She sped across his room to his bathroom, wrung out a face-cloth in cool water, and came to his bedside, to wipe away some of the salt sweat on his skin. In the blue cast of moonlight from the window, his features looked gaunt, ravaged, the eyes open and staring, yet not seeing her. Seeing nothing but the torment that was still inside him. And Tania felt a momentary fury at herself that she had never allowed herself to recognise it. She had seen only what she wanted to see.
Claude still babbled on, half-unintelligible, half so clear as to tear her heart apart. In their work they had not yet approached the fateful day when James had died. She had been dreading it, but never had she expected to be hearing it so graphically, so emotionally, so heartrendingly truthfully. Claude raged on in French, but she understood him perfectly, understanding the words and the man. He seemed unaware that she was there, despite the fact that when he went rigid with the shock of memory he clutched at her arms, or else she held him close to her, hearing his racing heartbeats. Or else she soothed him with whispered words, bathing his face, and his throat, and the broad expanse of his shoulders.
She still felt in no danger of him physically. He was someone in need of help, and she was giving it, hearing the rambling torment lessen a little, and the voice become quieter. Then, to her horror, his arms became vice-like around her, pulling her on to the bed with him. The stinging scent of his animal sweat didn’t repulse her. A wild rippling of excitement held her. She hadn’t asked to be here like this, nor to witness something of which Claude would be horrified in the morning, but she was here, and so was he, and his restlessness was calming, as if her presence was the only thing to restore his sanity. He still muttered wildly, but less aggressively, and now it was no longer James’s name he spoke rapidly in his native tongue, but hers.
“If you go away, Tania, the sun will go out of my life. Having you here has been like the answer to a prayer. I need you like a flower needs rain. I’ll go on having these nightmares for the rest of my life without you. You cannot be so cruel as to leave me. Swear that you will not. Swear it!”
His arms were so hard around her that she felt unable to breathe properly. Her breasts were crushed against his chest, their heartbeats vibrating like one person. He exerted every ounce of his will over her to get his way. He made no sexual advances, yet sensuality was in every pore of his skin, every movement he made or didn’t make. Knowing him for the sensual man he was, she felt a fleeting admiration for the way he made no attempt to take physical advantage of the situation. Or was he being extraordinarily clever? Knowing that he was sending her mind into little spirals of desire, blinding her senses. She was becoming incapable of conscious thought. She could only feel, and want, and need. And all that she wanted was being denied her …
“What — what is it you want of me, Claude?” her mumbling voice was thickened. She could taste the salt of his skin as he pulled her face close to his, so that her mouth moved against his lips.
“I need you,” he whispered back, skin touching skin, moving seductively softly. Her dark hair fell against his face, and one of his hands captured a handful of it as if he would hold her there for ever. “I need you to belong to me, now and for ever. Do you know what I’m saying, Tania? Not for an hour or a day, but for ever. I want to know that you’re mine.”
The words penetrated into her mind like little darts of quivering pleasure. She had never known this intensity of passion, of desire, of need before. Her blood surged with a matching need. His voice drugged her, demanding total submission. His free hand moved slowly downwards over the Chinese silk, down her back to the slender curve of her waist and over her rounded buttocks, to remain still for a moment before returning up the length of her body to tighten possessively again. She was holding her breath, unsure whether to be glad or ragingly frustrated, admitting to both.
“Tell me you won’t leave me, chérie.” His voice became more aggressive as she didn’t, couldn’t answer. “I may as well have died on the mountain with James if you go. Tell me you couldn’t be so heartless. You belong to me. You belong here. We both know it. You will stay here and be my wife, and there will be no talk of going back to your sterile work and your pathetic David. You and I will reach the top of the mountains together, my Tania.”
“I — I —” she felt as if she were drowning, not sure if she had heard him properly. Or had she merely dreamed that he was asking her to be his wife? And if he was, then was this what she wanted? Was this after all her destiny, to live in danger’s shadow yet again? The wild refusal trembled on her tongue, as the inherent fear rushed back at her with the speed of lightning.
And then Claude’s mouth was claiming hers in a long sweet beautiful kiss, his hands cupping her face, no longer fierce and demanding, leaving her body free to escape, to run, to go as far away as she could, to forget this night had ever happened. To forget to breathe …
He moved his mouth away from hers, his soft breath still warming her. And she knew that she was still held by him, held by the devil-magic of his touch and his need, and held by her own femininity that reached out to him as surely as night followed day. She was helpless against such power.
“Marry me, Tania. Be my wife. Be my love.”
“Yes, yes, oh yes,” she heard herself say with a little sigh against his lips, for it was so sweet not to fight him any longer, and to say what her heart dictated at last.
Chapter 8
Tania awoke with the nagging feeling that something was wrong. She glanced at her bedside clock, registering with a shock that it was past ten o’clock and she must have slept right through her alarm, struggling out of bed, before she remembered. It was the surprise of seeing she was wearing her Chinese robe in bed that brought every tingling moment back to her, and hot colour flooded through her whole body.
She had come back here, utterly drained, to fall into bed and to sleep immediately. Ironic, when she had had such difficulty before. But it was where she had been, and what had happened, that scalded into her mind right now. Claude had had a nightmare, and she had gone to him, soothed him, and somehow, somehow she had said she would marry him … Her heart beat so loudly she felt as if it would burst.
He couldn’t have meant it when he proposed to her. He wasn’t the marrying kind. James had said so. She had seen it for herself. He had humiliated her, and this morning he would mock her for her stupid gullibility in believing it. Maybe he had even manufactured the nightmare just to stage all this … no, that had been real. Tania would stake her life on that.
But all the rest … she closed her eyes in mortification. How could she have been so gullible? And how was she going to face him this morning? Working together, knowing that he knew she could be tempted after all. How was she going to spend the last few weeks working with him in such an atmosphere?
She couldn’t, of course. In humiliating her as he had done, he must be made to see that he had forfeited the right to her presence here. She would tell him after breakfast, and then she would leave. She would go home. The word had a hollow sound to it, for this lovely place had been more of a home to her in these last weeks than any other she had ever known.
She showered and dressed quickly, wondering why no-one had come to waken her. She hurried down to the dining-room, to find with a little shock that Claude and his mother were still there, lingering over coffee. Henri would be preparing for his tutor’s arrival, and Monique had gone to the boutique. When Tania appeared, Claude got up at once, came to the door to meet her, and pulled her into his arms. She was too surprised to move away, and then, unbelievably, she heard Claude’s voice, tender, caring, as he spoke to her.
“Good morning, chérie. I thought you’d like a lie-in after our long discussion last night. I’ve told Mother our wonderful news, and Monique is bringing some gowns home for your approval this afternoon.”
Tania gaped at him, but before she could say anything, Madame had got up, to kiss her lightly on the cheeks, a delighted smile on her face.
“Tania, chérie,
I could not be more pleased. You will be a beautiful bride, and so very welcome into our family.”
“Thank you, Madame,” she stammered, frustrated at the way Claude had obviously told his mother the news already. How dare he … and yet, what was more natural? Or did he suspect that by now she would have had second thoughts, seen sense, realised how impossible it was to marry him? She couldn’t marry him! Not without betraying her own feelings, and she was quite sure they weren’t reciprocated on Claude’s side. He needed her for his own ego, because he wasn’t used to women rejecting him. Only in Tania’s case, he’d had to go farther than ever before. He’d offered marriage. Even if she went through with it because of her own weakness in loving him, how long would it be before he became bitter towards her? Feeling that she had forced him into a marriage he didn’t really want?
Was she crazy, thinking like that? He was forcing her, not the other way around! She took a deep breath, ignoring the way Claude’s fingers were digging into her arms. She wished desperately that his closeness didn’t affect her so much. Whether he was aggressive or tender, he could still send the tremor through her veins.
“I was about to say that I think I should go back to England very soon,” she dared him to try anything on in front of his mother when, to her astonishment, he nodded approvingly.
“I was saying the very same to Mother. We will go tomorrow, chérie. You will be able to collect anything you want from your flat and give in your notice there, and also at your work. Then we will personally visit as many friends as you wish to invite to the wedding, and all expenses will be met by me, of course. You will want to have some of your English friends at the ceremony.”
“It has been a long time since we had a wedding at the château, Tania.” Her eyes turned, trance-like to Madame Girard, as Claude’s mother went on enthusiastically. “Monique’s was the last time, to Henri’s father, and it was so beautiful. You will make a very lovely bride, Tania, and I’m sure you will love the selection of clothes Monique will bring this afternoon.”
“Clothes?” she said faintly, feeling as if none of this was happening, that she couldn’t be so feeble as to be taken over completely like this. Madame still smiled, sensing nothing of Tania’s confusion, and obviously assuming the girl to be a little distracted at her sudden engagement. What girl wouldn’t?
“For your trousseau, my dear,” Madame went on patiently. “And your wedding-gown, naturally. Monique thought you would prefer to try them all on in your room here, but if you want to change your mind, I’m sure Claude will drive you into Toulouse instead.”
“Oh no. Here will be fine,” Tania said through dry lips. A trousseau. Wedding-gown. The sweet images blurred. Claude was determined to go through with it, then, and she was doing nothing to stop it. She should scream and rage that all this had come about because of a cheap trick on Claude’s part. A seduction of her senses … but somehow she remained dumb, knowing it was more than she could do after all, to resist what life was offering her. For once she would go towards it fearlessly, without stopping to think of tomorrow, of that chain of communication centred in Claude’s office that would call him from her side when the snows came, she wouldn’t think of it.
“I’ve told Mother we’ll have to give your English friends a little time to get used to the idea of our marriage, and to make their arrangements. We can accommodate them here, of course. But we can tell them all that when we go to England tomorrow.” Claude was very smooth. “We will have plenty to do to make all the arrangements for two weeks’ time, won’t we?”
Tania felt her heart leap. He was rushing her, giving her no time to think.
“We can’t possibly be ready in two weeks.” Her voice seemed to squeak in her ears, but evidently it didn’t, because no-one seemed to notice.
Madame laughed gently. “Tania, we can do anything we set our minds to if we try!” she said, with the assurance of one who had only to ask and it would be done. “Don’t worry, chérie, your wedding will take place in two weeks’ time, and you will be serene and beautiful. Just concentrate on being happy, both of you, and leave the organising to others.”
She didn’t dare look at Claude. Was he happy? Was she? She didn’t feel in the least the way a bride should feel, except for the jitters inside. At least those were real. She didn’t know how she felt, least of all how Claude viewed this marriage. In a sudden flurry of uncertainty, she prayed he hadn’t expected her to sue him for breach of promise or something equally nasty.
When they were alone in his study, she faced him, her hands clenched at her sides. She had to know.
“Claude, I didn’t expect you to have told your mother and sister about — about —”
“Our marriage, Tania. Are you afraid to say the word?” he said deliberately, and she flushed.
“Last night —” she began haltingly, feeling acutely embarrassed at the way she had gone to him, and seen him at his most vulnerable. Claude, strong and powerful, would hate anyone to know he suffered from the most human of nightmares.
“Last night need have been a secret known only to the two of us if you had wished it,” she said steadily. “I would never have held you to anything you said, Claude. I want you to know that, and if you want to change your mind, it’s not too late.”
“It’s very generous of you to say you’d never hold me to my proposal,” he said curtly. “The fact remains that I have every intention of holding you to your acceptance. I asked you to be my wife and you said you would. The date is fixed, and I have already made some phone calls to the priest and the florist and made a honeymoon reservation. Now, do you want to do some work this morning, or will your head be too full of other things to concentrate?”
Her mouth had dropped open. Was this her future husband, this, cold, hard man who spoke of honeymoon plans as if he referred to a business meeting? If she had not known that he could be so very different from the way he appeared right now, she might have told him to get lost, and she would never have married him if he was the last man on earth. As it was, Tania swallowed, said meekly that she would rather work, and bent her head over her pad as she sat down abruptly, so that he wouldn’t see the bewildering mixture of emotions in her eyes.
* * *
Things moved so quickly after that, Tania was left almost gasping. This was the way things happened when you had money and influence, she thought faintly. The gowns Monique brought to the château were so lovely, she wanted them all, and was foolish enough to say so in front of Madame, who insisted that she should. There was exquisite lingerie and nightgowns, and three fabulous wedding-gowns and accessories from which to choose. Monique had unerring taste when it came to knowing exactly what Tania would want, and which suited her best, and she chose a flowing lace creation, with floor-length veil, held at the sides of the head with tiny pearl-centred flowers. Tania moved about as if she was in a dream … would she wake up soon and find it was all a cruel mirage, that instead of everything she had nothing?
Next day she and Claude flew to London. She had made a list of the people she would want at her wedding, including David, though she knew instinctively that he wouldn’t come. She could hardly blame him, but she insisted on seeing him on her own and breaking the news. He looked shattered, but Tania knew him well enough to suspect that his emotions didn’t run as deeply as other people’s. He would soon get over it.
Lance Hillman was amazed and delighted, though sorry to be losing her services in the company. She was an excellent linguist, he told Claude, clearly still a little stunned that Tania should be marrying him, knowing all her earlier feelings towards him.
“I’m sure she’ll be an excellent wife,” Claude smiled back at Lance. “And you’ll agree that my need is greater than yours.”
“I’m quite sure it is,” Lance laughed, reassured. “I should hope so, anyway. And thank you for the invitation. Josie and I will be delighted to come. You’re sure you want the kids too?”
“I must have some family around me,” Tania said q
uickly. “Even if it’s only an adopted one. I’ve asked a couple of the girls in my department as well, and I know you’ll all love the château. It’s very beautiful.”
“That’s what she’s marrying me for, you know,” Claude said lightly, his eyes teasing. At Lance’s sudden worried glance, Tania threaded her arm in Claude’s, leaned towards his face, and pressed her soft lips to his. It was a gesture for Lance’s benefit, but however trite the meaning, her mouth still tingled from the contact with Claude’s, and she was aware of the slight indrawing of his breath.
“Don’t let him fool you, Lance,” she said, her voice breathy. “He knows I love him as much as he loves me.”
The poignancy of her words left her thick in the throat, but it obviously relieved Lance to hear them. Claude didn’t love her, he only desired her, and he was prepared to go to these lengths to possess her. She must be stark raving mad to ever have agreed to it, but she was learning fast that she was powerless to stop it now. She simply didn’t have the strength of will to deny herself a few brief weeks of happiness … because she was sure it wouldn’t last. It couldn’t. Their personalities would clash all too soon, especially when winter came, and the mountains called to Claude. For the time being there was no question of his doing sponsored climbs.
The limp in his leg was barely noticeable, but there was still a weakness there that would make such climbs foolhardy. He had told her as much, in a clipped, angry voice that said how much he resented having his stamina questioned. But in any mountain rescue attempt, if other men’s lives were in danger, Tania knew instinctively that if Claude was in the vicinity, he would be alongside his team. And she would be the woman waiting for news.
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