by F. T. Lukens
“You need to leave before she pulls you in.”
Liam nodded toward the lake to point out how the icy water spilled over Ren’s ankles and climbed up his skin to his knees.
Ren jumped to his feet, but the lake was sentient, and the water became fingers, gripping his legs, yanking him down. He fell to his knees, and the water surged to his waist, then his shoulders.
“Liam,” Ren gasped. “Help.”
“I’m not here.” Liam said. He stepped away. His figure shimmered, and then he faded.
Ren struggled against the water, but it was viscous and stifling, squeezing around his chest, leeching up his neck, to his chin, to his mouth—
“Wake up!”
Ren sat up gasping. Jakob sat on the edge of his bunk. His hands were heavy on Ren’s shoulders; his hair was mussed, and his eyes were wide.
“Did I… have I…?”
“No,” Jakob shook his head. “No. You’re okay.” Jakob’s reassurances and smile were brittle. His face was pale; his expression was a thin veneer of calm over panic.
“I was on Erden, and Liam was there at the lake and he kept saying he wasn’t there. But he was and…” Ren pushed a hand into his hair and gripped it and breathed.
“It was a dream. Only a dream, Ren.”
“I… I’m not sure. Jakob, I don’t know what’s happening to me.” Ren grabbed Jakob’s sleep shirt and twined his fingers in the fabric.
Jakob’s cheeks were sleep-pink, and he had a crease across his face from the pillow. He sighed and patted Ren’s hand. His touch eased the tension in Ren’s grip.
“We’ll get you home, Ren. And you’ll be better. It’s not much farther.”
Ren nodded. He eased his fingers open, releasing Jakob. “Okay.”
“We’re going home, Ren. Aren’t you happy?”
Ren didn’t know what he was, but he wouldn’t describe it as happy. He shrugged. “I don’t know what we’ll find.”
Jakob nodded; the corners of his mouth were turned down. “I don’t either. But we’ll look for our families. We’ll look for Sorcha. And we won’t have to be on this ship any longer.” Jakob offered a hesitant smile. Ren didn’t speak as the feelings from the dream were clinging to his waking thoughts.
“Are you going back to sleep?” Jakob asked.
“No. No, I’ll stay up for a while.”
“Is it okay if I sleep in your bed? The hammock is uncomfortable.” Jakob made a face.
Ren supposed it was meant to lighten the mood. It didn’t, but Ren appreciated the effort. “Sure.” He stood, his legs wobbly, and crossed the room. He hoisted himself into the hammock while Jakob scrambled into Ren’s bunk and flopped across the mattress with a groan. It was only a few minutes until Jakob’s breaths evened out in sleep.
Ren stayed in the hammock with his feet dangling over the side. They would land on Erden in a few hours.
Ever since the incident with the Hatfields, there was always a member of the crew with him, especially when he slept. The presence of another person made it difficult for Ren to sleep, to think, to do anything knowing someone was watching him. The room was cramped. Jakob talked in his sleep, and Ollie snored, but as much as Ren hated being treated as if he couldn’t take care of himself, he knew it was necessary.
Ren’s sleep schedule had been erratic at best the last few days. He lost track of ship’s time, and if it wasn’t for his shadows, usually in the form of Jakob and Ollie, Ren would’ve wandered the ship at all hours.
As it was now, he couldn’t sleep. He gave up lying in the hammock and went into the en-suite bathroom. The bruise on his jaw from Ollie’s punch was deep blue, and, at times, he could see Ollie stare at it. Ren needed to talk to him, to thank Ollie for pulling him from the ships.
Ren stumbled to the cargo bay to find him before he remembered Ollie probably wouldn’t be there, but would be tucked safe in his own room.
Finding Millicent’s rug, Ren folded down onto it and sat cross-legged.
Despite being ordered not to access his power, Ren pressed his fingertips to the hull, took a breath, and closed his eyes. The ship hummed around him, and he meandered through the systems. He peered through the sensors at the vastness of space. He sensed the signatures of a few other vessels along the route, and Ren catalogued their specs, their names, their registries. Once he had finished, he left the sensors, sat in the comms, and listened in on the other occupants of the ship.
Millicent was asleep, if the sound of her soft even breaths was any indication. Ollie snored in his room. Jakob muttered as he tossed and turned. Lucas and Pen shuffled a few times in their shared bed, whispered to each other, then went quiet.
Rowan was awake in her quarters muttering to herself over what must be financial reports.
Asher was also awake. On the bridge, he was flicking through news reports, reading, and studying. Ren focused on him through the video feeds.
Asher wore his sleep clothes, but he was wide awake, sipping coffee as he tapped away on his tablet. He wore a sling on his arm, and Ren sighed. He needed to fix that, too, both the shoulder and the relationship. Asher’s brow furrowed, and Ren saw the tight lines around Asher’s mouth, as if he were worried or in pain.
A lifetime ago Ren would have gone to Asher and sat with him. They would have joked, played a silly game, talked until the clock ticked into the morning hours and the rest of the crew woke.
Ren’s chest ached. His interactions with Asher since the incident had been exercises in avoidance on both their parts. At some future time, they would need to talk, but Ren didn’t know if he could handle what Asher had to say. Maybe it would be better once they arrived on Erden, and Ren was clear-headed. Until then, Ren would continue to make his presence scarce.
It was better that way.
* * *
A few hours later, Rowan announced over the shipwide comm that the Star Stream was approaching the planet and would begin the descent into atmo. Ren went to the bridge and stood in the corner, watching as the green and blue sphere became bigger on the screen. Jakob stood next to him and elbowed Ren in the side.
“Beautiful, isn’t it?”
“Yeah.”
Jakob eyed him. “Perk up, Ren. We’re going home. We’re going to see our families and Sorcha, and everything will be okay. Aren’t you excited?”
It was the same speech Jakob had given only a few hours before, but this time, it wasn’t tempered by exhaustion. Jakob’s excitement was effusive. Ren was surprised that his own grin didn’t need too much forcing. “Yeah.”
Lucas didn’t have much experience with planet gravity, and the descent was less smooth than when he docked at a drift. But the ship survived, and soon they were resting in a space dock slip on the planet.
The group gathered at the aft door. Jakob vibrated with happiness and nerves; his smile broke over his face as the group gathered supplies. He stopped every few moments and tucked his face toward his arm. His excitement was palpable. Ren couldn’t begrudge him his happiness, but unease slipped between Ren’s ribs, prodded his insides.
“Everyone ready?” Rowan asked, standing near the door. She checked with Asher. He nodded, jaw clenched; his bag was looped over his uninjured shoulder.
Penelope clapped. “I can’t believe I’m going to be on a planet—unrecycled air and dirt. I’m going to touch dirt!”
Jakob looked at Penelope as though she was insane. He turned to Ren. “Listen to her. She thinks this is a vacation.”
“I’m only excited. I know this is serious.”
Ren remembered the first time he’d been on a ship and later on a drift. How excited he’d been despite the circumstances. He nudged Jakob’s shoulder. “Let her have her fun. No harm done.”
Jakob frowned, but nodded.
“What’s the plan, Cap?” Ollie asked. He wasn’t as excited as Penelope or, if he
was, he hid it better. Calm and composed, he stood next to his sister.
“We’ll first travel to Ren and Jakob’s village and see what’s there and if there is anything we can do to help.” Addressing Jakob and Ren, she said, “I can’t promise anything. What we find will determine what happens next. My crew comes first and foremost. Understand?”
“We understand,” Ren spoke. He squeezed Jakob’s arm. “We won’t hold you to anything, Rowan. We appreciate everything you’ve done for us already.”
She smiled. “I know.”
“Lucas, I think you should stay behind. Millicent, you, too. Pen, we’ll need you if we find anyone in need of medical assistance. Ollie, your presence is always welcome.”
Millicent nodded. “I don’t want to go on the planet anyway. It’s not my home.”
Jakob bristled, and Ren shook his head.
“Um… I really don’t either. The thought of all that fresh air is terrifying. I’ll gladly stay on the ship.” Lucas wrapped an arm around Penelope’s waist and reeled her in for a quick kiss. “Be careful.”
“I will.”
“Asher should stay behind too,” Ren blurted.
Asher stiffened. “What?”
“You heard me,” Ren said. “You’re injured and…” He trailed off and gestured uselessly.
“And who is responsible for that?” Asher shot back.
Guilt flooded Ren. “I’m sorry,” he said. “I can fix it.”
“If I wanted you to fix it, I would’ve asked.”
Ren clenched his jaw. He narrowed his eyes as guilt gave way to anger. “Well, I do seem to remember you saying my home planet was a backwater dirt hole. I doubt you want to experience it again.”
Asher tilted his head and swept his hot gaze over Ren. “Maybe you’re right.” He took a step forward. “I should stay where I’m actually wanted.”
“Good choice.”
They faced each other and stood chest to chest. Ren didn’t know how they’d moved so close, but they stared levelly, unflinching.
Rowan shouldered between them.
“Enough. Asher is coming. He’s the only one of us who has true military experience, and his knowledge of the planet may be useful.”
“Jakob and I know the planet, and Ollie should be force enough.”
“Are you questioning my orders, little one?”
Ren broke the staring contest and dropped his gaze. “No, Captain.”
“Good. I don’t care what’s going on between you two, but let me make myself clear. If either of you does something stupid because of a spat, I will not hesitate to drag your asses back to this ship and lock you in your rooms. Now, Ren, hurt or not, Asher is an asset, so he’s coming.” She turned to her brother; her finger pointed hard in his chest. “No Corps uniform. Go change. We’ll wait. And keep your disparaging comments about the planet to yourself. Clear?”
Asher glared at Ren. “Crystal,” he said. He turned and left.
Jakob gripped Ren’s shoulder; his fingers dug into the blade. He said into Ren’s ear, “You’re my friend, Ren. And I stand with you, no matter what. If we need to ditch this lot to do what we came here to do, we will.”
Ren patted Jakob’s hand. “Okay.”
“Are you ready for what we might find?”
Ren took a shuddering breath. “I have to be.”
“Yeah, I’m not either.”
Jakob dropped his hand when Asher returned. He had changed into civilian clothes but there was no hiding the bearing of a soldier. Beneath the nondescript jacket and shirt and trousers, Asher’s shoulders were broad, and his posture was straight. The air of confidence Ren had admired so many months ago emanated from him. He had a pulse gun strapped to his waist, a large knife attached to his outer thigh, and a bulging pack on his back.
“Ready?” Rowan asked.
Asher nodded.
She tugged her braid. “Good. Let’s go.”
She hit the switch, and the bay doors slowly opened to reveal the space dock. Ren could’ve cut the tension with a knife. When the doors stopped moving, the group stared out at an underwhelming scene.
“Oh,” Pen said, stepping out. “It’s not much different than a small drift. I was expecting it… to be more alien, honestly.”
Jakob rolled his eyes. “Idiots,” he said, brushing past the group with his boots thumping against the metal. “Follow me.”
It wasn’t the same dock Asher and Ren had departed from what seemed like centuries ago. This one, closer to the village, was where Ren had wished his mother would’ve allowed him to visit and find work. When Ren had lain on the beach at the lake and watched the ships fly through the sky, they had originated from this port. To the boy who dreamed of leaving Erden, this place would’ve been amazing. To Ren now, it was small, dingy, and poorly maintained. It confirmed every duster cliché he’d heard on the drifts.
Ashamed, Ren kept his head down as the crew, his friends, experienced such a lackluster introduction to his home planet.
Maneuvering through this space dock was about the same as it had been the last time Ren had been in one, but without the soldiers trying to capture him. Then, he’d been so exhausted his power had seeped out at every turn. This time, he wasn’t as tired, but his power, though not sparking randomly, did wash out of his fingers and the soles of his feet.
He could feel everything. He could see it all, and his consciousness spread out into the flooring, then crawled up the wall and into the systems. He could hear the chatter between the dock and the ships descending into atmo. He could feel the environmental controls, the lighting, the vid feeds, and the force fields in different sections. Everything whispered to him, invaded him, and he welcomed it as he strode through the dock with his consciousness filling up with the tech until it was all that remained inside of him. He slowed his pace, lingering, and his star flickered as the crew disappeared around the corner and out to the planet surface.
Ren ignored the calls of the tech, ignored the errors and breaks, and followed. Once he stepped through the double doors into the open air of Erden, the connection to the systems faded with each step he took. It stretched until it snapped, and Ren was wholly corporeal. The static cleared, the voices dimmed, and Ren saw the planet clearly. Sunlight broke through the heavy layer of clouds and illuminated the bleak landscape. Trees stood spindly and barren against the gray sky. When Ren breathed, he smelled the crisp, fresh snow, which fell in large flakes. His ears burned from the cold, and the tip of his nose went numb.
He saw the group and joined them. With his consciousness uncluttered, Ren could think freely for the first time in ages. His thoughts centered on the journey ahead.
“What is this stuff?” Pen said, stepping carefully through the white powder that covered the landscape. It gathered wetly on the toes of her boots. “And why is it so cold?” She crossed her arms over her chest and shivered.
Ren scuffed his heel, revealing dirt under the thin white layer: snow. It had snowed. He’d been away so long he’d forgotten about the weather, the seasons. It had been early spring when he’d been captured, and, in his mind, the planet hadn’t changed. To him it had always been early spring on Erden. But the fresh layer of ice and slush told him otherwise.
It was a shock to realize his home had continued on without him. The planet had moved; the seasons had changed. His family would have changed, too, just as he had.
His breath hung in puffs of condensation, and the tips of his fingers started to freeze. He was glad he wore a jacket, and he tucked his hands under his arms, which were crossed over his skinny chest.
“It’s snow. And this isn’t so bad,” Jakob said. He tilted his face to the sky and took a deep breath. “It’ll get much colder once the sun sets.”
“We should get going,” Ren mumbled. The clouds were pregnant with the promise of more snow, and half their group wasn’t
dressed for the cold—Ren included.
“Do you know the way?” Rowan asked, brushing flakes from her shoulders and hair. “And will we get there before this becomes any deeper?”
Jakob hefted the pack on his shoulders. “I know the way. It’s only about an hour on foot. We’ll be fine.”
“Ren?”
Ren held out his palm, and snow landed on his skin, then melted. How could he have forgotten it would be winter?
“Ren?”
He turned his hand over, staring at it. The tips of his fingers were pink; his fingernails were white. The nail on his ring finger was torn and jagged, and a bead of dried blood sat at the corner. When had that happened?
“Ren!” Rowan snapped.
He jerked, dropped his hand, and lifted his head. “Yes?”
The group stared at him. They all looked ridiculous in their drifter clothes with snow gathering in their hair and around their collars. Rowan’s nose was red already. Penelope’s brow furrowed as she kicked at the ground. Ollie shivered. And Asher…
Asher’s expression was haunted.
“Is Jakob right? We can walk there?”
“Oh,” Ren said. He nodded. “Yes. It’s not far.”
“Then lead the way, you two. Or do you want to stand here and freeze to death?”
Jakob brushed past Ren and took the front position. “It’s not that cold,” he muttered.
Ren fell in behind him, and the group trudged forward. Ren kept his focus on putting one foot in front of the other, trying to find the familiar rhythm of walking on the planet’s surface, but he couldn’t shake the look on Asher’s face.
* * *
“I feel like I’ve gained a million pounds,” Penelope said as they walked. “I didn’t realize the gravity would be this different.”
“I’m cold,” Ollie responded. “How come no one mentioned it would be your cold season? And there might be… whatever this stuff is?”
“I’d forgotten,” Ren said.
It was the first thing he’d said in almost an hour. No one had spoken much, though Ollie and Penelope had a hero’s go at keeping up a conversation.