Splat.
I looked at the first fat drop of rain on my windshield and considered it an omen that it would fucking rain when I struggled to piece my life together. I turned to watch Nadia pulling out the parking lot, and I threw my car in gear and drove in the same direction toward Aunt Celeste's. By the time we reached Songbird Lane, the rain made it hard to see the road. A few times, I worried when Nadia took curves too fast on the flooding streets, but I chocked it up to me caring about her as a person and not as a love interest.
I pulled into the driveway in time to see Nadia running up to the porch from the street. Her arms thrown up over her head in a failed attempted at keeping her head dry. I rushed up as well, managing to get soaked because the cold rain had been refreshing on my skin. She refused to look at me as she dug the key into the lock and pushed the door open roughly. We hurried inside, dripping water all over the hardwood, only our breaths and the squeaks of our shoes echoing in the stillness. Nadia headed in the direction of her bedroom with her lips pressed firmly together, without looking at me. Even though I knew us never being together was best, I didn't want her walking away so angry. I could smooth things over to where she understood my position.
I stretched back and scratched my head before trying to make peace. "Look, I'm not good at this shit."
She tossed a cutting glare over her shoulder at me when she reached the middle of the hall. Her dismissal had to be a direct reflection of my insensitivity toward her, and I flinched when she focused on me. "You think I am good at this, Gable? I told you dating isn't a strong point for me. I wish you'd make up your mind on what you want."
She was soaked to the bone, stunning and fuming as she speared me with a heated gaze. "I know exactly what I want." I growled, causing her to shiver at the ferocity of my words. That wasn't what I'd meant to say. I'd slipped up on my words, meaning to give her a calming excuse on why we weren't meant to be together.
She lifted her arms and dropped them at her side in defeat. "Then what is the problem? You're hot and cold with me. I don't deserve that. Either you like me or you don't. I have been treated that way too many times by guys I liked before."
"You're right; you don't deserve any of the bad attitude I've thrown at you." I moved toward her, and she eluded my grasp as I tried to reach for her arm. "Nadia, I'm a fucked up mess, all right. It's not personal; I don't know what to do about things in my life or how to approach them. It's why I can't give you a hundred percent of me. I don't want to hurt you."
She snorted. "So it's one of those, 'it's not you, it's me' moments, right?" She twirled her hand, hoping I would agree with her. My excuse had been lame, and a popular one she'd obviously been fed a lot. I didn't want to be placed in the same category as the guys who have done her wrong or made her feel unlucky in relationships.
"I don't fucking know, Nadia. You blindsided me in everything; I thought you weren't even my type."
"Oh, that's right, you said you don't like me like that, but you kissed me by the river." She scoffed and moved away, and I followed after her.
"That didn't come out right. I am attracted to you, very—stop." I pulled her to a halt as she tried to walk away. Desperation thickened my voice. It wasn't working out how I planned. I realized I had never been one for apologies or how to mend something. In all my years, I'd never taken the time to process someone else's feelings and how my actions hurt them. I cradled her face, meeting her gaze. "You're different, and I really like you… Fuck! I don't understand this, any of it, or how to say it without sounding like a pussy."
She nodded, refusing to look me in the face again. "I understand. This is where we say goodnight, Gable." She pulled my hands away from her face and turned her back to me, I let her shut me out. The wisest thing to do would be to let her go to bed and for me to dissect and sort the shit on my plate.
"Everyone I reach out to either has their own issues or ignore mine, but I really am lost right now." I thought of Amy when I'd said something similar, and I wasn't sure where that admission drudged itself from deep inside me, but it caused Nadia to pause on dismissing me. The woman I thought should care for me had blown me off in my time of duress, yet here this woman stood ready to stand with me, help me, hear me out if I needed to talk. This was the type of woman I wanted in my life. I needed to invest my emotions in someone like her because she was truly here for me. A stranger, and yet, I felt like I had known her much longer.
Nadia turned back to face me, her perplexity apparent as she glanced between me and her open door. I reached for her again, and this time she let me touch her arm. I became so greedy with that small inch that I stepped into her space. I placed my hands on the wall over her head because I didn't want to take it too far if she wasn't ready. She didn't seem perturbed by me towering over her and stealing inches. She looked up at me and I captured her lips in a voracious kiss. No matter how I tried to fight the feelings swirling inside my heart and mind, I'd been unable to restrain myself with her. I became consumed by Nadia, and that a part of me felt as though I wanted to fuse our souls and bodies together. The other part of me felt terrified of that emotion. It was too intense, deeper than I have ever thought to feel for someone.
Overtaken by my kiss, Nadia leaned back against the wall, and I pushed my hardening dick against her pelvis. There would be no mistaking how attracted to her I was. I wanted her because she breathed a rainbow of life in my colorless world. Her full breasts pressed against my chest and added fuel to my inner fire; she hesitantly wrapped her arms around my waist and slid her hands up my back. Her fingers curled when I slid my tongue against hers, and she dug her nails into my skin when I nipped at her bottom lip.
Nadia pressed me closer, validating she was just as aroused as me. I put space between our bodies as I removed one hand off the wall and slid it between us, searching and probing for acceptance. She moaned as my hand grazed a breast and skirted down her ribcage. I broke our kiss so I could see her reaction as I took my hand—and this moment—so much deeper.
"You baffle me, but it doesn't mean that I don't want you." I plucked the button on her slacks loose and slipped my fingers into her panties. I felt the warmth pooling between her thighs. Her slick heat drenching my fingertips pulled a guttural growl from my throat. If she knew what was good for her, she wouldn't get tangled up with a guy like me. If I'd been half a decent man, I'd step away. However, I was a selfish son of a bitch who would chase any high. At the moment, the "high" happened to be the woman rising up on her tippy toes as my middle finger slipped deeper into her pulsing, tight core.
"Fuck, you're so wet. God, I want to fuck the shit out of you." A heated look flashed in her eyes in the dim light. Her gnawing on her bottom lip at my words had been the green light I needed. I pulled my hand free of her sweet center, and pushed her pants down her gracious hips. I kept my eyes on her face for any signs of hesitance. If she wasn't ready for this, I wouldn't keep going, but she met me with a daring glare behind those glasses even though her body held a slight tremble. She stepped out of her slacks and underwear when they fell to her ankles. Nadia shyly crossed her hands over her body, but I tugged them free so I could look at the naked beauty below the waist exposed for me. She waited for me to make the next move since I brought us this far. I knew she was a shy girl, and until she became comfortable with me fully, she probably wouldn't be the first to make a move when it came to bedroom sports.
I pulled my damp hoodie off and undid my pants. I don't have a fucking condom. I halted on removing my pants and ignored Nadia's quizzical look. Damn it, sex had been the furthest thing from my mind when I came to Aunt Celeste's, and I didn't carry condoms on me daily since I wasn't a fuck-for-fancy kind of guy, not anymore at least. However, Nadia deserved to be worshiped. Prepared or not, and I wasn't opposed to indulging in her plethora of arousal by burying my face deep in her core.
"I don't have a condom, so I'm going to fuck you with my mouth."
I lowered myself to the hardwood and pressed my palms together
as if praying to a God I didn't believe in. I pushed my hands between her thighs and parted them wide enough for me to fit between. I was ready to taste something that had been on my mind a few times over the last few of nights as I lay in bed with a hard-on. I put one of her legs over my shoulder and looked up to see her breathing heavy with a small, eager smile while she met my gaze. Her leg trembled against my shoulder, her anxiousness building as my face lowered closer to her pussy.
I slid my tongue inside her silken folds, and she jerked in response as I guided my middle finger over her slick nub. I craftily swirled circles around her sensitive clit, bringing out mewling cries of ecstasy as I wiggled my tongue against her smooth heat. Nadia huffed and laid a hand on the top of my head, twisting her fingers in my hair, pulling enough to make me wince. The sting of pain humming through my body needed a fucking wave of pleasure in order for me to ride along with it. I buried my free hand in my loose pants, pulled my dick free, and started a firm stroke as I moved my lips against her soft flesh. With each firm caress of my cock, I licked and probed Nadia deep with my exploratory tongue as I moved my finger against her soft walls. She tasted like the sweetest berry, and I felt like a kid running through a field of ripened fruits, indulging myself.
Her hips rocked and her clit bumped against my nose, and she soon found a rhythm that obviously tweaked her arousal. So wet and drenching; my mouth wasn't able to swallow all her excess juices, so it began to accumulate in my beard. I loved the fact that she was messy. I couldn't wait to fucking slide my dick inside her. I moaned at her taste and the fantasy of me fucking her to our current rhythm. The rise of my own climax caused my mouth to vibrate against her sensitive lips.
"Oh my God." She sped up riding my face and finger. I quickened my strokes on my straining cock to keep pace. After a three month dry spell, I couldn't hold back any longer as her sweet nectar tingled my taste buds. I ejaculated and sucked her clit hard as my rumbling groan shuddered against her center again. Nadia bucked and almost lost her balance, but righted herself as her intense climax took everything out of her. I rode the wave, feeling the tide take me over the threshold of infatuation. I instantly wanted more. Her grip on my heart tightened like a boa constrictor with a helpless mouse. A milestone had been crossed between us. I was done for as I met the gaze of a woman I wanted in my life.
I slipped my drenched finger out of her and kissed her inner thigh as her body continued to shudder. We were both breathing hard in the silent moments after. I let her leg fall so she could stand on her own. I leaned back on my knees, gazing up at her relaxed body, and shared a smile with her. In the back of my mind, I tried to figure out where we went from here and what it all meant. She may not even want me, but if I wasn't careful, I'd fall for her hard and fast.
As I stood, Nadia put her pants on and looked at me in a tender way, which caused me to be even more apprehensive about our developing relationship. I took my need to clean up as a good excuse to dispel the eye-locked moment. I moseyed into the kitchen to wash my hands and grab a towel to clean up the mess I left on my shirt. I couldn't ignore the fact that I could smell her on my beard if I turned a certain way.
I rinsed my hands under the cold water, thinking deep about her and me, starting the journey of being a standup guy and forming a kind of relationship not based on drugs. I wasn't sure how long it would even last between us, a few weeks or months, before the distance or my old habits ruined a good thing. I grabbed a towel off the counter and dried my hands and then turned when I heard her enter the kitchen. For a quiet moment, she watched me from the doorway.
"You okay?" She finally spoke, but seemed fearful of my answer.
I didn't know how to really answer that. I just existed, but things were starting to feel different—changed—and I had no control over where they were going. My replies no longer felt empty and motorized; at least I didn't want them to be with Nadia. Truthfully, I didn't know what it all meant between us, and trying to place it in a box had been the thing that stumped me. I nodded, electing this to be one of the moments where I chose to stay silent. If I spoke, I would open floodgates to feelings and fears that were still novel to me. Nadia didn't probe, but she possibly understood my dilemma. She smiled and backed away, leaving me in the kitchen with her scent all over me and a heavy swarm of thoughts in my mind.
Chapter Seven
The next morning, my thoughts were even more clouded than before. On top of a lively woman consuming my thoughts, I still didn't know what to do about the bar and Amy's shit back in the condo. Hell, I didn't even know what to do about myself and focusing to stay clean. One thing was for sure, my mild cocaine cravings were eclipsed by thoughts of Nadia, and I didn't want anything to do with Amy anymore. I'd blocked her number from my phone and from her seeing my online profile before I went to bed last night. It had taken everything in me not to creep into Nadia's room and be there with her. I'm sure she wouldn't have rejected, but without a condom, I wasn't going to put that pressure on either of us because I would've went all in, and I didn't want her to feel like a mistake had been made come morning. I didn't want to be a mistake in her eyes.
I'd returned home from my run in time to catch Nadia before she left for school. I'd wasted no time pulling her against my sweaty body, and I'd kissed her until she was breathless and her lipstick rubbed off. Radiant and all smiles, her happiness was infectious, and I'd hungrily taken all the attention she gave me. We exchanged numbers before she left, and my fingers itched to text her every minute. I restrained myself, but barely, as she frequently crossed my mind throughout the day. I did text asking what her schedule for the night entailed, and I felt a sigh of pleasure that she'd be off from work and I would have her to myself.
If we were going to take whatever we had to the next level, it would have to be before Aunt Celeste came back from her church function the next evening. I wanted to set up a nice dinner and spend time with her in a capacity that involved talking and knowing her deeper than surface value. I wasn't going to be a complete dick and fuck her with no regard for who she was as a person. A dinner date had been in order to reciprocate how she made me feel.
****
I glanced back at the piled grocery bags in my backseat as I put the car in park at the gas pump. Walking inside, I grabbed a bottle of water and the trusted brand of condoms I'd used over the years. I definitely planned to have all of Nadia. I'm not sure I could even deny myself anymore. Especially after having a taste of her last night, and accepting she wanted me as much as I desired her. What happened afterward would determine how we carried forward in our lives.
I had a feeling she wanted more than a one-time bang or to be fuck buddies. Frankly, I wasn't into those types of relationships anymore. They caused too much confusion and an opening for muddled feelings to be misconstrued. The lack of exclusivity is what got me into trouble in the past. However, I questioned if I could give Nadia the type of relationship she needed, even if the passion between us soared off the charts. I paid for my items and hurried back to the car to get home and start food prepping.
Stepping into the quiet house with the last bag of groceries, my phone rang on the counter and it flashed Carlos's number. I had a quick spurt of guilt that I hadn't even thought of Carlos and the bar, and if he stressed about running the place alone. It felt good to take my mind off it all and focus on something else I wanted. I quickly sat the bag of produce on the counter before I answered the call.
"Yo, what's up, man?" I asked while grabbing the steaks out of the other bag.
Carlos's voice sounded hesitant. "Fine, boss. I hope all is okay with you. There are a couple of men here, saying they came to appraise the bar."
I groaned. "Oh shit, sorry I forgot to give you a heads up. Yeah, let them do their thing and call me if they have any questions." Damn, my thoughts had been so consumed with Nadia that I forgot to focus on the bar. I winced at how she was eclipsing things I once thought severely important.
Carlos went silent for a moment. "I didn't kn
ow you were selling. Do I need to alert the staff to start looking for other employment?"
I hesitated on answering one of those questions that had heavy weight behind it. If I said no at this moment and sold it off quickly, I would be the owner who left his employees to scramble to recoup income on short notice. However, saying yes would mean the bar was definitely being sold and I ran the risk of losing great employees if I changed my mind.
I sighed. "Honestly, Carlos, I don't know. I haven't decided if selling is what I actually want to do."
"I understand," was all he said before hanging silently on the line.
I leaned against the counter and nervously bounced my foot. How would I continue forward in this conversation? "Listen, I plan on being back in a few days to sort this shit out. I don't mean to leave you high a dry to take care of things."
"Ah, no worries. I want you to get better, Boss. Things are good here. I got this. Just focus on you."
"Thanks, Carlos. Call me if you need anything."
He muttered something to someone in the background. "Will do, Boss."
After hanging up with Carlos, I pulled more food out of the bags and tried to make a fucking plan. While I enjoyed the simplicity and solace of Macon, I couldn't stay much longer. My life had been on Tybee Island, and though I planned to change it a bit for the better, I still needed to get my shit together and clean up the mess I left there. Of course, Aunt Celeste would be sad I would be leaving right around the time she would be getting back into town. My mind shifted to Nadia and how she danced with me, how she tasted against my ravenous mouth, and how she seemed to always bring a smile to my face. She emitted a genuine happiness I hadn't felt in…well, I couldn't remember. Not only was she wife material, she was life material, but sadly I didn't think she would be mine. Nadia deserved better than some struggling junkie who couldn't give her the proper stability she needed.
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