It was the irony of growing up and out of his Little Dickie persona. Sure, it was great to be considered attractive to women, but it had been a long time since anyone had attempted to get to know him. He didn’t really know what any of it meant or what Sloane wanted.
River came out of the bathroom in a T-shirt and cotton shorts. It was clear to him she had gotten her hair wet without washing it. It was matted and flat and when she buzzed past him to the kitchen she did not smell like soap or shampoo. She smelled wet and dirty. What the hell was with the lack of hygiene at this age?
He followed her into the kitchen where she had opened the fridge. “Did you wash your hair?”
“Yep.”
“Did you wash your body?”
“Yep.”
“Did you brush your teeth?”
“Yep.”
He waited until she stood back up. Then he held his fingers up one at a time. “Lie, lie, and lie. You smell like a worm farm. Get back in there before I take you down to Paws and Effect and shampoo you myself like a mangy Labrador.”
She looked unperturbed. “If I were a dog, I’d be a Jack Russell Terrier.”
“Why is that?”
River tapped the side of her head. “Intelligent.”
“That’s true. But they’re also highly trainable and you are not.”
She made a face. “Do I really have to shower again?”
“Yes. Why do you want to walk around smelling like wet hair?” He found it hard to comprehend. At her age, he’d been painfully self-conscious and had worked hard to just blend in and be the funny guy.
She didn’t answer him. Instead, she said, “You know, if you want to have a real girlfriend, instead of your girls who send you dumb pictures of themselves posing like this.” She paused to stick her hand on her hip, drop her mouth open, and put another hand up in her wet hair. “You can, you know. I don’t care.”
He wasn’t sure if he was amused or horrified. He did get a lot of pictures like that. Or ones where women were mostly naked, but looked surprised by the fact. Or the ones where they tugged down the neckline of their tight T-shirt, legs spread wide. He liked those pictures generally speaking, or he had until Sloane had come back to town. He just wasn’t aware his sister had seen any of them. “What do you know about those girls?” he asked, reaching in the fridge for a beer. This conversation required an action for his suddenly nervous energy.
“I know that you don’t care about them.”
That didn’t sound right. “They’re friends, that’s all. Girls I talk to, flirt with. But that doesn’t mean I don’t care about their feelings.”
She rolled her eyes. “That’s not what I mean. I mean, if you want like a real girlfriend, it’s fine. Like Sloane or whoever.”
There it was again. The little matchmaker. He wanted to grin but just took a sip of his beer and leaned against the countertop. “Do you think Sloane would want to be my girlfriend?”
River nodded. “Sure. Who wouldn’t want to be your girlfriend? You’re a nice person.”
That touched him more than he wanted to admit. He suddenly had a lump in his throat. “Thanks, kid. I love you, you know that, right?”
“Of course I do. I love you, too.” She chewed on the tip of her wet, unwashed hair. “So are you going to make Sloane your girlfriend?”
River seemed to want a commitment. “It’s not that simple.” It had been a long time since he’d had a real, honest, to God, girlfriend. “She might not want to. Or she might not want to upset her brother.”
That made his sister scoff. “Why would he care? He’s an adult. I’m a kid and I don’t care, so why should he?”
She raised a valid question. “You know Miss Kendra died. That makes stuff complicated.”
River looked unconcerned. “So are you going to ask Sloane?”
She was pushing, hard. He almost wondered if she had an agenda, but she looked sincere enough. “You don’t think it’s too soon?”
She shook her head. “Someone else might snap her up or she’ll see those girls sending you those dumb pictures and then it’s all over.”
Fair enough. “Got it.” He ran a hand over his sister’s damp hair. Man, he loved this kid. She was something special. “Now wash your hair for real this time.”
“Shampoo is bad for the environment.”
There it was. “So look up online how to get clean hair without ruining the watershed. And while you’re at it, look up summer camps for geniuses. I think you should go to camp next summer and meet kids who share your interests.”
“Will I have to play sports?”
“No. Not if you don’t want to. But you’ll meet smart kids.”
“Okay. I can go. But you owe me a favor then.”
This kid. “I don’t owe you squat.”
“I want a dog.”
Jesus. “We live in an apartment and there are a million dogs downstairs at Winnie’s. Sloane has a dog. You don’t need a dog right now.”
“Maybe we should move into a house.”
His heart squeezed. She wanted normal. River wanted a normal life. Just like he always had. Damn, he wanted to give that to her.
But all he said was, “You’re pushing your luck. I’ll think about a dog.”
What could he say? He was a sucker for girls and animals.
Thirteen
Sloane eyed Rick over the grill in the park three days later. “You don’t know what you’re doing, do you?”
They were across the street from their building, letting Kate romp around with River, while Rick was trying to con her into believing he knew how to use the park’s charcoal grill.
“You light the charcoal on fire and let them burn. It’s not that hard,” he scoffed. “I know what I’m doing.”
“Uh-huh.” She had a sneaking suspicion this was the first time he had grilled a damn thing. But she wasn’t going to push the issue. She was just happy he had invited her.
They weren’t exactly being secretive. Winnie was joining them in a few minutes as soon as she finished up at the salon, and her boyfriend Todd was en route as well. They looked like friends who all shared the same address getting together on a beautiful summer day.
Nothing unusual about that.
Except that her feelings for Rick were complicated.
Seriously complicated.
He was gorgeous, no doubt about it. She felt the sizzle between them every time she glanced over at him. He made her body hum, and he always gazed at her with total intensity. When he winked at her, she wanted to tear his clothes off and climb on him. He was wearing a form-fitting green Packers T-shirt and shorts and he looked comfortable. He wasn’t trying to be sexy, but there was no hiding those biceps and that broad chest. She wanted to grip his beard and kiss him, hard.
But their hookups were a secret and she was starting to hate that.
She didn’t even know if he was still talking to other women, or meeting up with them.
The thought irritated her. It was his right to do that, but she still hated the idea.
“Why are you looking at me like that?” he asked, tearing open the charcoal bag and pouring the briquettes into the basin of the grill.
“Like what?”
“Like you want to both kiss me and slap me.” His tone was mild-mannered, as it usually was.
He wasn’t right though. Yes, she wanted to kiss him. But the only person she wanted to slap was herself. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“What, you don’t like to kiss me?” he asked, shooting her a grin as he squirted lighter fluid onto the grill. “Here we go again. Destroying my ego all over again.”
Sloane glanced over to make sure River was out of earshot. She was tossing a stick for Kate, who was enthusiastically bounding after it. Both the dog and the girl seemed to be benefiting from the new friendship. It thrilled Sloane.
River was too far away for her to overhear so Sloane turned back to Rick. “You want the truth?”
His eyeb
rows shot up. “I don’t know, do I? That sounds ominous.”
“Last chance,” she told him, taking a step closer to him around the grill. She was wearing a pair of tiny denim shorts and a cute top that showed off her breasts to fabulous advantage, if she did say so herself.
“Truth,” he said. “Hit me with it.”
She got as close to him as she could without it looking too inappropriate to any passerby or Winnie, if she popped up. “I did like that kiss in high school. I got wet from that kiss. I was grinding myself against your cock and I liked it.”
His nostrils flared. “I knew it. I fucking knew it.”
“I guess the question we need to ask ourselves is why? Why was that kiss so hot?” She knew the answer already. It was because they had chemistry, a connection.
It had been there from the beginning, before she had even understood it, or been willing to accept it.
But her question hung out there between them, impulsively asked.
He stared at her for a heartbeat.
“Am I supposed to know the answer?” Rick asked, reaching to her like he wanted to pull her to him, before he realized they were in public.
“Maybe someday,” she said, a little disappointed. She wasn’t sure what she had expected him to say. But yeah, she was disappointed. She wanted more than he had ever offered her or even hinted at. Hell, she’d already gotten more than they’d originally planned on. They’d been having stealth sex whenever they could, including another quickie the night before when River was with Rachel for a girls’ back to school shopping trip.
She stepped away from the grill and went to spread out their tablecloth and clamp the edges so the wind didn’t blow it away.
Rick lit the briquettes on fire and put the rack on top of it.
He came over and helped her pull out potato chips and a salad she had made earlier and put in a plastic container. “Sloane.”
“Yeah?”
He looked into her eyes. “I know what I want the answer to be. But I’m afraid if I say it I’ll fuck everything up. You just got divorced and I have River and there’s Sullivan to think about…”
Her stomach dropped. She bit her lip and opened her eyes wide because she suddenly felt like she might cry. He was giving her a “let’s keep it casual” speech and she didn’t want to hear it. “Got it.” She turned and blinding walked toward River and Kate, needing to pet her dog so she didn’t say anything else and make it worse.
As is, they could just keep the status quo. That was clearly what he wanted and while Sloane knew with all her heart she wanted more, she realized she needed to accept it for now. If she pushed he would pull away entirely and she knew from his sister he had plenty of women in the wings waiting to take her place in his bed. Or on his motorcycle.
“What’s up, girls?” she asked River.
Rick had mentioned he and River were locked in a battle over her shampooing her hair and it was clear he was losing. Her hair was matted down and looked greasy and frizzy simultaneously. Sloane remembered all too well what it was like to be a girl growing up without a mom. Her own father had tried, but he knew nothing about fashion and ponytails. Sullivan had kept the house full of testosterone-laden boys and Liam had been more comfortable with that than with her tears over wanting to wear makeup at twelve years old. Maybe River needed a female friend.
“Nothing,” River said, sitting down on the ground. “Come here, Kate.”
The dog obediently went to her, tail wagging, and was rewarded with a head rub.
“Do you wish you had a dog?” she asked River, dropping down beside her on the grass.
“Yeah. Rick says no because we live in an apartment. I wish we lived in a house, but not like my dad’s house. Like your dad’s house.”
That made Sloane’s heart hurt for River. “That was a good house to grow up, that is very true. I think Rick is too busy to have a house though. He has the auto body shop and you to worry about, not fixing leaky toilets or cutting the grass.”
“I know.” River looked over at her. “Do you ever wish your mom didn’t leave?”
Sloane wasn’t sure how River knew that, but it was a small town and it wasn’t a secret. “Sure, sometimes. But I don’t really remember her, so I don’t miss her. I just wished when I was your age and a teenager that I had a woman to talk to. My dad was great but there’s just girl stuff sometimes.”
River nodded. “I feel the same way. Rick tries, but he doesn’t understand I’m growing up. And Rachel tries too, but honestly, she’s more immature than I am.”
Sloane smiled at River, amused by her response. “Well, I’m around if you ever need someone to talk to. I won’t tell your brother what we talk about, I promise.”
“Thanks. And you can talk to me, too, you know. About Rick. And how you feel.” River’s look was expectant.
Sloane was speechless. She seriously had no idea what to say. But then his words came right back to her. He didn’t want to ruin anything. He didn’t want anything more. She had to respect that. Keep things simple. Straight-forward. Sex.
“I like Rick. We’re friends, that’s all.” Why did it suck so hard to say that?
Because part of her had thought that if she wanted more, so would he. After all, he was the one who’d always had a crush on her. But that had nothing to do with his life as an adult and he liked the ladies. She was a friend with benefits. Nothing more, nothing less.
One benefit of being an O’Toole? She knew how to keep her emotions under wrap.
When Rick came over with Winnie and Todd, she had herself completely pulled back together. It was her first time meeting Todd and she stood up to introduce herself. “Hi, I’m Sloane, Winnie’s new shampoo girl.”
Not Rick’s friend. Or Sullivan’s sister. Or Tom’s ex-wife.
She was Sloane, with a life of her own.
* * *
Rick watched River run ahead of him at the Fish Festival, wishing like he always did, that she had more friends. It was worrisome. It didn’t seem to bother her a whole lot but it just seemed to him that at some point she had to be lonely. Girls her age had sleepovers and put makeup on each other and watched the Disney channel together. At least she’d agreed to go to camp for the next year, and now she had Kate to play with. A dog couldn’t speak, but she could still be a friend.
He sipped a beer and lazily walked beside Axl, who was actually on duty as a cop.
“I can see you worrying,” Axl said. “She’s a good kid, Ryder. You’re doing a fantastic job.”
He shrugged. “I do all right. But I do worry. I can’t help it. And then I just get pissed at my dad. He bought her an iPhone without talking to me and now I have her watching YouTube videos in bed at midnight when she should be sleeping. And then to just totally embarrass me, he hit on Sloane.”
Axl snorted. “You have to give him credit. The guy has balls.”
“No, he has a dick and that’s all he thinks with.”
“Oh, and you’re different how?” Axl gave him a side look. “You’re kind of a player.”
That ticked him off. “Hey, that’s not fair.” It wasn’t. “I don’t drag women into my shithole house and knock them up. I’m not like him at all.” He resented the comparison.
“I didn’t mean that. I meant you’re so busy keeping women at a distance you’re going to end up like him—alone.”
“What are you, my fucking counselor?” Now Rick was flat-out angry because it hit a nerve. Sloane had hinted at something being between them at the park the other night and he’d pulled away. He’d given her the line he always gave women, about not wanting to ruin what they had by taking it further.
Her admission that she’d liked the kiss back in high school had been hot as hell, and deeply satisfying, but then he hadn’t truly understood what she was asking of him. Then he’d tried to talk to her about it and she’d shut him down.
“River will grow up, go to college, and then what?” Axl held his hands up.
He had his damn cop
sunglasses on with his uniform and Rick couldn’t see his eyes. “I don’t know.” He hadn’t given a lot of thought to it. He was just doing his thing. Living day to day.
Until Sloane had rolled back into town.
Now he had thoughts tumbling around his head he didn’t know what to do with, and he’d tried to keep it casual and she had gone along with that.
He realized Sloane was standing next to River at a funnel cake stand. She had Finn on her hip. The festival was in downtown Beaver Band, and the lake was a beautiful backdrop for the sea of white tents and the carnival rides. Sloane was laughing, tossing her hair back, and adjusting Finn. He hadn’t seen her since the park, but he had been texting her. Some flirty, some sexy, some normal friendship type conversation. She had responded, sounded normal. But she hadn’t initiated any in-person meetings.
It had only been three days and he missed her. How insane was that?
He didn’t know what he wanted.
But he did know he wanted Sloane.
And he was scared to fuck it up. He didn’t want to be his father. He didn’t want to be that guy who runs through women, or worse, the guy who gets left behind.
“What am I supposed to do?” he asked Axl. “I think I might want something.”
Axl peeled his sunglasses off and gave him a grin. “Something? Or Sloane?”
“What do you know about Sloane?” Rick asked, wanting to hear Axl’s opinion.
“I know that you look at her like my father looks at my mother’s lasagna.”
Rick laughed. “Is that a euphemism?”
“Fuck no. I’m talking about my parents. I meant dinner.”
That was how he felt about Sloane. He wanted to eat her. But was that just lust or more?
River ran over to him. “I’m going on the Ferris wheel with Sloane after I get a funnel cake.”
He eyed his sister. “Here’s a thought. Ferris wheel first, then funnel cake. I don’t need you puking up fried dough.”
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