“You offered yourself for my nourishment, Trace, not for pure sex. Not that I would have wanted one-sided sex with you either. When we have sex, I want it to be mutual and pleasurable for us both. For you to touch me out of desire and passion, not out of twisted duty or obligation. What you just allowed is questionable enough,” Sasha added, turning away, though he did keep his hand on Trace’s cheek. “You know I want us, even though you have made it clear you do not. Now that I can think clearly again—thank you, pheromones!—I would not have accepted what you just offered had you not pushed as you did.”
“But—”
Sasha turned back to meet Trace’s gaze. “Because I don’t want you giving me of yourself if you don’t wish to. You have reasons not to want our bonding, which are still there. I wish you would allow me the ability to show you that I’m not like the monster who hurt you, to show you that our bonding, our mating, could be a beautiful thing.”
Trace stared up at Sasha, blinking hard a few times before he pulled back enough that he could turn his head down again. He shook his head and mumbled, “I don’t know if I could ever trust anyone again, much less a Dom.”
“A Dom?”
“I know what you are, Sasha. You’re a Dom. Not a heavy hitter, as some would say, but a Dom nonetheless. I’m not stupid, nor am I unobservant. Your perfect partner would be your boy twenty-four seven—he would sit at your feet, help you run your coven, be strong of mind and giving of body.”
“And sit on the couch and watch movies with me and enjoy popcorn with all kinds of herbs and seasonings. And love shopping. And not be upset that I work outside the covenstead by running one of the hospitals here in Seattle. And… and… and….”
“I don’t see your point.”
“That I’m so much more than what you’re trying to focus on. In fact, I’m not exactly what you’re focusing on. Dom? Only sort of. By human standards, yes, and I’ve acted as such in clubs. I believe that things only work if both parties are getting what they need and are in agreement, though I’ve never collared a sub or contracted one. It’s not seen the same among my kind, the dominant and ‘kink’ concepts. It’s simply something inherent in those of us that are leaders. But that doesn’t mean the same thing to everyone. For you it would obviously mean no impact, or at least no whips, belts, et cetera. However, I bet you would love sensation play, orgasm control and denial, maybe wax?”
Trace shivered, a tiny mewl slipping out. “I used to, but that was a long time ago.”
“What if instead of focusing on what you don’t think you can handle, you let us have a chance and give yourself the ability to find out what you actually can?”
“How?” Trace scrunched his nose and cocked his head to the side. “How do I do that?”
“Date me. Don’t worry about the bond or mating bites, just about what to wear out with me to dinner, dancing, movies, and such. We’ll do it how the humans do. You can learn about me the old-fashioned way. You have your own space here, plus your home on tribe land, so you don’t have to stay in my bed unless you wish to. That’s not a right you have to earn, by the way. You are my fated heart, and as I have already bonded you and made that fact public, this entire suite is your residence. That includes my bed. Just no stealing my clothes or footwear. That I’ll fight you for,” he added with a wink, only half kidding.
“You just said don’t worry about the bond, then pointed out the bond.”
“Sort of, but only in as much as applies to where you may be in my suite. Now will you give dating a try? Let us work on something other than you debasing yourself for my health, then scurrying back to the tribal land to escape me?” Sasha knew he wasn’t playing fair with his wording, but he didn’t care. He just wanted his heart!
Trace stared up at Sasha, the intensity more than a bit unnerving. About the time Sasha opened his mouth to ask what Trace was staring at so hard, Trace said, “You know, the dark circles under your eyes are gone and you don’t look so pale. Well, you always look a pale olive, but not the sickly pale you were starting to look before.”
“Well, yeah, I fed from you, hon. Of course I look better.” Hadn’t that been the whole point of Jalin and Niko’s intervention? “Didn’t they explain that part?”
“Yeah, but I’m not sure I completely believed them. I mean, how could I be the key to your health? I’m just me,” he added so softly Sasha almost missed it.
“You’re my fated heart, hon. My bonded, fated heart. I didn’t bond you to get you to give me your blood or your body, though, and I won’t die if you don’t, no matter what Jalin says.”
“But you will weaken and suffer, all because you used that bonding bite to heal my mind.”
Sasha shrugged. “I accepted that when I agreed to bite you. Your lynx agreed to the bite, which, since it didn’t require sex like the mating bite does, was good enough for me.”
“Yeah, he and I aren’t always in agreement.”
“Noted.” Sasha pulled Trace up to standing, then curled a hand around Trace’s right hip. “Would you like to go out with me, not tomorrow night, but the night after? I have to welcome my uncle and Tatiana tomorrow, or I would take you out then.”
“Don’t like that they’re gonna think you’re available. Damn Tatiana chick,” Trace grumbled so low Sasha almost didn’t hear him. He wouldn’t have if he weren’t a vampire, he was positive.
“Hon, Tatiana knows I’m not available, that I’m bonded to you. It’s my uncle who’s delusional still, and he’s of no import to us. Now please answer the question.”
“Wait, what?”
“Goddess, but you distract easily.” Sasha sighed and shook his head. “What am I to do with you?”
“Sorry. Um….” Trace took a deep breath, held it, then let it out slowly. “Please don’t make me regret this.”
Sasha smiled, putting as much of his hope for their future in it as he could manage. “That’s a yes.”
“Yes, that’s a yes.”
“Good. Now why don’t you rest while I arrange a light meal for you? You’re not used to feeding me, so you’ll feel a little weak. And mal’chik?” When Trace met his gaze, he quickly leaned in and pecked him on the cheek. “Thank you.”
“Uh….”
Thankfully Trace was too dazed, or so it seemed, to argue as Sasha manhandled him up onto the bed and under the covers. Damn, but the male looked good there. Now to hope Trace stayed put and didn’t freak out. They both still had things they needed to do, and that was on top of Sasha needing to deal with his wayward assistant and doctor. Those two he was going to strangle, then thank. In that order.
“Rest, Trace,” Sasha murmured as he stroked Trace’s hair. “I know this is all a bit much for you, but you’ll feel better once you’ve eaten, and thank you for saying yes.”
“Just for a few.” Trace closed his eyes, his breaths a little fast but not so much it worried Sasha. This all had to be a bit much and beyond confusing to his poor heart.
As Sasha exited the room, he swore he would do a better job of easing Trace into his life, especially now that Trace had agreed to give them a chance. A crack in Trace’s walls was all he needed, he was sure of it. The lynx had fascinated him, inflamed him, impressed him for five years. Now to figure out how to get the rest of the way in.
TRACE LAY in Sasha’s bed, breathing in the scent of his still-not-a-mate, trying his best to quell the shakes that had started in his hands even before Sasha exited the room. What the hell have I done? He groaned and rubbed his trembling hands over his face, unsure what to do next. The plan was to come and offer his blood so Sasha would be strong and healthy, so he could deal with his uncle and the threat against the coven and the tribe. His own want of Sasha had allowed those two vampires to tempt him into offering Sasha more, but while it had made sense at the time….
The longer he lay there, his thoughts spinning, the more out of control they became, the faster his breathing came. He couldn’t do this. He had let Sasha touch him. Have control over hi
s body. Agreed to date him, for Gods’ sake!
His vision narrowed in, the edges becoming darker and spotty, and he couldn’t seem to catch his breath no matter what he did to slow it.
Away. He needed away. Away from the male who would claim him. From anyone who would try to own him.
Never again. He couldn’t do this again!
Trace shifted into his lynx skin but didn’t fully give his lynx side control. He couldn’t… not just yet. Soon. He clawed his way out from under the sheet, shredding the 1,200 thread count, not caring about anything but getting away.
Hide.
Safety.
Mine.
Trace scanned his surroundings, found the door, and bolted, not stopping until he was in his own chambers. Sasha had promised he would be safe here when he was at the covenstead. This was his territory, right? The open space wasn’t defensible, though, not in his current size. Trace looked around, poking his nose into corners and climbing up onto everything he could as quickly as possible.
In the end, just before the panic completely overwhelmed him and his lynx pushed him fully aside, he leaped and caught the top edge of the closet shelf with his claws. Trace then shoved the few boxes aside, backing into the corner before the world sucked all the air from his lungs finally and went black.
Chapter Thirteen
SASHA DIDN’T find Jalin until he fully exited his wing. Jalin stood half behind Summer, the fear scent in the air almost thick enough to choke him. “Come out from behind Summer. Now.”
“Sir,” Summer began but stopped when Sasha glared at him.
“I would suggest you don’t, as I’m in no mood for Jalin’s attempt to hide behind you right now, Summer. Now, Jalin.”
Jalin gulped but stepped around Summer and came forward before he dropped to a knee. “I’m sorry, sir. I only did what I thought necessary.”
“I am well aware of what you did, and even why. I will not have this conversation out here, however. Send someone to gather appropriate food for Trace and then follow me back to my sitting room.”
“Y-yes, sir.” Jalin jumped up and scurried away, calling out orders immediately, the action almost enough to make Sasha smile.
Summer looked over his shoulder to where Jalin disappeared, then back to Sasha. He folded his arms over his wide chest and frowned slightly. “You’re not really going to kill him, are you?”
“Not sure why I would tell you the answer to that, especially with him still within earshot.”
Summer huffed but didn’t ask again.
“For now make sure things are ready for the visit tomorrow. Are you or Dimka riding out with the good doctor tonight?”
“Dimka and Dr. Niko already left.”
“I just bet they did,” he mumbled.
“Huh?”
Sasha waved Summer away as Jalin came back into view. “Don’t worry about it. Dr. Niko is just doing what Jalin wishes he could do right now. Hiding from me. Now”—Sasha turned to stare at Jalin—“where is Trace’s food, and are you ready? I wish they hadn’t left yet, as I know Trace had wanted to be the one to introduce the two doctors.” Hopefully Trace won’t be too put out that the doctor’s cowardice wound up with him left behind.
“His alpha called while you were busy. It seems the female is extremely jittery and wanted their Chosen Alpha, as she put it, to be there. Something about his being powerful enough to protect her.”
“Seriously?” He gaped at Jalin, unable to wrap his mind around her continued prejudice and stupidity. The joint project seemed less and less likely to succeed the more he heard about her. “Never mind, of course you are. Let’s hope Dr. Niko and Keith can find a way to get through to her. Sean is too important for her stupidity to get in the way.”
“They will.” Summer gave a small smile as he walked with Sasha, Jalin trailing behind. Just before they reached the entry door to Sasha’s suite, one of the kitchen staff hurried up with a rolling cart, the top heavy with covered dishes.
“For the royal consort, sir.” The young male bowed low, then scampered off before Sasha could say anything to him.
“Do I want to know what you said to have the poor boy running like that from me? I’ve never treated the kitchen help badly.”
Sasha stepped through the doorway and waited for Jalin to enter before he nodded to Summer to close the door behind them. Summer stayed on the outside of the doors, as Sasha knew he would.
“Everyone knows you are not in the best of moods lately, and my nerves may have transferred to the others. I will smooth things over with them later, sir. What with your uncle’s visit, the attack on your consort, and the fact your uncle is bringing someone he’s trying to force you to marry, no one wishes to tempt your patience.”
“And yet you coerced my fated heart to come to me, got the doctor in on it, bullied him into thinking he needed to offer not only his blood, but his body, or I might die!” he roared at the end. “And you claim that no one wants to try my patience? Seems you do, very much so.”
“I—” he croaked.
“Yes, you. You’re just lucky that I like you and that Trace told me what you’d done. Had I found out afterward….”
Jalin shifted back a couple of steps, his eyes round as saucers.
“Don’t even try that look on me. It didn’t work on you when I was a little boy; it won’t on me now to save you. How would you have felt if someone had guilted your mother or sister into having sex with someone they didn’t choose? Coercion is still assault, and he’s been abused enough already!”
“But you could die, and he does want you. He’s merely confused.”
“Tired isn’t d—” A soft thump from Trace’s chambers drew Sasha’s attention from Jalin. No one should be in there. Trace was in Sasha’s bed, or had been when last he looked. Without giving his assistant another thought, Sasha turned and hurried to his bedroom door, which stood ajar. When he peered inside, his concern grew exponentially. The sheets were shredded and Trace was gone, though his clothing was there.
“Where the hell is Trace?” he yelled as he snatched up Trace’s ripped shirt. Sasha turned the material over even as he took a deep breath. “No blood, though there is the heavy stench of fear.”
“No one could have penetrated your chambers and have taken him, sir.” Jalin stood in the doorway wringing his hands, his voice firm. “Summer or his guards would have caught anyone foolish enough to try.”
“No one thinks Trace was taken. I need to find him.” Sasha stilled, focusing on that place within where a part of Trace lived, and flinched. “Dammit! He panicked again. I never should have left him alone so soon. I knew he handled this all too well.”
“Where could….”
There was probably more to what Jalin said, but Sasha was too busy following the trail of fear Trace had left behind. When his fated heart was in a better place mentally, they really needed to discuss Trace’s habit of scent-dumping into the air like this. In the wild or out and about town with rogue vampires around, it could lead to his being attacked or possibly even killed. Neither was acceptable!
Across the bathing area lay one of the access doors to Trace’s bedchambers, and unsurprisingly, that entrance also stood open.
“Aha. Not gone, just a room over,” he mumbled as he let their connection pull him toward his heart.
“Sir. You promised not to enter without an invitation. Sasha—”
“Oh, do shut up. Would you have me leave him in the middle of a panic attack, then? No? Didn’t think so. I will go help him, leave him his meal, then give him his space, if that’s what he chooses. If he wanted me to stay out, he shouldn’t have left the shreds, scent, and doors as they are. Now do stay out of his area unless invited, Jalin.”
Jalin grumbled, but Sasha didn’t take the time or energy to bother finding out what was said. Instead he went in search of Trace. Unfortunately the scent of his fear was so strong in there Sasha had trouble pinpointing where it came from. Not wanting to take the time to sort through all
the input, he began a manual search, trying to think of where a lynx would fit. The bed was more than tall enough to allow him to fit under, and with the long bed-skirt, Sasha hoped, but no, Trace hadn’t gone for anything that easy.
Sasha kept looking but then thought about the thump he’d heard, changing to look for things that had been knocked over or down. In the large walk-in closet, he found a couple of boxes in the middle of the floor, their lids knocked to the side at odd angles. Ahh… finally. Sasha raised his head to peer up at the top shelf, noting the gouges in the polished wood. Thinking of the fit Jalin would throw pulled a small smile from him, even as he wondered how bad Trace was to not have even poked his head out or made a sound yet. Now that he was here, it was easy to discern that, yes, Trace was close. He was also still in his fur.
“Trace, kitty, will you come down for me, hon?” He hoped the fact Trace’s lynx liked him and recognized their bond, even when Trace fought against it, might help some.
Reow! Followed by a soft hiss.
“Okay, not sure what that means, hon. You know I can’t speak lynx.”
That only received a soft mewl but still no movement.
“Would it be all right if I came up to you, then?”
This time the sound was more curious than anything, so he took that for an invitation and used his power to rise until he could see above the edge of the shelf. What he saw then nearly broke his heart. Trace had wedged himself into the corner and shook just enough that even the ends of his fur quivered. His claws were out, his tufted ears back, and his little fangs bared.
To anyone else, coming face-to-face with a cornered lynx would be a terrifying thing. Even though they were one of the “small” wildcats, they were still lethal animals and nothing to play around with; however, given this was Trace, the only danger came from the fact Trace was still obviously on edge thanks to the panic attack he’d suffered. No true mate would ever hurt their mate—and no matter that Trace still refused to claim him, his lynx recognized Sasha.
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