by Alli Sims
“I’ve been alright.” He looked away. “Just… taking a break from the road for a little while, probably going to try and record another album while I’m home.”
“How long are you going to be home for?” The question came out before I even realized it. I felt my cheeks burn. It shouldn’t matter to me- it didn’t.
“I’ll be home for a while…. I’d love to see more of you.”
***
“What do you know about Hayden Smith?” I asked trying to sound casual as we made our way out of the building.
My best friend turned to look at me. “Why?” She almost snapped. “What do you want to know? I can tell you about his childhood, or his favorite things, or who he’s supposedly dating, or the drama surrounding him this week.” For as split second something I was sure was sadness crossed her face.
I stared at Sarah. Her blonde hair done up in a bun just like mine, but unlike me she was thin everywhere. I happened to be curvy, with big hips and big breasts. I couldn’t help but feel a little freaked out by my friends reaction. Thank god she didn’t know I knew him.
“Um, what’s the story on his childhood?” I wondered how much of it was actually true.
“Well,” She started with a grin. “He actually grew up in the area, can you believe it?” She didn’t wait for me to say anything else before continuing. “He sure as shit never went to my school, that much is for sure. When he was 19 I guess he ran away just out of the blue, went to Hollywood to become a rock star and now… well here he is. When he was in Hollywood apparently he actually lived on the street for a while, and struggled with drug addiction.” She let out a deep breath. “That poor thing. I can’t imagine how he must have felt.”
Sarah kept talking but I have to admit I didn’t hear what she was saying. I was too busy thinking about what she’d just told me. Was it true? I knew he hadn’t run away from home. I remember him saying goodbye to me when he left to travel the world, it was just supposed to be a year before college- then it turned into six. But the rest, was it all made up too? Had he actually been out on the streets or had that been something to draw people in? Had he struggled with addiction? The Hayden I knew never smoked, let alone did drugs. But that was a long time ago. I reminded myself. And you know what it’s like. Once some people try it they just can’t stop.
Was he actually home to record another album?
“Alex?”
“Hm?” My own name snapped me back to reality. I turned to face my best friend. “What? Sorry, I wasn’t listening.”
Sarah laughed gently. “I can tell! I was asking you if you wanted to come to the concert with us. A couple of the girls from work are pooling in and getting VIP tickets, we’re all going to meet him!” She beamed.
“Um, thanks but no. I… I’ve been really busy.” I lied. There was no way I wanted to get caught back stage with him in front of everyone from work. I didn’t want them knowing I knew him. That could only end badly.
When we got to the parking lot Sarah and I said our goodbyes, I should have just got in my car and headed to my house, but that wasn’t my style. I needed to be bad.
I couldn’t help but wonder how no one had pieced it together. I mean, it was a small town when it came down to it. There were a couple thousand people here but how could no one have realized it was him? I thought I was the only one who didn’t pay attention to the media these days.
As I pulled the car into park in front of Mrs. Mcall’s house I checked myself over in the mirror I would have loved to not be wearing my bun, my face looked so much better when I had my hair down- but I didn’t want to mess with it. It took me an hour to get it up, and although not as long to get it down it was still a pain in the ass. So I slipped my keys into my pocket and opened the car door. I didn’t need to knock, I heard him in the backyard.
His voice was gentle was he sang Sympathy for the Devil.
I paused for a couple seconds to just listen, closing my eyes. My heart tightened. I should just go. I wasn’t sure what I’d even say to be honest. What was there to say? “Why would you be my first and then just leave without saying goodbye?” Leave for good and never write.
Pain tangled around my heart, reminding me just how hurt I’d been by it.
No, I couldn’t leave. I was already here. Knowing his mom she’d already seen the car and if I walked away now he’d know, and he’d wonder why I hadn’t just gone in to see him.
The back gate squeaked as I pushed it open. Looking around it was like I’d been transported back to my childhood.
Hayden stopped mid song as his head snapped up. He stared at me for a second, then smiled pushing himself off the swinging bench he was on. “Hey.” He lay his guitar on the bench and padded over to me. “What are you doing here?”
“I, um, just came to say hi. See how you’re doing.”
“I’m good, thanks” He beamed as he came to a stop in front of me. “Do you want to come inside and have a drink? I hope you didn’t over hear me singing too much…”
“I heard some of it.” I confessed. “You’re really good. Why didn’t you ever tell me you could sing?”
He shrugged. “Just didn’t think it was ever something you’d care about. Come on; let me get you a drink. My mom’s off at bingo so I’ve had the place to myself for the day, the company would be great.”
Dammit. She was at bingo. I could have left, now I was stuck drinking with him- but honestly I was kinda glad.
“Have you been home for long?”
And why hadn’t he tried to get into contact with me? The pain tightened around my heart.
“Not too long no.”
“Are you glad to be back? How has no one noticed?” My brow furrowed. Everyone should know by now, shouldn’t they?
“I’ve been staying around the house. I have a show on the weekend but that’s the only sort of press stuff I’m doing. Not talking to anyone, hell not even going to buy a pack of gum.” He grinned as he opened the fridge and pulled out a bottle of orange juice and padded towards the cupboard. “It’s been a long time since we saw each other.”
“It has.”
I tried not to think about it.
“Are you still mad at me?”
“Who said I was mad at you?” I wouldn’t deny I’d been hurt. It wasn’t even the fact that he was supposed to come back, and then when he did… he didn’t even try to come see me. How many shows had he played here that he hadn’t bothered to stop by and say hi?
“My mom said your mom told her.”
I rolled my eyes. “She doesn’t know anything.” And she didn’t. She had no clue about me sneaking him upstairs that night. “I was never mad at you for leaving.” I lied as he brought me over a glass of orange juice. “So,” it was time to change the subject. “I heard you ran away from home when you were 19 and moved to California.”
He stared at me for a couple of seconds. “You did, did you? Have you been Googling me?”
“No, I just have a friend who’s quite a fan girl.” I took a sip of my juice as I watched him. “So, is any of it true?”
His silence told me his answer before he did.
“Depends on how much you know.” He said after a long time.
“Well,” I cleared my throat unsure of what to say. At least I’d gotten my answer. “Look at you now, a rock star.”
And I did. I took a long look at him. He wasn’t the thin little boy I remembered. His hair had been dyed black and his lip pierced. I couldn’t help but wonder about the tattoo I saw on his neck. An anchor. I bit my lip. Never would have pegged him for a tattoo kinda guy.
His eyes were still the same, they’d always been gorgeous and his grin hadn’t changed much aside from the fact that he now had a thin beard that tilted up whenever his lips curved into a smile. I swallowed dryly. Quick frankly; he was hot.
“Are you still in contact with anyone use from school?” Was there someone he’d trusted more than me?
I mean, by the time we graduated we hadn’t been that
close. Not like when we were 5 or 6 years old. Then we’d been inseparable. I wasn’t sure why I asked him to come back to my place that night… maybe it was because I realized I was losing part of my childhood; maybe I was just a horny kid. I don’t know.
“Nope, you’re the only one I ever thought about contacting.”
My heart skipped a beat as I stared at him, my jaw dropping just enough to form a small O as I stared at him. My mind replayed his words again and again.
“But yea, other than that I didn’t really bother trying to stay in contact with anyone.” He looked away from me before speaking again. “Maybe we could have dinner sometime, you know just to catch up.”
Chapter
And that was how I got a date with a rock star. I don’t even remember making my way home or going to sleep that night. I knew I shouldn’t have done it. I should have just left him there and not bothered. After what he did to me he deserved a lot worse- but I needed answers still. So I tried to remind myself it was a long time ago and that we could still be friends. I do remember the next day was hell. Sarah was eager to try and get me to come to the show on the weekend- she’d taken my single question as a sign that I was going to delve into the world of obsessing over him. “Oh come on, I can buy you all his CDs and you can come over and we can listen to them.” She honestly sounded so excited.
“Thank you but I can’t.” I had a date after all.
Sarah’s eyes narrowed. “Why? Do you have a boyfriend you’re not telling me about?”
“No.” I said a little too quickly.
Sarah’s eyes widened. “You do.” She hissed. “You have a boyfriend and you haven’t told me about him!”
“I don’t!” I protested. “We’re...” we were friends, but I wouldn’t be able to tell her the truth. “We’re just feeling things out right now. I don’t want to go into it yet.”
“Is he married?”
“What?! No! Don’t be crazy, you know I’d never date a married man.”
“Oh, good.” And with that our conversation was over.
I took an early day, promising Sarah I would make it up to her on the weekend, and rushed home to get ready for my dinner with Hayden.
***
I had no clue what to wear, or how to do my makeup. So I went with a little black dress that showed just enough cleavage, but not too much, and a pair of black pumps. I figured as long as he wasn’t taking me to McDonald’s I wasn’t going to be too overdressed.
He picked me up at 6:20, I’d just finished putting my red lipstick on and making sure my lashes weren’t clumped when he knocked on the door and I rushed to answer it.
He promised me he had a surprise, but I’d never expected this.
“Wow,” I stared around the empty restaurant; small candles flickered on a table at the back of the room. “Wow…” I looked around as he led me towards the table. The silk tablecloths, the candles on the table, the breadsticks waiting for us. I just couldn’t believe any of it.
He’d unlocked the place like he owned it. “How did you get a key?” I asked as we slid into our seat. I didn’t see anyone around, though that didn’t mean they weren’t.
“I asked a friend for it.” I raised my eyebrow waiting for him to explain further. “He owns the place. He… we didn’t know each other in high school, he’s actually from Texas, but when I was talking to my mom one night she mentioned this place was up for sale, it’s a lot cheaper to own a restaurant here than it is in California, which was where I met him. I mentioned it to him because I knew he’d been looking to get away from the area, and he’s always let me dine here for free since then.”
“Though he normally doesn’t ask me to shut the place down.” A man said behind me.
My head snapped towards him. He was young, with a thick red beard and wearing a white shirt and black slacks. He gave me a wide smile. “I’m Ken.”
We shook hands. “Alex.”
“It’s a pleasure to meet you.” He held out a menu to me and then handed one to Hayden. “I’ll grab you two a glass of wine, red or white?”
Hayden looked at me. I shrugged letting him know he could do whatever he wanted.
“Red please.”
With that Ken nodded and left us to it.
“So, you don’t normally shut the place down when you eat?”
“No.” He smirked. “That’s just when I want to impress a girl.”
I almost choked on air, thank god I didn’t and I managed to recover myself before he seemed to notice. “And how many times has that been?” I asked cocking my head to the left.
“Including you?”
“Yes.”
My thumb rubbed against the menu nervously as I waited for his answer. My heart rate picked up a little as I suddenly realized I didn’t really want to know the answer to that.
“One.” He said after what felt like ages.
I stared at him dumb struck. Did he expect me to believe that?
He was famous; he must have loads of girls trying to go out with him.
“Sure, sure.” I let my disbelief seep thread as I spoke.
“I mean it. Just look at the tabloids. I’m sure they would have figured it out if I’d taken anyone else out.”
“Does that mean they are going to find out about me?”
“Maybe, but as far as I know they still think I’m in Cuba.” He looked down at the menu without saying another word.
I stared at mine, not really reading the words in front of me as I processed what he’d just told me. Was I risking being seen with him by the public?
And if so, was that really a bad thing?
A few minutes later Ken brought the wine back and offered to take our orders. Hayden asked for a stake. I just smiled and asked Ken to make whatever he thought would be the best. He seemed pleased with my answer as he walked away. And once again Hayden and I were left alone.
I stared at him, trying to think of a nice way to ask all the questions I wanted to ask.
“Were you mad at me?” He asked before I could get to any of my questions. “When I left, I mean.”
“I wasn’t mad when you left. I was hurt when you never wrote, and when you didn’t say goodbye.” I admitted. “But I shouldn’t have been expecting anything else. I mean, it’s not like we’d been very close when you left.” Even after that night. “I was sure you had dozens of other people to write to.” I didn’t admit that I’d been jealous of it.
“What did you do? After I left I mean, and what do you do now?”
An expression passed across his face that I couldn’t quite pinpoint. I tried but it was no use.
“I went to college, and now I work in an office.”
“Oh you make it sound so boring, there must be more to it than that.”
“Well, I did go to Europe once for a week.” I wracked my brain trying to find something less boring to say, but the truth was I hadn’t done anything major. “I’m really not that interesting.” I admitted, after all he was going to figure it out sooner or later. “I worked hard, didn’t get any debt, bought a house and now… now I just work hard and I haven’t figured out why yet.” Maybe I’d do more traveling, maybe I’d just save it all.
“And a boyfriend?”
I shrugged. “I’ve had a couple, but nothing stuck. The guys I met either weren’t where I was in life, and didn’t want to be; or they wanted to be but tried too hard… or we just really didn’t have anything in common.” I swallowed dryly hoping it wasn’t obvious how much that hurt me. “What about you? A famous rock star like you must have women throwing themselves at him left right and center.”
“I do.” His honesty caused a snort of laughter as I stared at him. “But those aren’t the kinds of girls I want. I don’t want someone to be with me because of where I am now in life. I want someone to want to be with me because of where I am, where I’ve been and because they want to go onto the next stage with me. Not because of my money or the fact that they will be in magazines and on TV.”
&nb
sp; His voice had turned bitter.
I couldn’t help but remember Sarah’s comment on his recent drama. What had it been? I opened my mouth to ask, but remembered how wrong that would be of me.
Thankfully before I could put any more thought into it Ken came out with two plates. He placed one down in front of me and the other down in front of Hayden.
I stared down at the meal, saliva pooling in my mouth. It looks like I’d been given pesto pasta with crab. “It looks amazing.” I gave Ken a smile before he thanked me and turned away- again leaving us alone.
“So, you’re going to be home for a while.” It was a statement, he’d already told me he would be. “Are you going to try to do anything while you’re here?”