To Follow Her Heart

by Rebecca DeMarino

  Patience’s eyes grew wide and misty. “I know that tree. Thank you. I cannot tell you how much this means to me. Are you girls anxious for school to be back in session?” The classes would resume in a few days.

  Little Mary giggled. “May we say no?”

  “Oh, of course not! But I love my little tree. Thank you, girls.”

  Mary spoke up. “’Tis for you to plant in Winter Harbor. Not before. When you and Jeremy are married, you shall plant your little apple tree.”

  “Oh, I shall. And I shall love it and care for it.” She took her apron and dabbed her eyes.

  With all of the presents opened, the children gathered their treasures and scrambled upstairs, leaving the ladies to converse.

  Lizzie put her fists on her hips and raised her brows over her pretty violet eyes. “Now, we’ve some important things to discuss.”

  Patience knew what was coming.

  Mary’s grin grew wide. “Yes, we need to know if Jeremy has set a date for your wedding. When shall the banns be posted? Has he started building your house? And if he has, why hasn’t he asked Ben to help him?”

  “Oh, so many questions. Let me see now, where do I begin?”

  Abbey sat next to her and pressed her arm. “You should start with the first one. Do you have a wedding date?”

  Her shoulders sagged. “No, not really.”

  Lizzie tossed her curls. “And he was working on Christmas?”

  “What should we do with our Jeremy?” Mary stood and paced. “I have counseled him and pushed him to take care of this very important step, but I must admit I truly am at a loss as to what to do.”

  Patience shook her head, and straight blond tendrils fell against her temples. “Do nothing. There is no amount of coaxing for this man. And I don’t want to push him into anything. Truly.”

  They all looked at her with the same puzzled expressions, and she knew it was not the answer they longed for. But it was all she had to give them. And thankfully Barnabas, Zeke, and Benjamin walked in—Caleb, Joshua, and Jonathan behind them—and all eyes turned to the men.

  Barnabas’s face was lit with expectation. “I have your surprise, Mary. It is in the barn.” He gave her little presents on each day of Christmas, but he usually saved the biggest gift for Twelfth Night. “Come, children. You must see this too.”

  Mary rushed to him. “In the barn? Oh my. This is exciting.” Her eyes shimmered like emeralds.

  Patience smiled as the girls jumped from the floor. Mercy grabbed her father’s legs. “In the barn, Papa? Is it a horse?”

  “No, no. We don’t need another horse.” Starry Night was just the latest of several to descend from the Langtons’ Great Blacks. “But I will tell you it involves Stargazer, and methinks everyone should dress warmly. Get your capes and muffs. Mary, you and the ladies might want to gather blankets to bring.”

  Patience went with Mary to the rooms upstairs in search of wraps and blankets. “What do you think he has planned?”

  “I cannot imagine. But I know he and Benjamin have been up to something. We shall need warm coats for the barn, certes, but I am a bit perplexed about blankets.”

  They took several from a trunk and joined everyone in the kitchen. Benjamin and his brothers were already gone, and Barnabas stood by the door. He pulled it open. “Mary, ladies, girls—” he bowed—“this way please.”

  They stepped outside, and Patience blinked at the thick blanket of snow glittering in the bright winter sunlight. A path had been dug to the door of the barn, and she followed Mary until she stopped at the door with a gasp.

  Patience peered over her shoulder. There stood Stargazer, bedecked in a harness trimmed with bells that jingled with each move of his head. At the end of the yoke sat a shiny red sled, long, with rails along the sides. The runners gleamed.

  Tears ran down Mary’s cheeks. “Barney, how did you do this? Those bells—they are beautiful. Where did you get them?” She threw her arms around him, her eyes not leaving her gift.

  “Benjamin and the boys helped me. He made the sled, and Caleb and Joshua painted it. Jonathan worked hard to polish it. Jeremy brought me the bells last year, on his last trip to England, and I took the harness down to the cobbler and had him stitch them on.”

  Mary and Lizzie stepped over to Stargazer and touched the bells, setting them to tinkling.

  Patience followed them and ran her hand over a rail. “How many may ride in the sled, Barnabas?”

  “I should think I could take five or six of you at a time. Mary, let’s start with you—and Patience, Lizzie, Abbey, and Anna. Hannah, you come too. We’ll go out Horton Lane and look at the building site out by the sound. Then I’ll come back for Misha and the little girls. Jonathan and Joshua can come with us on that run. What say you?”

  Sarah spoke up. “I’m not a little girl, Papa.”

  He chuckled. “Of course not, my sweetling. But Misha needs help with the little ones.”

  Sarah looked at Patience, and they exchanged a smile. Patience often told her she was growing up, even though Sarah complained that no one noticed.

  “Very well, it’s arranged,” Barnabas said. “When I get back from the second run, Benjamin, you may take Caleb and Zeke out for a ride.”

  Patience stepped back from the sled as Benjamin led Stargazer outside. Jeremy would have loved to be a part of this. He’d missed getting to see Mary’s face when she saw the horse bells. He’d missed so much over the years, and now he was so close but still missing family times, happy times. It made today bittersweet, and she’d promised herself she would not allow those kinds of thoughts anymore.

  She put her chin up and took Mary’s arm as they walked to the sled. “All the way out to the other side, is that what Barnabas said?”

  Mary patted her hand. “Yes, we shall go see where he is clearing for a new house.”

  Barnabas opened the side of the sled, and the six ladies climbed in and huddled close. They spread the blankets over their knees and looked out in anticipation. They all fell backward when Stargazer stepped out with a quick step, and they giggled hard as they struggled to right themselves.

  The horse kept a good pace as they jingled their way through the woods. With snowy boughs shaking wet droplets as they passed underneath, they pulled their hoods over their heads, and a fresh round of giggles rippled the crisp, quiet air. Patience saw Barnabas turn with a grin to see Mary’s face. He most likely enjoyed this more than any of them.

  Barnabas’s early years with Mary had not been easy. He’d grieved so for his first wife. And though he’d tried to be kind to Mary, sometimes it had seemed he did not know how. Or perhaps he just could not see through his pain. But he was a sweet, honorable man, and he’d come to love Mary in a powerful way. And with that same stalwart devotion, he’d loved and served his church and his township.

  Jeremy was so much like him, and that was why she loved him. Oh, how she wished he were with them today. She leaned close to the rail and watched the blur of shrubs and trees whip by. She pulled back after only a moment and smiled at Mary. She would not let sad thoughts ruin this day, this ride, this time with her dear friends.

  They spent an hour at the clearing and stood in awe of the beach at the bottom of the cliff. Across the water they could see a strip of land Barnabas said was Connecticut. Mary told her that when they first came to Southold, Barnabas had brought the boys out here, and the three had hiked down to the shell-strewn shore.

  When they could not take the cold any longer, they bundled into the sled again, and Barnabas guided Stargazer back along the narrow road. Mary chattered about a warm kitchen filled with Christmas breads and hot tea. Misha surprised them all by having just that waiting for them when they returned. And Patience promised her they would do the same for when Misha and the girls got back. She settled with her warm mug at the table and stared out the window as Benjamin, Zeke, and Caleb waved to Barnabas as he left on his next tour. Only Jeremy was missing.

  28

  January 8, 16
65

  Winter Harbor

  Jeremy stood back and admired their craftsmanship. They’d worked hard and steady, but still they were not even close to finished with the ship. Harry knew Jeremy would be going over to Southold on the morrow. It was Plow Monday and the beginning of the farming season. They wouldn’t actually plow—too much snow on the ground for that—but they would get all of the implements in order—cleaning, repairing, and oiling—so when the snow disappeared even for a day, they would be ready.

  No doubt he’d been missed, even scolded in absentia, during the Christmas celebrations. But he and Harry had accomplished much in that time, and he did not regret seeing through the smelly job of caulking.

  That night he looked at his clothes, stinky and in a heap. Living in a hole did not afford him opportunity to keep things neat and orderly like he preferred. He wished anew that Patience were here to tend to laundry and meals. But he imagined she thought he’d come home each day smelling of saltwater and fresh wood, not tar and greasy fish.

  He picked up his clothes and took them to the water’s edge. He swished the breeches and shirts in the icy water, then took them close to the fire to dry overnight. He’d smell like smoke, he guessed, and that would be an improvement. Mrs. Sweeney had said she could take in his laundry, but Harry had warned him he might not ever see it again.

  He was up before dawn and pulled on a broadcloth coat and neck cloth over his stiff but clean clothes. He walked with Harry to Mrs. Sweeney’s, and she cooked them thick slices of bacon and served it with crusty bread and chunks of cheese.

  After the meal Harry shook his hand and then he swung up on Ink. The ride was not long, and soon he was trotting down the town green, with Patience’s house standing out at the end. With each step closer, he realized how much he’d missed holding Patience in his arms. He’d thought they ached from all his labor, but now he knew they ached for her.

  He jumped from the saddle, and before he could reach the door, it flew open and she was in his arms. Mosh ran circles as Jeremy hugged her and twirled her about before setting her back on her feet. He held her back to look at her. “I have missed you, Patience.”

  “I am so glad to hear that, for I have missed you, too. And I didn’t expect you home so soon. Are you finished? Is the ship complete?” Her blue eyes searched his.

  “Nay. We have a long way to go, my love. But it is Plow Monday today, and I know Barnabas would appreciate me helping.” She shivered, and he added, “Should we not go in by the fire?”

  “Yes, come in. But Jeremy, you would have been appreciated here during the Christmas holiday, too.” She held his hand as she led him to the hearth. Mosh darted in front of them and lay by the fire.

  He sat in the chair opposite her and stretched his foot to rub Mosh’s side. “We had begun caulking, and once you start that, you cannot take a break. But we’ve finished, and I have a day or two before I must be back to start planking.”

  “’Tis my first day of classes after the holiday. It shall be hard to concentrate, knowing you are at the Hortons’.” She looked at him from beneath her lashes.

  “Mayhap you should bring the girls there.”

  “And teach them what? This is what a plow is?” She wiggled her eyebrows.

  He chuckled. “Well, no. The bakery. Teach them about the bakery and show them all of Mary’s tools.”

  It was her turn to laugh. “Half of my girls were born in that house.”

  Their eyes met, and time paused until they broke into uproarious laughter and stood to embrace again.

  Patience was the first to speak between her giggles. “’Tis so wonderful to have you here.”

  “Walk with me, Patience.”

  She took her red cloak from the peg while he banked the fire. Mosh wagged his tail. “Yes, you may come, boy.” He dashed ahead of them.

  Jeremy held out his arm, and as they walked, he wondered if he should even return to the harbor and shipbuilding. Mayhap he should stay right here, with Patience on his arm and Barnabas and Mary down the lane. “Ask Mary if you may learn cheese-making in her kitchen. Mary makes the best cheese. She can demonstrate to both you and the girls.”

  They passed the meetinghouse and crossed the road. “Nay. Lizzie is dyeing wool and felt today, and I promised the girls we could watch.”

  He paused for a moment at the front door before knocking. “Very well. I will miss you, then, and you must promise me to come dine at Mrs. Bayley’s with me.”

  “And you don’t think Mary will insist you stay to eat?” She rolled her pretty blue eyes.

  “I will tell her we have previous plans, and we do.” He pounded on the door, and it was but a moment before Barnabas opened it wide.

  “Heigh-ho. I wondered when we would see you again. Good of you to come on Plow Monday.”

  “Have I ever missed one?”

  Barnabas clapped him on the back. “I cannot think of a time you’ve been here for even one.” He winked at Patience. “Come in. This is a surprise. Mercy and Little Mary are getting ready to come to class. Follow me to the back kitchen.”

  The bakery was warm, and the scent of spices and yeast permeated the air. Mary was elbow-deep in bread dough, punching and turning it. She looked up with a smile. “Oh, good morrow. I would hug you both, but then you’d be covered with flour.”

  Jeremy opened his arms. “I can think of worse things.” He brushed his coat after they embraced. “I’ve been trying to convince Patience to stay here today and hold her Dame School in your kitchen.”

  Patience held up a hand. “Of course I’ve told him no. I’m taking your girls with me, right back to school. Lizzie will be showing them how to make dyes today. We’ll be dyeing wool and felt.”

  “Oh, they shall like that very much.”

  “They can each bring a sample home.”

  Jeremy eyed the fresh-baked ginger cakes on the shelf.

  “Go on, have one.” Mary pointed at them. “And Patience—put some in a bag for the girls.”

  Jeremy picked up a cloth bag and layered several crisp cakes in it, then popped one in his mouth.

  “Thank you. The girls always like it when we have your baked goods, Mary.”

  Mercy and Little Mary ran into the kitchen, followed by Sarah and Hannah. Barnabas handed them each a piece of cheese and placed a platter filled with slices of bread, spread thick with butter, on the table. He took his Bible off the sideboard, and the girls sat still as he found a verse.

  Jeremy glanced down the hall. “Where are the boys?”

  Barnabas looked up. “We had our devotions earlier. They are already out at the barn. We find it easier to have the boys eat first. So much commotion in the bakery every morning, it just works better.”

  They all fell quiet as Barnabas leafed through the pages of the Bible. “Listen to 2 Timothy, chapter 1, verse 7: ‘For God hath not given to us the spirit of fear, but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.’ Now, bow your heads as I bless our food.”

  Jeremy took Patience’s hand and bowed his head. He often forgot how a family should be, living so many years with a crew of men. Prayer and blessings had always been important on the ship, but it was the sense of belonging to other people, rather than just being responsible for them, that touched him on this morning.

  The girls ate their bread and asked if they might bring the cheese with them to school. Soon Patience was out the door with them in tow.

  Jeremy followed Barnabas through the snow to the barn.

  “How is the shipbuilding coming?”

  “Slow, it seems to me, but Harry thinks it’s coming along nicely.” Jeremy shook his head. “I’m thinking we have months to go on it.”

  “Mary tells me that Patience would like to have the wedding soon.”

  They stepped inside the barn. “I don’t see how we can get married before I finish this ship. And I rather thought she was in agreement.” He looked at his brother in the dim barn light. “Do you think it is more Mary than Patience who wants it?”<
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  “I would not be the one to question either of the ladies.” They both laughed. “You will just have to take it for what it is worth. I will tell you, Caleb and Hallock’s daughter, Abigail, plan to marry at the end of the year. In that regard, I’m certain Mary is thinking sooner is better for you and Patience.”

  “I wondered if they might. He has been smitten with her for a long time.”

  The Horton boys had spread out the shovels and rakes and hoes. Barnabas studied them and nodded his approval. “We’ll begin with the small implements and work our way up.” He turned to Jeremy. “And I think you can apply the same principle to your present situation. Begin with the small decisions—those can be dealt with quickly and be put aside, removing the clutter. Then you may turn to the large issue with no distraction.”

  Jeremy ran his fingers through his hair. “Barn, you are getting wise in your old age.”

  Barnabas chortled. “No, I think you are just noticing. But seriously, do you intend to marry Patience or not? Because it is beginning to seem like you have excuses and the women are champing at the bit.”

  “Don’t beat about the bush, Barn.” He chuckled, but how could he tell his brother that it was Barnabas’s own marriage, early on, that had changed Jeremy’s view on marriage and commitment? “I mean, I want to marry her, and then I have to wonder if I’m making a mistake. Or is she, for that matter? How do two people know that they’ve each found the one person they are meant to be with forever?” He shook his head. “I’m almost there, and then I feel myself hold back. It’s like an instinctive move I can’t stop.”

  Barnabas stared at him for a moment. “That’s a sorry excuse. After all the years Patience has waited for you, and you’ve been coming here and telling her you love her, now you are having doubts? I would say pray about it, brother. Because to me it looks like God booted you out of The Swallow so you would get on with your life. It might be time to figure that out.”

  “Point taken. One of the things I told myself when I was fished out of the sea was that I’d be open to what God had saved me to do. Mayhap I’ve taken Patience for granted.”