by Nina West
But I dig my heels in. “I’m not going anywhere until I check the water for my glasses! I have a flashlight!” I yell, earning his shush.
He heaves a sigh. “Will you let me take you back to your cabin immediately after?”
“Once I do that, I will happily go to bed with you. Not with you. I’ll go to bed. I’m not going to bed with a lumberjack.” My tongue feels thick and slow as it trips over my rambling words.
“Fine. But I’m holding on to you the entire time. The owner doesn’t need any of his employees drowning.”
“Deal.”
He leads me back to the edge and drops to his knees with me. “Sit your ass right down or you’ll end up pulling us both in.”
“That’s no way to speak to a lady.”
He snorts. “It is when she’s as stubborn as a mule and as drunk as an Irishman.”
Damp cold from the dock seeps through my jeans as I follow his order. He has large, strong hands and they grip my slender middle tightly as I lean down, shining the small beam of light from my pocket flashlight against the murky waters below. His hand that’s closer to the water slides up to rest underneath my breast. I briefly consider telling this burly lumberjack that he’s touching me inappropriately, but a part of me doesn’t care right now.
“I can’t see them.” The water level is much lower than I expected. I can’t even skim the top with my fingertips. I would have fallen in, had he not been there to grab me.
“No shit.” He hauls me up with seemingly no effort, the quick movement making the world spin a bit. “Where are you staying?”
“Cabin...” My words trail away as I finally see his face for the first time, bathed in a stream of light. Steely blue eyes stare down at me. Even with heavy scruff covering his face, I can tell that his jaw is strong and angular. And that mouth... I am utterly riveted to those plump lips. I can’t help myself. I reach up and graze them with my fingertips, wisps of hair around the outside edges tickling my skin. They’re as full and soft as they look and they part for me slightly, enough that my fingertips get wet, and warm breath skates across my skin.
My stomach bursts into butterflies as my own lips part.
I’ve heard people say that alcohol can change your perception, can make you believe that someone is better looking than they are in the sober light of day. I think they call it beer goggles. But I haven’t been drinking beer and, besides, for my eyes to deceive me like this would be a cruel trick by Satan himself.
I’ve never seen such a handsome man in real life.
“You’re beautiful,” I whisper, and then my face flushes when I realize that I said that out loud. But it’s okay that I did, I tell myself. It’s true, and he needs to know.
I gather my nerve and shift my attention from his mouth up to his eyes to find his intense gaze weighing down on me, skating over my features before resting on my mouth. He leans down, his lips reaching for mine. My heart begins racing, anticipating the feel of them on me, wondering if they’ll be firm or soft, demanding or yielding. How does a man like this kiss?
I want to let go, to let this complete stranger do whatever he wants with me.
He pulls back and gives his head a small shake. “Let’s get you home. Which cabin are you in?”
“Seven.” I pause, peering up again, my eyes roaming that handsome face. “Seriously, do you know how beautiful you are?”
“All right, let’s get you home fast.” He hooks an arm around the backs of my knees, one around my shoulders and hoists me up into a cradled position, earning my surprised yelp.
“I can walk!” Though, being in this man’s arms, with my arm wrapped around this big, strong neck and my body pressed against this chest, is so new and exciting.
“Slow and stumbling and blind, yeah. But I need to be rid of you now.”
“Be rid of me? Am I that awful?”
His focus is locked on the path ahead of us. “You’re drunk and I know exactly where this is heading. It can’t, that’s all. Don’t take it personally.”
“And where exactly is this heading?” Was he seriously about to kiss me? No, that’s not possible. A guy who looks like this doesn’t try to kiss a girl like me, lumberjack or not.
His dark, low chuckle fills the night air. “I can’t tell if you’re playing coy right now, or if you’re actually that clueless.” When I don’t answer, his gaze flitters to meet mine for a second. “To places a girl like you shouldn’t go tonight.”
I snort. “Great. You’re protecting my virtue, too, now? Did my mama call you?” I stare at him as he walks on, ignoring me. “How old are you?”
“Thirty-one.”
Ten years older than me. Thirty-one and a face like that; I’ll bet he has slept with lots of women. I’ll bet he’s experienced. I’ll bet he could teach me all kinds of things with those fingers that are currently clutching my body tightly. Things that Jed couldn’t, or didn’t want to. Thoughts of Jed make my stomach tilt. I quickly push them away. “Do you have a girlfriend?”
He seems to hesitate. “No.”
“Neither do I. A boyfriend, I mean. I had a boyfriend. Well, a fiancé, actually. His name is Jed. We were going to get married next summer, but he cheated on me with the jezebel.” The gravel crunches beneath the lumberjack’s feet as I ramble on. “That’s what my mama calls those kind of women—jezebels. I saw her. She’s beautiful and sexy, so I guess I know why he’d leave me for her. Anyway, I’m supposed to wait for him to sow his wild oats. He asked me to wait, said he’d come back. Our families are so sure he’ll come back to me.”
“And you’ll take him back, won’t you.” His tone mocks me, as if he’s both unsurprised and repulsed by the idea.
“No. I mean, I don’t think so.” I sigh. Who am I kidding? It’s the reason I held on to that ring instead of casting it into the deep waters. “I can’t help but hope that he’ll realize what a mistake he’s making and come crawling back, begging for forgiveness.”
“And you’ll give it to him.” Again, not a question.
“No!” A moment later, I admit with a grumble, “Maybe.” Not because I forgive him; not because he didn’t hurt me so badly. “He’s all I’ve ever known. He’s been a part of my life for so long. We had everything planned out. Now, I’m lost.”
Lumberjack doesn’t want to be listening to this; I can tell by the steely look across his face. But I haven’t talked about it with an impartial person before. My friends tell me that I should despise Jed, and everyone back home tells me to bide my time.
Somehow dumping all this on a complete stranger feels therapeutic.
“I don’t want to be pathetic. I don’t want to be there for him if he does come back. I want to be over him, moved on.” Sadness fills my chest. “But it’s hard to get over someone you’ve loved since you were five years old.”
Lumberjack doesn’t say a word. It’s annoying.
“How do I do that?”
He turns to meet my gaze, his mouth mere inches away in this position, so close that his sigh skates across my skin. That’s the only answer I get before he turns his focus back to the path.
Now that I’ve opened up to him, I can’t seem to stop. “That’s why I came to Alaska. I wanted to get away from my life for a while, at least until I have to go back to college. I don’t know what I’m going to do after. Jed and I were going to move back home, get married, and take over the farm. And have lots of sex. Sex, sex, and more sex. It’s all about sex with you guys, isn’t it?”
He takes a deep breath and adjusts my body tighter into his arms.
“So now he’s busy parading the jezebel around my home town, probably having all kinds of sex in our private spots, while I’m in Alaska. He asked me not to be with anyone. Can you believe that? He’s screwing around with this other girl and yet he asked me to wait for him, to save myself for our wedding night. Can you believe that? Would you ever expect your ex to wait around for you like that? I should just go and do it with someone, so that if he does come back, I
can scream, ‘too late! No virgin wife for you.’ I don’t want to be a virgin anymore. I need to find someone who will have sex with me here.”
Lumberjack’s footsteps falter and I squeeze his neck tightly, afraid we’re going to fall in a heap. “You’re a—How old are you?”
“Twenty-one. I hate that part of me still loves him. We have so much history. But then part of me...” I tip my head back to look at the vast expanse of stars above. I know they’re somewhere up there, but I can’t see them anymore.
He nudges my head with his shoulder. “No passing out on me.”
I pull my head up and lean it against his body, burrowing in until my cold nose is pressed against his neck. I inhale deeply. “You smell good. Expensive. Is that cologne, or aftershave, or soap, or—”
“Christ,” he hisses. “Do you normally talk this much?”
“No? I don’t think so. It must be the alcohol. I’ve never been drunk before. It’s fun.”
Now he does chuckle, a low rumble that I feel deep inside my chest, and farther down, into the pit of my belly. “You might not think that tomorrow morning.”
Where was I? Oh, right... Jed. “A part of me hates his guts. We were supposed to be each other’s firsts and then he went off and did it with someone else, after all this time because he’s a guy and he’s too weak to wait. If he’d asked me, if he told me he couldn’t wait, I would have done it. Why wouldn’t he just ask me?”
When Lumberjack doesn’t answer, I press. “Do you not know how to carry on a conversation?”
His stern face cracks with a smirk. “Is that what we’re doing?” He looks down and when he doesn’t see me smiling back, his face smooths over.
“I don’t understand.” A sudden unexpected wave of emotion hits me, and before I know what’s going on, hot tears are streaming down my cheeks. “Is it because I’m not pretty enough for him? He always said he liked me like this, not like those other girls who plaster their faces with makeup. But then he turns around and starts dating one of them! Maybe I need to wear makeup?” I gaze at the lumberjack’s face, his eyes locked straight ahead. “Do you think I need to wear makeup?”
His jaw tenses. “No.”
I wipe away my tears with my free hand. “Do you think I’m pretty? I know I’m plain. I’ve just never been into all that girly stuff.”
Finally, his blue eyes shift from the path to meet mine, where they rest for a long moment before sliding down to my lips and farther, to where my breasts press against his chest. “He would have cheated on you whether you fucked him or not. Be glad you didn’t.”
I don’t know if that brings me any comfort. I do know he didn’t answer my question. “So, should I...” I stall over the word he used, unable to bring myself to say it. “Should I be with someone else? Or should I wait?”
His bottom lip disappears between his teeth, as if he’s holding back his words.
“How do I get over him?” My voice is almost pleading.
“By spending the next four months fucking someone in every position imaginable.”
I’d be lying if I said I hadn’t thought of it, more than once. But it was always from a place of pain and rejection, a place I knew would drive me to have regrets down the road. “I don’t want just ‘somebody.’” Right now, the way my body’s responding to him, I want the lumberjack.
I trace the back of his neck with my fingertips. His arms are so strong, his body is so tight, his face so striking. Every fiber of my body is in tune with his, my skin prickling with the thought of these hands touching my bare skin. What would it be like to be naked with someone so big and masculine?
I twirl the little curly wisps of hair within my shaky but unusually bold fingers. “Have you ever been with a virgin?”
He inhales with a light hiss. “Not for a long time.”
“Why not?”
“I prefer women over little girls.”
I swallow against the burn of that rebuff. He’s calling me a little girl. “So inexperience bothers you?”
“It’s never appealed to me.” A wicked smirk touches his lips. “Though you wouldn’t be inexperienced for long.”
A flush races through my entire body almost instantly, the heat building between my legs at the way he talks, as if sex is a real possibility between us. Pressing my lips together to try and hide my nervous grin, I reach up to run my fingers through his beard again. What would that feel like against my skin if he kissed me? I’ve never kissed a man with a beard. I’ve never kissed anyone but Jed. “I’ll bet if you shaved your face, you’d be even more beautiful.” His jaw tenses as I caress the edge of his jaw slowly, imagining what he looks like beneath.
“Maybe I don’t want to be more beautiful.”
“You know what I mean, Lumberjack.” I rest my head against his broad frame again, burrowing my face further into his thick neck because it feels so nice and warm in there. I notice one of the buttons on his shirt has popped open. I reach for it, intent on fixing it for him, and accidently tug another one open in the process. “Oops. Sorry.” My fingertip skates across hot exposed skin as I try to fix it one-handed. Oh my God. This guy’s chest. I understand what “rock hard” means now. His skin is smooth, with a faint line of hair trailing down the middle. “Are you staying here, in the village?”
“Sure.”
“Which cabin?”
“Why?”
“Because maybe I want to find you tomorrow?”
“You won’t.”
“How do you know?”
A cocky grin flashes. “Because if you remember any part of tonight, you’ll be avoiding me for the rest of the summer.”
I scowl into his neck. “You think you have me all figured out. What if I just want to say hi?”
“I’m sure I’ll see you around.”
“Fine.” My lips have been skating across his skin while I talk. Now I run my tongue along them, because it’s the closest I can get without actually licking him. “You taste salty.”
A shaky breath escapes him and he speeds up.
Did I just turn on the lumberjack? Jed used to breathe like that when I sucked on his earlobe. My ego sure could use the boost right now. “What if I wanted to find you for other things?” Man, alcohol makes me brave.
There’s a long pause. “What other things?”
I let my cool nose brush back and forth against his neck. His neck muscles strain with a hard swallow. “You know...”
“You can’t even say it, can you?”
“Not when I’m sober,” I admit. “But you’ve got drunk Abbi tonight, which means you’re in luck.”
“Then say it,” he murmurs, his tone suddenly low and taunting.
We’ve entered the village now. I’ll be at my cabin soon, and my time with the lumberjack and this uncharacteristic bravery will be over. Taking a deep breath, I lift my head enough for my mouth to reach his ear. “Would you fuck me if I asked you to?”
His chest rises against me and then he exhales. “Maybe.” His already deep voice has grown husky and I feel that one word right between my legs. “And what else?”
My giggles are laced with embarrassment. “There’s more? I don’t know. I’ve never passed first base. I’ve never even had a guy touch me down there.”
“Here we are. Cabin seven.”
Before I realize what’s happening, my feet are hitting the ground, and I’ve lost the pleasing warmth of his body against me. I reach out and grab fistfuls of his jacket, the ground unsteady.
“Where’s your key?” he whispers, seemingly in a rush.
“Back pocket.” I frown at the gravel. It’s moving.
His arms wrap around me, one settling on my lower back. Warm fingers slide against my butt as he searches my right pocket.
“Wrong one.” I giggle, the wide grin on my face no doubt idiotic.
His hand quickly retreats and searches the other one, pulling out the card.
“You touched my bum. You should at least tell me your name.”
He pauses, his eyes on the key and the door. With a sigh, he offers, “It’s Henry.”
“Hmm... Henry.” I lean—okay, fall—against his chest and rope my arms around his waist in a hug. Tipping my head back to see his striking face illuminated under the cabin door light, I whisper, “So, about that thing we were talking about.”
His jaw tenses but in his eyes, I’m sure I see amusement dance. A gentle tug against my braid has my head dipping farther back. My lips part as he leans down, preparing myself for a kiss. “Stop baiting me and go to sleep.”
I give him my best pout, but truthfully I’m beginning to feel dizzy. I need to lie down now. “Fine. Thank you for getting me home and not letting me fall into that icy water. By the way, my name’s Abbi. Some people call me Abigail, but I hate it. So, if I ever see you again, don’t call me that.”
His perfect mouth is right there, so close to me that I can smell mint on his minty breath. And I want to taste it. I don’t think I’ve ever wanted anything so bad in my life as I want to feel and taste his lips right now.
Before I lose my chance, I stretch up on my tiptoes and skate my lips over his, the edge of his scruff tickling me. He exhales against my skin and I close my eyes, shivering with the sensation. He hasn’t pulled away yet though, and so I forge on, running my tongue over his lips once before pressing my mouth against his, capturing his top lip between mine in a hesitant, sweet kiss that I hope he’ll reciprocate.
He pulls back a touch, enough that his mouth is out of range, and slides my card into the reader. The unlocking mechanism sounds and the light flashes green. Pushing the door open for me, he prods me in to the darkness. I’m brimming with disappointment and on the verge of tears over the rebuff.
Just as I step across the threshold though, a strong hand palms the front of my waist. He leans in, his cool nose skating across my ear, stealing a tiny gasp from me. “Apparently some people call me the big bad wolf,” he whispers. “But I kind of like it.”
I’m inside the cabin, the door’s shut, and my lumberjack is gone before the words truly register.
“Oh my God!” I yelp, slapping myself in the forehead.