by Fiona Brand
In amongst the paperwork was a psychologist’s report. Apparently, after years of trying to fix the dysfunction in her family, Eva had, at age fourteen, chosen to walk away from her mother and her latest husband, a petty conman, choosing foster care and survival, instead of hopelessness.
Kyle’s chest tightened as he began to see Eva’s abandonment of their marriage in its correct context. She wasn’t a quitter. She was strong and resolute and she had thrown everything she could into their marriage in an attempt to get him to love her back.
For Eva to leave meant she had given up on him.
If he got her back at all, it would be a miracle.
* * *
An hour later, Kyle sat down opposite Hastings in a small, neat office on the North Shore. When Hastings refused to divulge what, exactly, he was doing for Eva, Kyle applied a little judicious pressure. Eva was his wife and she had disappeared. If Hastings wanted his bill paid, then he needed to give the report to Kyle.
With the report in hand and the addresses he needed, Kyle started searching for Eva. Two weeks later, after a series of dead ends, he abandoned trying to find Eva through her past connections.
Although, he would find her, it was just a matter of time. Eva was pregnant with his child, which meant she needed medical appointments. More important, within the next few weeks, she would most probably be having tests to determine whether or not the baby was affected by the disorder. It wasn’t the avenue he would have chosen to find Eva, but it was the only one she had left him.
Fifteen
Two months later, Eva dressed in a soft cotton shift dress and a light jacket, both of which were comfortable to wear, given that her waistline was gently expanding. After locking the tiny cottage she had rented in a remote coastal village miles north of Dolphin Bay, she drove to a specialist appointment in Auckland.
As she drove, she noticed the same silver sedan had been behind her ever since she had left the small village and turned onto the main highway. An odd tension gripped her at the thought that Kyle had somehow located her and was keeping tabs on her, although she almost immediately dismissed the thought. For Kyle to go to the effort of finding her and having her followed would mean that he cared, and she did not think that was the case. Besides, she was on State Highway 1, heading toward Auckland, New Zealand’s largest city. Most of the traffic in front and behind would be heading toward the same destination.
Thirty minutes later, her small car was swallowed up in city traffic. A small jolt of adrenaline went through her when she noticed that there was still a silver sedan two cars behind her at a traffic light, but as she accelerated across an intersection with light-colored cars stretching in several directions, she dismissed the thought that she was being followed.
Minutes later, she parked her car and took an elevator up to the specialist clinic where she had booked her appointment. She had tossed up whether or not to have her baby tested while it was still in the womb. There was a small risk of miscarriage, but she had decided that she needed to know sooner rather than later. Regardless of the outcome, she would love this child with all her heart. If the news was bad, it would tear her to pieces, but she would cherish each day: she would cope.
As she sat in the upmarket clinic, the classical background music that was playing changed to a soft, lilting tune. It was the waltz by Strauss that she and Kyle had danced to at their wedding, just weeks ago. Nerves already stretched thin, she searched for a tissue and blew her nose, relieved when the tune finally changed to a light and airy piece by Bach.
She checked her watch. Abruptly nervous about the long wait, she got up to get a foam cup of chilled water from the dispenser in the corner of the waiting room. The sooner she had the procedure done, the sooner she could get out of Auckland and minimize the risk that she might accidentally bump into Kyle or someone else she knew.
She drank the small amount of water she’d dispensed, grimacing at the fine tremor of her hands, a sure sign of stress. The sound of the glass door at reception sliding open attracted her attention. Shock reverberated through her when she saw Kyle, dressed in a dark suit with a snowy-white shirt and blue tie, walking toward her.
She was suddenly glad that, evidently, she was the first appointment after lunch, so no one else was in the waiting area. “How did you know I’d be here?”
“I know you’re pregnant and that you would need a specialist appointment, so I hired a security firm to find out where and when.”
And that wasn’t all. “You had me followed!”
“That, too. It took me long enough to locate you, and once I did, I wasn’t taking any risks.” He came to a halt beside her, and she noticed the dark circles under his eyes, as if he hadn’t been sleeping, and that his hair was ruffled as if he’d dragged his fingers through it repeatedly. “I know why you ran.”
She crumpled the cup and dropped it in the nearby trash can as she desperately tried to work out how much Kyle did know. She tried for a smooth, professional smile. “I am pregnant. And if you’ll remember, you expressly stated that you didn’t want children.”
“I said a lot of things I regret, especially that. Will you hear me out?”
Tensing against the too-rapid pounding of her heart and the one thing she had not seen coming, that maybe, just maybe, Kyle wanted to try again, she sat and listened.
In terse sentences, Kyle outlined the raw details of the grief and guilt that had consumed him, almost to the point of losing her. “You know how much I wanted you. It practically drove me crazy, but I couldn’t seem to change the way I was wired until I lost you.” He grimaced. “Gabriel probably thinks I went crazy. It certainly felt like it.”
Grimly, he outlined how he and Gabriel had accessed Mario’s safe deposit box and found her medical reports. That Kyle had even rung Hicks and found that she was having Sheldon Ferris investigated for harassment. He had also found Hastings and pressured him into supplying a copy of the investigation she had commissioned into her stepfather.
“You know about the disorder.”
“And that we could lose our child.”
Our child. She met his gaze fiercely. “I don’t understand. You didn’t want a pregnancy. You can’t stand the thought of having a child, let alone one that could die.”
“Couldn’t. Past tense.”
“What does that mean, exactly?” Against all the odds, the very fact that Kyle was here, that he had gone to a great deal of trouble to find her, filled her with wild hope. Hope that she couldn’t afford because she had barely survived leaving Kyle and, now that she was pregnant, she could not accept the empty, convenient marriage he preferred. And she would not, absolutely not, terminate her pregnancy.
“I followed you to the cemetery the day of the wedding. I thought—”
His gaze connected with hers for a long, tense moment. “I was saying goodbye.”
Kyle pushed to his feet and did a restless circuit of the room before crouching down and taking her hands in his. “I made a mistake, about you and the baby. And about myself. I thought I couldn’t heal, but I did—it just took time.” In grim, rough words, he told her about his hunt for her and the research into her past that had finally made him face his own demons. “When Nicola and Evan died I blamed myself.”
Despite her determination to keep as much emotional distance from Kyle as she could while he spoke, her heart broke for what he’d been through. “You couldn’t protect them from a terrorist attack.”
“They shouldn’t have been with me in barracks. I should have made them stay in New Zealand where it was safe.” He was silent for a moment. “I was waiting for them as they turned into the barracks. One minute they were there, the next there was...nothing.”
Appalled, she stared at the tight clasp of his hands. “I didn’t realize you had seen it.” And suddenly the small scars across his stomach and arms, the nic
k on his cheekbone made sense. If he’d been caught by a bomb blast, he would have had multiple injuries.
She touched her abdomen. “This baby could die.” In terse words she told him the grim details of her childhood.
“I know,” he said simply. “But the fact that our child may have the disorder, as bad as that would be, was never the issue.”
And finally she understood. Kyle had blamed himself for the deaths of his wife and child, but it hadn’t ended there. Guilt had seared so deep he thought he didn’t deserve love or fatherhood.
She touched his clasped hands. “I thought you were incapable of loving either me or the baby.” When the reality was that Kyle was exactly what she had first thought him to be when she had fallen for him as a teenager, a strong protector who loved deeply. The way he had responded to the loss of his family only underlined that fact.
Kyle gripped her hand. “I can love you and this baby, if you’ll let me.”
Dimly, she heard her name being called.
When she stood up, she pulled Kyle with her. “This is my husband,” she said a little shakily. “I’d like him to come into the appointment with me.”
Kyle sat with her while she had the procedure. When the clinician had finished, he ascertained the time it would take to receive the test results then made some calls. Normally it took two weeks, but a hefty donation to the lab facility, and the time was reduced to forty-eight hours.
When they left the clinic, on the advice of the clinician, Kyle insisted that Eva shouldn’t drive and that she needed to spend the next couple of days taking it easy.
Kyle accompanied her down in the elevator. When they reached the shadowy environs of the parking garage beneath the clinic, Eva gestured in the direction of her car. “I could move back into my place for a couple of days.”
Kyle’s Maserati flashed as he unlocked it. “I want you to stay at the house.”
Kyle was still looking at her in an intent way that made her heart beat faster, as if he couldn’t bear to let her out of his sight.
She drew a deep breath, feeling breathless and on edge but oddly, crazily confident about Kyle for the first time ever. “Why?”
He cupped her face between his hands, and she let him pull her close, loving the soft gleam in his gaze. “Because I love you. I’m in love with you. I want you back, if you’ll have me.”
She felt weird and a little dizzy, but the feeling was oh, so good. “Yes.”
A split second later she was in his arms. The emotions that rolled through her were too powerful and intense to even think of moving; all she could do was cling to Kyle, absorb the warmth and comfort of his presence, and the stunning fact that he loved her.
She drew an impeded breath. “I love you.”
A split second later, he dipped his head, and finally he kissed her.
* * *
Two days later, Kyle, who had taken time off work to be with her, took the phone call from the clinic. He handed the phone to Eva.
Fingers shaking, she listened to the result then terminated the call.
Kyle pulled her close. “What did they say? Not that it matters. For however long we have this baby, we’ll love it, and if you want more we’ll adopt.”
Eva swallowed, hardly able to believe what she’d heard after years of fearing the worst. “They think it’s all right. There’s no sign of any abnormality.” Then she burst into tears.
Kyle simply held her, and when she’d finished crying, he pulled her outside down to the sunlight-filled cove at the bottom of the garden.
He loosened off his hold and handed her a clean handkerchief. “I just wish you’d told me about the disorder years ago.”
“I didn’t know I was affected until after Mario broke us up.” She shrugged. “It was after that that he took me to a specialist and I had the tests done. I think he was afraid I’d run after you.” She sent him a slanting glance, “And he was right. But when I understood I was a carrier of the disease, that changed everything.”
Kyle’s brows jerked together. “I would never have walked away from you because of a medical issue. Mario told me to back off. He didn’t say why, exactly, but he gave me the impression you came out of an abusive home, that you needed protection, not sex.”
She coiled her arms around his neck, loving the feel of him so close, adjusting by slow increments to the knowledge that her future and the baby’s was going to be a whole lot different than she had imagined. “Secrets are hard to let go of—they become part of you.” She hesitated, but it was time to let go of her own hurt. “Did I tell you that I love you, that I’ve loved you for years?”
“Not today.” Dipping his head, he kissed her for long, dizzying minutes.
Eva drew a deep breath as Kyle finally lifted his head. In the time they’d been talking, the sun had slid down the horizon and the shadows were lengthening. “We should go back to the house.”
“First, you need to wear these.” He reached into his pocket and pulled out a familiar black velvet ring box. Holding her wedding and engagement rings in one hand, he went down on one knee on the sand and slid them onto the third finger of her left hand.
In the deep, steady voice she loved so much, because it was an expression of Kyle’s character, that he, himself, was steady and true, he asked her if she would be his wife for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health.
Her throat closed up. “I will. I love you.”
When he rose to his feet, she lifted up for his kiss. As they walked back to the house together, Eva knew they would have difficulties to face but, finally, she was secure in the knowledge that whatever came, they would face it together.
Epilogue
Six and a half months later, in the midst of renovations to the house they had firmly updated while keeping all of the beautiful period features, Eva put the final touches to the nursery.
Maybe it was old-fashioned to want an actual nursery opening off the master bedroom, but since she would only be pregnant this once, she had decided she would have it exactly how she wanted. The renovation and redecorating had entailed planning, hours of online browsing and multiple shopping trips, but it had been a labor of love.
Kyle, who had arrived home unexpectedly, considering that it was only two in the afternoon and he shouldn’t have been home for a whole three hours, leaned against the doorjamb and surveyed the room. “It looks good.” He gave her a slightly wary look as he loosened off his tie. “Is it finished?”
Eva dragged her gaze from the electric blue of Kyle’s. Months into a marriage that had been more sublime and interesting than she could have imagined, because she had never had to share her space with a man, she was even more in love with her husband.
Her husband.
The words still gave her a thrill and filled her with a glow of happiness. She and Kyle had spent time on Medinos, a honeymoon gift from Kyle so she could get in touch with her Atraeus roots and get to know her Messena relatives. She had met more family than she could poke a stick at, but the experience had been filled with laughter and healing. Most of all, she had enjoyed doing up the house with Kyle—the house that he had bought for her—working together to create a home that was a harmonious blend of them both. They still disagreed; on occasion they argued, but Eva figured that was a healthy sign.
She critically examined the white-painted armoire stacked full of diapers, baby wipes and the one hundred and one essentials a modern mother needed. “I think it’s finished.”
But she had thought so before then changed her mind. It was part of the nervous tension humming through her, a bit like the bridezilla thing, only with babies.
Feeling suddenly breathless, Eva walked to the window—although with her very large bump, walking was more like a waddle—and pushed it wide, letting in the early summer air. It was so hot, she was burning up. She als
o felt as big as a bus, probably because labor was a couple of days overdue, and if she put on any more weight she would explode.
She tried to take a deep breath, but these days breathing deeply didn’t happen, no matter how much she needed the oxygen. She attempted to give Kyle a serene, in-control look. “Why are you home early?”
“I thought I should be here, just in case.” He frowned. “Maybe you should sit down, or better still, lie down.”
Eva tried for a smooth, professional smile. The only problem was, deep down, she was a bundle of nerves. “I was sitting down before. I hate lying down.” Who could know that even lying down would be difficult when pregnant?
Abandoning his relaxed position, Kyle came to stand at the window with her. Placing his arm gently around what used to be her waist, he leaned down and kissed her. As soft and tender as it was, it was a distinctly sideways kiss. Her stomach was so large now that any approach from the front was doomed.
“Is your bag packed?”
She shifted so that she was leaning back against Kyle, his arms around her. It was the only comfortable way to hug. She let out a breath, soothed by his presence. Somehow, when Kyle arrived, all of her fretful stressing melted away. “I’ve been packed for weeks.”
“Good, because I’m taking you to the hospital. Now.”
“You knew I was having pains?”
Kyle leaned down and nuzzled her neck. “Of course I knew,” he growled.
She smiled delightedly at a phenomenon that still took her by surprise, and which she had never thought would affect a macho, manly guy like Kyle. She met his gaze in his reflection in the window. “You’re having them, too.”
“My secretary thinks it’s hilarious.”
She had a moment to consider that, as crazy as it was that Kyle was experiencing some part of her discomfort, it was just another sign of how well they fit together. She had expected to feel passion and desire and all the turbulent depths of being in love with Kyle; what she hadn’t expected was the warm, close companionship that had steadily grown. They weren’t just husband and wife, they were best friends.