comes to dating, I don’t try to look the part for a man. I expect him to accept me as I am and see beyond the physical to who I am; otherwise, in my opinion, it’s a waste of my time.”
“So, you’re looking for Mr. Perfect?”
To Trust Again: A Sweet Romance (Forty and Free Book 2) Page 4