He’d been wrestling with his thoughts when Holly had spoken again, her cheeks flushed, sooty lashes lowered to hide her emotions.
‘I care about you,’ she’d confided softly. ‘I love Max with all my heart. But every time I look at him I think of you and Julia together, and…’ She’d paused, one hand pressed to her stomach, her sky-blue eyes full of pain. ‘There are things you don’t know,’ she’d added cryptically. ‘I can’t help how I feel, Gus. I need time to know if I can deal with this. For all our sakes.’
He’d had little option but to agree and give Holly the time she’d asked for. But he didn’t like it.
Now, as she took Max out to meet Callie and Izzy at Annie’s house, Gus went to the master bedroom to continue sorting Julia’s belongings. Everything was so complicated. All he could do was wait…wait and pray that Holly truly cared for him, and that her love for Max was enough for her to see beyond the past to the future that could lie ahead of them.
They needed to talk. He had to lay the truth on the table once and for all. Not just that he loved her and always had, but what had happened with Julia…the state of his marriage, even his version of events on the night Max had been conceived. And he wanted to know from Holly why she’d stood him up, why she’d sent Julia to meet him, and why she’d never explained or apologised afterwards. And then there were the ‘things’ she’d alluded to…the things he didn’t know. What were they? Were they an insurmountable obstacle to them being together?
Engrossed in his thoughts, he pulled too hard on the drawer in Julia’s bedside cabinet and only just caught it before it hit the floor. As he lifted it to slide it back onto its runners he discovered a large envelope taped to the underside of the drawer. Frowning, he felt inside and pulled out a leather-bound journal.
He flicked the journal open and recognised Julia’s handwriting. Any initial awkwardness he felt at the invasion of her privacy evaporated as some of the entries jumped out at him…nasty remarks and jealous resentment directed at Holly. He discovered that it had been Julia who had been in bed with Euan, Holly’s fiancé, leading to the cancellation of the wedding. Holly had shielded him from that information, he realised, believing he had loved Julia. He burned with anger at what Julia had done to betray her sister, but at the same time he felt deeply ashamed that he’d ever been taken in by her.
What else had Julia lied about? He flicked through the journal to the night he and Julia had met. The night he should have been on his first proper date with Holly. The night Julia had told him Holly didn’t want him.
There, in black and white, Julia’s words revealed the shocking truth…
Things turned out so much better than I expected. I only meant to spoil Holly’s date with Gus, but when he went to get me a drink and I discovered he’d left his mobile phone behind it was the simplest thing to send Holly a text cancelling the evening. I’d love to have seen her face when it arrived just as she must have been leaving home! Thank God I had time to delete the message and Holly’s pathetic reply from his phone before he came back…So Gus was none the wiser. Likewise Holly. And with Gus unwell it was easy to convince him of Holly’s duplicity. As far as he was concerned she’d stood him up with no explanation!
It was obvious from talking to Gus how much they care about each other and I knew one missed date wasn’t going to upset things for long. A few questions the next day and it would be obvious what happened. That’s when the idea came to me. I’d had no intention of doing anything more, but with Gus so ill things played into my hands and I just ran with it, acting on instinct. It’s amazing what desperation can drive you to do. Suddenly I saw a way out of the mess I’m in. And if it works it’ll kill two birds with one stone…solving my own dilemma whilst at the same time messing things up for Miss Goody-Two-Shoes. Always a bonus.
Julia’s maliciousness appalled him. He’d blamed Holly for things going wrong and for rejecting him, but all the time she must have been blaming him. Holly had never sent Julia to the Strathlochan Arms in her place. Holly had received a cancellation text she’d believed was from him, and then she’d learned from gossip that he’d spent the evening with her sister. No wonder she’d been hurt and angry. And had assumed he’d chosen Julia over her.
Damn Julia and her lies. Why had she done it? Shaking his head, he looked back over the journal entry and frowned. What had Julia meant about solving her own dilemma? Irate and puzzled, he sat on the bed and turned the pages, needing to learn more. But as he read one horrifying entry after another, the blood chilled in his veins and his whole world crashed down around him.
* * *
Having forced herself to act normally with Annie, Callie and baby Izzy—who, with her shock of red hair and her mother’s startling violet eyes, was developing a firecracker personality—Holly headed home with a characteristically laid-back Max. She felt far from relaxed, however, as her nervousness about facing Gus increased.
After the most incredible night of her life, during which Gus had told her he wanted them to be a family, she’d woken in the morning confused and unsettled. Everything she most wanted was hers for the taking, so she should have jumped at the chance. But she couldn’t. Because, as she’d told Gus, no matter how she felt about him she couldn’t get out of her head the fact that he’d been with Julia. And if she entered into a relationship with Gus, uncertain whether she could live with it, what chance would they have?
He’d said she wasn’t second best, but however much she wanted to believe that the evidence pointed to the contrary. Gus had chosen to be with Julia, to have a baby with her. And it still hurt. So much. She felt guilty for feeling so jealous and upset—especially given the tragedy that had befallen her sister. As for Gus, she knew he would do what he thought was best for Max. So did Gus really want her? Or did he just want to secure a mother for his son? She feared the latter while dreaming the former was true. But how would she know?
If it had been anyone but Julia maybe she could have put it behind her. But her sister…? A shiver ran through her. What else had Julia told Gus about her? She thought of his questions about her cancelled wedding. Julia had taken a fragment of the truth, twisted it to give a very different impression, and left Gus to believe the blame lay with Holly, not Euan.
Euan. Her childhood sweetheart. The man she’d planned to marry. And, until last night, the only man she’d ever slept with. She hadn’t told Gus the full truth about the betrayal that had led her to call off the wedding. Why hurt Gus, who was grieving for his lost wife, by telling him what Julia had done? Nothing could change the past.
Just as she could never fully recover from what had happened a week or two after finding Euan and Julia together. The skeleton in her cupboard that no one but Julia and her GP knew about. Pain ripped through her as the memories returned. Even after all this time tears threatened, and the dreadful hollow void deep inside remained. Could she tell Gus the full story? She didn’t know. But she could never start a relationship with undisclosed secrets hanging in the air—just as she could never forget that Gus had chosen Julia and that Max, however beloved, was his and Julia’s son.
She was going round in circles. Sighing, she walked up the path. Opening the front door, she reversed in, better able to guide Max’s buggy through the porch and into the hall. Closing the door, she turned round, halting in surprise.
Ashen-faced, Gus was sitting near the foot of the staircase watching her.
Unease was replaced by the cold weight of dread as she met his gaze and saw the despair and pain that dulled his smoky green eyes.
CHAPTER TWELVE
‘GUS? What is it?’ As he stared at her in silence Holly pressed a hand to her chest, where a knot of anxiety had formed. ‘You’re scaring me. What’s wrong?’
Slowly he rose to his feet, and for the first time she noticed the leather-bound book in his hands. He walked down the final steps and handed it over, before slipping past her and opening the front door.
‘Read it,’ he instructed, his voice disturbin
gly flat and devoid of emotion.
As the door closed behind him Holly hesitated, unsure whether to do as he had asked or go after him to ensure he was all right. Concerned for him, and needing to understand what had upset him, she went into the living room, her thoughts confused.
After taking Max out of his buggy, Holly gave him a kiss and a cuddle, then settled him on his play-mat. Drop ping her bag on the floor beside her, she sat in an armchair and opened the book at the page Gus had marked. Immediately she recognised Julia’s handwriting. Puzzle ment turned to shocked disbelief as she read her sister’s journal.
Holly gasped as she discovered it had been Julia who had sent the message from Gus’s mobile phone to cancel the date that fateful autumn night. Gus had known nothing about the text, nor her reply to it, Julia having deleted the evidence. Anger, pain and regret filled her. Whilst she’d blamed him for what had happened, Gus had believed she had coldly and calculatingly stood him up. No wonder he’d been so strange with her.
Both she and Gus had been hurt, each seeking explanations the other had been unable to give, each feeling the other had staged a humiliating public rejection…just as Julia had wanted. And with so many of their colleagues in the Strathlochan Arms as witnesses the subsequent hospital gossip had driven the wedge more deeply between Gus and herself, completing the job her sister had started.
The ache inside her turned to sick despair as she read more of the journal entries…
I hadn’t thought further ahead than sabotaging Holly’s date, but then Paul and I rowed so terribly that afternoon…I was panicked. I didn’t know what to do. Unlike Holly, I’ve never wanted to be a mother. When I first realised I was pregnant I had every intention of having an abortion as Paul demanded. I was shocked when I went into the clinic and found I couldn’t go through with it. I didn’t want the baby and I didn’t want to lose Paul, but I just couldn’t do it. I just couldn’t kill it. Paul was so furious. He kept accusing me of trying to trap him…It’s not true. It was an accident…a condom failure—ironic, given what I said to Holly after her miscarriage.
Holly pressed her fingers to her mouth, fighting back a sob as she relived the terrifying and heartbreaking moment a couple of weeks after Euan’s betrayal, when she had miscarried the baby she hadn’t known she was carrying. The anguish and hollow ache of loss had never diminished, and the news of Julia’s pregnancy had only increased her feelings of betrayal and jealousy.
‘Don’t you know anything about contraception?’ Julia had sneered. ‘Or the morning-after pill?’
‘A condom must have split,’ she’d explained, hating the way her beautiful, sophisticated older sister always belittled her, making her feel small and stupid.
‘At least you’ve lost it and haven’t had to arrange an abortion.’
Holly had been horrified ‘I’d never have had an abortion,’ she’d retaliated, distraught that this unexpected and all too brief new life had been extinguished.
‘There’s no way I’d be caught like that—or have a baby ruin my body.’ Julia’s tone had been characteristically patronising, her words wounding. ‘It’s different for you, Holly, you’ve always been plain and careless about your appearance.’
Shaking her head as she relived that painful conversation, Holly tried to push the memories from her mind and refocus on the journal…
Hopefully I can win Paul back when this is over. In the meantime, I’m facing the frightening prospect of doing it alone. Or was … until I met Gus. I may not have planned it, but when the opportunity arose, I went for it. I know it’s impulsive and mad, but it’s the best outcome for the baby. It was a risk, but the stakes are high for me. I knew Gus was living at the Strathlochan Arms so his room was nearby. He was disorientated from whatever virus he had. Apparently he doesn’t drink, and was taking medication, so I took the chance and put loads of vodka in what he assumed was water. He reacted so quickly I was worried I’d overdone it, but I helped him to his room, then got him undressed and into bed before he passed out. Enough people saw us to spark some gossip that will hurt Holly. Come morning, Gus had no memories of what had happened. I almost laughed aloud at the horrified look on his face when he woke to find me in bed with him!
So I feel I’ve done pretty well for myself! Not only did I achieve my original aim of spoiling things for Holly, but I’ve gained an insurance policy and solved my problem. Given Gus’s sense of honour and responsibility, I knew he’d step up if he thought the baby was his. What I never anticipated was his demand to get married! In name only, thank God…But even that has its benefits. He’s taking care of me in every way, and Holly’s heartbroken, thinking the relationship is real. Perfect.
‘Oh, my God.’
Tears stung Holly’s eyes as the evidence of her sister’s cruelty hit home. Never mind that Julia had taken pleasure in ruining her chance at happiness—far worse was what she had done to Gus. Months of lies, allowing Gus to believe he was the baby’s father. It explained so much—like how wrong the due date had seemed. It was wrong—but Gus hadn’t known that.
It was so much fun at first—playing Holly and Gus off against each other, letting Holly believe Gus loved me and found her unattractive. It’s so easy to get to her—always has been. I’m the beautiful one, but plain podgy Holly always gets the attention because she’s so good, so nice. But I proved it was me they all wanted—first Euan and now Gus. She has no idea that Gus and I have never slept together, that we live separate lives. And I’m not telling her. Not yet. Until the baby is born Holly can go on thinking that the man she loves really loves me.
Entry after entry was the same. Holly forced herself to read on, too stunned to take everything in. That Julia had planned to walk away once the baby was born was another shock revealed in later entries. She talked about the real father, Paul Dalziel…the man who’d been killed with his wife and whose funeral Julia had attended before her accident. It was clear Julia had loved the man who, it transpired, had been unable to leave the disabled wife who needed him. He had grown children and no wish for more, hence his rejection of the baby he’d made with Julia.
Despite past experience of her sister’s schemes, Holly believed that the baby had indeed been an accident, and not a way to trap Paul into further commitment. Julia’s intent was clear…the baby would stay with Gus while she returned to Paul. But that was not to be. Two tragic accidents had taken the lives of both Max’s genetic parents.
There were signs in the final entries that Julia had been reflecting on the past, Holly discovered, wiping the tears that blurred her eyes…
I’ve done some terrible things. I see that now. And I regret them. I’ve always hated that Holly is so popular. Everyone loves her—especially Dad. He was mine before she came along. Holly’s never had to try, whereas I’ve always found it hard to make friends. I do bad things to be noticed, to get attention, but the fact that my father, stepmother and Holly always forgive me somehow makes it worse. They make allowances for my behaviour, but what hurts me is the disappointment in their eyes when they look at me.
I can’t repair the damage I’ve done. I feel bad because Gus is a nice man. Genuine. He’s been good to me…and I’ve been a real bitch to him. I know he’ll give the baby a happy life. I’ll write to him—and Holly—telling them enough of the truth to maybe help repair their relationship. Whatever else I think of her, Holly was always perfect mother material. Unlike me. Now, though, I can understand how she felt when she miscarried her own baby. Soon this nightmare will be over and I’ll have my life…and Paul…back again.
Fate had intervened and prevented Julia from bringing her plans to fruition. Julia had struggled to come to terms with the news that Paul and his wife and been killed. On the outside she’d seemed like herself, but inside she’d gone to pieces. After attending the funeral, distraught and drinking to mask the pain, she’d crashed the car with inevitable consequences.
Her cheeks wet with tears, Holly dropped to her knees and cuddled Max, needing him close. She b
reathed in his familiar scent, giving thanks for the umpteenth time that he’d survived the accident.
‘Precious miracle baby,’ she whispered, kissing him as he snuggled in her arms.
Her thoughts centred on Gus. Whatever must he be feeling? She glanced at her watch and realised with shock how much time had passed since he’d left the house. Where was he? Fear curled within her. She had to find him. There was so much to talk about, so much to resolve, so many misunderstandings to settle.
First and foremost, she knew how deeply he loved Max. Right now he must be feeling lost, angry and hurt—deceived in the worst of ways. Fresh tears stung her eyes. Her heart was breaking for him. And yet…dared she hope? If it was true that he cared for her, as he’d claimed, then this new development, whilst a devastating shock, freed them from everything that had held her back. She wasn’t second best. Gus had never been with Julia.
But even as hope rose it faded again. What if he no longer wanted her or Max now he knew what Julia had done? Scared, confused and sick with worry, she knew she had to find Gus as soon as possible.
* * *
Uncaring where he was going, Gus walked the streets, devastated by the discoveries he’d made. It took a moment to realise someone was calling his name, then he saw Seb approaching, with Monty the Labrador walking to heel on a lead beside him.
Seb took one look at him and without a word ushered him back to the townhouse he shared with Gina—Gina’s grandmother, Maria, occupied the attached granny flat. Sitting on the sofa, a mug of tea cupped in his hands, Gus blurted out the whole story, seeing the shock on Seb’s and Gina’s faces as they learned what Julia had done.
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