“Way you parked up there, I figured maybe you’d imbibed a little too much Christmas spirit down at the saloon.”
“No, sir.” He’d had a beer when he’d gotten feed from the hardware store. One beer.
“Gonna need you to blow into a Breathalyzer for me.”
Humiliation rose up inside him. What he needed to do was find Sarah and make sure she got home safely. Instead, he took the small black box and blew into that bitch so hard he hoped it’d burst.
The sheriff took it back and squinted at him. “Doesn’t look like this thing is working.” He shook the unit, as if that would help. Cal rolled his eyes. The reading had been under the legal blood alcohol limit, if he cried police harassment, it’d only get worse.
“Sullivans are gonna need that feed.” Cal nodded toward the back of the truck. Snow was forecast by tomorrow. Who knew how long Talbot would detain him. “Better not go missing while you’re taking me in and wasting both our time.” Pissing off Nat was never a good idea.
“Doing my job isn’t wasting time or taxpayers’ money, Landon. Sullivans’ll get their feed. Don’t you worry about that.” The guy radioed for assistance so one of his deputies could drive Cal’s truck the two blocks to the courthouse. “Let’s go down to the sheriff’s office and take a blood sample.”
Chapter Four
SARAH HELD THE steering wheel gripped tight between rigid fingers the whole ten-mile drive home, forcing herself to concentrate on the road and not crash the damn car. Inside she was frozen. Numb. She shook from reaction.
The fact that Cal had said that to her…
She didn’t care what other people thought—it was Cal who was hung up on the opinions of others. Sarah didn’t give a crap. But he’d said those words out loud for precisely that reason—because he cared what others thought, and he didn’t want anyone thinking he was involved with her.
When she turned off the main road onto the ranch’s drive, she finally allowed tears to blur her vision. She pulled up outside the ranch house and gathered up her things. Her hand shook when they hovered over the boxes of gifts she’d bought, but she stuffed them forcefully inside her purse. There was a giant gift-wrapped box containing a doll’s house for Tabby, hidden in the trunk. Nat could fetch it later and hide it in the closet, along with all the other presents they’d amassed for the youngest member of the Sullivan family.
She stumbled up the steps, opened the door, walked through the mudroom, ignoring the dogs, the greetings, the looks of concern when she tossed her bag on the kitchen table and just kept going.
“Sarah?” Nat called. “Sas?” He started following her, coming faster and faster. She wanted to get away, to run, but even though she made it to her room, Nat kept on coming. “What is it? What’s wrong?”
His obvious concern tipped her over the edge. She started crying, and he pulled her to his chest and rocked her. He was hot and damp and smelled like horses. More than that, he smelled like safety and security, like her big brother.
“What is it? What happened? Something at work?”
She shook her head. “I’m in love with Cal.”
He huffed out a quiet laugh. “Honey, that’s hardly news.”
She nodded. She might not have said the words, but the truth had always been on her face. “Yeah, well, about a month ago I seduced him.”
She heard him grinding his teeth. “Not what I want to think about, but okay. You’re an adult, and if you waited for Cal to make a move we’d all be dead.”
She started crying harder then, sobbing into his shirt. “He doesn’t want me, Nat. I saw him in town and practically begged him to marry me. He told me he didn’t want me. Didn’t love me.”
His arms were banded so tight around her they hurt. “I’m gonna kill him.”
She pushed away from him. “He’s your best friend, you idiot. You can’t kill him just because he doesn’t love me back.”
Nat’s blue eyes widened, then he shook his head. “Not love you back? The guy watches every move you make. He opens your door. Takes your plate at dinner. Polishes your saddle even though you only ride once a month. I’m gonna kill him for being an asshole and making you cry.”
Sarah couldn’t think straight. She was wiped out, emotionally and physically, and she had another long shift tomorrow. “He loves me like a sister—”
“As your actual brother I can tell you that’s not how he feels.”
“Well, he doesn’t love me the way you love Eliza. Or the way Ryan loved Becky. You guys were never ashamed of the person you were with.”
Nat sighed. “Cal has some misplaced notion he’s not good enough for you—”
“Well grinding me into the dirt is a hell of a way of showing it!”
Nat held up a hand as if to ward off the temper brewing inside her. “I can see this isn’t the time to talk about it. Run yourself a hot bath, and I’ll bring you up a supper tray.” He ran his hand over her bangs, the same thing he did to his horses when their manes got in their eyes. “We’ll figure this out. Cal’s not going anywhere. You’re not going anywhere. He just needs a bit of time to adjust to the fact he’s allowed to be happy.”
She grabbed his hand. “You don’t disapprove?”
Nat gave her an odd look. “He’s my best friend. Nobody else would be good enough for you.”
Sarah nodded, and he left. Inside she still felt hollow and broken. After everything that had happened this year she’d hoped for a good Christmas, a time of joy and new beginnings. But regardless of what Nat thought, maybe she and Cal weren’t meant to live happily ever after. Maybe Cal Landon wasn’t the man she thought he was.
* * *
CAL SAT IN a holding cell trying to ignore the insidious sense of revulsion that crept through every capillary and vein. The memories assaulted him like poison and made him feel sick to his stomach.
He’d been lucky, considering what might have happened to a fourteen-year-old boy in the prison system. Sweat broke out under his shirt and ran down his back. He’d been tried as a juvenile and spent the first four years of his sentence in a juvenile detention center where he’d finished his high school education and figured things weren’t so bad. Then he’d been transferred to a men’s prison and the shock had almost driven him over the edge. In many ways he’d been lucky there, too. He’d been paired with a hard-ass from Idaho called Lloyd Deter. The guy was an anti-government, racist, fascist bigot, but he hadn’t been interested in Cal sexually, even though he was fresh meat in a prison population that was only part-human. Lloyd also hadn’t wanted anyone defiling his roomie because the idiot seemed to think that being raped by another man would make someone gay, and gay was apparently contagious. Once the guy assured himself Cal was straight as a hard back chair, he’d protected Cal’s ass along with his own. So, yeah, Cal had been lucky. He’d just had to spend years listening to redneck bullshit. And maybe that was his real shame. Not being true to himself, to his beliefs. Not standing up for himself in a system where he was guaranteed to fail.
He’d got through it. He wasn’t proud. Hell, he had nothing to be proud of.
He heard hinges squeak as a door opened and closed. He looked up. A deputy pushed his stepbrother in front of him toward the holding cell.
Shit. Was this Talbot’s twisted Christmas present to Terry?
His stepbrother grinned. Terry had been eight when Cal had killed his daddy. Cal had just wanted the guy to stop hitting his mother. Sadly, Cal’s mom had died of a heroine overdose the first year he’d been locked up. Terry had gone to live with some aunt somewhere. Cal figured the kid had been better off.
Terry and his friends had tried to beat him to death in the local roadhouse this past spring. Would have succeeded without Eliza and Nat rescuing his hide. The incident had underlined all the reasons he couldn’t afford to let anyone close. He should have left town then, but couldn’t bring himself to abandon a family who’d taken him in and loved him like one of their own. Not during their hour of need. When Eliza had been
injured and Nat had spent most of his time at the hospital, Cal had picked up the slack. A few months ago, Nat had taken Eliza on a honeymoon to Australia, and Cal had run the ranch with Ryan. But now things had quieted down, they didn’t really need him anymore. It might be better all around, especially for Sarah, if he just left, went somewhere people didn’t know about his past, couldn’t use it to hurt his friends.
The deputy shot him a steely-eyed stare over Terry’s shoulder and then undid the cuffs on his stepbrother’s wrists. Then he unlocked the cell door and held it wide.
“I want my lawyer here ASAP,” Cal told the deputy. Before he’d been happy to wait out these assholes, but now he was done playing nice.
“Sure thing, Mr. Landon. I’ll get right on that.” The deputy smirked.
Terry grinned. He wore a tatty leather jacket and liked to think of himself as a biker, but Cal had met real bikers inside and they didn’t just ride hogs. They were tough as shit and crossing them was a guaranteed way to get yourself dead. Terry wore the jacket and thought that made him a bad-ass. The guy was a fricking idiot.
The deputy left. Cal figured someone would be watching the video feed and eyed the camera and shook his head. “Been a long time, Terry.” He didn’t move from where he sat. The other guy walked along the bars until he stood opposite about three feet away.
Terry was younger by six years, skinny and covered in tattoos. “You’ve been avoiding me, Cal.”
Cal let a smile slip. Not well enough. “Reckon I have.”
Terry took a step forward. “Time’s run out.” He swung, but Cal ducked.
Cal came to his feet and dodged another fist. “I don’t want to fight you, Terry. I know you’re pissed. I’d be mad if someone killed my dad, but I never meant to kill him, and I did my time.” He might be out of prison, but he paid the price every day of his whole life, and regretted his actions more than he could ever say.
Terry swung again and connected with his cheek. Cal gave him that one.
“You fucking asshole. Did your time? You killed my father! He was a good man.”
Cal avoided another punch and backed away, hands in the air. “He was an abusive dickwad. If I hadn’t stopped him he’d have killed my mom and probably us too.”
“Your mother was a crack whore!” Terry screamed.
And that made it okay?
Terry’s mother had died in a car accident where Terry’s father had been driving. He was never charged, but everyone knew he’d been drunk at the wheel. He was no angel. Cal’s mother had attached herself to the single dad, and they’d got married shortly after. A match made in Heaven. They’d barely made it through the wedding before the guy started beating her.
Cal danced away. He’d already inflicted too much damage. He had no desire to ever commit a violent act again, but as Terry started laying into his stomach, Cal suddenly had enough. Enough of apologizing every day of his life. Enough of being the doormat that the cops wiped their feet on. He was lean, but it was all muscle, and he’d learned to fight in the Big House. He ducked away and danced on his toes. Terry swung at him and swiped air. Cal laughed.
Terry’s eyes grew small and mean. “Gonna go find that cute little blonde with the fine ass when I get outta here.” He cupped his crotch. “Give her a taste of what a real man can offer her.”
Cal punched Terry in the nose and heard it crack. Then he jabbed him again in the mouth, watched as Terry’s head snapped back and used a one-two to drop him to the cement floor. He stood, breathing hard, as the guy lay coughing on the floor. “Go near that girl or even look at her ass, and I will make you wish you died the same day as your daddy. Got it?” He moved away as the deputies finally rushed in. He stood shaking his head as one of them smacked him hard enough against the bars so his nose gushed with blood. Like he’d ever want to drag a woman like Sarah into the dregs of his world. He spat out blood. Damn. It was gonna be a long night.
Chapter Five
CAL PULLED UP outside the horse barn. It was eight AM and he’d spent the whole night sitting in a stinking jail cell, worried that as soon as Terry got out he’d gone hunting for Sarah. Cal passed her on the drive back home, already on her way to work. She’d assiduously avoided eye contact.
Cal had been released without charge as soon as his court appointed lawyer turned up. Apparently the sheriff hadn’t called her until six AM—a “communications error” according to Talbot. The lawyer—a young lady named Deanna Montrose—had urged Cal to file an official complaint, but he’d just wanted to get out of there and make sure Sarah was okay. He’d phoned to apologize and tell her to watch out for his stepbrother, but she wasn’t answering her cell. He’d hurt her yesterday and the look in her eyes when he’d lied and said he didn’t love her? It gutted him. But maybe it was for the best.
He dragged the first sack of feed off the bed of the truck, hoisted it over his shoulder. Did the same with a second bag. He turned and there stood Nat, staring at him with a wariness in his eyes he’d never seen before.
“What happened?” asked Nat.
“I got held up in town.”
“You go get drunk after you upset my sister?”
Cal narrowed his gaze. “Yeah, that’s what I did.”
Nat knew him better than that. He must have caught sight of the blood on his collar, or maybe the exhaustion in his eyes, and let it go. He grabbed two sacks out of the back of the trunk. “Snow’s coming.”
Cal looked up at the sky and saw the heaviness in the clouds. He didn’t mind winter. Some days he wished they’d get snowed in forever. “Yup.” He went inside the horse barn and dumped the bag in the feed room.
Nat followed him, blocked his way out. “She cried all night—right up until she snuck out to go to your cottage only to discover you never came home last night.”
Cal closed his eyes and leaned his forehead against the cold wall. “I never wanted to hurt her.”
“So why are you?” asked Nat.
He clamped his jaws together, refusing to talk about it.
“Figure it the fuck out,” Nat bit out. They went back out to the truck to haul more supplies. “She’s loved you since you first came out that summer before we started high school.”
Cal swallowed and nodded. It had been the best summer of his life. Even having the twins follow them everywhere had been kind of cute. He’d seen a real family in action that summer, learned the value of hard work, and discovered he liked it. Nat had stood by him during the trial and afterward. Nat’s father, Jake, had even vouched for his character in court. Cal owed these people everything, and right now was doing nothing but causing them trouble.
“She’s my kid sister.” Nat pushed his hat to the back of his head. “I can’t stand to see her hurting. Not when she’s been through so much. Not when I know how you feel about her.”
Cal made a decision. It would be like driving nails through his skull, but he was doing it. He was leaving the Triple H and a woman who could have any man she wanted.
A huge ball of emotion clogged his throat. After a few months she’d forget all about him.
“Gotta go feed the horses.” He turned his back on his best friend and fought a surge of emotion that made him want to weep. He wanted to stay here. With every cell in his body he wanted to be part of this family, to love Sarah and raise babies together. But he’d seen how easy it was to hurt a woman. He knew Eliza had already suffered brutality at the hands of another man. He couldn’t increase the danger they faced. No man worth his salt would bring trouble to good people.
The only thing he could do to guarantee their safety was to leave.
* * *
CAL HADN’T COME home last night. Sarah ground her teeth. When she’d passed him on the highway he’d been wearing the same shirt he’d had on yesterday. She could only assume he’d slept in the truck rather than be anywhere near her, or gotten blind drunk, or—her heart gave a squeeze—spent the night with some other woman just to prove how little she meant to him.
T
o think she’d gone to the cabin, swallowed her pride, determined to talk—and knew with a feeling of shame that she’d have settled for sex just to feel close to him, just to feel like they weren’t actually over.
God.
She was pathetic.
Love sucked.
She pulled up in the parking lot of the hospital, forced a cheery voice as she spoke to the three-year-old cherub in the rear seat. “Here we are! Is Santa coming to daycare today, Tabby?”
The little blonde girl virtually quivered with excitement. She’d just begun to understand what Christmas was all about and was hitting the holiday fuelled with anticipation, excitement, and an overdose of silver glitter. Sarah got out of the car and opened the back door to unclip Tabby from her car seat. She lifted the little girl down. She looked so cute in her pink boots, tights and dress. She wore a white jacket with a fur collar and looked so much like her mother it brought a vicious ache to Sarah’s throat. She should stop feeling sorry for herself. Her love life was a train wreck, but so what? Becky had been her best friend in high school. At some point, the other girl had started spending as much time with Ryan as she had with Sarah and, although she’d been a little slow on the uptake, Sarah had eventually figured they were an item and she was the third wheel. Becky and Ryan had dated throughout the rest of high school and then they’d both attended Montana State. They’d gotten married the summer after graduation and Sarah swore she’d never seen two people happier or more suited. The wedding had been perfect. Their lives together had been perfect. The only time she’d seen them fight was when Becky was diagnosed with breast cancer. She’d been pregnant with Tabitha and had refused treatment until the baby was born, but by then it was too late. She’d died not long after she’d first held Tabitha in her arms, and Sarah had thought for a long time she was going to lose her brother, too. Ryan had never really gotten over it, but he seemed to have pulled back from the brink of self-destruction. He was finally beginning to get to know his daughter, but Sarah knew he remained heartbroken.
Her Risk To Take Page 4