by Lexie Davis
It didn’t take a real genius to figure out that violence wasn’t her thing. She didn’t understand it and didn’t try to. Ryker apparently needed something and she wasn’t the one who could give it to him.
“What’s going on?” Superman asked.
“I don’t know.” She cringed as Ryker gave a mean right hook to Vampire’s jaw. “He’s dealing with things his own way.”
“And Vampire?”
“He volunteered.” She glanced over at Superman. “Am I supposed to stand here and let them go until one kills the other? Is that how this works?”
Superman took a step forward. “Okay. No more.”
Ryker stopped and bent over with his gloved hands on his knees. “Quit being a pussy, Superman. You know the rules. The fight goes until one taps out.”
“Your wife is standing over there thinking you’re going to kill someone.”
“My wife can go in another room if she has a problem with what we’re doing.”
Ella studied him a moment. Instead of saying anything, she slung her purse to the bench beside the cubbies and grabbed a pair of gloves. They were huge and she had a hard time getting them to fit but once she did, she went to the ring.
Taking a swing at Vampire’s shoulder, she said, “You tapped out.”
Ryker frowned at her. “I’m not fighting you.”
“No. You’ve done enough swinging. Now it’s my turn.” She swung her fist at him and connected with his ribs. “It’s all my fault. Right? You’re pissed off at me because my very existence provoked what happened. You chose. Now you regret that decision, right?”
She punched him again and again. He grunted each time, blocking most of her shots. She didn’t care. Continuing, she said, “I don’t know what you need. It’s like we’ve never even met before. And we’re married, so that’s a real treat. You won’t talk to me. You’re angry. You can’t even fuck me when I offer myself on a silver fucking platter to you. You obsess over cocaine. I’m tired of trying to be a fucking mind reader! Tell me what the fuck you want!”
Superman grabbed her and pulled her off him. Ella panted, her temper getting the best of her as she stared at her husband. He was a bloody mess. She tore the gloves off and threw them aside. Her knuckles hurt but she was far from looking as badly as Ryker and Vampire.
“What do you want?” she repeated again.
“Leave us.” Ryker tore his gloves off and climbed out of the ring.
Superman and Vampire left the room, closing the door behind them. Ryker went to the compact refrigerator in the corner of the room. He grabbed a bottle of water and opened it, downing most of it before he turned to face her.
“Do you want me to leave? I’m trying … I want to show you that you’re not alone in this. It’s not working, I get that. But I don’t want to give up either. I love you and I know what you’re going through is difficult. I don’t know how to handle it so I need some guidance.”
He turned toward her. “You think I blame you?”
“I don’t know. Do you? I’m basically the reason he’s dead. You tried to protect him and then with all the stuff that happened you were forced to choose.”
“That’s not the way it went down.” He walked over to the small sink and wet a towel. “You’re not the reason he’s dead. It had nothing to do with you.”
“Then why are you pushing me away? I thought at the very least we’d have sex tonight and that would smooth things out between us.”
“I wanted to hurt you.” He swallowed hard. “Rough sex. Pain. Tears. The whole thing. My mind was in a very fucked-up place.”
“Is it now?”
He didn’t say anything. Ella walked toward him and reached for the towel. After she guided him to the bench, she dabbed at his wounds, shaking her head as she studied the depth and breadth of the cuts.
“I don’t want you afraid of me.” He stared into her eyes. “That’s not the relationship we have. You said you trust me and I walked a fine line with that trust tonight.”
She pressed her lips to his forehead. “You are a good man. Whatever bullshit you keep telling yourself is a lie.”
She didn’t know how to process his declaration, but it made sense. One moment he was biting her neck and squeezing her breast hard and the next he’d pulled away like he’d been electrocuted. She didn’t understand it at the time, but she saw how deeply troubled he was about his thoughts. He valued their relationship more than that.
“I need a first aid kit for these wounds.”
Ryker folded his arms around her and lay his head against her stomach. He didn’t say anything and she didn’t try to force more conversation. Instead, she wrapped her arms around him and held him tight.
“I don’t blame you.” He let her go. “You don’t have to do anything, Ella. I’ve always gone through life handling the shit thrown at me. I know you’re there. I know you’ll listen if I want to talk. I know you care. It’s not about that though. I don’t want to feel anything for him. He’s like cancer. Once he takes possession of you he’s difficult to get rid of. It’s almost worse now that he’s gone.”
She squatted down in front of him. “You’re nothing like him.”
“I have to constantly fight to be nothing like him. I could very easily be exactly like him. I am more than you give me credit for.”
She stroked his thighs. “In what ways?”
“Tonight? Drugs and rough sex. I wanted to fucking hurt you. To watch you cry.” He shook his head, looking defeated. “I could kick my own ass for it.”
“What did you want to do? Hit me?”
“No.” He touched his busted lip. “It doesn’t matter, Ella. I came too close to being out of control. I don’t ever want to experience that again.”
“You came here and you put on boxing gloves to pummel that bag. You got what you wanted but in a more suitable way.”
“I teetered on the edge of ending our relationship.”
“Look at me.” When he met her gaze, she continued, “I love you. I do. Whatever is going on inside your head needs to stop. You’re wallowing in your own misery.”
She kneeled between his legs. “I don’t know what you thought, but I meant it when I said that I trust you. I think you’ve spent your entire life not knowing how to process your feelings, or you processed them in an unhealthy way. Maybe whatever you did with other women was something you wanted to do with me. You’ve got to stop going back to those times. They are dark and dangerous. You’re completely different now, despite what you think. People grow and change. You have, Ryker. You’re not that person anymore.”
“It doesn’t bother you that your husband admits he wanted to hurt you?”
Ella sighed. It did. A lot, actually. Her first thought was that he wanted her to be Vampire in the ring. She didn’t know what to think about it. He claimed he didn’t want to hit her so that was good, she thought. He said he wanted to see her cry. Part of her wanted to believe that it was because of his own misery. The other part thought he wanted to release pent-up emotion so he could feel something again. Provoking her to cry would fill him with regret. She knew it no matter how troubled he was by his thoughts. And he assumed it would ruin their relationship, and he’d probably been right.
“It does bother me.” Ella stood. “I don’t know what you expect my reaction to be though. Divorce?”
“Probably.”
“That’s not going to happen.” She kissed the top of his head. “You’re a pain in my ass but it’s not something to cut ties over.”
She reached for her purse and pulled out the small first aid kit she kept there. “You’re worthy of being loved, Ryker. And I love you.”
“I don’t know.”
“I do.” She pulled out some skin adhesive and dabbed at his wounds. “You’re going to be okay.”
“Why do you love me?” he asked.
She smiled while reaching for a closure bandage. “That’s a good question.”
When she saw he was serious, she thought
about it as she fixed his wounds. “It’s a really boring reason.”
“Tell me anyway.”
She wadded up her trash and sat it aside, looking at his face. “I love the way you love me. I love the way I feel when I’m with you. You make me smile. You protect me. I love the way you look at me even after I’ve been in the ER all day. You always seem to know what I want and need. I love you just the way you are. All the flaws. All the imperfections. I hate it when we’re apart. We’re both stubborn people and we think that being apart will settle things between us, but it doesn’t. I miss you when you’re not next to me. I want to be wrapped up in you and I want you to love me like only you do.”
“You always make me feel better.”
“My superpower.” She kissed his forehead. “You need some ice for the swelling.”
“Hey.” He gripped her wrist, staring at her a moment. “Don’t give up on me.”
Tears filled his eyes, but he didn’t cry. She titled her head to the side a moment, waiting for him to say something else, but he never did. He held on to her like he was afraid to let go. Ella moved to wrap her arms around him.
“I’ll never give up on you. You’re everything to me.”
And he was.
Chapter Five
Four days later, Ryker stood in the kitchen when Ella rounded the corner. He had a pot of coffee going though he didn’t need the stuff. Sleep should have been his goal for the day. After an entire week of nightmares and anger, he really needed to find a way to calm down and get some rest.
“Come back to bed.”
He shook his head. “I can’t. I don’t feel all that great anyway.”
“You don’t feel great because you haven’t slept.” She rubbed his back. “You’ve had a total of ten hours of sleep this week.” She massaged the area between his shoulder blades. Ryker felt himself swaying before he could stop it. “Come back to bed. I’ll give you a massage.”
Reluctantly, he went. Ella guided him to their room and told him to lay on his stomach. For once, he did as he was told. She left him for a moment then returned, climbing on the bed to straddle him. Warm oil drizzled along his back and he groaned, lifting his head enough to look at her.
“Don’t get that all over me.”
“Shh.” She smoothed her hands along his back, working the tight muscles with the tips of her fingers. He didn’t even know they had massage oil.
Closing his eyes, he reveled in the movements of her fingers while she soothed his aching muscles. “Does this have a happy ending?”
She leaned forward and nipped at his earlobe. “If you stay awake long enough.”
The next time he woke, he was alone in their room. He groaned at the sunlight beaming through the window and sat up. He actually slept for a little while. Standing, he went to find his wife.
“I don’t know. Maybe.” Ella had the phone to her ear, facing away from him while she went through the mail. “Ryker isn’t feeling all that great. We may just eat in tonight.”
He walked over to her and pulled her phone from her. After clicking it off, he silenced her protests with his mouth. It’d been too long since he’d touched his wife. He wanted it more than ever.
Tugging her shorts down, he lifted her and carried her to the kitchen countertop. She propped herself up while he angled his cock to her entrance and pushed inside her. He groaned. Gripping her hips, he made a conscious effort to block his thoughts from seeping into the moment. He needed to fuck her. His wife. Ella. Goddamn it, he needed her. Only her.
He thrust hard, the sounds of their wet flesh slapping together filled the silence around them. Ella struggled to keep herself upright and ended up dropping back to the counter beneath her. She arched her back as he filled her, sliding her hands along her bare stomach as she pushed her shirt upward. Her pussy hugged him tight as watched his cock enter her. Over and over, he took her, fucking her hard and fast on the kitchen counter. When his orgasm came, he shook. Panted. He held on to her hips as he watched her take her own pleasure, rocking against him slightly.
He must have fallen into a trance since Ella reached out to touch his hand. “You okay?”
“Yeah.” He blew out a breath. “You?”
She sat up, smiling at him. “I am. Better than okay, actually.”
He collapsed against her, falling into her arms as he pulled her tighter. He buried his face against her neck and breathed in the soft scent of her shampoo. He loved how she eased the storm inside him. Everything was a fucked-up mess, but he was slowly starting to gain balance.
“I’ve got you.” She rubbed his back with one hand and held his head with the other.
“I know.” He moved back, embarrassed by his moment of weakness. “I fell asleep on you earlier.”
She smiled. “Yeah. I was talking to you and the next thing I know you’re out. It’s okay though. You needed sleep. Do you feel better?”
“A little.” He stepped back and rubbed a hand over his face. “Was that your mom on the phone? Are we invited to dinner or something?”
“Yes and yes.” Her phone rang from across the room. “We don’t have to go. I told her you weren’t feeling all that great.”
“She’ll stop by with chicken noodle soup and a brownie. If we don’t.”
Ella climbed off the counter top. “Some normalcy will make you feel better.”
He reached for her and pulled her to him. “Thank you for being here. I’d probably be dead if it weren’t for you constantly dragging me out of the darkness.”
“I’ll always be here for you.”
He spent the rest of the day in bed. Ella didn’t complain too much until he grabbed her when she walked by him, collecting their dirty laundry. He pulled her against him with his front to her back. She tried to fend him off, but he grabbed her arms and pinned her in place. It felt nice to have his playful spirit back. He nuzzled the spot behind her ear and she melted into his arms.
“I think you’re wearing too much clothing.” He slipped his hand beneath her shirt to feel her warm skin.
“I would love to entertain the idea of fucking you right now, but I’m in the middle of doing laundry and if I don’t get one of the good machines downstairs, our clothes are going to stink.”
He breathed in the scent of her hair. “We need to buy a house.”
“What?” She jerked hard enough that she nearly fell out of his arms and off the bed. He grabbed her, pulling her toward him before she landed on her ass.
“A house. You know, building with a garage. Three bedrooms. Two baths. Large eat-in kitchen. Living room big enough for the entire club to join us for movie night.”
She blinked a few times, clearly processing what he said. “We haven’t talked about that.”
“So? We’re talking about it now.” He closed his eyes, still clutching her wrist with one hand and her ass with the other. “Hell, you’re not going to make this weird are you? Like with the car?”
“No.” She tried to pull away from him. “Are we ready for that?”
He scoffed. “We’re married.”
“I know that. It’s a big step.”
He opened his eyes to find her pursing her lips while she stared at him. “You’re seriously having anxiety over this?”
He didn’t give her time to answer as he sat up. Pulling her on to his lap, he gripped both of her wrists as he kissed her softly.
“We can afford it.”
She was about to say something and he silenced her with a kiss. “Don’t. You and I both know how much you make. You can look at my bank account to see how much I have saved. We have a nice cushion despite my splurge of buying you a car.”
She wrapped her arms around his neck. “It’s still a big step.”
“Do you want to live here for the rest of your life?”
She pulled him tighter and laid her head on his shoulder. “I’m a simplistic person.”
He nipped at her shoulder. “I swear. I’m going to go buy us a house and then tell you to pack
your shit so we can move in.”
She shoved at his shoulders. “I’m going to pick out a house. You’ve picked out everything in our relationship.”
“Because you get weird about it.” He pushed her back against the mattress, forcing her legs wide so he could fit between them. “We’re ready for this. Me and you. We’re doing life together. This is the next step.”
“I’m not cleared for my job yet. We may not be able to afford rent, much less a house.”
“If you think I’ll let you be homeless, you don’t know me.” He sat back and pulled her shirt up and over her head. She didn’t wear a bra and he liked the sight. “We have that very nice car of yours we can sleep in.”
“You’re an ass.” She laughed.
He undid the snap of her shorts. “You’re going to get your job back. You’re going to be saving lives before you know it. You’re the best damn doctor this city has. It’s going to work out.”
He pulled her shorts and panties off. Pushing her legs apart, he leaned forward to kiss the soft skin of her stomach. Her fingers combed through his hair as he took his time to taste her.
“This is not helping me do laundry.”
He flicked her clit with the tip of his tongue. “You’re seriously thinking about laundry right now?”
“I’ve got three bags to do,” she whined.
He ignored her, leaning in to shove his tongue inside her tight little hole. She was his fucking dream and he wanted to stay right where he was for a while. His cock swelled when her taste coated his tongue. He didn’t know how she had the power to ease all his troubles, but she did. He didn’t feel so dark anymore.
A soft moan left her lips as she held him to her. His tongue slid through her wetness until it found her hard clit. He teased it relentlessly, licking and sucking, until her heels dug into his shoulders and her hips thrust her pussy harder against his mouth. He liked watching her. Her body shook with each second he pushed her closer to orgasm. Instead of giving her what she wanted, he pulled back, and sat up.
“What are you doing?” she asked, wide-eyed and disoriented.
Smirking, he said, “Roll over.”
Ella hesitated and he guided her so that she lay on her stomach. He leaned down and put his mouth on her again, licking her pussy. She twisted, pushing her pussy harder against his mouth while she buried her face in the comforter. This was what he lived for. Ella was happy, and for a moment, he was giving her what she wanted.