by Rye Brewer
“You know, getting around, finding things. He’s very busy, of course. He thought you might like a companion or two of your own age.” She shrugged a little, smiling.
“You mean you’re my bodyguard,” I grinned.
“No, he didn’t make it sound like that.”
Yes, but I knew my father already. He had taken Jonah’s mention of my running away to heart. He didn’t want to run the risk of losing me again.
“You can come in, if you want.” There was more than enough room for two of us and, irritating though it was to have company thrust on me, it was nice not being alone. The girl swept into the room with unspeakable grace. She almost floated over the wood floor, and her long, shining hair rippled when she moved. It was like magic, and she drew my eye to her no matter where she moved. “What’s your name?”
“Oh, of course.” She held her hand out with a smile. “I’m Ardella.” Her smile was bright, shining. She seemed to glow from the inside. Once again, I felt an affinity toward one of my own. I felt like I belonged, even if I was part-vampire. The more time I spent among them, the more I understood about myself.
Once I finished dressing, adding a long cloak of sky-blue fabric that shimmered a little in the false sunlight, Ardella and I went for a walk along the bridges connecting the innumerable trees that made up the settlement.
“Do you know how many trees there are?” I asked.
She shook her head. “I don’t think there’s any way to know,” she admitted. “Many, many. More than one creature could count.”
“And how many of you are there?”
“Us? You mean, our kind? Your kind?” She gave me a slight smile, and her eyes were understanding.
“I’m sorry.” I looked down, a little embarrassed. “It’s not easy, feeling like I belong to two worlds at once.”
She looked up and waved at another girl who approached from another bridge, several trees away. We waited for her. I wondered if this was another one of my guards. Why stop at one when I could have two? I held back my opinion. Ardella seemed nice enough, so why make things uncomfortable between us?
“Hello.” The second fae greeted me with a benevolent smile and a hug. An actual hug. I didn’t know they hugged. She was the warmest of all of the fae I’d met so far. “I’m Marigold. I heard you were here. I didn’t get the chance to meet you when you stayed with us before, so I’m glad to have the chance to meet you now.”
“You wanted to meet me?” I asked, laughing a little. Ardella laughed, too.
“Who wouldn’t?” Marigold asked, looking from me to Ardella and back again. “You’re famous.”
“Famous?” I pointed to myself, eyes wide.
“She’s exaggerating a little—but just a little.” Ardella linked arms with me. “Come on. Let’s get something to eat and we can talk about it.”
“Eat?” I didn’t eat.
Their faces fell.
“Oh. I forgot about that,” Ardella said.
They looked at each other.
“Well, I’m sure Gregor will provide for you,” Marigold added. “Do you mind if we eat?”
“No, of course not.”
They led me to a spot in the top of one of the tallest trees. It felt good to climb and be active in the fresh air. I never knew my assassin skills would come in handy, but I could remember scaling walls and walking across rooftops as I worked my way through the limbs and leaves. Maybe that was why I was so good at getting around without being noticed, I realized.
Marigold pulled a side-worn satchel over her head, where it had been hanging across her slim body. Inside was milk, honey and small, round cakes.
We sat down and the others shared the food while I looked around in amazement. I already felt stronger, even without feeding or resting. Being so close to nature restored me. I wondered what it would be like if I had stayed there, the way my father had wanted me to. Would it always be like that? Would I eventually stop needing to feed once I satisfied the fae side of me? I doubted it—being there for an hour or two was one thing, but in the long term I would need to feed. And that was where we would run into difficulty, I thought.
“So,” Marigold said, licking honey from her fingertips. “What’s it like to be a vampire?”
“Mari,” Ardella hissed sharply.
“It’s all right,” I chuckled. “I don’t mind talking about it. I would be interested, too.”
“See?” Marigold gave her friend a triumphant smile and tossed back her blonde curls. “I didn’t think she would mind.”
I sat back against the trunk of the tree. “I’m not sure how to describe it,” I said. “It’s the only life I’ve ever known until just recently.”
“What’s the city like?” Ardella asked. “Start there.” She was just as eager to learn as Marigold was.
I smiled. “The city. I love the city, I have to admit. I miss it a little. It’s so real. So vibrant. It’s not always pretty, and it’s nothing like this.” I looked around, breathing deep of the fresh air. “The air is full of smog and smoke and the smells of cars and people and food. There’s always a lot of noise and everybody’s in a hurry all the time.”
“You don’t make it sound very nice,” Marigold frowned, reaching for another cake. “Why do you miss it if it’s so messy?”
I shrugged. Not a bad question. “I guess because of the energy there. No, it’s not always nice, but it’s always interesting. And I do love the lights everywhere. They’re beautiful, especially when you look at them from up high.” My heart ached a little when I remembered looking out over the city from Jonah’s penthouse. I still felt a sharp, stinging bitterness toward him for dumping me like unwanted baggage.
“Do you have to feed all the time?” Marigold asked.
“Not all the time. Just when I feel weak or hungry, the way you do, I guess. But not as frequently.”
“Do you sleep?”
“No.”
“I would miss sleep,” Ardella mused. “I love sleep.” She looked serious, too, like she was thinking about the prospect of never sleeping again. And again, she looked like my sister. Whenever she was thinking seriously about something, even something hypothetical, she looked like her.
I giggled. “I envy you sometimes. I really do.”
Marigold stood and looked out over the trees with her hands on her hips. “Sometimes I envy you,” she murmured.
“Why?”
“Because nothing exciting ever happens here. Not the way you described. There’s never anything interested or exciting.”
I laughed ruefully. “Excitement isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. I’m so tired of running around, never knowing what’s going to happen next. I could use a little peace and quiet.”
“Then it’s a good thing you’re here with us,” Ardella smiled. She was radiant.
Marigold was beautiful, but Ardella shone. They were both gentle and sweet, and so kind.
At least Gregor had chosen nice companions for me.
30
Anissa
I was resting in bed after two days in Avellane when Felicity came for me. I had been thinking about Sara, half-dreaming about being with her.
As close to dreaming as a vampire could come. I’d allowed myself to sink into my thoughts and imagine I was with her. We were smiling and having fun, giggling over gossip about Jonah and Scott. Like two normal sisters would, just chatting away about boys.
I’d been thinking about Jonah, of course, as well. And Allonic. And my mother. I longed for her more than I ever had when I thought she was dead. It was one thing to know I would never see her again, but another to be away from her when I knew she was out there somewhere. Just beyond my reach. Frustration didn’t begin to describe the feeling.
I wanted all of them. I wanted to talk to them and be with them and have my family around me. More than anything, I wanted Jonah. I wasn’t as angry with him anymore. I wanted to understand why he’d handed me over. I missed him so much, it hurt. When would we ever stop missing eac
h other? When would we be together? I only wanted to be with him. It was just that simple. Why did everything around us have to be complicated?
Felicity’s entrance broke through the web of thoughts crisscrossing my mind. Rather than waiting for me to open the door or grant her entrance, she came in the room unannounced.
I sat up, feeling groggy. It was never easy to be torn from rest without warning. “What is it?” I asked, shaking my head to clear the fog.
“I’m sorry for disturbing you, but your father asked that I bring you to him.”
“My father, huh?” I slid my feet into the leather-soled shoes provided for me and ran my hands through my hair, hoping I was in presentable condition. “It’s about time.”
She smiled knowingly. “I try not to question his decisions,” she said with a shrug. “Besides, he’s been very busy. I’m sure he’ll tell you more about it.”
I could hardly wait.
We walked along the wood hall, artificial light streaming in through the carved-out windows. “What is the light made of?” I asked. “It’s not sunlight, I know.”
“That’s a secret of ours,” she said, just as tight-lipped as my father had been about it. I guessed I wasn’t fae enough to share the secret, then. Would I ever fully fit in anywhere? The thought soured my mood a little.
Gregor was waiting for me when we entered his chambers. Why he couldn’t have come for me himself, I didn’t know. Maybe he was making a point, that he couldn’t be bothered to fetch me. Or he might have acted out of habit—he was powerful, after all, and not used to doing things for himself.
Once we were alone, he asked, “Are you comfortable here? Has everything been to your satisfaction?”
“Yes, right down to my guards.” I smirked at the discomfort on his face.
“They’re not guards,” he replied sourly.
“No, I do consider them friends now,” I admitted, “but don’t think I didn’t see right through you sending them to me. I’m not dense.”
“You have a habit of running away,” he reminded me.
“I promise, I’m not running away this time.” I wouldn’t have run in a million years, not when I had no idea what would happen to me once I left. The memory of running from danger was too fresh. Sometimes, when I least expected it, I was back on the floor in that chamber at the Sanctuary. I wasn’t in control of myself. The shades were hurting me. No, I wouldn’t have run for anything.
“Come,” he said. “I’ve been wanting to walk with you for days. Have your, erm, friends been showing you around?”
“A little,” I said. “We’ve explored together.”
“What do you think?”
“It’s beautiful. I needed this. I feel rested and, well, complete in a way I’m not used to feeling.”
“That’s good to hear.” He looked pleased, and sounded that way, too. “I want you to feel as though you belong.”
As we walked, he pointed out various landmarks. “That’s where I meet with my advisors,” he said, pointing to a large, thick tree. “They live there. It’s considered quite an honor.”
“I’m sure it is.”
He was showing off a little. I would allow it. I smiled indulgently as he pointed out their library, which contained all the documents pertaining to the settlement’s history, and the cluster of trees in which they stored their food.
“Do you have seasons here?” I asked.
“Much more mild than the ones in the human world,” he explained. “Our winter is short and not nearly as cold, but it does affect the amount of honey the bees can make. They sleep when they get too cold, you know, and honey is one of our main staples. We have a system in place to keep them warm throughout the year.”
It was fascinating to learn more about the little world they’d created for themselves, a self-sustaining world in which they needed nothing and no one else. It was safer that way. And they were happy—everywhere I went, I saw smiles. I heard laughter, like the tinkling of tiny bells, floating on the breeze that ruffled my hair and skimmed over the fabric of my robes.
“You know, I can’t think about winter without thinking about your mother.” He sighed, stopping in the middle of a bridge. He leaned on one of the thick vines used as a railing, looking out over the hundreds of trees around us. He took a deep breath, letting it out slowly. “She loved winter. We would walk in the snow for hours—neither of us felt the weather as keenly as humans, so it didn’t matter if the wind blew or the snow was blinding. We walked, arm in arm. Sometimes it felt like we were alone in the world, just the two of us, when everyone else was inside. And the snow made the sounds of our footsteps disappear. Everything softened. It almost seemed wrong to say a word and break the silence.
There was so much love left in him for her. And she was alive. And I knew it. But I couldn’t tell him. I looked away, hoping to hide the guilt in my eyes. He didn’t notice. He was lost in his memories.
“I’ve never been one for snow, but I was willing to put up with it if it made her happy. I’ve always preferred spring and summer—as you can see.” He smiled a little, glancing at me from the corner of his eye. “It was just another thing we felt differently about, but it didn’t matter. There was enough love between us that we could get through little things like that. And everything seemed like a little thing, if that makes any sense.”
I thought about Jonah. Yes, it made perfect sense. I had fallen in love with him even when I knew it was wrong, that he was from an enemy clan. Even though I was supposed to kill him. Against all odds, we had found each other. Nothing else mattered very much in the face of the way we felt.
“You miss her very much,” I mused.
“Of course, I do. Every day. I suppose it’s the same for you.”
I nodded, unable to speak over the lump in my throat. He deserved to know, but I wasn’t the one to tell him. I hoped he could forgive me if he ever found out I knew and kept it to myself. What would he think if he found out she had turned into something between a vampire and a shade? Would he still love her? Maybe it was better to leave him with his memories, in which my mother was beautiful and perfect. Nothing could touch those memories, I was sure.
I wouldn’t ruin those memories.
31
Anissa
The next day, I knew what I had to do. I’d rested and hidden out, but hiding wasn’t my style and I wouldn’t deceive my father again. I owed it to him to be honest. So, after meeting up with Ardella and Marigold, I went to his chambers without being summoned and knocked on the door.
“Come in.”
I stepped inside to find him studying old scrolls. I wondered about the long hours he worked. What was he working on? Whatever it was, it seemed very important. Hadn’t Felicity told me so? He was busy with something. He wouldn’t tell me what it was. Just another thing he felt he’d best keep from me.
He smiled when he looked up to find me there. “This is a pleasant surprise,” he said.
“I don’t think you’ll find it so pleasant when I tell you what I’ve come for,” I admitted with a sad smile.
“You’re wearing the clothes you arrived in,” he observed.
I ran my hands over the top and pants, freshly cleaned. I couldn’t imagine how long it had taken to get the dirt and blood out of them, but they looked as good as new. “Yes, I am.”
He put away his scroll with a sad, heavy sigh. “I know what that means. I suppose I should be glad you didn’t run away this time.”
“I didn’t want to lie to you or run from you. I don’t want to give you the impression that I’m anything less than grateful for what you’ve done for me.” I’d practiced my speech throughout the night, shortening it until I was certain he couldn’t interrupt me before I’d gotten my message across.
I expected him to fight me on it. I expected him to tell me I was crazy if I thought he was going to let me go, when I had argued over and over that Jonah and I were in such trouble. I was sure he would use my words against me.
Inste
ad, he merely nodded. “I understand.”
That was a surprise. My eyes flew open wide. “You do?”
He nodded, sitting on a log stool as he did. “I know what it’s like to want to follow your heart, even when others tell you that you shouldn’t. I know what it’s like to have everything and everyone against you, when you feel like there are insurmountable obstacles in your path.” His eyes met mine, and I saw sadness sparkling in them. “I don’t want to be one of those obstacles.”
My heart opened to him. I knelt at his feet, taking his hands in mind. “I don’t want you to ever feel like you’re one, either. I owe you so much.”
“I should have given you more. I should have had the strength you have. You’re so like your mother—maybe even a little too much like her.”
My heart ached again when he mentioned her.
He continued, “She rushed into things without worrying about what others thought. She didn’t have a father bearing down on her, either, or the certainty that she was neglecting her duty by being with me. Still, if she had, I think she would’ve wanted to be with me anyway. She had courage. I didn’t.”
“It takes courage to give up what you want,” I reminded him. “Not everybody can turn their back on what they want in favor of their duty.”
He smiled and ran a hand over the side of my face. “You’re so like her. You have her heart, too. I wonder if you got anything from me at all.” He touched my hair. “Besides this.”
I giggled. “I’m sure there’s plenty of you inside me.”
“That reminds me.” He stood up and rang a bell.
I rose to my feet just as Felicity entered. “Bring me one of the casters,” he said.
She didn’t ask questions, but instead hurried away.
“A spell caster?” I asked, more than a little apprehensive.
He nodded firmly. “I can’t send you out into the world again unprotected.”
“What will the caster do?”
“Protect you, of course. You’ll receive the same sort of enchantment placed on you when you were born. It’s to hide your fae blood, so you’re not as easily trackable.”