by Lucy Auburn
I said, “I’m sorry,” and blinked in surprise when I realized she’d said the same thing at the same time. I stared up at her. “You’re sorry?”
“Yes.” Maggie sat back in the chair, hands in her lap. “For lying to you. I told myself I was keeping the truth from you because I was protecting you, or because it was what Jake and Leah would’ve wanted. But that was a lie I used to justify my actions. The truth was, I was afraid of what you’d do or how you’d feel if I told you.”
Her words floored me. “I’m the one who should be sorry.” I swallowed, throat dry again, but my water cup was empty and I didn’t want to ask her to get me more. “I crossed the line when I used my powers on you.”
“You did,” she admitted easily, but there was no anger in her voice. “But, Selena—the standards I hold myself to are higher than the ones you should be held to. You’re new to all this, and younger than you realize.” She pushed my hair back from my forehead, frowning at the tangles she found there and gently teasing them out with her fingers as she spoke. “What I did was a mistake years long, and I knew better. What you did was a single moment of bad judgment, born from grief and anger. You needed to know where you were from, and I should’ve told you sooner.”
I needed the water even more now. When I tried to speak and my voice came out a croak, Maggie grabbed the cup and went to refill it without me even asking. The powers I’d borrowed from Tae Min were helping me heal, but there were tears gathered in my chest now in addition to the pain in my neck.
It took me a few long swallows to get my voice back, and I was still emotional when I spoke. “I wish I’d never done it,” I said. “Not just because I shouldn’t have used my powers on you, but what I found out—Maggie, it’s worse than you know.”
“Tell me.” She leaned forward, ever my support. “It’ll be just between us. Tell me everything, Silly.”
Slowly, haltingly, I did just that.
16
Selena
When I’d finished pouring my heart out about everything: the shame, the fear, the betrayal of it all, Maggie soothed me. “I have two pieces of advice for you. First, talk to someone who can understand,” she said. “I don’t know who that might be—other kids who were adopted and found out their birth parents suck. Or maybe other fae who have a little darkness in them.”
I raised my eyebrows at what she suggested. “You mean dark fae?”
Maggie shrugged fluidly. “Not all of them are flesh eaters.”
“And your second piece of advice?”
“Take a shower.” She wrinkled her nose dramatically. “Assuming the doctor clears you for it. You stink, Silly.”
I laughed with her, my heart uplifted by the understanding we’d come to. Our relationship wasn’t the same that it had been before everything that happened between us, but maybe that was for the best. She wasn’t legally my mother, birth or otherwise, but she was the woman who I hoped to make proud one day.
As she was standing to leave the room she stopped and turned back to me. “Oh, I have a third piece of advice.”
“What’s that?”
“Marry that handsome knight of yours. Or I just might take him from you.”
I made a scandalized face. “Maggie! I don’t even know—”
“Oh, you know.” She wiggled her eyebrows at me suggestively. “I didn’t say he was the only one of ‘em you should marry. I saw the way Detective Hardwick wallowed while you weren’t around. He’s got a real nice ass, you know.”
I did know, but she was the last person I wanted to hear it from. “Leave so I can take a shower!”
She left, peals of laughter echoing down the hallway in her wake.
I was about to get out of bed to take that shower when the pesky line running into my left arm bothered me. It didn’t feel like I needed the IV bag anymore, and I didn’t think I could shower with it very easily. So I pressed the call button, expecting Tae Min.
Instead I got a bright-eyed young woman, maybe only a year or two older than me, her golden brown hair curled in a braid around the crown of her head. “Hey there! You’re looking a lot better. What can I do for you?”
I tried to hide my disappointment that a certain sexy fae-touched doctor hadn’t come into the room. “I was wondering if maybe I could get the IV taken out so I can wash my hair with both my hands.”
“Sure thing. I’m Sarah by the way. Let me just check up on you.” She grabbed my chart from the end of the bed, jotting down a few notes. Then she asked me a few questions about my pain level that I answered easily; I felt more discomfort than anything at this point. Finally she walked around the bed and took a look under the edge of my bandage. “Oh, wow.”
“What? What is it?” The wound felt itchy at this point, but little else. “I didn’t think it’d gotten infected or anything like that.”
“No, nothing like that.” There was a frown to her face, though, and she delicately pulled the bandage off and discarded it. “Your rate of healing is superb, but your chart just says you’re a succubus.” She studied my face for a moment, and it must’ve shown in the blush to my cheeks, because she raised her eyebrows and made a slight O with her mouth. “Ah, I see.”
“It’s not like that,” I quickly clarified, even though it sort of was. “The poison—it was just difficult to heal...”
“It’s none of my business how you fae conduct yourselves,” she said, busying herself with the IV line running to the inside of my arm. “Dr. Lee said it would take some adjustment working at a place like this. I guess I’m still... adjusting.”
I wanted to make her understand, but even I saw how it looked to someone on the outside. It was only when I studied the expression on her face more closely that I realized why Sarah seemed so upset: she had a crush on Tae Min. This wasn’t just about her boss’s impropriety; it was about her feelings for him.
So I decided to just let it go, figuring she wouldn’t want to hear me justify the kiss if she felt that way about him.
“If you’re going to shower, you might want a change of clothing. Your old clothes were beyond repair,” she said, face bland and neutral, “But we have your personal effects. They’re in the cabinet in the bathroom. And there’s a branded T-shirt and gym shorts in there—courtesy of the Collective.”
“Thanks.”
“Of course!” Sarah said, too brightly. “Just press the button if you need anything. I’ll be on call for a few more hours at least.”
She left the room in a hurry, and I took the opportunity to enjoy a moment of being by myself, free and unencumbered.
Then my scalp started to itch, and I dove for the shower. The mini shampoo inside left a lot to be desired, but it cleaned the gunk and goo from my hair. Letting the warm water sluice down my body, I truly relaxed for the first time in months.
I got out of the shower and stepped into a room full of steam. Pulling my hair away from the tender side of my neck, I wiped the water droplets off the mirror and studied myself in the blurry reflection it showed me. The wound had left a raised, jagged pink scar that pulled uncomfortably when I tried to tilt my head. Fear bit me, deep and vain, that it would always show and I would look ugly because of it. Scarred, and different.
But the healing had gone well so far, thanks to Tae Min. Other than some dull pain and itchiness from the rapidly-healing skin, I felt fine now. There were no traces of the venom in my system, thanks to his smart work.
Wrapping the towel around myself, I opened the door to let the steam out and rummaged through the cabinet for the personal effects Sarah had mentioned. I found my amulets, wrapped together on their silver chain. Pulling them out, I stared down at the two of them, thinking of Elah first.
And then Vincent. The dark, seductive fae whose biting words to me hadn’t exactly been comforting or helpful when I needed him. I decided right then and there that it’d been a mistake to accept the amulet from him, and I would return it as soon as possible. Opening up the chain, I pulled the blue and white amulet off and
set it beside the sink.
The black and red amulet I left on the chain, which I dropped over my head. I may not have been sure where I stood with Elah, or what I wanted next in my life—a life that was becoming uncomfortably full—but I knew that I didn’t want to discard something that had been a source of comfort and hope while I was stuck in the Underworld. Even if it’d never worked, the amulet had been a reminder that I wasn’t alone.
Of course, if I’d known the whole time what Damen would do for me to help me escape, maybe I would’ve realized that I really wasn’t alone. Worry filled me for him, until I reminded myself that he was a demigod; wherever he was and whatever he was up to, I doubted he was thinking of me.
I pulled the clothes out next, pulling them on and wrapping my hair up in the towel. The gym shorts were loose, but the drawstring around them helped keep them up well enough. I was swimming in the shirt, but it was better than a shapeless silk wrap with a dozen layers.
Walking out of the bathroom, I felt the steam at my back and thought at first I was still alone in the room. But as I let my hair down and toweled off the dampness from it, I sensed her standing near the doorway, her back up against it. I saw her dark hair from the corner of my eyes, and wondered for a moment if she was really there.
“Naomi.” Shifting emotions warred inside me, each fighting to take place. “I’m sorry about what happened to your sister.”
She nodded without looking up, her gaze on a small knife she was using to peel away the edges of her fingernails. Her hair was longer now—or I’d just forgotten what it looked like—and silky sheets of it hung in front of her lowered face.
Finally, just when I thought all she was going to do was stand there, she spoke. “Three months.”
I winced, though I didn’t know why. “It’s not like I meant to... I wasn’t running away.”
Naomi looked up then, eyes flashing. She put the knife away and closed some of the distance between us, stopping halfway. “You were running away,” she said, her voice softening. “But damnit if I’m not still glad that you’re back.”
I bit my lower lip, staring at her: piercing brown and gold eyes, a mouth that cut, and dark hair that shone like precious metal. I didn’t know what I wanted from her, but I knew that I wanted something.
I licked my lips, her eyes following the motion keenly.
Hesitantly, I admitted, “I’m glad I’m back too.” She looked like she was going to say something, but I felt like I had to clear the air before she did. “It was my fault, you know. What happened to Iva. I’m the one who opened the gate.”
Naomi blinked, tilting her head to one side. “It’s not your fault.” There was bitterness in her voice as she added, “I know exactly whose fault it is. And you had nothing to do with it, Selena.”
I started to protest. “I did, though—”
She cut the distance between us, moving as swift as the hunter she was. I stood there, as still as a frozen gazelle, until she was close enough that I could see the golden freckles in her eyes. Could smell the spicy scent of her hair products wafting in the air. I could even see a little bit of hesitation flash in her eyes, before it disappeared smoothly into that confident mask she wore.
“There’s something I’ve been wanting to do for a long time,” she said, hand coming up to stroke the uninjured side of my neck. “I think three months is long enough to wait.”
“I thought we already did this,” I protested softly, eyes fluttering closed and back open again as she got closer, closer. “I seem to remember once or twice.”
“Not like this.” Her voice was breathy, quiet. “This is about admitting one thing.”
“What?”
“You’re not as straight as you think.”
She grabbed my waist and closed the distance between us before I could protest. Her mouth was rough, and I responded to the movement of her lips on mine, wanting to show her just exactly how not-straight I was. It felt nothing like the kisses we’d had before, which had been tentative compared to this.
Backing me up, Naomi pushed me down onto the bed. Our mouths only parted for a moment before she was straddling my lap to continue the kiss. I felt her fingers thread through my hair, and put my own hands on her hips to keep her from falling—not that she seemed to be leaning away from me at all.
The softness of her body beneath my hands was a revelation. I felt like I was going to do something wrong or make a wrong move, but when my hands tentatively explored her waist she made no protest. The way she took my mouth with her own, moving against me and on me, awoke something entirely new.
When she pulled back her eyes were smug. “See?”
“Naomi.” I caught my breath, trying to be patient with her self-confident smugness. “I knew I wasn’t straight.”
She considered my words for only a moment before shrugging them off. “Now you know even better.” Playing with the edge of my T-shirt, her touch stole the breath from my chest in a completely new way. “Leon owes me twenty bucks.”
I blinked at her, shocked, and scooted back on the bed until she had to swing her legs to sit next to me. “He what?”
“We made a little bet after you guys kissed in that basement,” she said nonchalantly, rolling her eyes at the scandalous shock on my face. “It wasn’t a big deal. I just bet him that I could kiss you better than he could.”
I didn’t know if I should laugh or scold her; my mouth twitched between the two emotions. “You’re really something else. You know that, right?”
She smirked at me, turning my words into something suggestive with the curve of her mouth. “I know that. The question is, what do you know?”
I swallowed heavily, having the feeling that I’d just gotten myself in over my head without even knowing it. Then a strange thought occurred to me, and I glanced at the door. “This is the third time today one of you has come into my room all by yourself to talk to me,” I said, “Maggie, Elah, you.” I left the doctor out of it, not knowing if I could get him in trouble. “Are you guys just taking turns now?”
Naomi raised her dark brows at me. “I don’t remember having that conversation.” Folding her legs on the bed and turning to face me, she took a strand of my damp hair in her hands and played with it. “But if you’re asking me if I know about your Elder-chosen knight-in-black-armor, I’m well aware that he’s pursuing you. As well as Hardass. You’re on your way to having a stable of stallions.”
Her name for the detective made me blush. “It’s not... I’m not... collecting them.”
“Could’ve fooled me.” She shot me a grin. “I’m not saying you’re mine, Selena. I know what a succubus is.” There it was, hanging between us: my nature, or what she knew of it, as well as what she didn’t know. “What I am saying is, I missed you. And I wanted to kiss you. Now you know.”
“Now I know,” I echoed, feeling even more lost than before. As usual with Naomi, that was typical—that and her knives. Which reminded me. “I lost that dagger you gave me in the Underworld.”
“Did you at least put it to good use?”
Remembering the way my mother had looked when I stabbed her, I nodded. “Oh yeah.”
“Then it’s no biggie.” Reaching into her jacket, she unbuckled a sheath beneath her arm and pulled it out, along with the knife inside. I stared as she set it down between us on the hospital bed. “Next time, don’t keep your only blade in a pocket. It’s a good way to lose a sharp knife—or a finger or two.”
I picked up the knife and holster, fingers running along the softened black leather. For some reason, this felt more intimate than anything Naomi and I had done so far, and I was helpless in the face of it. “Thank you.”
“You’re welcome.” She sprung fluidly off the bed, shifting knives around beneath her jacket to make up for the loss of one. “I’ve got to go see how Iva is doing—my mom will be expecting an update.”
I bit my lower lip, holding back the impulse to apologize again. “I hope she gets better soon.”
&nbs
p; A dark shadow passed across Naomi’s face, gone as soon as it came. “Not me,” she said, shocking me. “I hope she stays in that room, safe and sound, alive and well, for as long as possible.”
Opening my mouth to say she couldn’t possibly mean that, I closed it again quickly when I saw the look in her eyes, recognizing that flash of her signature temper. “I’m sure the danger has passed now,” I said, so naive. “The hell gate is closed, after all, and there’s no one on the other side to open it like I did.”
“Yeah,” Naomi responded, her voice unconvincing. “Rest up, Suck. Don’t go kissing any other girls while I’m gone.”
I didn’t plan on it, but if I had, the number of knives she was carrying would dissuade me from the idea. Reaching over to pick up the dagger she’d given to me, I drew it from its sheath and stared at my reflection in the gleaming blade, seeing someone other than my mother looking back at me.
Maybe, just maybe, I could leave the Underworld behind me.
17
Selena
Vincent’s amulet was burning a hole through my mind. I couldn’t settle while thinking of it, still angry at how incredibly unhelpful he’d been when I needed his help.
He’d acted like my being a Lightblood meant I could just travel between the realms at any moment—when it meant nothing of the sort. The only time I’d ever even used my powers had been on accident, and I was too scared to try again. I would’ve killed to be able to simply walk between realms while I was in the Underworld, but it wasn’t like I knew how to. There weren’t even Lightbloods around for me to learn from.
Alone in my room, I paced back and forth. An idea started to form in my mind, of who to go to in order to solve both problems. As always, Petyr was the answer to my dilemma. He had to know something—and if he didn’t, he knew someone who did, or at least he could bring me to the Shadow Realm himself to get rid of the damned amulet once and for all.