“I’m fine. It didn’t hurt, even at the time. We vampires are a little more resilient than that. Besides, he wasn’t trying to hurt me. Just”—Sasha ran his fingers through Trace’s hair again as he looked at the man in his lap—“guard me for some reason. Keith, you ready to explain all that yet?”
“Depends on if you’re ready to admit he’s your mate yet.”
“My what?” Sasha swallowed hard. He couldn’t deny a direct challenge of their status. That would be cruel, especially if Trace really were his instinctual lynx right now. “Vampires, occasionally, have fated hearts, not destined mates.”
“Fine, he’s your fated heart, then.”
Trace sat up and turned to face Sasha. As he took in the male—cat—beside him, he realized Keith was right. It was the lynx staring out through Trace’s human eyes, not the Trace he’d spoken to and lusted after before. He didn’t want to answer, especially with the cat staring at him, but he didn’t seem to have a choice.
“Yes,” he whispered.
“Then why aren’t you two bonded?” Jason demanded.
“Because he doesn’t want that, and I would never force him to accept me as his mate. We agreed, mutually, to never speak of it and to not bond.”
“Is that the only reason?” Keith stared so hard Sasha wondered at the intensity.
“At the time we met, I wasn’t in the right place. I needed time to accept the idea of another male in my life, fated or not. Jason can tell you a bit about my last boyfriend, and he only knows the surface of that pain. The fact I’m a prince and that others see my position and power often instead of me the person, vampire or not, means sometimes my relationships end… badly. I wanted time, but he wanted nothing to do with the whole idea. That’s never changed. I can’t help that we’re fated, but I would never force the bond on him. Instead I am perpetually single.”
“If you didn’t bond, can’t you go your own way? Keith said there was a way to break the beginnings of the bond if I’d refused him early on.” Poor Jason looked so earnest as he sat forward.
Sasha shook his head. “It doesn’t work that way for vampires. Besides, I’ve tasted his blood now. Even if I could have, the bond’s begun for me. As long as he lives, I am tied to a male who wants nothing to do with me and that I cannot have.” One who’s spent that last five years having sex with others while I—
“That’s what I was afraid of,” Keith muttered, bringing a stop to Sasha’s train wreck of a thought. “And his lynx has claimed you, but his human side has rejected you. You began the bond on your side. Do you know if that starts the mating bond on his?”
“Not that I am aware of. I don’t remember Nadia mentioning Orin having any effects from her drinking from him. Why?”
“Um, why did she drink from him?” Jason seemed both curious and mildly nauseous.
Unable to help it, Sasha smiled. “Because feeding while having sex is the height of—” Sasha startled as Trace hopped up so he was suddenly straddling him and then began rubbing his face against his again before he wiggled around enough to push his neck against Sasha’s mouth.
Trace’s hard cock dug into Sasha’s abdomen, combining with the scent of blood beneath Trace’s skin. Sasha let out a low moan as he grasped Trace’s hips and carefully pushed him back as he pulled his head away from temptation. “Trace, mal’chik, you can’t just do that. Be still.”
Trace went rigid, panting slightly before he gave a plaintive cry. He didn’t try to fight Sasha’s hold on him, though.
“Yeah, that’s the other thing I was afraid of.”
“Keith, you want to share with me since I’m the one with the overexcited kitty in my lap?” Sasha snapped, not taking his eyes off Trace.
“We’re not getting the human side of Trace back until you bond with the side you’ve got right now.”
“I can’t do that! That’s rape,” Sasha hissed, unable to believe Keith would suggest he take away Trace’s choice like that—and no, he didn’t think letting the lynx make the choice counted. “Besides, I am not having sex with a cat. A shifter that’s in human form and human mind is one thing, but human body or no, he’s a cat right now! That’s… just no!”
“I didn’t say have sex with Trace,” Keith said with a calm that only served to make Sasha more upset. “I said bond him. The cat side of him needs to know you want him. He’s not trying to force you to mate with him. I think he understands that that is something that has to happen between his human side and you, but you can do the vampire equivalent, can’t you?”
“But—”
“Or does that require sex too, like ours does?”
Sasha let go of Trace, then pulled him back down so he was again resting in Sasha’s lap. He ran his hands over Trace’s head and shoulders, down his back, and back up through his hair. He flitted his hands again to Trace’s back and stopped. “What’s wrong with his back?”
Trace tensed but didn’t move from how Sasha put him.
“That’s something you will have to ask him once he’s back to his usual self. And before you ask, he’s not told Jason either, so no, asking him won’t help. It’s one of those things you will simply have to wait to find out. It’s not my story to tell.”
Unhappy but not seeing a way around it, not if it was something Trace didn’t want others to know, Sasha nodded. “Fine. For now.”
Instead he tried to think through what Keith was asking of him, but the idea of completing the fated heart bond with one who didn’t truly want him made his heart hurt more than he thought possible. Still, the world was already cold and gray. What difference would this really make?
“Do you know what you’re asking me to do? Really?”
“Keith, if it’s going to hurt Sasha to do this…,” Jason whispered as he leaned against Keith.
“Hurt? If only.” Sasha turned away from them both. “As things are now, I will be alone as long as Trace lives, for the two centuries or so he has left. I will then feel the loss and mourn him for who knows how long. What you are asking is that I make it so I have an immortal companion who will never want me, never touch me, never feed me, never love me. You aren’t just asking me to save my fated heart; you are asking me to willingly turn what should be a blessing into a curse for the rest of my eternal life.
“But to answer your question, Keith, yes, I can bond him without sex. Though it will mean nothing to him and deny me the energy to function for a while that way. Please leave now. Both of you.”
Jason jumped up and started toward Sasha but stopped when Sasha growled. “Get. Out. Of. This. Room. Now!”
Chapter Six
IT HAD been over an hour since Sasha had thrown his best friend and his friend’s mate out of the room. He hadn’t meant to put so much of his power behind his words, but the thought of Jason touching him or trying to comfort him at that moment was more than he could take. So using the ability to command and persuade that most vampires had, to one degree or another, just happened. He had never used it on Jason before—well, not to that extent—but right then he couldn’t bring himself to care.
It had also been over an hour since he’d made his bizarre call to Jalin. Thinking back on that call had him torn between laughter and frustration. He’d pulled out his cell as Trace watched him.
“Jalin.”
“Yes, sir. May we come back in?”
“Ha-ha, no,” he replied flatly. “Can I trust you with something no one else is to know of? Not even Summer or Dimka.”
Jalin’s voice was tight when he replied, “Of course, my lord. You are first always.”
“Good. Then here’s what I need you to do….”
Giving his assistant instructions for how to set up his personal chambers was odd. Sasha had dreamed of taking a fated heart of his own when he was a child, but somehow the entire situation seemed a mockery of his hopes and longing. But if it would save Trace, he would do it. No matter that the cost was to his own soul, it seemed.
Now settled on his king-size bed, Sasha
looked down at Trace and wondered what the male inside would think when he managed to resurface. Would he forgive Sasha for what he was about to do? Shifters lived longer, but in comparison, a shifter’s life ended before a vampire’s barely began. Instead of letting his worries about the future take hold, he focused on the now, and the cat before him.
“Trace?”
Trace perked up and met his gaze.
“Can you understand me? I really need you to know what’s going on, even if it’s your lynx, not your human side, agreeing.”
Trace purred and cuddled close, all tension having left as soon as they were alone. Now that they were in Sasha’s bedchamber, Trace seemed even more at ease. He’d prowled around, rubbing against various things, before joining Sasha on the bed. It was a peculiar and somewhat amusing sight, seeing Trace doing these things in his human form, though Sasha could so easily imagine the lynx in his place. He ached to have the lynx there in his home by choice, and Trace, the human side, there with him willingly in bed.
Sasha shook off his wandering thoughts and hoped Trace’s actions meant yes. The fact Trace had tried to make Sasha bite him earlier gave him hope the understanding was there, even if the human side wasn’t fully. “I need to bite you, bond you, but I won’t have sex with you. Not as long as it’s you, the kitty, in control.”
The disgruntled growl and huff made Sasha smile even if the situation didn’t. “Sorry, boy, but I don’t have sex with kitty cats. Kitty boys is a whole other topic, but no matter what your body shape, you’re still the animal, sorry.”
Trace flopped down against Sasha’s side hard enough that, had he been a human, Sasha was certain he would have found himself suddenly on the floor looking up. “That’s not negotiable. But I can bind you to me as my fated heart without doing anything against what Trace, the human part of you, wants. It won’t force the mating and hurt that part of you.” I hope you see it that way when the human side of you wakes up. Keith better damn well know what he’s talking about!
He again found himself with a lapful of Trace and that same tantalizing scent of blood directly under his fangs. Dammit! Why’s he have to push so hard?
“Your life span will match mine. Can you understand that?”
Trace froze, then pulled back to stare at Sasha. He mewed at Sasha but didn’t seem upset, just waiting.
“Can you accept that? Accept me?” Can the lynx part of you want me that much, even if the human part doesn’t?
Trace again mewled, then pushed his neck against Sasha’s face as he had before. “I guess that’s as good a yes as I’m going to get.” Sasha nudged Trace back and stood again. “Let’s get you undressed. I hate that the first time I get to see you like this, it’s not really you, though.” Trace cocked his head and stood there with his arms at off angles. “I don’t know if the human part of you reintegrating with the rest will trigger a shift. He’ll be pissed if we ruin all his clothes. This shirt is a replacement, but the pants aren’t, nor are the shoes and such.” Sasha continued to divest Trace of his clothing, doing his best to ignore the male before him as he folded, stacked, and set aside the items. When done, he coaxed Trace under the sheet, hoping if he couldn’t see all that sexy flesh on display, he might be less tempted. It didn’t help much, but the mewl Trace made as Sasha climbed up on top of the sheet did.
The only light in the room was from candles, and there was soft music and light incense burning. Had things been different, this would have been romantic, but as it was, it only served to underscore what he was losing as far as Sasha was concerned. Still, his fated heart would be safe, and he would still be able to lead and protect his coven. That was all that mattered. In time he would find a female to act as a surrogate so he could have children. He would focus on that instead of what he would be without.
Yeah, if only it were that easy.
Refocusing on the here and now, he pulled Trace into his arms. “I know this is strange for you and that this probably makes no sense to you since you’re the lynx, not the human Trace, but I need you to be still for me, okay? I need to bite you and take a small bit of your blood after I release something into your bloodstream. It might feel strange for a moment, but it shouldn’t hurt. The thing is, because I’m not taking in more of your energy than that, I will collapse after that and won’t be able to help you if you pass out and wake up as the human Trace. You’ll need to help your human side understand what happened, okay? Can you do that?”
Could the lynx do that? Sasha wasn’t sure how much they communicated in a regular shifter, much less one who had somehow done whatever Trace did to retreat into himself. He had to hope it worked, as the covenstead was no place for a lone and panicked shifter to go running around, and only Jalin knew this was happening. He’d had to tell him after having him set up the room to include food for Trace once he was back in his right mind-body combo again. Keith and Jason were still on-site, so Trace would have their help with understanding what just happened, but Jalin knew too much not to be informed, and besides, Jalin would need to know so he could help Trace as time moved forward. Trace might never be truly Sasha’s, but that didn’t mean Trace would be without the benefits being Sasha’s should afford him.
It still took him a few more moments to get his courage up to actually bite. Sasha knew the stories—that your souls merged for a moment, that time stood still, and everything was blended and became one whole, only with two bodies. That he would know Trace, and Trace him, in ways neither could imagine beforehand. The thought of the bonding with someone who didn’t want him made him feel like he was five again and hiding under his bed, afraid of the storms. His mother had coaxed him out and shown him storms were beautiful things and not something he should hide from. Unfortunately his mother wasn’t here—a death he had never been able to avenge, as no one knew who killed her and his father, or how.
Shaking off the morbid thought, he refocused on Trace and bit, sliding his fangs in carefully. He didn’t want what the monster did earlier to be remembered now, nor did he ever want any part of Trace to fear him. Trace whimpered and pushed closer. Sasha released the bonding chemical, then licked at the tiny trails of blood that slid down Trace’s throat past his fangs. Once everything had flooded Trace’s blood, Sasha took a few good pulls of Trace’s rich blood, the vibrancy and spiciness a shock. The bonding had altered its flavor already. As his head swam, he managed one more taste before he knew he had to pull away. He licked the punctures closed.
The last thing he heard as the world spun faster, then went black, was Trace ask, “Sasha? What…?”
TRACE TURNED over, unsure what his sheet was caught on but annoyed just the same. He never slept without something covering him. Not in his human form, at least. He gave a hard tug as he tried not to let the waking world invade his dreams too much. All he wanted was more sleep. The last thing he wanted was to deal with the real world right then, dammit. There was nothing but pain and fear there. When the sheet still wouldn’t move, he turned his head and cracked one eye open, hoping it was a simple fix and he could get back to what he’d been doing. Instead he came face-to-face with a sleeping Sasha.
Before he could think better of it, he was out of the bed, across the room, and had let out a scream he was sure they heard all the way back in Toronto. The odd thing was Sasha didn’t so much as twitch. Trace knew the human stories said vampires were undead and basically were dead during the day, but that was all crap. Just like the stories about shifters being monsters created by curses or how they murdered people and ate them. However, with how still Sasha was right then and how he didn’t even breathe loud enough to be heard even after the yell, Trace might have believed it of him.
The door to the room burst open, drawing another yell as he expected an attack—and dammit, he was naked too!
“Trace, sir?” Sasha’s assistant, Jalin, said after he looked around and then retreated to the doorway.
“Um….”
“It’s okay, sir.” Jalin flicked his gaze to Sasha for a m
oment, but then quickly back to Trace. “If you’d feel more comfortable, your clothes are right there.” He pointed to a plush lounger across the room. “I can wait in the hall until you’re dressed and then return to speak with you.”
Trace managed a small nod, confused as to where he was and why. The last thing he remembered was…. No, he didn’t want to think about that now.
“Just let me know when you’re ready, and I can show you where the food and drinks are. The doctor wants to see you, as does your alpha and his mate. But for now get dressed.” Jalin immediately stepped outside the room and closed the door.
Trace listened, and when he was as certain as he could be no one else was coming in, he darted over to his clothes and dressed as quickly as his trembling fingers would allow. The shirt wasn’t his, but as it would cover his back, he decided not to be picky right then. Even fully dressed, he still felt so cold, though, and naked. He wanted more layers of clothing on and more warmth. It had been years since he’d felt like this and he hated that he did so now, especially knowing he had to deal with vampires and his alpha.
He noticed a warm-looking throw folded across the foot of the bed and decided since he’d been stripped and thrown in here, the least Sasha could do was let him borrow it until he felt better. Trace unfolded it, noting the deep jade color and the edging of tiny cat paw prints, then wrapped it around his shoulders. When he tried to call out to Jalin, he realized he had another problem. No coherent sound came out.
A moment later a soft knock sounded on the door. “Trace? Are you ready?”
Trace tried again, managing a soft, if painful, yes.
Jalin reentered the room and gave a short bow. “Prince Sasha wished me to show you where the food and drink he had brought in for you are. Also, if you need anything, please let me know and I’ll arrange for it right away.”
“Can—” He cleared his throat and tried again. “Can I leave?”
“After the doctor and your alpha have seen you, Prince Sasha has given you leave to go if you wish, but you must have either Summer, Dimka, or myself with you if you do so. Well, if you’re off the tribe’s lands, at least for now.”
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