There was a rustle of cotton sheets as Elle came into the bedroom. Charlie had tried to scramble back into bed but misjudged the jump and was slowly sliding off the opposite side of his rocket ship towards outer space.
‘Come here,’ she said. Far from being angry she was only too happy to dodge the hostile environment downstairs and would have liked nothing better than to spend the rest of the evening cosying up with her son.
‘Sorry,’ he said with a yawn.
‘If you’re so tired, Charlie, then why aren’t you asleep?’
He shrugged. It was his usual response.
‘Not good enough,’ Elle said. She was trying to absorb some of Angie’s defiance. Whatever her weaknesses, surely she could assert her authority on a six-year-old child. ‘What is it?’
Charlie didn’t reply but this time there was no dismissive shrug.
‘Is there something you think you’re missing out on?’
He shook his head.
‘And you’re not having nightmares, are you?’
Again a shake of the head.
‘Then why are you so terrified of going to sleep?’
Charlie squeezed himself closer to her, tensing his body and closing his eyes shut. Her heart beat a little faster as she realized he was preparing for a confession.
‘I might not see you again,’ he said in one quick gasp.
Elle blushed. Had Charlie picked up on her unhappiness? Did he think she was so desperate that one night she might run away? She couldn’t deny it was tempting. ‘I would never, ever leave you Charlie, not ever.’
Charlie shook his head. ‘But what if I left you?’
‘And where would you go?’
‘To heaven with Nana and Granddad.’
She pulled away slightly and hooked a finger under his chin to lift his head. His eyes were glistening and his lip trembled.
‘Nana and Granddad were both very sick and then their bodies stopped working. That was why they died and that was why they went to heaven. You’re not old and you’re not sick.’
‘But Daddy said that Granddad went to sleep. He said he dreamed about going to heaven to see Nana and never came back,’ Charlie explained as he gasped for air. He was terrified. ‘What if I have a dream about going to heaven and I stay there and never see you again?’
Elle imagined Rick standing in front of Charlie, telling him to man up and imparting his nuggets of wisdom. It was the same stance he always assumed when engaging with his son. He never cuddled Charlie and only ever picked him up to put him down somewhere else. An image of Rick with that familiar sneer on his face came to mind, along with an imaginary fist smashing into it. It made her feel good.
‘Daddy was wrong. That isn’t what happens, Charlie. The doctors said Granddad was very ill and he should have stayed in hospital, but he didn’t. His body was broken and he didn’t want it fixed. He didn’t dream of being in heaven, he stopped wanting to live,’ Elle said bluntly. It was time to abandon euphemisms and be as truthful as she thought Charlie could cope with. ‘Your body isn’t broken, Charlie and I’m pretty sure you don’t want to die. I promise you that even if you do dream of being in heaven, that’s all it will ever be: a dream. Remember that time you dreamt you were having your birthday party on the moon? You still came back to me, didn’t you?’
When Charlie looked at her, the sparkle in his eyes wasn’t from tears but a glimmer of hope.
‘Dreams are only make believe,’ she added to close the deal.
‘But sometimes they do come true.’ Charlie wasn’t arguing with his mum’s theories now but adding a new twist. ‘My treasure was real.’
‘The treasure buried under the tree?’
Charlie nodded. ‘In my dream Nana took me into the garden to show me where it was.’
‘I don’t doubt you dreamt about it, Charlie, but you must have been there when Nana buried it. You were very young at the time. It was a memory you didn’t even know you had.’
‘No, she showed me in the dream.’ There was such conviction in Charlie’s voice that she longed to believe him. The discovery of the letters could be a turning point in her life. What if her mum didn’t want her to waste her life in a sham marriage, the way she had? Elle didn’t believe in spirits but the idea that someone was guiding her was tempting.
She stayed with Charlie a while longer than was strictly necessary but at least when she left, he didn’t object.
As she closed the door to his room her reluctance to return to her guests grew until it overwhelmed her. Rather than head downstairs, she slipped into the bathroom first to freshen up.
The water from the tap was icy cold as she swilled her face, creating thin rivers of mascara that threatened to deepen the dark circles under her eyes. As she wiped them away, she checked her reflection in the mirrored door of the medicine cabinet. She could see why Rick complained of her looking tired and dowdy. She was pitiful. She was a non-person. And her head was throbbing.
She opened the cabinet and took out a couple of painkillers, swallowing them back with a handful of water. She closed the door and faced her reflection again. She stared at it blankly as goose bumps pricked her skin. For a moment, her mind stalled and she felt a rush of panic as she tried to work out what was wrong. Then she knew. She re-opened the cabinet. There had been three boxes of contraceptive pills on the top shelf, along with one half-used sleeve. They were all gone. She rifled through boxes and bottles on the other shelves and even checked the bin. They weren’t there, but then she hadn’t expected that they would be.
Her first reaction was overwhelming acceptance. Rick was always going to win and she couldn’t outmanoeuvre him. She couldn’t escape the gilded cage. She thought of her mum and the tiny house she had been trapped in. This house was two or three times the size. Would it be so bad? The anger when it came took her breath away. It was as if she had been slapped across the face, and through the swirling red mist she imagined someone stepping forward. It was the woman she had once been, the one who had believed she could make a life for herself, the one who had a mind of her own.
Elle flung open the bathroom door. She kept her anger burning with thoughts of the betrayal that had broken her mum’s heart but would make her daughter stronger. She was so intent on confronting Rick that she walked straight into Chris on the landing. He had to grab her arm to stop her from tripping over his feet.
‘Sorry, Elle,’ he said. ‘Hey, are you all right?’
She wiped away the tears which she hadn’t even realized were falling. ‘Is he having an affair?’
Chris still had hold of her arm and gave it a gentle squeeze. ‘I think that’s a question you need to ask Rick.’
‘I’ll take that as a yes, then.’
There was a pained look on Chris’s face as he tried to decide what to say next. ‘You deserve better.’
‘I swear I’m going to hit the next person who says that to me.’
‘Angie?’
She nodded, fighting a smile that would break down her resolve to follow through with her intentions.
‘We agree on some things then. I know she’s worried about you.’
‘I can look after myself,’ Elle said, as if saying it would make it true. If she was going to do something then she had to act soon. Rick’s latest trap had been sprung. Panic fluttered in her chest and her whole body trembled.
Chris noticed and held onto her tighter. ‘We’re both here for you,’ he said.
‘Not disturbing anything, am I?’
Elle jumped back instinctively and along with the appearance of guilt was a genuine sense that she had been caught doing something she shouldn’t.
‘She’s upset, Rick,’ Chris said.
‘Then you should leave it to me to comfort my wife.’
Chris lifted a hand in submission. ‘OK,’ he said but then turned to Elle for agreement.
Elle wasn’t looking at him, she was staring straight at Rick. She imagined her shoulder pressing against a gilded cage door. All sh
e needed to do was give it a push. ‘Don’t look at me like I’m in the wrong. You’re the one having the affair.’
‘What the hell have you been telling her, Chris?’
Chris shook his head. ‘You made your own mess.’
‘Then keep the hell out of it,’ Rick growled. He grabbed Elle’s arm and pulled her into their bedroom before closing the door on Chris.
There was enough adrenalin pumping through Elle’s body for her not to register the fear. She felt only exhilaration as the words that would end her miserable marriage formed in her head, but she didn’t have a chance to speak. The air was knocked out of her as Rick rammed into her, gripping her throat as he pushed her against the wall.
‘I don’t know what’s got into you, Elle, but it stops here and now,’ he hissed. ‘You’re the one acting like a bitch in heat. God knows what I ever saw in you, but you’re my wife now and you will behave.’
Rick’s grip was cutting off the air that she was trying desperately to pull into her lungs. Stars began to speckle her vision. There had been times when she had wished herself dead but it was Charlie who kept her going and it was her son she thought of now. She had to do this for him. She didn’t have enough breath in her lungs to scream but by lunging forward she managed to knock Rick off balance. He released his grip on her throat and fell back against the dressing table, sending bottles of perfume clattering to the floor.
‘Get away from me!’ she tried to yell, but it came out as a painful rasp.
The door flew open and Chris was there, pulling Rick back before he could grab her again.
‘You don’t know what she’s like, Chris. She’s gone mad,’ Rick told him. He was trying to regain his composure and he even had the presence of mind to keep his voice low so he didn’t wake Charlie.
‘Am I mad for leaving you? Because that’s what I’m doing, Rick,’ Elle said. Her voice was still hoarse but surprisingly calm. She rubbed the raw skin on her neck.
‘And where will you go, Elle?’ he mocked. ‘You can’t go back to that hovel I rescued you from. Or have you been making a deal on the side with that rep from the clearance company?’
‘I’ll stay with Angie for a while until I get everything sorted.’
‘You know what, Elle? I’ve tried my best with you, but so be it. If you want to go, then go – but don’t think for one minute that you’ll be taking Charlie with you. If you leave now then you leave as you arrived: penniless and hopeless.’
Despite his bravado, there was panic rising in Rick’s voice and it only served to feed Elle’s sense of control. ‘I’m leaving and I’m taking Charlie with me.’
Rick looked at Chris, his eyes wide with a mixture of fear and fury. ‘Are you listening to this? This is all down to that wife of yours. I knew she’d stick the knife in. That selfish bitch just wants some company while she’s touting for business.’
‘Don’t make a bad situation worse, Rick,’ Chris warned.
A silent standoff followed. It seemed the calmer Elle became, the more agitated it made her husband. ‘Go to hell then,’ he hissed at her. ‘And don’t think for a second I’ll ever take you back.’
Rick stormed out of the bedroom, leaving his wife wondering how victory could be that easy. Chris was watching her. ‘Are you sure you know what you’re doing?’
Elle wanted to laugh and dance around the room but instead she smiled. ‘Yes. I’m going to pack a few things and leave tonight. Will you help me?’
Chris was about to agree when there was the sound of shouting downstairs. Despite his tall frame and often lumbering gait, he sped with perfect co-ordination down the stairs, leaving Elle to scramble after him, bouncing off doors and banisters as she went.
A plate smashed onto ceramic tiles and they both followed the sound. When Elle reached the kitchen, Rick had Angie pinned in a corner. There was a painful red welt across her face. Chris grabbed Rick by the shoulder and swung him around to face the clenched fist coming in his direction. Rick’s knees buckled and he fell briefly before scrambling to his feet as quickly as he had fallen. His own fists were clenched and he pulled back for a counter punch, but even he could see how insubstantial he was compared to Chris. His palms opened wide in submission.
‘Sorry, Chris, I don’t know what came over me,’ he pleaded. ‘Don’t let these two come between us.’
Chris wasn’t listening. He got hold of Rick by the scruff of the neck. ‘Change of plan, Rick. You’re the one leaving. And if I have anything to do with it, Elle’s going to take you for every penny you’ve got.’
Rick didn’t fight back as Chris dragged him like a pathetic puppet out of the kitchen and down the hall.
Elle followed them to the door, ignoring Rick’s incoherent protests. When the front door was opened for him, he turned to her with tears running down his face. It felt almost surreal as she threw him his coat. A second later, his briefcase was flying through the air, but Angie’s aim was off and it glanced off Rick’s shoulder, missing his head entirely.
‘Don’t do this, Elle,’ he begged. ‘I love you.’
‘Find someone else to love,’ she told him. ‘Oh, that’s right. You already have.’
The door closed.
Of all the things that happened that night, the most extraordinary was that Charlie slept soundly through it all.
12
‘I didn’t expect to see you again.’
Elle didn’t answer immediately but glanced over towards her son while shielding her eyes from the worst of the midsummer sun. Charlie had found a playmate and they were sitting on the grey stone steps that led to the dockside, engrossed in their imaginary world where Charlie’s spaceship was helping a bright-red fire engine extinguish a blaze that only the two children could see.
‘I promise I’ll behave better this time,’ Elle said as she finally drew her eyes away. She offered her companion a tentative smile.
Corinne set the tray of drinks on the table and took her seat opposite. They were back at the same restaurant but the day bore no resemblance to the last time they had met. For one thing, they were sitting outside to make the most of the glorious weather. People were ambling by at a leisurely pace and basking in the sunshine. There was no fighting against a remorseless wind today, no frantic rush to be somewhere else.
‘I know it was a lot for you to take in, and perhaps I could have explained things more sensitively or diplomatically,’ Corinne said.
‘You told me the truth. I appreciate that.’
‘But it was only my version of the truth and one that’s probably changed over the years. I have to admit I was quite shocked when I reread the letters I’d written to your dad.’
‘Shocked? Why?’
‘I had this romantic notion at the time that I was Harry’s one true love and we would live happily ever after if only we had the courage to break free. I’m older and wiser now, Elaine. I know that life isn’t that simple.’
Elle tilted her head towards the heavens. She hadn’t corrected Corinne about her name and didn’t intend to. ‘I’ve left my husband,’ she said. The statement was a solemn one with titanic implications that would affect not only her life but Charlie’s too. In spite of it all, she was smiling as she spoke and her eyes sparkled with the reflection of the infinite expanse of blue sky above her.
Two months had passed since Rick had been ejected unceremoniously from the family home. Elle had left the following day and had moved in with Angie. Life was far from easy – Rick was making sure of that – but the problems she faced were her problems and with the occasional supportive nudge from Chris and Angie, she knew she was more than capable of dealing with them. One battle at a time, one day at a time.
‘If you don’t mind me saying, you look all the better for it.’
‘I’m moving back to Liverpool. I’ve registered at a nursing agency for the time being, but my long-term plan is to go back to Alder Hey if I can. In an ideal world I’d like to move into my parents’ old house too, but the landlord has alr
eady rented it out. He’s offered me somewhere else for now, so we’ll see.’
Corinne was looking curiously at her. ‘You sound as though you want to step back in time.’
‘I have to start somewhere,’ Elle said. ‘Thanks to your letters, my life has unravelled all the way back to my childhood and I’m starting from scratch. Well, almost from scratch.’ She glanced over at Charlie again. He was standing up now, his spaceship had been launched into outer space and he was laughing as he spun around. ‘I have to get it right this time for his sake.’
‘I left my husband in the eighties and if I can offer any advice it would be not to raise your expectations too high or be too hard on yourself when you fail. You will make mistakes along the way,’ Corinne warned. ‘I spent too long holding out for my happily ever after.’
‘Waiting for my dad to come back and whisk you off your feet?’
Corinne nodded. ‘He didn’t of course, and so I had to learn very quickly how to be a single parent. Some people live charmed lives and travel a straight and uncomplicated path through life. Most of us, however, have to make do bumping from side to side as we go.’
‘Let’s not forget the ones who reach a dead end and stay there,’ Elle said, continuing the analogy which thankfully no longer applied to her. ‘Why didn’t Dad leave Mum?’
As they sipped their coffee, they had both been ignoring the old and rusted metal box on the table in front of them, along with the pocket watch that Elle had placed on top of it. They both looked at them now.
‘I don’t have all the answers. I only have one half of the story. It’s not for me to say whether your dad loved your mum as much as she deserved. All I can tell you is that he was absolutely loyal and completely devoted to her.’
‘And my mum felt truly loved, that’s why it broke her heart when she found out about the two of you,’ Elle said. ‘I can’t help thinking that I found that box for a reason. Realizing that my parents’ marriage was less than perfect gave me the courage to admit that my own was a failure. What I can’t quite decide yet is if their marriage really was a complete sham. You may not have the other half of the story, but I do. I bore witness to their marriage so, with your help, I’d like to put the two halves together and at least try to find a truth I can live with.’
The Keeper of Secrets Page 7