by Melissa Blue
“You’re touching me while you’ve made it clear I can’t do the same. Don’t do it, unless you mean it. I play for keeps.”
His straightforward answer made her heart skitter. “But what about your job? Don’t you care?”
“I care a great deal about my work. I love it. But I can teach somewhere else if it comes to that. I fight for the people who stand in my corner and I fight dirty.”
Horrified she could only stare at him for a moment. “That’s irrational. You just can’t up and quit a career or put it on hold for someone. Someone you barely know.”
“That would be crazy to do for someone you didn’t know.” But the way he tilted his head didn’t reassure her.
“So you agree? We’re done?” she asked to confirm.
He shook his head before he answered with, “In five weeks what will be your next excuse?”
As Eva had suspected, he could see straight through her. The troubling part was that it didn’t make her want to run. She balled her hand in his shirt. Eva wasn’t sure if she meant to tug the material over his head or…yank the material over his head. “You weren’t this way when we talked on the forums.”
“I behaved.”
Her brows rose at that. He’d made her blush a time or two. “And now?”
He shook his head, his stare still searching. “Who are you?”
She blinked at the question and met his gaze. He was serious. “What does that mean?”
“We got complicated. So what? Anything that happens now, yeah, might be problematic, but after that…”
And that’s when she could drop her hand from his shirt. She stepped back, but his fingers closed along her wrist. She gasped at the firm hold. Pinpricks of need shot through her, tightening her nipples. His gaze fell down and he tensed. He took her other hand and flipped her palm up. Both of her wrists were exposed.
“This is exactly what I mean,” his voice was deep and dark, a tenuous thread that could be broken with a word, the truth he could plainly see.
Thin healed over scars rode up the veins on both of her wrists. Her breath was a shaky tremor, but she held his stare, unwilling to feel shame. Not now, not with him.
“And that’s my point, Grady. The woman you’ve talked to the past four months wasn’t me. She’s—that woman is smart, funny and quick-witted. And I’m…not that. I’m not someone you change your career for. You don’t really know me.” She inhaled and pushed the breath back out. “I have scars.”
He tilted his head again, his tense expression deepening. “Someone else was writing your replies to me?”
“No.”
“Then you are those things.”
Tears suddenly burned at her eyes and she put a hand to his chest again. His heart thudded beneath her palm. He felt the pull between them too. How in the hell could he be so solid? Why didn’t he care more about what an affair could do to him?
She licked her lips her throat thick and tight. “Grady—”
The door in the lecture hall slammed closed. They snapped apart turning their attention to the back of the room. Shit. Lauren’s blonde hair was such a contrast to purple blouse she wore. The gray linen pants fit snug on her hips and hid any imperfections.
And wasn’t that always the problem between them? Eva’s flaws were right there on parade, blowing trumpets if anyone dared to forget them. Let Lauren tell the story, she was just there to protect them. To make sure they didn’t have to move again, because her baby sister believed any lie a man told her.
Lauren was too far away for Eva to see her eyes, but Eva knew her sister hadn’t missed a thing. Damage control was the only thought to flash through her mind. Without another moment of hesitation, she sprinted up the stairs and met her sister halfway on the steps, grabbed her arm and forcibly turned her in the direction of the door.
Her sister wrenched her arm from the hold. “What were you doing?”
The words were spaced out and they pounded into Eva like nails. Touching a man she couldn’t help but touch. Breaking things off with a man, the first man in a long while, who didn’t make her feel broken. She hadn’t told him she was, so how could he?
“Lauren,” she kept her voice calm. “Let’s not do this here.”
She didn’t bother to make the argument let’s not do this at all. She’d be lucky if the statement fell on deaf ears.
“No,” Lauren said, her tone harder than steel. “No. After what happened, you do this here?”
And this was why she’d tried to break things off with Grady. Facts didn’t matter. How it looked held the most sway. After class, in an empty lecture hall, a student and a professor were touching inappropriately. And this was after turning in her homework late to a professor who had a strict rule against late assignments.
From the tinge of red creeping up her sister’s neck, that’s all Lauren could see. Her mind likely going back eight years ago. Their life torn apart by her affair with a professor, the consequences never ending so Eva had tried to end it all. Maybe the last part was all her sister could see, have nightmares about—Eva on the bathroom floor practically swimming in her own blood.
Eva pressed two fingers to her nose, pressure built there and it would only get worse if she let the memories reverberate in the silence. The details were different. Eva was, but once again she would have to prove it. God, that made her stomach tight. “He’s the guy I met online,” she said, her voice still shaky.
“Addison?” Her sister’s mouth dropped down. “He trolls for women online? Ugh.”
Any other day, Eva might have laughed at her sister’s assumption about geek forums, but right then she couldn’t find the humor. “We met on the Firefly forum. Nothing has happened between us, nothing will. It’s long and complicated. And after the day I’ve had, I only want to soak in a hot bath instead of going into a lengthy explanation. It’s not even ten o’clock in the morning.”
“Nothing?” Her sister scoffed. “You were about to make the same—”
“Drop it, Lauren.” Eva climbed the stairs, embarrassment and irritation heating her face. Grady had heard every word, probably couldn’t tear his attention away.
“I will drop it when you…you…” Lauren stammered.
Eva whirled around, tired and cranky, achy—always after having to see Grady. Always knowing she couldn’t have Grady in any way, anymore.
“When I what?” The sharp crack of that question echoed in the room, and silenced her sister. And Eva couldn’t stop the words wanting to fight their way out. “Do everything you say exactly when you say it? Hand over my life to you because you can do so much better? Get on my hands and knees to be your lapdog until you finally forgive me for fucking up? For falling apart? I’m never sure which one you’re more angry about.”
The anger soaked her brain and drowned her usual filters. God, she was so tired. Her bones hurt from trying to do everything right, not always knowing what was right and what was just fear. She didn’t run from the hard things in her life anymore, but that made avoiding difficult situations a full-time job.
Her voice didn’t lose an ounce of its jagged edge. “I know I made shit tough for a few years, but I haven’t in a long while. Maybe it’s not enough for you. Maybe you can’t see it. Either way, screw you, Lauren. I’m done.”
Her sister paled. “Done? I’ve always been there for you.”
The words hit and she almost buckled under them. Isn’t that what Eva always told herself? Her sister hovered, nitpicked, worried done everything that made her want to scream and tear her hair out. She’d put up boundaries, scrounged up patience because Lauren had always, always been there. Their relationship couldn’t stay that rocky forever. Could it?
But this…Eva shook her head. “You have. When we were kids you were so much more than my big sister. In many ways you were like a mother. I appreciate it. I can’t thank you enough. And then I needed you. I did. You were what kept me going.” She stopped, inhaled to shake off the tremor in her voice and added, “I don’t need
that anymore. I don’t.”
Lauren scoffed, a bitter note in the simple sound. “Yeah. I can see that you’ve got everything together now.”
Eva tugged at her ponytail, at a loss. “That right there is why we’re done. When you look at me, all you see is someone you need to help. Not a sister, just a burden. I’m done being that for you, Lauren. I’m just…exhausted. I don’t know how you’re not. I don’t care. I’m done.”
Eva didn’t stay to witness the rest of the reaction. Her own thoughts chastised her enough. She didn’t need anyone, much less her sister to do the same out loud and with an audience.
But at the door, she glanced back to Grady. His jawline was taut and he watched her with an unreadable expression. If she had any big regrets of late, he was the biggest one.
We got complicated. So what?
In that moment as they held each other’s stare, she wanted their situation to be that easy.
CHAPTER FIVE
Grady stood in his home’s doorway for ten seconds, listening for any sound. Wade had likely gone to work since there were only so many times you could eat cold pizza before you wanted something else—and they’d had it for dinner, breakfast and lunch. Since he hadn’t thought to go grocery shopping before coming home, Grady would have it for dinner again.
Climbing the stairs to his room was out, so he plopped onto the couch. Meetings had filled his day after class, but even then Eva had haunted his thoughts. And her sister. Jesus Christ. Sure Lauren had caught his eye. She was attractive and hadn’t been coy about trying to catch his eye either. If not for his online flirtation with Eva, he might have been stupid enough to fall for it. Jesus Christ. He’d dodged that bullet.
He didn’t know what happened in Eva’s past, didn’t need to. Wade had left plenty of destruction in his wake the year before. His brother was naturally a jackass who poked and prodded at a person’s sore spots, but the manic episode had added a severe aggressive edge.
He’d pick fights with all of them, daily, not backing off even with the threat of a physical confrontation. Victor had finally got tired of it, took him up on the macho posturing and had damn near beat Wade unconscious while his brother kept egging him on.
Still it wasn’t until Wade had gone three days without sleep, his energy levels way off the charts, his speech pattern going a mile a minute to really see Wade wasn’t just being Wade.
Grady called an ambulance, letting them know it was a 51/50 emergency. For months afterward Wade had been pissed about that. Took about six hard months between them before Wade had thanked him for making the call. Another few months before they relaxed, because they now knew the signs, had tools to manage Wade’s disease.
Did Grady still worry? Hell, yes. Did he browbeat his brother, hunt Wade down to embarrass him, treat him like a toddler? Fuck, no.
But being, mostly, hands-off didn’t mean he was complacent. He texted his brother just to check in.
Surprised to find you gone.
You’re out of real food. Work has a cafeteria.
Grady laughed, shaking his head. Yeah. He and his brother were nothing like Eva and Lauren. So who did Eva have? She’d mentioned a friend a time or two who lived out of state and that was it.
With that questioning lingering in his mind, he dug into his bag for his laptop. Within seconds he’d logged into the forums and created a new message for Eva.
If you need to talk, just talk, we can go out for coffee. You have my number.
She probably wouldn’t, couldn’t talk to him now, but the offer was there. Dealing with Wade, Grady knew sometimes that’s all you needed to know—someone was there to simply listen.
A moment’s hesitation then he scrolled through their messages reading, smiling and remembering how talking to her at times felt like an escape. The best kind. The first month they’d sent three, the next more, and more until the last few weeks there was a chain of messages almost daily. He got to the last one.
I think your disappointment will last about…Seriously, check your email. Lol
His finger hovered over the mouse pad. Should he? A few days ago the answer would be why are you still waiting? He clicked open iTunes and played the audio track.
Listening to her voice fill the living room felt different somehow. In his mind’s eye he could see her face now—her doe eyes heavy from sleep, her full mouth as she laughed about Tumblr.
“I probably shouldn’t. I’m exhausted and my filters have already gone to sleep. It’s like three in the morning. I shouldn’t do this…”
Before, when he’d first heard her utter those words he’d been confused by her meaning. Now he wanted to know what she imagined would happen. What did she believe was the worst-case scenario of sending him an audio sex tape? Had to be pretty bad if she considered checking out of her life. The vulnerability in her voice just…hell, gutted him a little. He knew how that emotion shaded her eyes. He now knew what it had meant for her to send him this.
Maybe he’d lost his damn mind to even flirt with the idea of risking his career just to know what she felt like bare. Yeah, he could pull all the strings his father had and get the Dean to look the other way…Shit, yeah that was a certifiable back up plan. A plan that shouldn’t even be considered. Their relationship was months of private messages, an audio sex tape and a kiss.
But just like before, the hair along his arms rose at her sigh-like moan. Then another moan.
“100, 99, 98, 97…”
He shouldn’t have turned this on, because now his mind was doing its best to imagine what the scent of lavender and cinnamon would smell like between the valley of her breasts. The crease of her pussy lips. He went from worried about Eva to horny over Eva in seconds. Maybe that made him twisted, but he couldn’t compartmentalize how he felt about her. Or hell what he should do.
Shit. Shit. He was going to the special kind of hell.
Grady groaned, and then just gave up. Unbuckling his belt first, he undid his jeans. His cock throbbed after having been ignored for so long. The cool air from the AC kissed the sensitive skin as he freed his dick from his boxers. He hissed.
“Feels too good. 83.”
Pre-come moistened the tip of his cock and he hadn’t even touched himself yet. He palmed the head of his dick. “Fuck,” the curse was hoarse, desperate.
He drew his closed fist down to the base then back up twisting his wrist just as he passed the tip. His toes curled in his shoes. He’d been ramped up for days without relief, every stroke would strum with this kind of intensity.
“52…Yes. Yes. Shit. I’m not going to make it. I’m so wet.”
He was wet too. And fuck, the slippery sound of her pussy echoed in his living room. His own erotic sound matched hers as more pre-come slicked his palm. Grady tightened his grip and just concentrated on the head. The tip had blushed a deep shade of red. With his other hand he reached down to cup his balls. He could only curse again and again.
“Grady, Grady…10, 9…”
A roar whooshed in his ears as his balls tightened, tingled. That sensation climbed up his spine to his head. His vision dimmed as every heartbeat seemed to pulse in his throbbing cock. Point of no return, he was going to come. He quickened his strokes then one long tug, faster then slow again.
“One.” Eva moaned.
His rough gasp stole the air from his lungs. Come splashed on his shirt, jeans and hand as he shuddered from the pleasure of finally, finally having a release. He couldn’t care. His hand glided easier from the added lubrication and he shuddered as another wave of come spurted out.
His breath rasped in and out. Soon his heart would burst, but fuck he’d die boneless and satisfied.
Her husky chuckle made naughty promises. “…now you know the sound of my voice, Grady.”
And the curve of her breasts, her smile…and the sadness. That cleared the haze, way too fast. He glanced down just to see how much of a mess he’d made. “Nothing on the couch. That’s good.”
He’d climbed out of
a shoe at some point, too.
Eva’s eyes, wide and sad as she glanced at him in his classroom flashed in his mind. Wasn’t fuck all he could do about that. What could he do for Eva? He wanted to kiss her and shake her in the same damn moment. Hold her and rip off her clothes in the next. She’d ended them for a damn good reason and still he wanted her so much the yearning of it left an ache in his gut.
He closed his eyes. “Fuck.”
Things would only get worse if he stayed in the house alone. He had papers to grade, and coffee just for himself sounded better than good. First, a shower, because walking around with come stains on his clothes wouldn’t win him any favors.
*****
The bell above Brew and Bagels tinkled. Eva absently glanced up from her book. All the air in the room seeped out. Grady’s hair curled around his ears, still wet from a shower most likely. In the dim light of the coffee shop his eyes appeared dark behind his glasses, but no less piercing. He’d exchanged his black shirt for one with the words “…curse your sudden but inevitable betrayal.”
Despite the tightness in her chest at the sight of him, she smiled. There was the Firefly geek she’d met on the boards. But then his gaze caught on her. Her smile faded. His head tilted back and the lines around his mouth deepened.
She’d debated on texting him to meet her here. The shop was close to campus, served the best bagels in town and the homey atmosphere would relax them both. Or just ensure they didn’t descend into groping each other again.
In the end it’s what he’d said that swayed her choice to come alone. His offer wasn’t pushy. After talking to him for months, she knew enough about him to trust the open-invite wasn’t a ploy to get more out of her, and there wouldn’t be an expiration date on the offer.
Already she could feel the cracks in her resolve spreading with each interaction with him. He was getting a glimpse into the real her, not the person she’d been in the messages they’d sent. That last part left her with a sense of relief and horror. At the moment, relief was winning, draining the tension right out of her. Not having to hide anymore damn near made her giddy.