by Mary Birk
“I was lonely for you, too.” He leaned over to her and put her head against his chest, stroking her hair. “I read your letters last night.” He could feel her body shuddering with her tears. “They were lovely letters.”
She didn’t speak, but she hadn’t pushed him away yet, so he held her tighter.
“I love the photos.”
She raised her face to his. “I wasn’t sure you’d actually want to see those. That’s why I put them in separate envelopes. Just in case you didn’t want to see me like that, you know, if . . .”
If it hadn’t been his child she was carrying. “I figured that was why you did that. You look pretty pregnant, Anne. Very pretty.” He brushed his lips softly across hers, relieved when she didn’t pull away. “I tried to come to see you last night. Several times. I knocked, but I tried not to be too loud because I didn’t want to wake the baby.”
She didn’t say anything.
“Were you awake, girl? Did you hear me knock?”
“I heard you. I didn’t want to talk to you. I was awake most of the night, worrying about this morning.”
He kept stroking her hair. “Me too, and I didn’t even know about this morning.” He kissed the top of her head. “Can you give me another chance?”
She shoved herself away from him. “It isn’t as easy as that.”
“I don’t need it to be easy.” He tried to pull her back against him, but she stayed rigid and shook her head, pushing the hair that had been disarranged back into place.
“I can’t just go back to where I was when I came here. And my poor family—here we are stuck in your family’s house all the way in Scotland, and you’re treating me like some piece of trash you’re tolerating for Michael’s sake. You can imagine what this has done to their Christmas.”
“I’ll make it up to them, I promise.”
“You can’t fix things just like that.” She snapped her fingers together.
“I know. But I’ll apologize, beg for forgiveness, then take it a day at a time and do whatever I can to try to earn my way back into their good graces.”
She glared at him. “Good luck. You were already so far out of their good graces for ignoring me during the whole pregnancy, I had to beg them to come with me.”
“Let me try. I’ll do whatever it takes.”
But she wasn’t listening. “Don’t even get me started on how you treated me at the christening.” She stood up, started pacing around the room. “Good enough to feel up on the dance floor but not good enough to be your wife or introduce to your friends.”
He gaped at her, unable to speak.
“I have some self-respect, though God knows it doesn’t seem like it, since I was stupid enough to come to Scotland to be with a man who’s ashamed he ever got involved with me. I don’t want Michael to grow up seeing his father is ashamed of his mother, so you’d damn well better practice not showing it in front of him, or I promise I’ll make you sorry.”
“God, Anne, I’m not ashamed of you. How could you ever think that? You’re my life. I was jealous and angry. I thought you came to me only because of the child. I wanted you so much.” He went to her, put his arms around her, kissed her forehead. “I tried to get you to come over to be with me at the party, but you wouldn’t. How could I introduce you to people? You wouldn’t even talk to me. You may remember I kept asking you to dance, and you kept turning me down. And every other bloody man there was trying the same thing—keeping them away from you was a full time job and it was driving me crazy. No one else in the damned place even entered my mind. The last thing I was thinking about was introducing you to Mrs. Whosit even if I could have gotten you to stand next to me long enough to let me do it.”
She rolled her eyes and sniffed. “Mrs. Whosit?”
“When I finally got you to dance with me, I know I was out of line. But I hadn’t touched you in so long—I just went too far. I’m sorry. I don’t think anyone noticed. We were behind the trees, girl. And we’re married.” He tried not to think about what Haney had said.
“Of course people noticed. I’m sure watching us was the main entertainment of the evening.”
“Then everyone would have also seen that you were all I was thinking about.” He tried to pull her close again, but she pushed him away.
“Just stop, Terrence. I don’t know, maybe we were just off on our communication—maybe we always are, and that’s too bad, but I don’t want a life like this. We’re just not good for each other.”
“Of course we are.”
“No, we’re not.”
“I love you.” He put his hand out to touch her hair.
She shook his hand off. “How can I be sure I can trust you this time—that you won’t just get mad or jealous and do this again?”
“You can. I promise.”
But her face had taken on a stubborn set, and he realized he was going to have to go more slowly.
“I understand your reluctance to believe me.”
“I certainly hope so.”
“Can we just take this a step at a time?”
“What do you mean?”
“First, no signing any papers.” He took her chin in his hand. “Agreed?”
She didn’t answer him.
“Agreed?”
“Okay.” Her voice was reluctant. “For now.”
“And you’ll stay in Scotland.”
“I already said I would. Or at least, I’ll go home and make arrangements, and then come back.”
“No, not go home. We can have your things sent here. I don’t want you to leave me again.” He didn’t want her coming back with Andrew Grainger in tow.
“I can’t be jerked back and forth by you like this anymore. Things are different now. I need to make a stable home for Michael.”
“That’s what I want too. We can make a home for him together. The kind of home you want for him. That we both want for him.”
“We’re a disaster together, just like you said.”
“We’re not. We won’t be. Come on girl, if it doesn’t work, I’ll let you go. I promise.”
She shook her head. “I think we should go ahead with the annulment. You were right before. We each need to be with someone who’s a better fit. We just don’t work well together.” Then she gave him back the words he’d thrown at her. “Even if we are good in bed together. You know, that’s nothing special. I’m used to men telling me that.” She started to cry again, and he took her into his arms.
“Oh, God, Anne, I don’t think that. I was just crazy with jealousy.”
“You couldn’t have said something like that if you didn’t think it somewhere inside you.” She pulled away from his chest and looked at him. “It’s insulting. And it isn’t even true. The way I am with you, you think I am with other men too. I’m not. It’s always been different with you for me. You just do that to me. Since I first saw you. But it only happens like that with you.”
“That makes me incredibly happy, Anne. Unbelievably happy.”
She bit her lip. “I need to think without you here pressuring me.”
“I can’t let you leave me again. You and Michael are my whole world.”
She looked directly at him, challenge in her eyes. “What about that girl who’s mooning all over you?”
“You mean Miranda?”
“Of course, Miranda. Who else would I mean?”
He flushed. “I swear nothing’s happened between us. Not since before you and I met. We’re just friends, and I’ve certainly not led her to believe anything else.”
Anne looked at him skeptically. “You must have done something. She let me know in no uncertain terms she’s in line to take my place.”
He heard the hurt behind her words.
“What?”
“She came to talk to me yesterday. She told me you wanted me to leave now the christening is over, but she’d like it if we could be friends so it will be easier with Michael going back and forth between our two homes.”
No wonder
Anne had called Stone to come early. “I never gave her reason to think we had that kind of relationship, and God knows, I don’t want you to leave.”
“She seemed to know a lot about what was going on between us. If you didn’t tell her, how did she know?”
“I confided in her as a friend. That was wrong of me.”
“I’ll say. She’s no friend to either one of us.”
“No.”
“So? What do you plan to do about her?” Anne looked at him, pretty and haughty, waiting for an answer.
Her proprietary tone towards him boded well for his eventual success. A woman didn’t assert her ownership rights over a man she didn’t want, did she? That she was annoyed about Miranda was much better than if she hadn’t cared.
“I’ll make it clear to her, I promise.”
Anne looked at him and then turned her head away. “You’d better. I’m sick of watching her fall all over you.”
“I will.” Then, carefully, because he didn’t want to make Anne change her mind about this chance he seemed to want more than she did, he needed to make his own demand. “What about Grainger? What are you going to tell him?”
She didn’t meet his gaze. “I don’t need to tell him anything. He knew I was coming out here to be with you.”
“Anne, he sent an engagement ring with you. You’ve been wearing it. You have to tell him something.”
She slipped her hand into her pocket.
Reid saw the gesture; he’d bet his life that ring was in her pocket right now. He kept his voice gentle. “The ring, Anne? You’re going to send it back to him?”
“I can’t put a ring like that in the mail.”
“I’ll pay for a bonded courier. They’ll get it back to him safely.” And quickly. Let Grainger know she wasn’t coming back to him. Maybe the man could finally find a woman of his own and leave Reid’s alone.
Anne took her hand out of her pocket and placed it on her lap with the other one, studied them. “We don’t have a very good track record, you and me, and I don’t want to hurt him again. He needs me more than you do.”
Her words cut through Reid like a razor being dragged across his heart. “I need you as much, if not more than he does. There’s never been anyone else for me. Never. He can’t say that. I love you and we have Michael.”
The big clock sitting against the wall ticked in the silence. Reid felt hope leaving him with each stroke.
“Anne, please. For me, there’s only you.”
“I owe him so much. For Lenore, for standing by me.”
“That’s not the same as what we have. This is our chance. We have to take it. I can’t lose you again. You’re all I want. For me there is no back up. It’s you or no one. Please. Let me try again.”
Her silence seemed to go on forever, terrifying him. Her hand stayed in her pocket.
Chapter 39
FINALLY, AFTER what felt like an eternity, Anne extracted her hand from the pocket. She nodded. “Okay.”
He closed his eyes briefly in relief and breathed. He’d gotten what he needed. It wasn’t everything, but it was a start. He put his arms around her and his mouth on her neck and felt her soften. She said something he couldn’t understand with her mouth muffled by his chest.
“What was that, lassie?”
She lifted her face from his chest so he could hear what she was saying. “What did you do with my house?”
He laughed in relief. “It’s just as you left it. Needs you to finish things, though, and the garden needs work.”
Her eyes peered up at him through wet lashes. “Are you living there?”
“I couldn’t move in without you.”
She nestled her head against him. “I suppose we could try to work things out while we finish the house.” She let him kiss her again. “I think we should have separate bedrooms, while we’re working things through. I’m not ready for anything more than that yet.”
He nodded, hiding his disappointment. “I can wait until you’re ready. God knows I’ve been waiting anyway.” He took her chin in his hand. “Can you please just tell me one thing, lassie?”
“What?”
“Do you still hate the present I gave you? The necklace and earrings?”
She gave him a dismissive look. “You’re not as bright as people think you are.”
“Tell me, please. If you hate them, I’ll get you something else. Just tell me, as I’m apparently a bit thick.”
She rolled her eyes and smiled at him. “I love them. They match my wedding ring.”
He grinned back. “That was the plan.”
*****
Still holding hands, Reid and Anne made their way to the kitchen.
“You don’t need to go back to California for anything, do you?
“I need to pack the rest of my things.”
“Can’t Meg take care of that?”
“I could ask her, I guess.”
“Please. I’m afraid to let you leave the country in case you don’t come back. I’m thinking of calling the US consulate in Edinburgh to ask them to cancel your passport.” He smiled to let her know he was teasing, and was rewarded with not just a smile, but a reluctant giggle.
“You couldn’t do that if you wanted to.”
“Ah, lass, don’t underestimate the power of a Scot in love.”
“You’re crazy.”
“Crazy for you.” Just outside the kitchen, he stopped, pulled her to him, and nuzzled her ear. “I love you more than breath.”
“Stop that.” Her voice was stern, but she didn’t pull away. He felt a little shudder from her as he kissed her ear and lightly touched his tongue inside.
“You’re moving too fast, Terrence Reid. I’m still furious with you.” Her voice had gotten soft, though, and she didn’t stop his caresses, but instead closed her eyes and arched backwards. Accepting the invitation, he moved his mouth up and down her neck.
“I knew I loved you the first time I saw you. Sitting on that bench, sketching. Then you looked at me, and I knew. God, with everything in me, I knew.”
She opened her eyes, and he saw she was letting her heart, as well as her body, respond to him. But she kept her voice cool and gently pushed him. “Stop all this talk and feed me. I’m starving.”
“Anything you wish, my lady.” He pushed open the kitchen door and still clasping her hand in his, brought his wife into the warm room, full of delicious fragrances of coffee, sausages, and something yeasty baking.
Mrs. Paulson turned, spoon in hand, scowling at the sudden eruption into her domain. Reid saw her register the fact that the two of them were holding hands.
She put down the spoon and let out a sigh. “Now you two look more like you used to when you just got married. You had me that worried, the way you’ve been acting.”
Anne smiled as if she couldn’t help herself. “He’s promised me food and I’m starved, so I’m allowing him to serve me.”
“Anything you want, my love. Just say.” He wanted to dance with her, hold her, love her. He wanted to keep making her smile, making her laugh, making her happy with him again. He wanted everything there was of her. “I’ll get your food and we can eat in here so I can have you to myself.” He could not let her go into the dining room and have everyone else see her obviously tear-ravaged eyes.
“What all is there?”
Mrs. Paulson broke in. “I’ve put out shirred eggs, scrambled eggs, bacon, sausages, smoked salmon, tomatoes, potatoes, scones, and Aberdeen butteries. And porridge and toast.”
“That sounds perfect. I’ll have that.”
“Everything? I’m impressed.” He laughed.
“Everything, but porridge.”
He was about to go get her food when he heard a baby crying.
A harried Meg came into the kitchen holding Michael. His red face and loud wails made his displeasure clear. “Thank goodness. I’ve been looking for you all over, Anne. Someone is hungry and has no interest at all in this stupid thing.” She held out a baby bo
ttle, looked from Anne to Reid. Then she shook her head. “Don’t tell me.”
Anne reached out for the baby and the blanket Meg had brought. “Mrs. Paulson, is it okay if I nurse him in here while I eat?”
The cook indicated the table over by the kitchen fireplace. “Certainly. Take the wee laird over there and you three can eat together.”
Reid led his wife over to the table and got her situated with the baby in one of the chairs.
Draped with a blanket, Anne unfastened the top part of her dress and brought the baby underneath the blanket. Instantly, he quieted and settled down to eat. “Goodness, you’d think I was starving this child. But he eats all the time.”
“He knows when he’s hungry.” Mrs. Paulson brought her a cup of coffee and shooed Reid away to get Anne’s plate.
He looked back for a moment, satisfying himself it wasn’t a dream, that she was really there, was really waiting for him, and, watching, felt a warm feeling of peace spread through his chest.
*****
In the dining room, Jeremy Stone was reading the paper and drinking coffee, his glasses down around his nose. No one else was in the room. He looked up when Reid came in.
“Terrence, I’m sorry if I shouldn’t have come. When Lady Anne called, I assumed she had talked with you about getting the paperwork out of the way early.”
Reid waved away the other man’s concern. “Not your fault. But we won’t be needing it.”
Stone frowned. “You don’t want to go forward with the annulment?”
Reid shook his head. “No. I was being a damned idiot. Just burn it, or shred it, or, or do whatever you do with something you never want to see the light of day again. And any copies. I don’t want to take any chance on her changing her mind. If she wants an annulment, she’ll have to get her own solicitor. And get rid of that check she gave you.” He took a plate and started filling it with food, trying to make sure he selected the choicest bits for his girl.
“I tried to tell her the check was unnecessary, but she was insistent.”
Reid nodded. “She’s an independent lass.”
“I’m glad everything has been patched up.”