by Mary Calmes
New voice, calmer voice, a little deeper. "Jory."
"Yes?"
"Jory, this is Dominic. Where are you, buddy?"
"Are you all right?"
"I'm fine. Where are you?"
"Was anybody hurt?"
"Jory, you—"
"I called the police for you."
"I know you did, buddy and I—we all appreciate it, but—"
"You're sure you're okay?"
"Jory... buddy... you're in shock, aren't ya?"
"What? Why?"
He sighed deeply. "Jory, you saved all our lives. God knows what would've happened if you hadn't done what you did. But you got them away from everybody and... and shit.
First you called for backup like a fuckin' pro and got every single one of those fuckers arrested. That was amazing, and you—you need to let Sammy and me come get you so we can get you back to his place."
"I don't think that's gonna work."
"Why not?"
"It just won't."
"Well then, we'll put you in a safe house where—"
"Maybe I should go away, huh?"
"No-no-no, Jory, just—"
"I don't mean I wouldn't testify. I would make sure I—oh shit, hold on," I told him, clicking over to talk to Dane. "Hey."
"That is an Armand house. How in the world does someone on a policeman's sal—"
"I can't talk now."
"Why not?"
"I'm kind of in trouble."
"What kind of trouble?"
"You'd never believe me."
"Oh I'm sure I would believe you. Are you still at the detective's friend's house?"
"No."
"Then where are you?"
"I'm not exactly sure." I stalled him.
"You're stalling. Tell me."
So I explained about the Hummer and the bullets in it and how I was driving it around. When I finished there was only silence on his end. "Dane?"
"Are you kidding?"
"No."
He cleared his throat. "I'm at the Valentine Lounge downtown. I want you here in twenty minutes."
"No."
"No?"
"Boss—"
"Dane," he corrected me.
"Oh yeah," I nodded to myself. "Sorry."
"Jory, I want you here."
"But what am I gonna do with the Hummer?"
"Park it somewhere." He took a breath. "Anywhere."
"You should've seen the guns and stuff. It was mad scary."
"Was it?" he said flatly. "Mad scary."
"Yeah." I sighed because I was crashing, my adrenaline just draining from my body, and his voice on the other end of the line sounded like home for some reason. I was delirious.
"Listen, Jory," he said, letting out a deep breath. "I need to talk to you about something so I need you to come see me. Don't make me wait."
I turned my phone all the way off so Sam couldn't find me, and drove to see Dane. I wondered vaguely when my life was going to even out. Any time would be good.
* * * *
I ditched the Hummer in a vacant lot and my clothes and things at the train terminal—I used three lockers—before I went to meet Dane at the Valentine Lounge. It was a very chic cocktail lounge that played mostly bossa nova, very martini with olive kind of place. I had been once before on a date with Rafael Soto. He liked to dress me up and take me out, show me off and then drive me home. After the third date where he wouldn't even touch me because he didn't want me to wrinkle, I told him to get lost. What I had found charming and slow-moving had actually been run-of-the-mill crazy. But I knew where the lounge was because of it, so everything did in fact always happen for a reason. Sometimes it took a long time to figure out the why.
Dane was sitting almost in the middle of the place on a couch surrounded by people. They were his friends, but there were two women I didn't know, one on either side of him.
When he saw me, he made the gesture with his hand for me to hurry and I moved as fast as I could. I felt stupid standing there with my hands shoved down in the pockets of my jeans, looking kind of out of it, I was sure. He stood and grabbed a handful of the front of my shirt and tugged me forward into his arms. I went stiff because he never hugged me, but the hand in my hair holding me against him, the other rubbing circles on my back was too much. I shivered hard and wrapped my arms around his waist. He gave me a last hard squeeze and pushed me out to look me over.
"Dane?" one of the women asked. "Who's—"
"That's his brother Jory," Jude offered and I turned to look at him.
He smiled and nodded and I looked up into Dane's eyes.
"This is what we're going to talk about," he said gruffly, hand on the back of my neck as he led me a few feet away from the others. When he turned, both hands went to my shoulders. "I was going to have a long talk with you in the office, but for one, you might not make it to Monday at the rate you're going so I have to step in now, and two, there's no formality between us anymore so I might as well tell you my plan here at the Valentine Lounge."
I was silent, waiting.
"Jory, we're going to change your last name from Keyes to Harcourt, I'm going to make you the beneficiary of my estate, and you're going to have access to a lot of things you don't have now."
I was silent and he just stared into my eyes. "What?" I said finally.
"I'm not adopting you, I'm not taking care of you... you still have to work and make your own way and everything else, but you don't need the last name Keyes and you don't need to say no to me."
"I can't live with you or off of you or—"
"Who's asking you to? I wouldn't live with you on a bet,"
he snapped at me. "You'd be dead in a week for real because I'd throw you off the balcony of my place."
"But—"
"And by the way, you're fired."
I was stunned as I stared up at him.
"Your eyes are huge," he chuckled.
"You can't fire me."
"Oh no?"
"But—"
"Just... be still."
I went silent and waited.
He took a deep breath. "You've worked for me for five years, and in that time you've gone from my assistant to my friend, to the person I imagine in my life always. And I can say all that because you being gay has nothing whatsoever to do with me. I want to take care of you, but being in bed with you is not my idea of fun. You're simply the brother I never had and the one I want to keep. And for that reason, I can't work with you. I got you an interview Monday morning at nine, at Barrington with David O'Shea, for a position in their graphic design department. It's very entry level and you're going to make less than you do now, so if you run short you come hit me up for a loan that you'll have to pay back. That's what family does. You can keep your AMEX too. It's got your name on it already."
"Dane, I—"
"That's what got me thinking about all this. That day we went to Macy's and I was getting my card out and you paid with yours. I thought, he's got a credit card that I pay for with his name on it. And I know it's just for work, but still, it's like we're attached somehow." He sighed and stared into my eyes. "I thought, this is how I want it to be. I don't just want to run your life at work, I want a say in it all the time. And even as a friend, I don't have enough power... so I started to think and this is what I came up with. You're going to be my brother."
"You can't just—"
"I spoke to my lawyer," he nodded. "I can do it all.
Tomorrow morning you sign papers with me at brunch, which we'll have together with my lawyer, and you'll go from Jory Keyes to Jory Harcourt. You need to get a new driver's license and a new Social Security card, but other than that, it's done.
Jory Keyes will cease and Jory Harcourt will begin."
"I don't wanna be a—"
"Yes, you do—"
"I don't mean I don't wanna be a Harcourt, I don't wanna be a graphic—"
"Yes you do."
"No, I don't!"
"Yes... you do. I know yo
u do. I watch you. And being my assistant is not fulfilling. You need a career, not a job, and this way you get to keep me and find the job of your dreams.
We both know the only reason you haven't left is because you were worried about losing me. Worry solved."
"Could you be any more conceited?"
"How so?"
"You think the only reason I stay is to be close to you?"
"Yes. I know it is. You think if you leave I'll disappear from your life."
I just looked at him.
"I won't."
I cleared my throat. "Who are you going to get to be your assistant?"
"I hired a wonderful woman this morning. She's older than me and seems very warm and extremely professional. I liked her the minute I met her."
I looked at him. "You replaced me."
"I hired a new assistant, I'm keeping you."
I tried to wrap my brain around everything he'd just said.
"For starters, that place you live... from now on you make the payments to yourself. You're buying it from me. Once you own it, you can sell it or do whatever."
It was hard. I wasn't a charity case. "I don't deserve all this."
"You deserve every bit of it," he said solemnly. "And who's to say what a person deserves or doesn't? We fit together and I want you to be my family. It doesn't have to be a big deal.
We're still us, you're still you—you just have me now to look out for you."
I scowled at him. "You wanna run my life."
"I thought that's what I've been saying."
My mind was racing. "How can you just give me your name?"
"I was adopted and got my name. My parents are gone, you know that, and there was only my father, he had no brothers or sisters and his parents both passed before I was even born. There is no other Harcourt that I'm related to, so there's just going to be me... and now you. We'll make our own history."
I stared up into the gray eyes I knew so well. Funny that earlier I was thinking he was home. Turned out he really was.
"And I will get married one of these days and you'll stand up there with me. After I have children, you'll be an uncle and come every Thanksgiving and Christmas and have dinner with your family on Sunday nights. You'll bring your partner along with you and someday, I'm sure... kids of your own."
The air had been sucked from the room and I felt my heart pounding in my chest.
"This is what I want." He smiled down at me, hand on the side of my neck. "Okay?"
I couldn't speak.
He let out a quick breath. "This one time," he whispered hoarsely and I saw the muscles in his jaw working as he pressed his lips together. "I want you to be my brother. I—
you know. I want you to stay. Just agree."
All at once I understood, and the simplicity of it was staggering. He loved me. He couldn't say it because the words were too much, they would weigh too much between us, but I saw it there in the steady gaze, felt it in the warmth of the hand on my cheek, and heard it in the way he was holding his breath. Waiting for me. He would wait forever if I asked. I nodded because I couldn't speak.
His arm slipped around my neck as he drew me close, hugging me tight, his chin resting on the top of my head as he thanked me.
"I should thank you," I croaked out.
"No," he said, shoving me away. "Let's go."
"Where are we—"
"I'm taking you home to my place. I don't trust you to be safe anywhere else."
"But you don't hafta leave all your—"
"Where are all your things?"
I explained about the train terminal.
Hand on the back of my neck. "Let's go and get your stuff.
You're crashing hard, you're barely standing."
"That's not...." I began even as I almost tripped over my own feet. "Shit."
He chuckled as he steered me back to the others. When he announced that he had to leave—family emergency—the delight in his tone was not to be missed. His friend Jude smiled at me and I was congratulated on a choice well made.
* * * *
Dane lived in a very exclusive building, downtown close to the water tower. There was a security guard that sat behind the desk when you came in and another who hung out by the elevators. They were medium-sized guys, really nice, nothing menacing about them, which was somehow spookier than if they had been big and scary. You got the idea that they could become menacing very quickly. The fact that they were both packing didn't change the image. If you tried to hurt someone in Dane's building you could be shot. It had to be comforting for the residents even if it gave visitors the willies. That was probably the whole point.
Inside Dane's apartment were two floors. The bottom was a giant room where the living room, dining room, and kitchen all sort of blended together. The steel staircase rose from the first floor to the second and his office, bedroom and bathroom, two guest bedrooms and one bathroom were there. He had a sunroom where the pool and sauna were that led out onto the balcony that faced Lake Michigan. On the first floor was another balcony that looked out in the other direction, toward the city. It was a dazzling place to live, and even more exciting that he could simply come down in his elevator and be downtown where all the night life and shopping was. I had always loved it and got really excited when he went out of town and I got to house-sit. As I stood in the living room looking out at the balcony, he walked by and passed me a set of keys and the card for the elevator.
"I have a set of keys for your place," he assured me, yawning as he climbed the stairs to the second floor. "I'm going to make up the other bedroom for you. Just give me a minute."
He was freaking me out by acting like everything was normal. And to him it probably was. Because my new status was his decision, he had been given the time to work through it in his mind. I was the one who had woken up in the Twilight Zone. When my phone rang, I answered it without even checking the number.
"Jory."
"Hey." I sighed. "You all right, Sam?"
"Tell me where you are."
I flopped down onto the leather couch. "I'm safe, don't worry."
"How do I not worry? I—"
"Sam," I said softly. "Have you noticed that we catch a break and then split apart again?"
"What are you talking about?"
"I mean we have these moments of bliss followed by total shit." I was weary and I could hear it in my voice. "It's exhausting, isn't it?"
"What are you trying to say?"
"I'm not trying to say anything, I'm telling you straight up.
You are not ready for me."
"What the fuck are you talking about?"
"I saw you with that girl, Sam. I saw how you were looking at her. You can't lie now and tell me you weren't interested in her. I watched you. Maggie Dixon interests you."
"So what?"
There was no denial, only the defensive retort. I'd hit a nerve. "So go with it—see where it leads."
"You think I need your permission, you cocky piece of shit?"
"I think what you said that night in the car was all true.
You want what your parents have but you wanna be in bed with me. You can't have both."
"You don't get to say what I can or cannot have."
"I know, but we keep doin' this and the outcome never changes. We shatter at the first hint of trouble."
"We don't shatter, you run. You always run."
"I don't fit in your life, Sam. You left me tonight at the party because it would've looked weird if you kept me with you. Maggie fits perfect. I don't."
"You don't know anything."
"Deny that you abandoned me."
"Jory, it was Dom's birthday—it was about him, not you."
"So wanting you with me or wanting you to include me, that was just selfish on my part."
"Why couldn't you have mingled with my friends?"
"Why couldn't you have kept me with you?"
"I'm supposed to do what, hold your hand all night?"
"I didn't expect that... I just expected to be included."
"You are incapable of thinking about anyone else but yourself."
"Is that right?"
"Yeah, that's right."
We were talking in circles. I thought he was wrong, he thought I was wrong, there was no middle ground, no understanding that we were going to reach.
"Are you going to tell Dom about me, Sam?"
"You said you'd wait for me to—"
"C'mon, be honest, you can't and you know it. Your life doesn't work with a partner, it only works with a wife. Why fight it?" I waited only seconds for a response. "Your folks are gonna love Maggie."
"You know, Jory, it's funny that you think you of all people can know what's good for me. You can't even take care of yourself but you think you know what's best for me."
"Deny any of it."
"I think maybe it's a good thing that you go. You obviously know nothing about sticking it out through the hard times.
You run at the first sign of trouble. You're a quitter and you should know that about yourself."
"Only if there really is no way to win." I sighed deeply.
"You can't fool yourself into thinking things are gonna work out when the facts are right in front of you."
"You're really stupid."
"Okay."
"It's gonna be done this time, you know? I can't keep running after you."
"Sure," I said as my eyes filled. "I know."
"Do you even care?"
I cared more than I could even express. I had never, ever been crazier about anyone else. Sam Kage was the man of my dreams; it was too bad that being with him always became a nightmare.
"Take care," he said and hung up.
I fell sideways onto the couch. I would mourn him and our affair over breakfast. I was just too tired at that moment. I couldn't keep my eyes open. I didn't remember going to bed.
Chapter Four
I hit the button to speak, but before I could even say who I was the buzzer on the door went off and I went through it to the lobby.
"Jory!" she squealed loudly.
I lifted my eyes and there, four flights up, was my friend, and work partner, Dylan Greer, waving at me like crazy.
"Hurry up, I want you to meet everybody!"
I climbed the stairs as fast as I could, unwrapping my scarf as I moved. When I hit her floor, she ran from her door to reach me and I caught her when she leaped at me and carried her to her door, her arms and legs wrapped around me.