by Andi Jaxon
We sit that way for a few minutes, until I shift and straddle his thighs to wrap my arms round his neck, my face in the crook of his neck. “I love you, man whore.”
He chuckles, the movement vibrating against my chest and I smile a little to myself. “I love you too, Gorgeous.” He lifts my face to his, enough to kiss me again. “Alright, bath time. Do you want to take it here or at home or at my house?”
I don’t want to be alone at my apartment or left to my own thoughts while Alex is asleep.
“Here, I don’t want to be alone.” Alex pushes against my hips and I stand, him quickly following suit.
“I need to crash and get out of my uniform. I’ll have Ted drop me off at my house, message me when you’re done and leaving. Are you sure you’re safe here?” Concern for me has his brows pulled together low over his eyes.
“Cynthia will be with me, I like her.” We walk toward the bathroom, me striping off my sweater and bra on the way. Alex brushes a hand over my butt when I bend over to drain the tub so I can fill it with warm water again. Turning, I look over my shoulder at him.
“I just needed to touch you.”
A small smile turns up my lips.
“If you’re sure you’re okay here, I’m going to go. I don’t have work tonight so why don’t you come over?” Alex caresses my sides with his hands. “I need to head home. I doubt I’ll make it back without falling asleep in the car. Hopefully Ted is done talking to your parents.”
“I’ll be okay with Cynthia here. I’ll probably have to stay for dinner though.” I sigh at the thought of having to deal with Mother, already exhausted from it.
“If anyone else comes, call me. I don’t want you left alone again. I’m serious.” He grips my chin, making sure I’m paying attention.
“Okay.”
Alex runs a hand down my hair and kisses my forehead. “I’ll see you later, babe.” He walks to my bedroom door and turns back. “I love you, sassy girl.” He winks.
“I love you too, man whore.”
He chuckles, shaking his head, and closes the door behind him. I head back to the tub and turn the water back on, add some salts and oils, then climb in. I can hear Alex talking to someone outside my bedroom. It sounds like it may be Cynthia. I’m sure he’s asking her to stay with me and to not leave me alone because all of a sudden, the talking stops and I hear soft footsteps in my room. A sense of peace settles over me and I find myself relaxing back into the seat of the tub, as I let out a deep breath. The hot water is burning my skin, but I need last night scorched from my body. Alone for the first time, the dam holding my emotions back, breaks. Feelings of being violated, fear of not knowing who did it and why, flood me. Sobbing, tears fall into the water that’s turning my skin red.
Pain, frustration, and sadness pour out of me with my tears. My fucked up family that probably knows and doesn’t care. Being a constant disappoint to my parents no matter how hard I try. How can Alex love me? I’m a disaster.
When the water is high enough, I shut it off and turn the jets on. The whoosh of the water drowning out the sounds of my crying. Eventually, the tears stop, the pain eases and I feel better. The pressure of the water against my sore muscles is relaxing me into a sleepy stupor. By the time the water starts to cool and my fingers prune, I’m ready to fall asleep. Turning off the jets and unplugging the tub, I force myself to get up and dry off. Cynthia appears with a towel for me.
“Oh, thank you.” Still sensitive from the emotional ride I was just on.
“I was just bringing up your lunch and heard the tub so I figured I would I give you a hand.” She says matter of factly.
“I appreciate it.” I head toward my closet and pull on some comfortable clothes to sleep in that won’t bother my irritated skin. When I reemerge, Cynthia has set a tray on the bedside table with coffee and water, along with what looks like a BLT and a bowl of fruit. “That looks great, thank you.”
“You’re very welcome. Do you need anything else?”
Pulling the sheets back, I climb up and get settled. “Can you sit with me?
“Of course, I just need to grab something and I’ll be right back..” She turns and heads to the door when something occurs to me.
“Cynthia?”
She comes back to where she can see me and stops. “Yes?”
“Do you know what my parents told Ted? About last night?” I don’t want to see the pity in her eyes when she realizes they haven’t even come up here to check on me.
Cynthia doesn’t say anything, just stands there. Peeking up at her, her cheeks are red and she’s looking at the floor. “Umm…”
I close my eyes for a moment and take a deep breath. “Just tell me.”
“They told the officer that you were being over dramatic. You got drunk and fell, embarrassing your family in front of their guests.” Her voice isn’t loud, like if she’s quiet they won’t hurt as much.
“Oh.” I pick up my coffee, add cream and sugar, then take a sip just to have something to do. “Thank you.”
“I’m sorry to have to be the one to tell you. I’ll be right back.”
I nod and pick at the food on the tray, trying to hold back the tears of humiliation until she leaves. The door closes softly behind her and a single tear falls from my lashes. That’s the only one I’ll let Mother have. I don’t know what I did to deserve a mother that could not care any less about me.
No longer hungry, I lay down and close my eyes, dreaming of Alex and the safety his arms promise.
A few hours later someone banging on my door wakes me.
“Kristen Grace! You open this door right now!” Mother’s screeching carries through the door in between the bangs.
Getting up, I rub at my eyes, feeling swollen and full of sand. I unlock the door and open it to see Mother riled up into a tizzy. Her clothes are untucked, her hair frizzy and falling from the twist.
“Yes, Mother?”
“It’s damn near dinner time, get dressed. Your father just informed me that important people are coming to dinner. I have to get ready and here you are sleeping the day away like Sleeping Beauty. Get your lazy ass moving. And do something about your eyes, you look ridiculous.” She stomps off in a huff and my heart drops to my stomach. Important people? What the hell does that even mean?
I should walk out, just leave and let her fend for herself, but I’m a better person than her. I won’t feed her to the sharks, doesn’t matter that she would do it to me, given the chance. I’ll help because it’s easier than leaving and hearing about it for the rest of my life.
Taking a deep breath, I head to the closet to pick out clothes, stockings, and shoes, then call Alex while doing my hair and make-up. Not only did he say to call him if other people came but I want him here. I want to show off my boyfriend, to the people that think I’m destined for failure.
Alex
MY PHONE RINGING WAKES me up. It must be important because it takes multiple calls for the ringing to wake me. Picking up the phone, it’s Kristen.
“Hey, Gorgeous,” I rub the sleep from my eyes while I answer.
“Oh shit, sorry. Were you asleep?” there’s something off about her tone but I’m not sure what it is.
“I was getting ready to get up, what’s up, baby?”
“I’m staying for dinner, Mother is in a panic because Daddy just informed her that important people are coming for dinner and she’s not prepared. I don’t even know what important people means. Maybe people from work? I honestly have no idea but she’s falling apart.” She’s worried.
“Okay, what time should I be there?” looking at the clock, I got about four hours of sleep.
“Five sharp,” she breathes out a sigh of relief.
“Okay, I’ll see you soon, babe.”
“Thank you, I’ll see you soon.”
We hang up and I head to the shower, a plan brewing in my head while the water heats. Ted told me what her mother said when he asked her about the night before. There’s no way she fell on
the stairs and ended up with bite-marks all over her torso. That’s not how this works. Her mother also made a remark about slumming in the ghetto, teasing men, and getting what she deserves.
It boils my blood. That is the woman that gave birth to Kristen, and she doesn’t care about her at all. I have never understood parents like that. I hope I never do.
Scrubbing myself awake, I finish up my shower and dry off. I think it’s time for a little riling up of the Collins house. In my closet, I find the rattiest pair of jeans I can, dig out a stained t-shirt, and pull out some mismatched socks with holes. Pulling on the jeans and socks, I take a few minutes to stretch out the t-shirt to make it really sloppy. Once I’m dressed, I take a look in the mirror, I’m betting they won’t appreciate my tattoos either. Grabbing some old torn up tennis shoes, I get my wallet, watch, phone, and keys, then head out.
The drive to Kristen’s parent’s house takes a little bit longer than I figured due to a few crashes during the rush hour traffic, but that just means I’m fashionably late. Stopping at the gate shack, I roll down the window a little and wait for the guard.
“Good evening is the Collins family expecting you?” the guard asks, looking through the cracked window.
“Kristen invited me to dinner, my name is Alexander Bennet.”
He turns and grabs a clip board, flips a few pages and crosses something out. “Alright, I’ve got you down here. Have a good night.”
“You too, thank you.”
The gate opens and I drive up to park behind Kristen’s car once again. Hopping out, I lock the doors and climb the steps to the door. After ringing the doorbell, I wait for the housekeeper to answer it. When the door opens, a surprised woman takes in my disheveled clothes and waits.
“Hi,” I smile at her. “I was invited by Kristen for dinner, my name is Alexander Bennet.”
She looks me over again then steps back to give me room to enter. She doesn’t say anything, just leads me down the entryway to some kind of sitting room. I assume that’s what it called from all the movies I’ve watched.
I stop at the entrance to the room and take off my shoes. Picking them up, I greet the room. “Hey everyone, can someone tell me where to put my shoes?” the conversations in the room stop as everyone turns to look at me. Most people have a mixture of confusion and disgust on their faces as they take me in. Kristen’s eyes widen and turn kind of ashy.
Making a show of checking other people’s feet, I drop mine to the ground with a loud plot. “I guess you guys like to have shoes on in the house. I can do that.” I pull my shoes back on, not untying them first, and head toward Kristen.
“Hi, babe,” I give her a nod and kiss her cheek. Wrapping my arm around her shoulder, she stiffens and straightens her back against me.
“What are you doing?!” she hisses at me.
“You invited me for dinner,” I say simply. “You guys are all dressed like you work in a lawyer’s office.”
Pushing my hand off her shoulder, she grabs my arm and pulls me from the room to stand in the hallway away from prying eyes.
“What the hell are you doing?” she demands. “You’ve been here before, did you really think this,” she motions to my outfit, “was going to be okay?”
“I thought it would be funny for sure. They all seem to think I’m contagious.”
“This is not a joke, Alexander. This is my life. I will have to hear about this for at least the next ten years, if not longer. You have no idea how embarrassing this is.” She’s furious and on the verge of tears. Okay, this was bad planning on my part. She’s had a rough fucking day and I’m making it worse.
“I’m sorry, I thought you would think it was funny.” I reach out to slide my hands down her arms, but she flinches away from me. That flinch is a knife in the gut.
“Don’t touch me right now. If you touch me, I’ll forgive you, but I’m angry and I have a right to be angry.” Kristen turns and walks back into the room where the other people are.
Watching from around a corner, I can see most of the room. Seven or eight people are milling about, most of them the same age as her parents but there’s one guy that looks about Kristen’s age. Some stuck up little shit that watches her every time she moves. He’s wearing a knowing smirk now as he approaches her at the bar, no doubt to refill her drink.
He stands too fucking close, and from the way she tenses, she doesn’t like it either. I saunter into the room like nothing is amiss and make my way to the bar just as his hand grips her ass. Fuming at the audacity of this snot nosed brat, I grab his wrist and squeeze it as I lift it off her.
He cries out and bends to try to get some of the pressure off his joint but I’m not letting go that easy. Gone is my easy demeanor, in its place is the now pissed off boyfriend of the girl getting groped.
“Touch my girl again and I’ll break your hand, do you understand?” I growl close enough to him that only Kristen and he can hear me.
He’s starting to sweat and some part of me enjoys that he’s in pain.
“Alex, let him go!” Kristen hisses at me, looking around the room. No doubt everyone is watching since the baby cried so loud, but I don’t take my eyes off him. He needs to know how serious I am.
“Kristen is mine.” I squeeze a bit harder and he cries out again.
“Alexander!” Kristen whisper yells.
“Okay, okay!” he whines and I finally let him go. He immediately backs up, holding his wrist.
“I could have taken care of that myself. I’ve done it before, I’ll do it again.”
My head whips around to look at her. “He’s touched you before?”
She withers a bit under my stare but doesn’t back up. “Ye… yes. I almost broke his finger for it.”
I’m both pissed off and proud. Pissed off that he thinks he can molest her whenever the fuck he feels like it and proud that she protected herself. Forcing myself to relax, I lift my hand to run a finger down her cheek but hesitate. If she flinches from me again, it’ll gut me completely. My hand hangs there in the air for a minute, Kristen’s face turned up toward me. My eyes meet her shining blue ones but she doesn’t move, gives no indication if I can touch her or not so I let my hand drop.
It’s a punch in the gut, the wind pulled from my lungs that she doesn’t want me to touch her while I crave her, but I won’t try again. I’ll wait for her to come to me next time, hopefully there is a next time.
Tonight is already a cluster fuck, but I don’t have many options. I need to get her father alone, I need him to pull me aside to talk privately and the best way I know to do that is piss off his daughter.
Kristen
SITTING AROUND THE DINING room table, dinner has been served but I’m not hungry. I’m too angry to be hungry. What the fuck has gotten into Alex today? Is this his way of dealing with the seriousness of this morning? I know he uses humor as a coping strategy, but this is ridiculous. I thought we had moved past this immature bullshit.
Conversation around the table has returned to work and gossip. I tune them out, not interested in anything that has to do with the pretentious upper echelon they belong too. It’s all a bunch of peacocking and dick swinging. I want nothing to do with it. Sitting back in my chair, I set down my fork and look around the table. Why am I even here?
Scooting my chair back, I excuse myself from the table and walk out of the room. The entire time, I can feel Alex’s gaze on me like a physical touch. I want to run to him, wrap my arms around him and tell him to take me away from here. In the hall bathroom, I look at myself in the mirror. I’m a disaster. My hair has fallen flat, there’s rings under my eyes, and my lipstick is mostly gone. Around my neck you can see hickeys, some of the bruises from yesterday are visible around the edges of my dress but I just can’t work up enough energy to care. With a sigh, I wash my hands and turn to leave.
Mother barges in and closes the door behind her. “Are you trying to embarrass your father or do you simply not care?” she hisses.
“Wha
t are you talking about?”
“That dirty, good for nothing, man you invited to dinner. What were you thinking? Where did you even find him? He has the mindset of a child and he’s filthy. I expressly told you that your father had important people coming over for dinner.” The condescending tone grating on my already frayed nerves.
“What he’s wearing has nothing to do with who he is as a person. He’s a Seattle Police Officer. Show some respect for a man that helps keep you safe.”
“You are the most ungrateful child I have ever seen. Not everything is about you. I told your father you were a bad idea, but did he listen? Of course not.” Something crosses her eyes, she’s no longer with me in this bathroom but in her head, in her mind.
“What does that mean? You were going to abort me?” I’m horrified. Who tells their child that?
“YOU DID NOT COME FROM ME!” her screams echo off the tile, making me flinch.
Wait. What?
“What? What does that mean?” Am I not her child?
“It means, your entire life, is a lie.”
Alex
I’M UNEASY NOT BEING able to keep eyes on Kristen. She’s been gone too long and her mother left shortly after she did, neither of them have returned. Conversation around the table continues like nothing is wrong, no one else is worried, but I sure as fuck am. Under the table, my leg is bouncing, the only outlet I have for the nerves.
A shout from down the hall has me out of my chair and on the move, searching for the source. I have no idea where anything is in this place but I’ll break down every fucking door if I have to. Hearing voices, I knock on a door a few feet in front of me.
“Yes?” she sounds a little off but it’s been a long day.
“You alright, Kris? I heard someone yell.”
“Yeah, I stubbed my toe. I’m fine.”
I grip onto the frame and lean into it. “Open the door, babe. Please?”
It’s quiet for long enough that I’m afraid she’s going to ignore me. I push off the wall just as the door opens. Kristen’s eyes are too wide, reminding me of a skittish animal.