Ava didn’t have to read the thing Nan waved under her nose to know it was another one of Mallory’s notes.
“What if you were still there? You’d want someone to come.” Nan’s eyes welled up, exactly the way her nephew’s did. “Think of how awful you’ll feel if anything happens to Arthur. I can’t do this by myself,” she said. “I’ve tried.”
Ava pointed beyond her to where her father stood. “How do I know you’re not going to dump me there again?”
He bent down and unzipped the front pocket of his suitcase. Out came the journal with the turquoise and tangerine cover, the one he’d bought her at Target.
“Because when I gave this to you, I made the same promise you did. No more keeping things from each other. God, Ava, I wouldn’t leave you there.” He held it out to her. “And so you know, I didn’t read it.”
James walked into the circle, taking the journal from her dad. When Ava accepted it from him, it felt like they were playing some kind of game Poppy might’ve invented.
Nan’s words kept ringing in Ava’s ears. What if you were still there? It was all too overwhelming. It was her fault Fringe got sent to OP in the first place. But go back to Mount Hope?
Ava didn’t think she could do it.
“I could come. If you want me to.” James cupped Ava’s elbow with his hand, and there was that feeling again, warmth traveling throughout her body. “Say the word and I’ll get your stuff from my truck.”
With barely a nod from her, James pulled his keys from his jeans and took off to the parking lot. She couldn’t believe he was willing do that for her.
As soon as he was out of sight, even with Nan right there, Ava walked up to her father.
“Ok, I’ll go. I’ll talk to the detective. But it’s up to me whether or not I go anywhere near that place. I decide what I do and don’t do. Understand?”
He hugged her tight while she remained stiff in his arms. “Absolutely,” he said.
In the time it took James to collect Ava’s stuff and her father to drag his luggage outside, Nan had settled things at the flight desk and started the engine. Walking toward the plane holding only her journal, Ava realized it had been eight years since she’d last flown.
Seconds later, the ground shook under her feet, the same way it did the night she’d lost it on the railroad tracks, starting the downward spiral that brought her to Mount Hope the first time. Vibrations traveled up Ava’s arm, across her shoulders, into her neck; they hovered over the top of her head. Her father stood next to her, urging her to climb in. James was already in the back, patting the seat and shouting above the noise, “Next to me.”
But Ava couldn’t let go of the door. Awash in dread, she looked at her father and tried to form the words, to tell him she was disappearing. Nothing came out.
“Are you all right?” he shouted. “James, quick, help me lay her down.”
Ava felt their arms encircle her waist. And then she didn’t.
My feet are on the ground in Maine, but I’m flying in a plane with my father. There is no pilot. No matter how many times I blink, I can’t stop seeing random things. Images I know don’t go together. Pink batik. Fringe rocking against a boulder on the Ledges. A sandcastle. Benno grabbing the rope to climb the concrete wall. Blood from Mallory’s head spreading out over dirt. A little girl skipping on a beach—
TWENTY-NINE
Toby motioned for James to help him ease Ava down on the cool pavement. He wrestled with his jacket, and when it was finally off, he rolled it into a makeshift pillow. James lifted her head gently, supporting her neck, so that Toby could position the jacket under her shoulders. Nan shut down the plane and hopped from the cockpit, completing the crowd around Ava.
Toby felt sick to his stomach, looking at his daughter lying there. He touched the tattoo his daughter had gotten in memory of her sister. As he rubbed Ava’s arm, he was filled with overwhelming sadness. It being yet another thing father and daughter had never discussed.
It took a few seconds for Ava’s breathing to become regular and her eyes to flutter open. Toby had mixed feelings about sending James to call an ambulance. The color came back into her cheeks, and fire would surely follow if he embarrassed his daughter with sirens.
“I’m fine,” she said to no one in particular. Weak and trembling, she asked them to help her up. As Ava smoothed her hair down, front, back and side, Toby thought it oddly adolescent that she cared about her appearance under the circumstances. Then he saw her run her hands over her shoulders, along each arm. Brushing pretend dirt off her pants, she pressed her thighs and knees as she went. His daughter was making sure nothing was bruised or broken.
“Has this happened before?” Toby asked.
Ava wouldn’t look up. Toby watched James lace one hand in hers. All business, Nan bent down to collect Toby’s jacket.
“Last time was at Mount Hope. Right before you got me out,” Ava said.
“Is that what happened the night on the train tracks?”
Ava nodded.
Toby had gotten things horribly wrong. The night he’d walked in on Ava leaning over the back of her couch, her skin pale, her hair damp, she wasn’t high or coming down off drugs.
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
Ava adjusted her shirt. When she finally looked at him, her expression told him everything. He’d let her down. Ava found it impossible to confide in him.
“It must’ve been the plane,” Ava said. “It happens if I get upset or remember something. I freak out. Sometimes black out.”
After everything Ava had been through, how come he’d never suspected she suffered flashbacks? Standing there on the tarmac, he remembered that terrible trip out of Phuket International. His beautiful girl strapped into her seat, leaning on him, gripping his arm, chanting over and over, Mommy, Poppy, Mommy, Poppy.
“Some things are hard to talk about,” James said.
The boy had such a calming presence that at times Toby forgot he was there. Then James would say something thoughtful, or do something kind, and Toby couldn’t imagine him not being there.
“I thought I was going crazy.”
“You’re not,” Toby said. “But we need you to see someone. You could really hurt yourself.”
“I’m fine. Let’s just go. I’m getting better at controlling it.”
“No, no,” Nan said. “I’m being selfish. I can’t ask you to do this. Look, Toby, you take care of your daughter. I’ll go fight the good fight on my own.”
“Whatever money you need, it’s yours,” Toby said. “My associate’s put in a call to a great lawyer. I’ll do whatever else I can from here.”
“You’ve done a lot already. I owe you.” Nan’s smile was forced. She turned to Ava and put a hand on her shoulder. “You, too. Thanks for being willing to help.”
Toby wondered how long Ava would allow Nan’s hand to stay there. If Jill had tried that, she would have shaken it off.
“Mind if I ask you something?” Nan’s voice quavered, reminding Toby he had seen her this way before.
Ava acted all timid, but she nodded okay.
“Paxton Worth told me Arthur didn’t want to see me. I don’t believe him. Do you know if he saw Mallory’s accident on the overnight? Was he okay the last time you saw him?”
Ava looked from Nan to James. His daughter had only known him for a few days, and yet the two shared a knowing glance.
“Mallory didn’t have an accident,” Ava said, staring at Nan. “She bashed her head in with a rock to get out of there. And so parents would start asking questions. I saw her do it and so did your nephew. I got bumped up a level, basically bribed so I wouldn’t tell. He got sent to OP.”
“Jesus. What’s OP?” Nan asked.
Toby knew by the way Ava said OP that it wasn’t any place good. Then he remembered that military-looking counselor touting some special room kids got sent to, making sure Ava knew she was in line for the so-called privilege.
Ava swallowed hard. She wouldn’
t look at Nan or Toby, or even at James.
“It’s the place they take misbehavers. I never went, but the kids who did said it was hell. They hurt you even worse when you’re in there.”
For a second no one said a word. Toby reached out to steady Nan. She closed her eyes, but not before the tears came.
“It’s worse than I thought,” Nan said.
“Dad, you should go with her. Get her nephew out. I’ll help from here. I’ll tell you where things are. I’ll even talk to the detective if you want me to.”
“I can’t,” Toby said. “I won’t leave you.”
“Ava can stay at Biddie’s,” James said. “My aunt won’t mind.”
“It’s okay this time,” Ava said. “I’ll be fine. Go. Really.”
When Ava said this time it was as if she were drawing a distinction between all the other times Toby had left her. Standing there, he felt something deep inside him tighten.
“No,” he said. “It’s not right. You passed out.”
“Look, I know I’ve got stuff to deal with. It wasn’t easy telling you what I just did. I’ll see someone when you get back.”
“Toby, please,” Nan said. “I don’t have the same power as a parent with Mount Hope. But my brother will cave if someone other than me confronts him. He’s so close to letting Arthur go, I can tell. Together you and I can browbeat the detective, and get him on the horn with Ava. I’ll fly you back here any time you say the word.”
Turning to Ava, Nan wagged a finger at her, the gesture both motherly and playful. “You have to promise to stay at Biddie’s place and stick with James. You’ll need to keep in touch.”
Toby was stunned to see his daughter respond to Nan’s no-nonsense approach. He didn’t like the thoughts creeping in. Of Pax and Jill’s allegations—that Ava desperately needed a parent.
“Dad, if you want to make things right with me, you’ll get on that plane. I’ve been selfish. I should’ve said more before now.”
In the charged silence, Toby wondered if he could ever do enough to earn Ava’s forgiveness.
“Do it for me,” she said. “Tell the detective to collect the kids’ workbooks. Everything written in the first few days is the truth. After that they punish you if you don’t make stuff up.”
So there it was. His daughter had been coerced into writing those lies and her letters. Nan was right. The goings on at Mount Hope were worse than they could’ve imagined.
“On one condition,” Toby said. “I want you to make an appointment to see Biddie’s counselor friend today.”
When Ava said she would, Toby liked how it felt to be assertive—to firmly and confidently take charge. He hugged his daughter as tightly as he dared, and before Ava pulled away, he kissed her cheek. “I’m going to make things right between us,” he said, holding her shoulders. “I’ll start with Mount Hope, but I’m coming back. You and me—we’re going to figure everything out, here in Maine.”
With Ava’s particular kind of sweet shyness, she smiled. It was as if Toby had given her a gift she’d secretly wanted. Staying in Maine. The same one her mother had always longed for.
Unable to say anything more, Toby shook hands with James and got on the plane. It felt so right and so wrong to trust the capable woman beside him to taxi him away from his daughter. Minutes later, they were flying. Toby looked out his window to see Ava staring skyward, watching him go. As Nan circled the airport, heading the single-engine aircraft in the direction of Mount Hope, he saw her wave.
THIRTY
James called his aunt on their ride home from the airport. Ava kept her gaze out the window, watching the plane get smaller and smaller. In no time, her father and Nan were out of sight. From the way James explained things, Ava was relieved. Mrs. Purcell didn’t mind that she was coming, and James didn’t make her sound like a whack-job either.
The house was as she remembered it, though smaller and a little shabbier. The weathered shingles were darker gray, the shrubs tangled and tall. It struck her that once Mr. Purcell, and now James, took meticulous care of Herrick House at the expense of their own waterfront ranch. Their house wasn’t much to look at, but their pretty-as-a-picture view of the Punch Bowl was as beautiful as the Sedgwicks was of the Reach.
With James’s truck parked in the driveway, Ava could see a person’s shadow inside the screen door. Ava hesitated to get out, remembering the Purcells had a dog. When she was a kid, their Doberman would growl at her, showing off his sharp canines. He terrified Ava, so she’d run to their house clinging to her dad, or gripping Poppy’s hand. Sitting there, taking in that yard, Ava could almost get a whiff of his stale breath.
“I don’t hear the dog,” she said.
“You remember Bouncer?” As James spoke the dog’s name, he smiled, flashing that space between his teeth and the hollow in his cheek.
“That dog used to scare the shit out of me,” he said. “He’s been gone a long time. Biddie doesn’t have any pets. Unless you count a couple of fish.”
“Poppy was a year younger than me, but when Bouncer would run up to us, I’d start shrieking and my sister would start whistling. He’d realize it was her and start digging in the grass for a tennis ball.”
“When I was over here, my uncle would have to take Bouncer to work with him so I could play outside without freaking out.”
“I wonder why we never met when we were kids.”
“I didn’t come over much back then.”
A squeaky screen door opened, and Mrs. Purcell came down the steps. Talk about strange. She might’ve been wearing the same jeans and flannel shirt she wore the last time Ava had been here.
“It’s been years and I can’t wait another minute to get a load of Lorraine’s girl.”
Ava stepped out of the car and without meaning to, glanced around to make sure James was right about Bouncer.
At the sound of her mother’s name, Ava choked out the word hi.
“It’s you.” Mrs. Purcell took Ava’s hands and held them out. “You’ve got different coloring for sure, but you look just like her.”
“Thanks,” Ava said. “For letting me stay here.”
“James, get her things. Put them in the front bedroom.”
It was easy for James to take her stuff inside in one trip. All Ava had was what she’d bought earlier in town. Mrs. Purcell waited until the screen door slapped shut before she spoke again.
“Are you okay with your father leaving on his—trip?”
“It’s complicated. I wish we had nothing to do with that place. But I’d want someone to do something if I were still there.”
Ava wiped her eyes with the back of her hand. James didn’t need to always see her acting so emo.
She heard him call to his aunt through the screen. “Sorry, I gotta eat and run. I’ve got to deliver the Linden piece this afternoon. Ava, do you want to come? We could get you a phone on the way back.”
“Sure,” Ava said.
“There’s tuna for sandwiches in the fridge,” Mrs. Purcell said. “Make ’em hearty. This one needs a little meat on these bones” She pretend to pinch Ava’s arm. “And no need to waste money. Ava can have Charlie’s phone.”
She knew Mrs. Purcell was trying to be nice, but Ava didn’t like her drawing attention to how skinny she was, not in front of James. And though it was a generous offer, she didn’t want to be walking around with a dead guy’s phone in her pocket either.
“No, I couldn’t do that,” Ava said. “My dad wants me to get one so I can call him. He told me to put it on his bill.”
“Yes, Toby would want that,” she said. “James, ring the dinner bell when you’re ready. Ava and I are going for a little walk.”
The worn path was familiar, though nothing sharp or crisp came in the form of memories. Nothing flickered through the leaves the way the sun did. Mrs. Purcell and Ava were quiet as they walked through the arbor of spruce. Ava started to wonder what they were doing meandering this trail. Fewer trees, lapping waves, the woods ended wh
ere a cluster of rocks began.
“Pretty,” Ava said.
“Come, let’s go down to the dock.”
Ava planted her feet firmly in pine needles. “Here’s fine.”
“A-course,” Mrs. Purcell said, shaking her head, pursing her lips.
Ava willed the woman not to talk about her mother. She wasn’t ready.
“You haven’t been a fan of the water since the time you got tossed overboard. Your mother felt terrible, so you know.”
“She talked to you about that?”
“Lorraine talked to me about everything. We were as close as you were to Poppy.”
“I found some books in the attic the other day,” Ava said. “The ones Mr. McCloskey signed. Leafing through those pages, everything about the day I fell out of the boat came back to me.”
“Lorraine said it was all her fault. Shoulda been more careful with her girls.”
Mrs. Purcell pointed to a huge rock lodged in the water by the shore. “See down there? Lorraine and I used to sit on that thing, talk ourselves blue for more hours than you are old. I don’t know how many times she’d imagine being rich enough to live on an island, spending her days writing books. Your mother wrote poetry. Grew up through that clearing there. Her house is gone now or I’d show it to you. Wasn’t much different than mine.”
There was a brief moment of silence.
“How old was she when she met my dad?” Ava asked.
“He came here summers. We always knew him, but Lorraine and Toby didn’t become an item till he finished college. Whisked her away from Maine, he did.”
“Mom loved it here. I don’t remember her liking Wellesley very much.”
“Hated it actually. Always wanted to live here year-round. But your dad wouldn’t have it. He had work.” Mrs. Purcell said work like it was a swear. The face she made confirmed it. Mrs. Purcell and Ava’s mom did talk about everything.
Ava jumped when the bell rang through the trees, trilling down the hill. James was ready to roll, and she was glad. She’d only been gone five minutes, and already she found herself missing him.
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