by G E Griffin
“Seraphina? It’s Liam. Are you alright? I just need to check on you.”
I gently tapped on the door.
“I know you’re in there. Please, just open the door.”
It suddenly occurred to me that she might be scared of me. She might think I was going to jump her too, if she had been really spooked by my brother.
“You have my word that you’ll be safe. I promise that you can trust me not to touch you in any way.”
I thought I could hear the sound of muffled sobs coming from inside the room, which really got to me.
“Please, Seraphina. Let me see that you’re alright. Do you need a doctor?” I pleaded with her, as I tried the door. It was locked.
“I’m fine. Please, just go away and leave me alone,” she finally replied.
“I’m not going anywhere until I've seen for myself that you really are okay. So please, just open the door,” I insisted.
“I’ve told you I’m fine. I don’t want to see you or anyone else. Now go away.”
“And I’ve told you I’m not leaving until I’ve seen you. I’ll wait out here all night if needs be. I’ll wait as long as it takes. You’ll find me still here in the morning, so you might as well just open the door now.”
I stood at the door trying to listen, to see if she was moving about, or still crying.
“Fine, whatever. Have it your own way. Just a minute,” she replied in a weary voice.
I heard the sound of the key turning in the lock, then she called out.
“Okay, you can open the door.”
I slowly opened it. I saw Seraphina, wearing a red evening dress, but with a green fleece jacket draped over her shoulders. She was sitting on her bed with her face buried in her knees that were pulled up to her chest, a box of tissues by her side.
“See, I’m fine. You can go now,” she told me in a shaky voice.
“Look at me,” I ordered her. “Please.”
I gasped as I saw she had a small cut on her lip, and as I scanned the rest of her, I saw red marks on her wrists and arms that would no doubt turn into bruises by tomorrow.
“You look anything but fine. What happened?” I asked her quietly, trying my hardest to control the rage I felt. This was worse than I expected.
“Well, obviously Jamie must have already told you what happened, otherwise you wouldn’t be here, would you?”
Seraphina’s beautiful green eyes brimmed with tears as she looked up at me. I pulled up a chair to sit opposite her as she sat on her bed, desperately wanting to reach out and take her in my arms to comfort her, but as I’d promised not to touch her, I couldn’t. She probably wouldn’t want me to touch her anyway, not after what she’d obviously just gone through.
Because my brother had nearly raped her.
“Never mind what Jamie said. I want you to tell me exactly what happened. Everything. From the beginning.”
She sighed heavily, as she wiped her eyes with a tissue, before she opened up to tell me what the hell had gone on between her and Jamie earlier on.
Chapter 17
Seraphina
As I sat alone in my room once I got back to the house after running out on Jamie, I felt totally and utterly mortified. I never wanted to clap eyes on either of the Starr brothers ever again.
It had been bad enough to have been duped by Liam when we’d been at The Pink Club. When Liam pulled me into his arms away from the gay couple who were hitting on me, somehow I’d immediately felt safe and protected. When we’d danced together, it had felt so natural and right. And when we’d kissed, he seemed to blow a fuse in my circuit somewhere, because I was incredibly turned on and aroused, which had never happened like that when a guy had kissed me before.
We’d gazed deeply into each other’s eyes, and just for those few moments I’d felt so happy as I naively thought that Liam felt the same powerful connection that I did. In that moment it all seemed to make perfect sense. Only he had the ability to fire my libido up to such an explosive level. This was what had always been wrong whenever a guy had tried anything with me before. None of them had been Liam. It had to be him. This is right because he is The One, the voice inside my head had insisted.
But it turned out he’d just been toying with me. He wasn’t interested in anything other than establishing my sexuality to solve his brother’s dilemma, so that I didn’t distract him from his finals. A pawn to control in his game of family chess. I must have been out of my mind to have thought of him as The One, and it must have just been too much alcohol in my system that had skewed my judgement so badly.
Well, screw him, I thought to myself. I didn’t need Liam Starr, or his poxy job. His HR team had already confirmed that I’d been employed as an intern in his precious company, so I had no further need of anything to do with him. He could just go fuck himself for all I cared. As he’d driven me back in his big flashy BMW in total silence, I’d made up my mind to hand my design work over to his in-house team to finish off, as all the basic groundwork was pretty much complete. Then I could cut all ties with him. At least all the hard work I’d put into the designs meant that my final piece of uni course work was nearly complete too, so I was actually ahead of myself for once.
I decided the best thing I could do to rid myself of this stupid notion that there was ‘The One’, that only one man could possibly turn me on, was to throw myself into having a great time with Jamie at the ball, to get over this stupid hang up of mine. Once I’d finally lost my virginity, I could be just like everyone else, just like Abbey for example, who let herself freely experience all kinds of sex, with whoever took her fancy. I should let myself be more like her, I told myself.
When I arrived at the ball with Jamie, I made sure I drank a generous amount of alcohol as that always seemed to lessen my inhibitions, but even so, I’m such a lightweight that it was nowhere near as much alcohol as Jamie managed to quickly knock back.
Then I danced with him, just as I had with his brother, reminding myself that Jamie was much better looking and so much more my type than his disgusting man-whore gorilla of an older brother. As Jamie kissed me, I waited for the surge of sexual arousal to kick in, just as it had so intensely with Liam. The previous night I would have practically had sex with Liam right there in one of the booths at the club, I'd been so wild with need for him. But with Jamie, I felt nothing. I forced myself to keep trying and trying, because this had to work. I was desperate to prove to myself that Liam meant nothing to me. It had all been an illusion. Jamie was a very good looking, very sexy and fanciable guy, and now I knew I wasn’t gay, tonight was going to be the night I got myself deflowered. No, correction, tonight was the night I was going to get myself fucked. No more silly euphemisms, call it what it really was. Fucking. Not making love. Love played no part in any of this. Love was not part of the equation.
So when Jamie suggested we go up to the bedroom before the end of the ball, I agreed. And I really threw myself into things, practically ripping Jamie's shirt off him in the lift up to our room, because surely any second now all those sexual urges would kick in I thought, as I ignored the voice in my head screaming out that this was all wrong.
I even stripped out of my dress, down to the sexy black silk corset I'd borrowed from Abbey along with the dress. I saw the look of lust in Jamie’s eyes as he stared hungrily at me. Neither could I miss his enormous erection when he got me to take his trousers off. The thought of that…going there….really scared me, because it was surely going to be really painful, but I carried on anyway.
“You can do this, force yourself to relax, just get it over and done with,” I kept telling myself as I gritted my teeth, ignoring the fact that I hated this sleazy, tatty, soulless hotel room where I was finally going to lose my virginity. I tried to persuade myself that this was a special occasion, and I encouraged Jamie to say some nice words to me.
You shouldn’t have to force yourself. This isn’t right. He isn’t right. He’s not The One, the voice in my head kept arguing.
We lay down on the bed together, but as Jamie tried to touch me and take things further, the voice in my head screamed so loudly that I just couldn’t ignore it any longer. I tried to stop him and push him away as I begged him to stop.
But by then Jamie wouldn’t take no for an answer as he was way past his point of no return, and I couldn’t really blame him after the way I’d acted towards him, could I? He’d been so patient with me for so long, and all evening I’d led him on and on, but now he scared me as he held me down and tried to force my legs apart so he could force me to carry on, and I found myself screaming at him to stop.
Then there was a knock at the door, causing Jamie to relax his grip on me for just a few seconds, and I seized the opportunity to wriggle out of his grasp and run for the door. Then I grabbed my things and fled the scene, pushing past the security guy standing there, just anxious to just get myself as far away as quickly as I could.
I stopped in the ladies cloakroom along the corridor to slip my dress and shoes on again, and check how much money I had, regretting the fact that I’d insisted on going Dutch and buying my own drinks earlier on. I was hoping I could scrape together enough for a taxi back. In the shaken state I was in, I really didn’t want to have to use public transport, especially as in my haste to escape I’d left my coat and overnight bag behind. I totted up all my cash and thought I had just about enough, and as I knew I had a little more cash at home in my emergency fund, I thought I could always get that to pay the taxi driver if necessary.
So I made my way down to the reception, and as I asked if they could call me a taxi, the security guy reappeared. He was a well built, middle aged man, bald with nice kind grey eyes.
“Are you sure you’re alright, Miss?” He looked at me with such concern that I just burst into tears, much to my embarrassment.
“I’m sorry, I’m fine, really. It was just a misunderstanding,” I managed to croak out. “It wasn’t really his fault, honestly. But now I would just like to get out of here, so if you could call a taxi for me, that would be really great.”
“Of course. I can certainly organise that for you, if that’s what you want. Come and sit in the security office while you’re waiting, and I’ll get you something for that cut on your lip,” he frowned, as he indicated the way to his small office.
I hadn't even noticed, but as I tentatively felt my lip with my tongue, I could taste blood. Then it came back to me, how Jamie had caught my lip when he’d pulled his hand away after I'd bitten him.
I realised I was shivering as I sat there in the small office, partly I think from shock, and partly from cold, so I appreciated the fleece jacket that was quietly slipped around my shoulders.
“Reception are just calling our usual taxi firm, so you shouldn’t have too long to wait. Are you hurt anywhere else? I can get a doctor for you – a female one if you would prefer. Or I can still call the police for you. It’s not too late, you know.” He gently placed a cold compress on my lip, and I realised he was trying to assess whether I'd actually been raped.
“Thank you, but I’m fine, really. No major harm done.”
“My name’s Kevin Smith, by the way. I’m an ex copper, and I still have some connections in the force. One phone call is all it would take.”
“No, I know how all this must look, but it really isn’t as bad as it seems. It was just a… misunderstanding.” I didn't volunteer my name to him. I didn’t want any record or connection to this place once I left.
“A misunderstanding? Loud screams were heard, and this is evidence that you’ve been assaulted,” he pointed out as he gently dabbed my lip, and I could see him looking at the red marks on my wrists.
“Things just got a bit out of hand. It’s only a tiny cut, it was an accident, he didn't mean to hurt me,” I insisted as I tentatively touched my lip. “He’s really not a bad guy, and I don’t want to make a fuss.”
“Is there anyone I can call for you?”
I thought about contacting Abbey, but I dismissed the idea straight away. The fewer people who knew any details about tonight’s debacle the better. And anyway, I remembered she was out at a student fashion show tonight.
“No, I’ll be fine once I get home.”
When the taxi arrived, the security guy insisted on seeing me safely into it, also insisting I keep hold of his fleece jacket, telling me I could return it another day.
I told the taxi to take me back to the house, safe in the knowledge that it would be empty tonight as the other boys were both away, but I knew I couldn’t stay on there after what had happened tonight. After I’d quickly worked through all my possible options, I tried ringing Abbey, but when she didn't answer, I left a message on her voicemail asking her to call me back as soon as possible. I had no intention of telling her all the details of why, but I wanted to ask if I could crash at her place for a couple of days, just until I'd handed all my final coursework in at uni. Then I thought I could use some of my unexpected wages from Starr Capitol to buy myself an airline ticket to go and spend some time with my family in Ireland. I really wanted to get completely away, to escape and I felt a sudden strong urge to see my Gran again. And leaving would give Jamie the space to work on his finals that his big brother had warned me were so important, so he’d no doubt be glad to see the back of me.
When my mobile started ringing just as I got back to the house, at first I assumed it was Abbey calling me back. I was horrified when I saw it was Liam instead. I ignored it, but didn't switch my phone off because I didn't want to risk missing Abbey’s call.
This could mean only one thing. Jamie had rung Liam to tell him about the disastrous outcome tonight, and ever the protective big brother, he was on the war path to make sure I wasn’t going to make trouble. Well, he could just go to hell.
I ignored his calls and texts, but what I hadn’t counted on was him turning up at the house and letting himself in. Luckily, I had instinctively locked my bedroom door as soon as I got in there, and although I didn't think he had a spare of the key to my room, I still propped a chair against the door.
Despite me telling him to go away, Liam just wouldn’t leave. He insisted he would wait outside my room until I came out, even if he had to wait all night and I knew he probably would do exactly that. So I reluctantly let him in. And the stupid thing was, the minute I saw him, all I wanted was for him to hold me. All I could think about was how wonderful it would feel right now to be wrapped up in those big strong arms of his, leaning against his broad chest feeling safe and protected as I had before. Stupid, stupid, stupid.
He wanted me to tell him what had happened. What could I say?
“I thought I could go ahead and have sex with Jamie. It turned out I couldn’t. It wasn’t his fault. I acted badly. I should have put a stop to things sooner,” I told him as succinctly as I could.
“There’s no excuse. He had no right to try and force you,” Liam exclaimed vehemently, much to my surprise. I expected him to be the one making excuses for his brother.
“Jamie was severely provoked. It was my fault. I led him on. Don’t be so hard on him,” I tried to explain.
“No, Seraphina! How can you possibly make excuses for him? A woman always has the right to say no. Sex always has to be fully consensual,” Liam insisted, as he glared at the cut on my lip.
“It wasn’t really his fault. I couldn’t go through with it… I couldn’t let him…. because…”
“Because?” He stared at me intently.
I took a deep breath. I was going to be out of here, out of his life after this, so I decided I might as well just tell him the truth, because I didn't have the energy to try and come up with some sort of pathetic lie. Then Liam would leave me alone, scared off by this stupid little girl who had a juvenile crush on him.
“Because when Jamie kissed me, it didn't feel the way it did when you kissed me. I wished he was you. It felt all wrong, as if I was with the wrong person, and I just couldn’t let things carry on. Even though it would probably have been eas
ier, I couldn’t lie back and just let it happen.”
I expected Liam to laugh at me, or make some pithy retort. But he didn't. He looked pained, and he just sat there, as he kept his distance and made no move to touch me. He was repulsed it seemed.
“I see. Seraphina, right now you must be feeling very confused and upset. Maybe we can talk when things have calmed down a bit. But I do need to ask you…”
“What?”
“Jamie said there was talk about getting the police involved. So I have to ask…”
That was why he was here, why he was being so nice to me. He was worried I'd report his brother to the police. I suddenly felt weary and tired, bone crushingly tired, and I couldn’t wait to be done with all this.
“I haven’t involved the police,” I sighed. “There won’t be any come back or any trouble. I just want to forget about it. I’ll be moving out, and that will be an end of the matter.”
“Moving out? But… I thought you liked it here…” Liam looked confused.
“I did, but I can hardly stay here under the circumstance, can I?” For a supposedly clever man he was being pretty dense.
“But where will you go?”
“Abbey will let me stay with her. I hope. Perhaps if I could just ask you to keep Jamie away until I've moved out, say by lunchtime tomorrow, that might be easier all round?”
“Of course, if that’s what you want. But don’t do anything hasty. As I said, we need to talk.”
“What’s there talk about, Liam?” I stared at him, willing him to say something about what had happened between us, to admit that he had felt the same connection that I had. But of course he didn’t, although he did have the grace to look uncomfortable.
“You’ve just been through a terrible experience, so now is not the right time for any kind of a discussion. But you are going to call into the office on Monday, aren’t you?”