by Jennie Adams
‘That’s a wonderful idea.’ Wonderful and generous, not only to others but to his stepmothers. ‘I’m sure that feeling they’re a part of your work will somehow draw them all closer to you.’
He dipped his head but seemed to have more he wanted to say. ‘There are other people in the company who need to have that sense of fulfilment and achievement as well. I made that difficult for some of the more senior people because I insisted on controlling everything so tightly myself.’
‘It’s safe that way.’ She had picked on him for it, had preached that he should give others a go.
But she wanted that same control in her private life. It was dangerous and painful to let it go, even a little. She had learned that and broken her heart in the process.
‘It is safe. You’re right.’ The green of his eyes seemed to deepen as he gazed at her. ‘But sometimes you have to do the thing that isn’t safe. You have to commit to it, even when you don’t know what the outcome will be.’
His face was a breath away from hers now. She forced herself to inhale slowly and prayed that her heart wasn’t in her eyes.
His voice dipped to a deep rumble that poured over her skin and made her heart ache. ‘I’ve made changes at work, have distributed responsibility more appropriately. I realised I can’t control everything that happens in my life, yet even though I’ve dealt with these things, I can’t feel free right now.’
‘How can I help you?’ How could she not ask him this? It hurt to love him. It hurt more to think that he was unhappy. ‘Whatever it is you need. I’ll stay and work for you again…’
Even though it would break her heart all over again, one small piece at a time.
His hands closed around hers and held tight, and his face clenched into sharp planes and angles as he took a deep, deep breath. ‘I’m making a mess of this. I’m a little uncertain of my ground. I…haven’t done anything like this before. I’m nervous, I suspect.’
Again she didn’t understand, but the touch of his hands felt wonderful against hers and, for a moment, she let herself simply accept this one small token while she could.
‘You don’t get nervous, Grey.’ Agitated, maybe, but not nervous. ‘Not even when you could be about to lose millions of dollars.’
‘There’s something a lot more important than that at stake this time.’ Something in the tone of his voice made her go completely still.
And Grey went on. ‘I need you, Soph. I need you to forget I’ve been an idiot and said all the wrong things and had you in my arms and been stupid enough to let you go.’
‘What—what are you saying?’ Her heart stopped completely and then tossed itself around inside her chest until she felt dizzy and had to suck in a hurried breath to try to steady herself. Was he asking her to renew their relationship? Asking for an affair?
She would say yes.
You can’t say yes.
Soph opened her mouth, though she had no idea which response would emerge, but he held up his hand.
‘I need you to give me another chance so I can find some way to convince you to love me, even just a little, and I’ll love you enough for both of us and hope you come to love me more in time; just don’t leave again.’ His words ground to a stop and he said in a low, raw tone, ‘I don’t want you to ever leave.’
‘Ever…’ Oh, dear God. She wanted so desperately to believe he truly loved her and wanted her for ever.
How could she believe that? He may have changed his working life and rediscovered his family but how…?
‘You don’t want a picket fence.’ He never had wanted that. ‘You want your work and your challenges and women who’ll be sophisticated in the morning, not bring you breakfast in bed because they don’t know how else to pretend it doesn’t matter. I don’t even know what I want to do with my life, whether I want to go back to hairdressing…’
‘I don’t want anything or anyone but you.’ His fingers came back to tangle with hers, and moved across the back of her hand in gentle strokes. His thigh pressed against hers and he inhaled deeply and went on. ‘When we met I thought I wanted to live my life by myself, without the complications my father brought into all his relationships.
‘I don’t want that any more. I want happiness, with you. Whatever you do, however you spend your time. I’ll support anything that makes you happy.’ He swallowed and the mask of his unease fell away to reveal all his need for her.
‘You truly love me?’ Enough to set aside an attitude that had lasted most of his lifetime and reach for something entirely different with her? Enough to set aside his fears?
His mouth softened as he searched her face. ‘I think I loved you the day I met you. I just couldn’t see it for what it was at first.’
He came up on to his knees beside her and drew her up with him. ‘I let you leave when I should have asked you to stay. Not because I needed your help. You were right about that—I was almost recovered by then, though Doc Cooper has finally got through to me and I’ve accepted I’ll probably always have to watch certain things, maybe always be on blood pressure meds…’
He grimaced. ‘Not so much of a bargain for you to take on, perhaps, but I need you. You, Soph, with your multicoloured hair and wild clothes and your innovative cooking and your adopt-a-rabbit schemes. I need you even though I’m flawed and far from perfect.’
She hardly dared to believe his words, but Grey was in earnest and her heart jumped, but she felt sick inside too. ‘You’re not far from perfect.’
He smiled and shook his head. ‘I’m in love with you, Soph. I want it all with you—marriage, children—and I’ll try to be a good husband and a good father if you’ll help me to learn.’ His chest rose and fell with deep, uneven breaths. ‘I didn’t have the best example but I was wrong to let that example cloud my life the way I did. I don’t want to do that any more.’
‘You didn’t know what would happen if you had to trust someone to love you in that kind of relationship. It was natural to want to protect yourself.’ Soph didn’t know what would happen in that case.
She loved Grey, was madly in love with him. She was thrilled that he wanted to embrace love and commitment with her, and she was also…terrified.
‘Soph?’ He was waiting.
He needed her to say something. To say yes. She should say yes, and she wanted to say it, so why couldn’t she force the words out?
‘I love you. I do.’ Somehow she was in his arms and he was holding her, but when he would have kissed her, she looked into his eyes instead and forced herself to admit what she had buried all this time, had blamed on others, ignored and pretended hadn’t existed.
This was the sick feeling inside her. Now that she realised it, she didn’t know if she had the strength to overcome those fears she had disguised in the name of not being ready, of not wanting to be too serious with a man.
How much more serious did it get than loving someone so much she didn’t want to imagine her world without him in it?
‘I thought I left because you couldn’t love me, because you couldn’t give me the kind of commitment I wanted.’ Oh, it had been so easy to blame it all on him. ‘I guess I did, but now that you’ve said you do love me, I have to trust that you mean it and you’ll keep meaning it.’
He stroked his fingers through her hair. ‘I’m not your parents. I’ll never abandon you, Sophia. I was stupid and I made a mistake but I love you so much. I would rather die than hurt you.’
She looked into his eyes and she saw his protectiveness, the way it had grown.
He had growled and grumped his way through his injuries while she’d bossed him around and carted him all over the countryside and the city to keep him entertained.
They were so different in so many ways and she loved every difference and every way they complemented each other. She loved him, and she’d been foolish.
‘I love you, Grey. I want to be with you for ever. I love you and…’ she sucked in a deep breath ‘…if you’ll help me, I want to trust you to love m
e back.’
With those words she opened her heart to him, to the future, and the last of her fears melted away.
‘Soph.’ He kissed her then, and she kissed him back while bees buzzed in the meadow and the flowers and grasses swayed in a light breeze all around them.
When the kiss finally ended she glanced at the unopened picnic basket beyond them.
He followed her gaze, smiled and held her against him with one arm while he tugged the basket forward with his free hand. ‘It’s not a meal. This was my box of tricks to help convince you of how much I wanted you to stay with me. I got so desperate I just begged instead.’
‘You organised it so I’d be brought here. You must have done a lot of plotting.’ She had realised it on some level, but it only really sank in now and a soft smile spread over her face because it was nice that he had tried so hard. ‘I’m amazed my sisters let you.’
For of course she realised that now too. It explained her unanswered phone calls. Maybe it was not so amazing, because her sisters would have seen her love for him that day. If they had thought he returned it… ‘What’s in the basket? Tell me.’
A tinge of colour came into his cheeks, but he lifted the lid of the basket and drew out an enormous book and handed it to her.
Soph read out the title. ‘The Great Big Massive Book of Every Food Ingredient Imaginable.’ She weighed the heavy volume in her hands. ‘It certainly is big.’
‘I bought it to show you that I adore your cooking. I’d like to share the book with you, take turns trying out fun ingredients and ideas…’
The commitment in his words filled her heart. His gaze darkened as he spoke it aloud. ‘I want to spend the rest of my life eating with you, loving…’
‘I think I’d like that very much.’ Because her eyes were prickling and she thought she might melt in a puddle of tears all over him, she drew a trembling breath. ‘Is there more?’
‘Yes.’ He handed her a book about rabbit breeding. ‘If we’re going to be a family, I think Alfie should have someone special, and I have no doubt that will lead to several someone specials quite quickly. At least this way we’ll know what we’re in for.’
Her eyes brimmed with tears and she swallowed hard. ‘I’m sure Alfie will be touched that you thought of him.’
From the basket, Grey also brought out exotic oils. ‘They’re for the incense burner so you’ll have the pleasure of scents all around you. At dinner. In the bath. Whenever we make love. I want very much to make love with you again, Sophia. There’s some for massage because I really wanted your hands on me that day.’
‘I—I want all of that too.’ Soph tingled with anticipation and desire and love. She looked at him and realised breathlessly that they truly had a lifetime ahead of them, to love and make love and laugh and face whatever came, secure in each other. ‘I love you so much.’
He caught his breath and reached inside the basket and brought out one last thing. A small, slim, embossed card. It bore the name and details of her brother-in-law Luc’s jewellery store.
Soph looked at it blankly and then lifted her gaze to meet Grey’s. His eyes had turned a deep emerald-green.
He cleared his throat. ‘I think we should buy Montichelli engagement rings. It would only be fitting and, in any case, I want the best for you. And…uh…I hope you don’t mind that I want us to pick them out together.’
He laid the card on top of the books and reached for her hand and held it. ‘I want you to have a beautiful wedding, and diamond rings that reflect all the different colours you’ll wear each day. I want you to wear blue or green or orange wash-out hair when we get married.’
The tears in her eyes touched her lashes and spilled over. ‘Oh, Grey.’
‘You’re the colour and the beauty in my world,’ he admitted, stroking the tears from her cheeks and kissing where they had been. ‘I want that lovely wedding for you, but I can’t wait that long to tell the world we belong to each other.’
‘I’d really like to give you a ring. It could be a signet ring…’ Then the significance of all he had said really hit her and she stilled and her eyes widened as she stared at him.
‘Will you marry me, Sophia? It’s what I’ve been trying to ask you.’ His mouth curved up in a rueful, loving, half-pleading smile. ‘Please, put me out of my misery and say yes.’
‘Yes. Yes, I’ll marry you.’ She whispered the words and he snatched her into his arms.
The books and other things went flying and a moment later they were flat on the blanket with the blue sky above them, and he peppered her with kisses and laughed until she pushed him down and took her turn to kiss him.
And then they stilled and he stared deep into her eyes and love poured from his gaze to hers and she sent it back to him.
‘I’ll probably always growl,’ the bear warned. ‘In fact, I’m going to do it now.’ Grey put on his growliest tone. ‘Say yes again.’
‘You might growl, but I’ll probably be a butterfly about work all my life, trying out new things all the time. And you may not have noticed, but I know how to get my own way.’ She grinned at the mixture of love and humour that came to his face, and then her smile faded.
‘Yes, Grey. I’ll say it as many times as you want to hear it.’ She let all her love shine for him from her heart and her spirit and her soul. ‘Yes and yes and yes.’
All the characters in this book have no existence outside the imagination of the author, and have no relation whatsoever to anyone bearing the same name or names. They are not even distantly inspired by any individual known or unknown to the author, and all the incidents are pure invention.
All Rights Reserved including the right of reproduction in whole or in part in any form. This edition is published by arrangement with Harlequin Enterprises II BV/S.à.r.l. The text of this publication or any part thereof may not be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, storage in an information retrieval system, or otherwise, without the written permission of the publisher.
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First published in Great Britain 2008
Harlequin Mills & Boon Limited,
Eton House, 18-24 Paradise Road, Richmond, Surrey TW9 1SR
© Jennifer Ann Ryan 2008
ISBN: 9781408903919