This house would be her home for the foreseeable future. A shiver ran down her spine. She’d worked on the nursery for four consecutive days, but she felt no less nervous at the prospect of actually living here. In what had been Julia’s home. Julia and Gus’s marital home. Confined under the same roof as Gus, the man who had chosen her sister instead of her…the man who had broken her heart and who, despite everything, she couldn’t stop loving, foolish and hopeless though that was.
She’d loved him from day one. Her body reacted the same way now as it had then. When Gus looked at her through those incredible smoky green eyes she had to force herself to remember how to breathe, and his husky voice curled her toes. An excellent doctor, he was warm, caring, and gentle with patients. And, despite some of her colleagues finding him reserved and distant at first, she’d seen beyond the surface to the special man inside.
That he guarded his privacy was something she understood and respected. From that first day in August until the night of their ill-fated date-that-never-was they had been as close as it was possible to be without being physically intimate. But Holly’s dream had shattered with Gus and Julia’s betrayal, followed by the news of Julia’s pregnancy, and then, in December, their hasty marriage. She’d been so hurt, so angry, so shocked…so jealous. January’s escape from A&E had removed her from Gus’s presence but had not removed Gus from her mind. Or her heart.
She enjoyed the Children’s Ward, admired Sister Sharpe and welcomed working with George again, but resentment towards Gus and Julia remained. She felt she’d been forced from the dream job she’d loved and worked hard for. She missed Annie, Nathan, Will, Kelly, Gail, Carolyn and the others, who’d not just been colleagues, but friends, too. And she missed the cut and thrust of trauma nursing.
Since transferring, she’d had no contact with Gus until Wednesday’s tragic events. Her emotions were in turmoil, and despite reassuring her friends otherwise she feared what lay ahead and was riddled with doubts.
‘Holly?’ George gave her a gentle nudge. ‘You can change your mind, you know, and come home with me.’
Suppressing the urge to retreat to the sanctuary of the room she’d rented at George’s, Holly shook her head. ‘No. This is the right thing to do.’
‘For whom?’
‘For baby Max.’ Holly shifted her attention from the imposing façade of the house and looked at George, whose grey eyes regarded her with unconcealed worry. Sighing, she made a further admission. ‘And for Gus.’
What she didn’t say was that it was also for herself. She knew she had fallen as madly in love with Max as she had with his father. She knew what dangerous ground she was on—which was why she’d hidden the true depth of her feelings from Gina, Ruth and George.
George’s expression softened. ‘Gus’s determination to raise Max himself is admirable.’
Holly nodded. But then, she knew why this mattered so much to Gus. Abandoned hours after his birth, he knew nothing about his background or who his parents were. The thought of him growing up without any love or affection, passed from place to place like an unwanted parcel, still moved her to tears. His resolve that his son would grow up with the love, care and security he’d been denied was understandable.
‘Time’s a-wasting, George,’ she said, with a light-heartedness she was far from feeling. ‘Let’s do this.’
Unable to delay the moment any longer, they climbed out of the car, and while George opened the hatchback and began unloading things Holly took a suitcase and went to the front door. She was deciding whether to use the key Gus had given her or ring the bell when the door opened and she was staring into deep green eyes—eyes that had the power to weaken her knees and turn her insides to mush.
As her gaze clashed with his and the familiar tingle of awareness percolated through her, tightening the aching knot deep inside her and setting her pulse racing, she wrestled with the dilemma that nagged more intensely with each day that passed.
How could she still feel so strongly for Gus after everything that had happened?
She didn’t understand her emotions. She wished she felt nothing. Nothing but anger and hurt, still so raw, at what he had done. One look at Julia and Gus had been smitten, transferring his allegiance from her to her beautiful but selfish sister. Their closeness couldn’t have meant anything to him. Not as it had to her.
A fresh wave of guilt assailed her. Julia had bullied her since childhood and done many unforgivable things. But now Julia was dead. Despite her friends claiming to understand her less than charitable feelings towards her sister, Holly felt bad. There was sorrow for the tragic loss of a young life, but her predominant emotions were hurt, anger and jealousy over Julia’s final and worst betrayal…going after Gus. And succeeding. For which she blamed them both.
The betrayal touched her from the grave. Because what she could never forget and what continued to torture her was that, in the unlikely event of Gus ever looking at her again as he had when they first met, she would always know he’d chosen Julia instead. She’d always be second best. And, however much she might love him, she deserved more than that…more than Julia’s leftovers.
* * *
Gus fought the desire that shot through him as he looked into Holly’s sky-blue eyes. He was unable to read the changing emotions in them, but he sensed her reserve and momentarily panicked that she’d changed her mind about moving in. Because he needed her help with Max, he told himself, not because he craved her company.
Disconcerted, he stepped back to allow Holly inside, noticing the heavy suitcase she was carrying. ‘Let me take that for you.’
‘Thanks.’ Her smile was hesitant as she handed him the case. ‘I’ll get another load.’
He watched as she turned and headed back down the path. The abundant hedge fronting the property hid his view of the car, but he had another view. A better view. And his disobedient gaze took full advantage, lingering on Holly’s delicious curves, hugged by faded black jeans that emphasised the captivating wiggle of her bottom.
Cursing himself, he hurried upstairs and set the case on the bed in Holly’s room. He’d offered her the master bedroom that had been Julia’s domain but she’d declined, declaring herself satisfied with the smaller but well-proportioned third bedroom. As he slept in the second bedroom, Holly’s decision meant that they were equally well-placed to attend to Max’s needs as the nursery conveniently sat between them.
Heading back downstairs, he heard voices outside, followed by Holly’s soft laugh. His footsteps slowed as a young woman around Holly’s age stepped into the house. He’d seen her around the hospital wearing a staff-nurse uniform and, remembering his talks with Holly back in the days when they’d shared lunch breaks and confidences, he guessed this was George.
Georgia.
He smothered a laugh as he recalled how jealous and upset he’d been when he’d thought George was the man in Holly’s life. This George—Holly’s George—was definitely female! A couple of inches taller than Holly and a little less curvy, George had pretty elfin features, short, spiky chestnut hair and striking grey eyes. Her smile was broad and genuine, and she exuded energy and a natural friendly warmth.
Before either of them had the chance to speak, Holly returned to the porch and balanced the box she was carrying between her hip and the wall. ‘Have you two never met?’ she asked in surprise, looking from Gus to George and back again.
‘No,’ they answered in unison, sharing a smile.
‘Gus, this is George Millar…George, meet Gus. He thought you were a man!’ she added with an infectious giggle.
As Holly set down the box and headed back outside Gus struggled with his embarrassment. ‘I’m sorry. I only thought that because of the name—certainly not seeing you,’ he tried to explain, cursing his clumsiness and feeling foolish.
‘No worries. It happens all the time!’ George grinned, silver sparkles dancing in her eyes. ‘I was christened Georgia, but everyone’s called me George since I was a baby.’ Smiling, sh
e adjusted the bag she was carrying and held out her hand. ‘It’s good to meet you, Gus. I’ve heard so much about you.’
‘That sounds ominous,’ he responded as he shook her hand, her instinctive warmth helping him relax.
‘Not at all. You’re well-respected around the hospital.’
To say George’s words shocked him was a major understatement. Respect had definitely not been in evidence when his colleagues—indeed, the whole hospital—had labelled him the villain for what had happened with Holly. And self-respect had been in even shorter supply with regard to his ill-judged night with Julia. For that he had been to blame. But despite shouldering the responsibility without protest, at least outwardly, he’d been annoyed and hurt that Holly’s part in events had gone unquestioned and unacknowledged. In his mind it hadn’t been as black and white as that.
He’d slowly won back the professional respect of his colleagues, but it appeared that Julia’s death, the miraculous survival of Max, and staunch public support from Holly had completed his rehabilitation. He was grateful—yet a flicker of resentment remained.
George’s smile faded, concern replacing the earlier humour. ‘Gus, I’m so sorry for your loss.’
‘Thank you.’
An awkward silence lingered, and Gus felt guilty for accepting the kindness of someone who naturally assumed he was racked with grief and who knew nothing of the circumstances, or his shameful sense of relief. Picking up the box Holly had left in the porch, Gus led George upstairs.
‘It’s wonderful that Max is doing so well. Everyone is talking about your miracle baby,’ George chattered as they reached Holly’s bedroom and set down their respective loads. ‘You must be so excited that he’s coming home today.’
‘I’ve been counting the hours,’ he admitted with a smile.
George smiled back, a touch of mischief in her eyes. ‘There’s a good-natured competition brewing between us on the children’s ward and your colleagues in A&E to claim babysitting rights!’
Gus pondered this, touched by the support. Aware that Holly could join them at any moment, he used the time alone with George to seek answers to some of his questions.
‘You and Holly have been friends for a long time?’ he asked, abandoning any pretence of subtlety.
‘Over twenty years—since junior school,’ she replied, chuckling at his exclamation of surprise. ‘We trained together, which was fun—although this is the first time since we qualified that we’ve worked together. I went straight to Paediatrics while Holly chose A&E.’
He was eager to discover more, but the subject of their conversation arrived in the bedroom and his opportunity was lost. Holly looked wary at the sight of them talking together.
‘Is there anything else to bring up?’ Gus asked, regretting that his chance to question George had ended.
‘I’m afraid so,’ Holly confirmed ruefully.
George laughed. ‘I don’t know how we crammed it all in the car!’
‘I’ll go and make coffee—we have time before going to the hospital—then I’ll bring up another load,’ he offered, leaving them alone and returning downstairs.
With the coffee underway, Gus gathered up more of Holly’s possessions from the diminishing pile stacked in the porch and started up the stairs. As he neared the top he heard the girls talking and, ashamed of himself for eavesdropping, let his steps falter.
‘Are you going to be all right?’ George queried with concern.
Holly’s laugh was shaky. ‘I hope so. If I remember why I’m here,’ she added, her enigmatic comment making him frown and wonder again about her motives—what lay behind her offer to help with Max?
‘There’s always a room for you at my house.’
‘Thanks, George. But don’t turn down any opportunity to rent,’ Holly insisted. ‘If you get the chance for a new housemate or two, go for it.’
‘There’s no rush. Dad left me well provided for. I rent the rooms more for the company than for the money. I’ll miss you, Holly. It’s been fun having you around—like old times when we were kids!’ Gus heard the waver in George’s voice. ‘It’s going to seem even stranger when Kelly leaves for Australia in a couple of weeks. The cats and I will be rattling round the house on our own.’
‘Kelly’s really brave. I wonder what it would be like to nurse in a big city hospital like the one in Sydney?’ Holly mused.
Gus’s heart lurched at the thought of Holly leaving to take part in the exchange programme Strathlochan Hospital had organised with its counterpart in Australia, giving doctors and nurses the opportunity to swap places for a year.
‘I wouldn’t like it,’ George admitted, and Holly laughed, the throaty sound tightening the ache in his chest.
‘Given that you’ve rarely ventured as far from Strathlochan as Edinburgh,’ she teased her friend, ‘I can’t imagine you popping off to Sydney!’
George joined in the laughter. ‘Kelly’s more adventurous than me.’
‘And me. It’s a wonderful opportunity, but I wouldn’t do it,’ she confided, and Gus’s heart returned to a more normal rhythm. ‘I hate to think of you in the house alone, though.’
‘August will be the best time to find another housemate when the new intake descends on the hospital. That’s weeks off, so you can come back if you need to.’
‘Thanks, George, you’ve been fabulous. I don’t know what I’d have done without you when I had to sell the house,’ Holly confided, pain evident in her voice.
Gus remembered Holly telling him she’d had to sell her home due to her parents’ wishes, but was there more to it? Hearing movement, and fearing Holly and George would discover him lingering, he made a noise to alert them of his arrival, then continued up the stairs and into the bedroom.
The woman who continued to turn his life upside down looked round as he entered the room and he was struck by her natural beauty. He’d hoped Holly would be the mother of his children but she hadn’t wanted him. Despite being a good nurse, Holly’s total lack of interest in Julia’s pregnancy had led him to expect a similar lack of interest in his son. The fierceness of her devotion to Max had completely bowled him over.
A sudden thought occurred to him…
What if Holly wanted custody of Max? Was that her motivation? If it was, she’d have the fight of her life. He would never give up his son. Never. The thought took root, nagging at him, reminding him to be cautious in the days ahead.
Holly moving in was far from ideal, given the tension between them, but Max was his paramount concern. Which meant getting used to Holly being around…and ignoring the way his heart turned over when he looked at her.
‘Come down when you’re ready and we can work out a schedule,’ he suggested, backing out of the room and giving himself the chance to strengthen his protective shield.
Holly had slipped past his defences before and she’d let him down. It had been a bitter blow and one he’d never overcome. He’d failed to get her out of his system. She was dangerous, and he had to be careful not to leave himself open and vulnerable to her again. There were things that didn’t make sense, and until he knew the truth he’d keep up his guard.
CHAPTER EIGHT
AFTER George’s departure, Holly spent a few moments bringing order to her room and putting her toiletries in the space Gus had made for her in the shared bathroom. Before heading downstairs she stopped by the nursery, recalling Gus’s surprise the night before when he’d seen the results of her efforts. His reaction had made the long hours she’d spent on the task worthwhile.
Since the previous night Gus had added finishing touches and organised the room. He’d even hung in the window the rainbow spinner she’d bought to entertain Max. An inbuilt mini solar panel absorbed the sunlight and turned the crystals hanging beneath, reflecting rainbows of colour around the room.
Excited by Max’s imminent arrival home, she went down to the kitchen. Gus was sitting at the table, and she sensed a reserve in him that hadn’t been there a short while ago. Mayb
e the act of her physically moving in had hit him as forcefully as it had hit her, slamming home the reality that they were confined under this roof together with Julia and the past hanging over them. Forbidden territory. But not forgotten…certainly not by her.
Would having Max at home make things easier? Holly hoped so. With any luck they’d be so focused on the baby’s needs there wouldn’t be time to notice the tension—or for her to brood over Gus, and what she’d lost. Once they returned to work their paths would only cross as they exchanged responsibility for Max. Or so she hoped. Again and again she repeated the mantra she’d used to reassure her friends…she was doing the right thing for Max. But doubts still nagged at her.
Gus looked up from the notepad on the table in front of him, his sultry green eyes guarded. ‘Has George gone?’
‘Yes. She had some errands to run.’ Covering her nerves, Holly accepted the coffee he offered and sat down, keeping the solid width of the table between them. ‘You’ve finished the nursery so well.’
‘Its success is your doing, not mine.’
Although his gruff praise gave her a warm tingle, she was aware that her presence unsettled him. ‘We’ve both done our part.’ She sucked in a steadying breath and decided to tackle things head-on. ‘Gus, I know this situation is far from how you planned it, and I know you don’t really want me here, but this is about Max—not about us.’
‘There is no us,’ he pointed out, with a harshness that pierced her like a knife.
‘No. I know that.’ She knew it all too painfully, without the huge dose of salt being rubbed into a wound still deep and raw. Tears stung her eyes and she looked away, fighting against them and the emotions churning within. It was a struggle, but she regained control, although bitterness and sarcasm laced her words. ‘I don’t need reminding of the choice you made, Gus.’
‘Holly…’
He fell silent, his frown deepening, and she watched as he dragged a hand through his hair, always a sure sign of his discomfort. Before he could say more, she pressed on. ‘You mentioned a schedule?’ she reminded him, steering them away from dangerous ground.
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