by Leanne Davis
“What just happened here?”
“Nothing happened here.”
“Yeah, something did. I was glad to see you, and you’re being pissy because I liked your swimsuit?”
“Forget it,” she said, spinning around to walk off. Which was tough to do in a bikini on a wide open beach.
He grabbed her arm. “No, let’s not forget it. What did I do?”
Kelly glared at him, thinking that he missed that she didn’t want to be Luke’s fantasy-come-to-life. She didn’t want him to look at her and like her because of her bikini, she wanted him to feel as glad to see her, all of her, as she was to see him. But instead she said, “Nothing. You did nothing. I just thought maybe…”
“Maybe what?”
“Maybe I had something to do with you being able to sleep.”
“You did. Didn’t I just say that?”
“Not because we had sex. Because I was there, beside you.”
He was silent. He studied her downturned face. He was far more intuitive than most men, so Kelly was sure he knew exactly what was going on here. She was falling for him. And he damned well knew it. She’d pretty much spelled it out for him, without actually saying it.
“Kelly?”
“I should get going.”
Luke sighed. “Where? Where do you need to get going all of a sudden?”
“Cassie’s. She’ll be expecting me.”
“Right now?”
“Yes.”
He let go of her arm. She spun around, nearly in tears. What was wrong with her? He’d promised her nothing. He’d been explicitly clear with what this was. That he cared for her, but they were nothing more than a summer fling. How could they be? He loved someone else.
The problem was, she didn’t.
“I did sleep because of you.”
She halted. He came up behind her and wrapped his arms around her waist, her back against him. His tone was quiet and sincere and something more, as if he didn’t want that to be the case. His mouth trailed over her shoulder. “I’m doing a lot of things because of you, talking, laughing, and remembering things like having fun.” He stopped, adding quietly, “What I worry about is what I’m doing to you.”
Everything. He was doing everything to her. He was making her want to change everything and be with him when she’d never wanted that before. But she didn’t say any of that. Because that’s exactly what Luke didn’t want, exactly what he didn’t want her to be feeling. But how could she not? She fell back into his embrace and squeezed her eyes shut to keep from saying any of it.
“I’m fine,” she finally answered.
“I wish that was true.”
“It is.”
“No, it isn’t. But I guess we’re going to pretend you are fine with this, aren’t we?”
“Yes, we are,” she said softly, still not looking at him.
“And about you looking fantastic this afternoon, yeah, I like the swimsuit, and you in it. But I also was watching you playing in the waves, and you looked carefree, relaxed. You never look that way. You always look on edge, as if the next reporter is going to jump out at you at any moment. It was nice to see you on the beach today, the sun’s rays on you and you smiling.”
“I guess I’m not used to anyone noticing my moods.”
“I know. You’re not used to a lot of things. And Kelly…I do like how you look, so get over it. You know what my wife looked like. And you know she doesn’t look anything like you or like a model. And you know how I felt about her, don’t you?”
“Of course, I do,” she said hesitantly. What was he was getting at?
“Then you know I’m not totally superficial. I like you in a swimsuit, so shoot me. I also like how you smile when you see me. I like that you read obscure books and think it’s normal. Take one thing from whatever is between us, and that is that I like you. You’re an intelligent, fun, warm woman. I’m not trying to hurt you, or use you, or cause you any kind of pain. Okay?”
The words filtered into her like a slow smooth wine entering her blood stream, first warmth, then tingling, then glowing. Not the declaration of love she wanted, but a declaration that if things had been different, he could have felt that way about her. If they’d met in a different place and time, before his wife, before the tragedy that left him so sad, he could have possibly fallen in love with her. Until that moment, Kelly wouldn’t have believed that could ever have been a possibility.
And though others might see it as sloppy seconds, it was everything. She understood why Luke couldn’t have a relationship with her, but to know that he was tempted by her, and not just her body, meant everything. It meant she was worth something more than what she, to date, had given herself credit for. Wasn’t that Luke’s entire point?
“Okay. I guess I haven’t quite gotten that through my head yet, have I?”
“No, you’re as prickly about compliments as you are comfortable in front of a camera. And the other stuff?”
She wasn’t about to give up the little time they had together, so she had to be fine. She nodded finally, not trusting her voice. She was lucky to even have experienced this with Luke. Who was she to be so picky?
Chapter Twenty-Three
Kelly was leaving on Sunday. She and Luke spent the last few days together. Luke had even taken the time off work. For their summer fling. This was Luke’s vacation, being with her. She didn’t want to leave. She couldn’t stay though. Not for something that was going nowhere. If she was staying in town, they probably wouldn’t have started up in the first place. He had a guaranteed duck out with her; she was going back home. Besides, she did have commitments and a little bit of a former life to get back to.
Why then did L.A., and her responsibilities, seem like a far and distant speck on the horizon? She couldn’t picture going back. She couldn’t picture going back to being alone, to being the Kelly she was only two weeks ago. Had it only been two weeks? How could her whole life have slid off kilter? Or change what she wanted out of life in such a short time?
****
“I’m going to miss you.” Kelly smiled in agreement with Sarah. It was Saturday afternoon and they were walking along the boardwalk.
“Who’d have guessed that two weeks ago?”
“Why don’t you stay for a while?”
“I have commitments in L.A.”
“So clear them up and then come back.”
“I can’t. As much as your life is here, mine is not. I only come here to see my sister. I’ve never contemplated staying here.”
“Then contemplate it. You seem to have an actual life here, and from what I can gather, not even a friend in L.A. You could be with your sister and Tim, and me, and see where Luke and you are going.”
“That’s just it, from day one, Luke and I have been going nowhere. We’re like short-term therapy for each other. He’s one of the reasons I can’t stay. I want long-term and he doesn’t.”
“I don’t want you to leave.”
“Besides, what could I possibly do here in town? I don’t think Seaclusion is in dire need of a model.”
“No. But you could do anything you wanted. Anything at all. You’re the luckiest girl I know. You have all the money in the world and are unattached. You can do anything you want.”
“That’s not me. I don’t know how to do anything except modeling.”
“Hell, you could come work with me at the shop anytime.”
“Did you just offer me a job?”
“I did. Think about how much fun we’d have. You could do all my advertisements, too. Between the two of us, we could probably build our own empire of chain stores.”
“You now have us conquering the United States with a chain of Sarah’s Secrets?”
“Sure. It could be done. I think big. And you are big.”
Kelly shook her head in disbelief. Sarah believed she could do anything.
“Will you visit me in L.A.?”
“I’ll visit you.”
“You could stay longer
. Start a new life there with me.”
Sarah shook her head. “This is my home. I don’t want to leave it.”
“You really love it here?”
“Nothing would make me leave.”
“Nothing would make me live here.”
“Even Luke?”
She’d move here in a heartbeat for Luke. But Luke was also the reason she’d never contemplate it now.
“You know the answer to that. Come visit me. I mean it. We could have some fun. And after this I think I could use it.”
“I think you should tell him.”
“Tell him what?”
“Tell Luke that you’re in love with him.”
“I never told you that.”
“It’s as clear as that perfect nose on your face is. You love Luke Tyler. And he’s too wrapped up in being injured to get that he’s falling in love, too.”
“It’s so much deeper than that. If you could see what he goes through, what he’s lost, you wouldn’t be so critical.”
“Maybe. But I’m your friend, not his.”
“Thanks. For thinking that. For being on my side.”
“What else are best friends for?”
“I’ve never had a best friend.”
“I have. But not in a long time.”
Sarah’s eyes gleamed. So did Kelly’s.
****
This was their last date. She intended to ignore it. She concentrated on the next few hours like there was nothing beyond them. She was going to face this night like she lived her life, pretending everything was just how she wanted it.
It was the Fourth of July, and Kelly had been informed by nearly every citizen of Seaclusion that tonight was the Kite Festival. Kelly hid her amusement, but apparently she was about to become part of the event of the year in Seaclusion. The festival was headed by Sarah and the Seaclusion Small Business Group, of which Sarah was also president. Kelly was both proud and amused by Sarah’s involvement in the town. She’d single-handedly united the businesses together to promote tourism and commerce.
The evening began with a parade through Main Street, which they attended with the entire Tyler family. Kelly had never been to a small town parade before and continually smiled with amusement over each Girl Scout Troop, marching band, dance school, and every other minor kid-oriented group that took its turn down Main Street with the town clapping and cheering. There were classic cars and tractors, motorcycles and even simple parade floats. Clowns came through, too, handing out candy and balloons that Tim grabbed his fair share of. But the main attraction and star of the show were the kites. The individual flyers held out their kites, and then the entire crowd followed behind the flyers, down Main Street and to the beach, where each kite was allowed to soar into the air. It was like confetti being blown loose over the beach with a fan. Kelly was delighted and impressed with the spectacle.
At the main beach access, there was a farmer’s market, with booths and games of every sort. The townspeople spread out to take in the fun. Kids of all ages milled about.
Kelly was grateful for the crowd and noise. There was no way to talk, and less time to mull over the coming finale of them as a couple.
Then Sarah had a microphone and was welcoming everyone to the Fifth Annual Fourth of July Parade and Kite Festival. She talked about what there was to do and who the sponsors were. She handed the microphone off to the town’s mayor, who then did the unthinkable. He welcomed the town’s own celebrity, Kelly Reeves, to their parade.
Kelly’s eyes nearly bugged out of her head as she instantly found all the attention fastened on her. She was suddenly at the center of the Fifth Annual Kite Festival. The mayor then expressed his hope that she would put a good word to the media about their little town. Kelly couldn’t believe the gall he had to put her under scrutiny like that, when all she wanted to do was attend their stupid festival with her sister, nephew, and Luke.
Finally, the people’s interest toward her started to wane. There were lingering stares, but people eventually got back to themselves.
“Always an adventure with you, isn’t it?” Luke leaned down to whisper in her ear. She couldn’t tell by his tone if he was annoyed or not.
“He had no right to single me out like some kind of small town tourist attraction. I’m a person, not a monument.”
“Small town. They can’t help but be impressed by your big name.”
“And you think I live in a fish bowl? God! How can you stand how small this town is? Everywhere we turn, someone knows you, is curious about this or that, specifics they shouldn’t know about you, but they do.”
“At least, I can correct any lies told about me.”
“Does it bother you? Everyone staring at you because you’re with me?”
“We’re stared at everywhere we go. You didn’t notice it in Portland? You’re always the center of attention.”
She almost asked him if that was why he hadn’t touched her. He showed up at the house with barely a nod toward her. They’d ridden in Luke’s truck, and he didn’t hold her hand or do more than glance at her. He stood behind her during the entire parade, and she paid more attention to his presence behind her than she did the parade.
Didn’t he feel the urgency of the situation like she did? This was it. Their last evening together. She was leaving, they were done. Didn’t he care? By his casualness toward her, she gathered he didn’t feel like his heart was about to be ripped out and displayed to the world.
In fact, he was in no hurry to get alone. It was fun, of course, watching Tim play games, all the while grabbing food from the vendors. They ate as they walked or while sitting on big pieces of driftwood, looking out at the ocean as the summer sun sank into it. Sure, you couldn’t have had a much more beautiful setting to be together in, or better company, but didn’t he long for any time alone with her?
Finally darkness settled in. It was evident the locals, who had come prepared for the entire evening, were now bringing out lawn chairs and stretching thick blankets on the sand. There was an impromptu game of touch football, which John, Luke, and Tim had been playing for the last hour. It did feel kind of neat to be sitting with the women, Sarah, Cassie, Nancy, and Estelle talking away about gossip and fashion. To be accepted by them, and not put on the spot as being anybody more important than anyone else. She was just a girl watching her boyfriend play football. A complete illusion that she pretended was real.
But still, why didn’t Luke feel the clock counting down the way she did? Kelly was surprised when the game stopped and people wandered off, then came back, carrying their chairs. Luke came up with a blanket, spreading it onto the dry sand. John and Cassie spread out their blanket next to Luke’s, and all the parents did the same. Then everyone sat or stretched out together on their claimed spot. Kelly was mystified at the ritual. Everyone seemed to belong and know what the drill was.
“Kelly?”
Luke’s deep voice cut through her thoughts. What was she supposed to do?
“What is this?”
“Fireworks will be starting soon. Are you going to sit down?”
“Oh right, of course. You don’t mind if I sit with you?”
“Who do you think the blanket was for? Me?”
She was glad it was dark, which covered up the sudden pleasure that seemed to warm up her nerve endings. Luke had come prepared, for her. He didn’t get that she didn’t assume anything where they were concerned. Luke wasn’t her boyfriend, like all the other couples dotting the beach around them.
She settled in on the blanket sitting cross-legged. Then Luke sat down, directly behind her, enveloping her with both of his legs around her, his arms wrapping her up and settling in front of her. She was cocooned in his embrace and completely shocked at his closeness. He did it with a casualness that she didn’t understand. Why didn’t he see the direness of their situation?
“Any reason you’re avoiding me?” Luke’s voice was low in her ear and his breath warm on her face. She’d died and gone to heaven to
be so completely surrounded by him.
“Me?”
“You’re completely uptight.”
“I’m not uptight.”
“Yeah, you are. You’ve been giving me the ‘hands off’ signal all evening. What is it?”
She’d been giving that signal? She swiveled her head to the side in disbelief. Had he looked in the mirror recently? He was the one who at every opportunity told her he couldn’t be with her, he couldn’t have kids, and he was incapable of love. And he dare suggest she was being difficult?
“All of this is awkward.”
“All of what?”
“Tonight. I’m leaving. And hanging around your family.”
“They already know about us.”
“I know, who could forget that evening? But they haven’t, you know, witnessed it. I’m not used to it.”
“Were you embarrassed to let my parents see me hold your hand?”
“Maybe. It’s something that couples do. Look around you, there are couples everywhere.”
“Yeah, I know couples are everywhere.”
Of course, Luke knew that everywhere he went he was the widower.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it like that.”
“I know. It’s okay. But you are a couple with me tonight.”
Wasn’t that the operative word? Tonight. As always, she was with Luke for only right now. Not forever. No promises. She signed up for this. What had she been thinking?
They were silent.
“You know…”
She stopped him. “I know.”
She couldn’t stand to hear him say how he cared about her and would be with her if only his entire life history were different. Really, she knew all that. There was never really a time that they would have gotten together. Ever. They were only together now because she was so different from everyone else in his life, she helped him forget his pain for a while. She was different for him. She was not in any way “it” for him.
Not in the way he was “it” for her.
His hand moved from her waist, under her top and up to her breast, where he cupped it as casually as if he’d just grabbed her hand. Then he brushed his thumb over her lace-covered nipple, and she gasped out loud.