“Sampson,” Rob scolded as I laughed.
Sampson turned his big brown eyes up toward me, as if he was checking to see if I really minded, and I couldn’t help but smile. I petted his soft ears while we drove to the lumberyard.
Two hours later, we were back at the shop, unloading long two-by-fours and huge planks of plywood, leaning them against the walls inside.
“Won’t we need some tools?” I asked.
Rob’s look told me he’d already figured that out, and I followed him back out to the truck once we had unloaded lumber.
“Trent has a workshop,” he said. “Said we could use whatever we need.”
We drove the few blocks, and I could see that he wasn’t kidding. Trent’s workshop was full from wall to wall with every power tool imaginable, and many I’d never imagined at all. I helped Rob maneuver them to the back of the truck and strap them down for the ride back to Newport Avenue. When it was all set up on the sidewalk in front of my store, I couldn’t help bouncing a little on my toes as I watched Rob mark the first pieces to be cut. It was actually happening.
Rob showed me how to run the chop saw, and from that moment forward, the progress was incredible. Braces appeared on the walls, and soon, one vertical line of wine shelving was cut. We worked together to build the frames and center supports, which mostly involved me following Rob’s short staccato directions and handing him wood.
“How did you learn how to do this?” I asked, once I’d gotten over my initial fears that he might not have any idea what he was doing. It was clear this wasn’t his first time erecting shelves.
“Built a lot at the winery,” he said, reaching down from the ladder top for the next piece of wood.
I handed it up to him, unable to avoid noticing the way the muscles bulged in his bicep as he hoisted the plank up to fasten it to the wall. “Wine shelves?”
“Everything,” he said. “Papi called me his workhorse.”
Even the way he said the word made me cringe. A workhorse could be a good thing, but it didn’t sound like a compliment as he bit the word out, his voice dark. I was about to ask another question, but he continued. I should have known better by now than to try to force conversation to move rapidly with Rob. I swallowed my question and tried to be patient as he spoke. Despite my desire to find out everything quickly, I enjoyed hearing his rich rolling voice, understanding the thought that went into each slow, deliberate word.
“I’m not as smart as Antonio, and he never planned for me to run the business.” Rob paused to press several screws into the studs we’d marked. “He kept me busy lifting, building things.”
I shook my head, unsure what to say. Papi sounded like an old-fashioned asshole. But even though I didn’t really have much family, I had enough experience with those who did to know that even if your family sucked, it wasn’t okay for anyone else to point it out. “Are you going to go back?” I couldn’t help it. The words flew out of my mouth of their own accord, giving voice to the fear that had been swirling in me since Mateo left.
He dropped his arms to his sides and looked down at me from the top of the ladder. “I haven’t decided.” He gave me a sad smile, and there was some unidentified weight behind his words, as if they were infused with a meaning I didn’t quite understand.
“But, I mean, how could you not go?” I asked, unable to help myself. “Your home, your family. It sounds like your dad’s finally come around.”
Rob climbed down and set the screwdriver on the ladder rung, his eyes narrowed as they found mine. “Haven’t thought that far,” he said.
I nodded, though it didn’t make sense to me. “Kinda seems like you have to go. Find out.”
Rob picked up the water bottle he’d set in the corner and nodded to some folding chairs we’d brought over from Trent’s garage. I sat, unable to keep myself from feeling a jolt of pure desire when he straddled the back of the chair and rested his arms, folded, across the top, the water bottle in one hand. “I might,” he said finally. “Mateo’s right, my life here has changed.”
I watched him, my heart beginning to sink slightly at his words. Had I just talked him into going? I really was a moron when it came to men.
“But I left because I hoped for more.” He shook his head, took a drink from the bottle and then wiped his chin along the shoulder of his faded navy T-shirt. “I wanted to find something myself. Not just take what was given.”
“Things have changed, though.”
He sat back, taking his arms from the top of the chair, a mirthless laugh rolling from him. “Yeah.” He fixed his gaze on the floor.
He thought I meant his injury. “I mean with your dad,” I corrected quickly. “He’s changed his mind, wants to change his will. It sounds like there’s an opportunity there beyond building shelves.” I looked around at the work that had been finished in just one day. Rob was good at building shelves. But I had no doubt he would be good at other things, too.
His eyes caught mine again, and a shy smile lifted one corner of his mouth. “Maybe,” he said. He held my gaze and the tension that danced between us began to buzz in my ears again. It was like the air shifted, taking on the electricity I felt whenever Rob had touched my skin. “Part of me wants to see what might happen here,” he said, his voice exquisitely low and rough. Something deep inside me tightened, coiled and hot.
I didn’t know what he meant, but my body responded as if he were talking about me. Was he talking about me? I dropped his gaze but then lifted my eyes to his again quickly, unable to ask the question.
“With us,” he finished, and my heart launched into a full gallop. I couldn’t help the smile that took over my face, and I knew it was a mistake to feel so happy about the fact that he felt something between us, too. I knew that letting myself get carried away by this—whatever this was—would only make it harder when he left. Because isn’t that what had to happen? His life was waiting for him south of the border. He’d be a fool to pass that up, and we both knew it. But he wanted to explore whatever was between us first. And then, I told myself, when he’d explored enough, he’d go. Even though I knew it was inevitable, I couldn’t help my reactions to his intense physical presence, his compelling orbit, pulling me in.
I tried to find words to explain how it would be a bad idea for him to stay for me, how a clean break—as soon as the shop was done—would make the most sense for us both. But instead, the stupid grin covered my face and I nodded slightly, my hair falling in my eyes. I lifted a hand to push it away, and he caught the hand in his own, sending heat flooding through me.
“Go out with me, Dani?” he asked, still holding my hand. His thumb rubbed small circles on my palm, and I was nearly incoherent, unable to think with him searing hot circles onto my flesh.
My body acted independently of my brain again and I found myself nodding, smiling. Against my best judgment, despite everything I knew about men and about this man in particular, I agreed to go on a date with Rob.
Chapter Fifteen
Rob
When Dani nodded despite the clear uncertainty in her eyes, my heart leapt. The fucking thing literally jumped in my chest. The smile on her face made me feel like I’d won some kind of prize, like I had something to celebrate. And her small hand in mine was like the most delicate heirloom, something every cell in my body was screaming to cherish and protect.
Part of me knew it was wrong to ask her out, to pursue her at all. I could barely form a sentence in a public place. My emotions were out of control half the time and I was still incapable of reining them in—thank God she hadn’t seen much of that. And I would have exactly nothing to offer her once I’d finished building in her shop. There was no reason in the world for Dani to want to go out with me.
Maybe that was why it felt like such a pure triumph when she agreed to go anyway.
I wondered if there was a way I could make things work with her, despite my shortcomings. I had a quick route to overcoming the fact that I had no real means of income or focus going
forward. Maybe if I agreed to help my family, to take my place in the business, Dani would see that I had a future, a purpose. It wouldn’t be perfect. I’d have to live in Mexico. But it was something to consider.
Even if it felt like cheating, like taking the easy way out.
I’d found my own way once, hadn’t I? I’d built a life, found an identity I could be proud of. Maybe it was too much to ask of myself to try to do it all over again. Maybe it was time to go home.
Maybe. Maybe. Maybe.
The one thing I had even a shred of certainty about was Dani.
The way I felt when she looked at me—strong, capable, like I could walk through a fucking fire and not get burned. Like I could accomplish anything—climb mountains, stop speeding trains…form a sentence that made actual sense. That last one had been proven by experience. I wasn’t as sure about the other things. But when I was in Dani’s glowing presence, my head cleared. My brain slowed down and stopped its eternal, exhausting churn. I was calm, centered. Focused. Dani was like meditation and yoga, like some crazy kale and green tea elixir they’d sell at health food shops to soccer moms. Dani was clarity.
And she’d agreed to go out with me. Tonight.
…
Sampson and I went for a quick run on the beach after I left the shop. The thought of spending an evening with Dani alone shouldn’t have made me nervous. I’d just spent the entire day alone with her, right? But this was different, and my brain had begun working a million miles a minute as soon as I’d left the shop. I’d made a couple of quick calls back at home and everything was set. Now I had a long hour to kill before I could go pick her up, and a giant furry mass of dog that had spent his whole day waiting on me.
We jogged through the narrow streets of Ocean Beach, turning back before long to run up Newport and out to the beach. Sampson was a beach dog, 100 percent. The tide, with which he had an indisputable love/hate relationship, was his most frequent playmate besides me. Today he eyed it suspiciously, casting sideways glances as if trying to figure out what was different, how his friend had changed. The waves were pounding in bigger than usual—the soft, cyclic ebb and flow transformed into a crashing, roiling warning. The sky out beyond the end of the pier was a steely grey over the setting sun, and I wondered if we were due for a storm or if it would stay off the coast, its influence felt only by those who spent their days at the water’s edge.
I threw a piece of driftwood for Sampson, and he danced happily as he chased it and brought it back to me. After fifteen minutes I threw it harder, the light wood landing atop a rolling wave and disappearing beneath it as the dark water ducked over itself. Sampson shot me a look that said, “Seriously?” and I couldn’t help but laugh, leaning down to give him a rough rub around the scruff. He licked my face as I reached down. We trotted side by side back over to the condo and I scrubbed the sand off him with a towel before heading up to do the same thing for myself.
The jog—the sweat and sand and sea air—had done a bit to calm me down, and I was clear and ready when I got into the truck at six to go pick up Dani.
Dani’s house hugged a crowded stretch of street in a neighborhood just east of downtown. The houses nestled tightly together, small pastel-colored boxes lined up in a row as if trying to hold on to their roots, still in the fifties. I pulled the truck into the driveway at her address and took a moment to admire the sunny yellow house, its garden bursting with bright flowers and a red-brick path leading to the doorway. It was bright and hopeful, and it made so much sense that it was Dani’s.
The door swung open before I could ring the bell, and Dani’s sister stood before me, her eyes narrowed, long caramel-colored hair hanging over one shoulder. I had the immediate sensation that I was being evaluated.
“Rob,” she said. “We’ve never really met.” She shot a hand out, and I took it slowly. Shaking her hand felt awkward, but I understood her protective nature, given what Dani had told me about her family. “Come in. I’m Amy.”
Amy was taller and less curvy than Dani was, and everything about her was angular and strict—like she adhered to a particular set of rules, lived between certain lines. Trent had mentioned how pretty she was, but there was something so restrained about her that I didn’t feel the same attraction he seemed to.
She waved me into a cozy, bright front room, and within seconds of me sitting on the couch, Dani appeared in the doorway of a small hall leading to the back of the house.
“Hey,” she said, and her smile filled the room with light.
“Hey,” I managed.
She wore a flowing white skirt and a loose peasant blouse with embroidery along the neckline, which was low, just grazing the tops of her perfect breasts.
“Where are you kids off to?” Amy joked, her arms crossed. Though I knew she was trying to be funny, putting on a protective air, I sensed it was genuine.
“It’s a surprise,” I said.
Dani’s eyes widened slightly at the news. “Am I dressed okay? For whatever it is?”
I nodded. “Maybe grab a sweater?”
She disappeared and came back with a chunky knit cardigan and her bag. “Okay,” she said. “I’m ready to be surprised.” She turned toward the door, but then stopped. “Amy, did you find it?”
Amy dropped her crossed arms and a look of pure joy lit her face. “What? No. Where?” She began tossing pillows and blankets in the air, overturning trinkets on the shelves.
“Settle down,” Dani said, grinning. “Try your room. Maybe the closet.”
“We suck at this,” Amy said, running down the hallway.
I turned to Dani, waiting for an explanation, but just as she opened her mouth, Amy shrieked loudly. In a second, she was back in front of us holding a yellow patent handbag that looked like it belonged in the fifties.
“Where did you find this?” she asked, her eyes huge.
“Salvation Army,” Dani said, shrugging like it was no big deal.
“You do know what this is,” Amy said, staring at the bag like it was made of gold.
It was like watching a foreign film with no subtitles.
“Of course I do. Vintage Dior.” Dani shrugged.
“I love it,” Amy whispered, her voice suddenly reverent.
“Good,” Dani smiled and hugged her. “Come on,” she said, taking my arm.
I said goodbye to Amy and headed out. I opened the door for Dani and helped her up into the truck before heading around to the other side.
“What was that about?” I asked, my head spinning.
She grinned. “Nan used to do that. She’d hide things for us to find. But she had more patience. We do it for each other now, but we always give it away before either of us has time to be surprised.” She was quiet as the truck roared to life and we backed out. “Nan always said that you had to do anything you could to make every day special. She liked presents.”
I nodded. I liked that idea. I thought about it for a minute and then felt Dani’s gaze on me.
“Now are you going to tell me where we’re going?” she asked, bouncing in the seat.
I shook my head, smiling at her. Some scent wafted toward me, a combination of citrus and something floral that reminded me of summer, of cut grass and long sunny days. It was the same scent I’d caught lingering on her skin the day I’d been close to her in the kitchen of the shop, when I’d held her against the counter, when…
I had to cut off that line of thought entirely, or risk finding myself embarrassed when I stood up again.
“We have to make a quick stop,” I told her. I navigated through the one-way streets of Hillcrest, pulling up behind my favorite deli. “Can you wait here for one minute?”
She wrinkled her nose in adorable annoyance. “Curiouser and curiouser,” she said. “Okay.”
I grabbed what we needed and jumped back into the cab of the truck, tucking the items into the basket I’d stashed behind the seats.
“Do you like Shakespeare?” I asked her, pulling back out of the parking lot
.
She shot me another look full of mirth and confusion. “I guess so,” she laughed. “Do you?”
I nodded. “Surprisingly, yeah.”
“I don’t always get it, though.” She sounded like she was admitting something. “Why? Are we going to read together?”
My own laughter sounded rough and loud in my skull. “Not quite.”
We pulled into the parking lot at Balboa Park and she leaned forward, looking out the windows with wonder. “What then?”
“Ever see a play at the Old Globe?”
She turned to me with glowing eyes, excitement bringing her hands together as her mouth opened. “Seriously?” Her excitement was contagious.
I turned off the engine and hopped down, pulling our picnic basket and the blanket I’d brought from the back before going around to help her down. When she spotted the things I carried, she grinned up at me, but didn’t say anything else until we’d walked most of the way to the grassy hills in front of the theater where other picnickers had already spread out.
“You have no idea how excited I am,” she told me, slipping her arm through mine.
Her touch rendered me speechless—even more so than it had the day before. So I responded by putting down the basket in an empty spot and laying out the blanket. Dani reached down and tugged a corner smooth, and then sat in the middle of the old green quilt, her eyes bright and happy.
There were three different theaters spread along the side of a wide walkway. The Old Globe was the biggest of the three. I’d seen shows at all of them, and while many touring productions came to Balboa Park, I generally favored the Shakespeare that was a staple of every season. Though I’d come here first as the third wheel on a date with my mom and Teddy, I’d appreciated the production and lost myself in the entertainment, forgetting the horrible awkwardness of the evening. I’d been coming back ever since, and it was a secret weapon in the date department, though I couldn’t remember if I’d ever brought Kristie, the ex-girlfriend who seemed to occupy part of the huge black hole inside my mind.
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