by Amy Brent
“I don’t own this restaurant,” I said. “A part of it, yes. They always have a table for when Lily and I make it down here. No need to wait.”
“That makes sense then, why no one ran after us when we walked by the hostess stand.” She glanced over to where Ethan and Lily entered the play area. “I don’t know if I feel comfortable with them playing over there by themselves.”
“There are employees who sit in there to watch over the kids,” I explained, taking a seat in the booth with a relieved sigh. Sitting in those hardwood pews was hell on my back. “Sit down, Amber. I promise that the kids are fine. There are people watching over them.”
I patted the booth next to me. A ghost of a smile touched Amber’s lips as she slid into the booth alongside me. She tucked the fabric of her skirt underneath the back of her thighs. The tension was radiating off of her in waves as she watched Lily and Ethan play.
Not that I blamed her. I was supposed to be watching over her, taking care of her, and yet I was lusting after her in all the wrong and right ways. I couldn’t even remember the last time I felt this attracted to a woman, other than Marcie. I even felt a stab of pure male pride whenever I caught a few lingering glances at Amber from other tables. It occurred to me then that I missed having a woman in my life, but it didn’t feel right, either.
Marcie wouldn’t want me to be alone for the rest of my life. She had been very adamant about that toward the end of her cancer treatments. It would be okay to move on when I felt good and ready. No one would judge me, as long as she took care of our daughter.
This morning, I had overheard Lily in Amber’s room as they talked about hair products. It was the first time since her mother’s funeral that Lily had squeezed herself into a dress willingly. Her hair was still a tangled mess, though. She refused to let anyone brush it.
“Thank you,” I blurted out, suddenly grateful for Amber’s presence in our house. Even if it were for other reasons, I felt as though Amber was starting to help fill in those cracks in our house.
Amber looked over at me in surprise. Her wide blue eyes had that lost and sad quality to them as usual.
“For what?”
“For helping Lily this morning,” I said. “You know how long it’s been since I’ve seen her dress like a girl?”
Amber’s smile turned sad. “I’m sure it’s been awhile. She mentioned that her mother used to be the one who got her ready for church every morning.”
“That was their routine.” Guilt filled me, then. “I had pushed her away from church, though. I don’t like going.”
“Why is that?” Amber asked.
“I don’t know. I guess it stems from my childhood. I used to get hit a lot when I was in Catholic school.”
“I’m sure it was for good reason,” Amber said, giggling. The sound of it warmed me over. “You didn’t have to go. I would’ve been fine going by myself. Believe it or not, I can handle the snowy roads around here.”
“I promised your dad that I’d keep a close eye on you and Ethan,” I said. “Who was going to save you from Mrs. Fields, the nosy neighbor?”
Her face contorted into a grimace. “Good point, I suppose. It was an interesting church service.”
“Interesting,” I agreed, trying to keep my voice steady. I was walking into dangerous territory here with Amber, but I couldn’t help it. There was something about her that kept drawing me in.
I needed to change the subject before Amber drifted away into her thoughts again. She did that a lot, I noticed. It seemed more intentional at times, as though retreating to her thoughts was the only thing keeping her sane. Then again, she had grown up in the spotlight of the American public as a congressman’s well-behaved daughter. She kept a majority of her feelings to herself because it had a tendency to get dissected.
“The choir was also interesting,” I said. “Don’t you think?”
Amber blinked at the topic change. She tilted her head to look at me with a surprised laugh. “What about it?”
“I don’t know.” I shrugged my shoulders. “I wish some musical stars these days would take a lesson from the choir here. I listened to Lily’s iPod the other day to find that most of those singers are auto-tuned.”
“I tried out for choir one time,” Amber said. She laughed at the look on my face. “I’m serious. I totally did. It was my mother’s idea because she wanted me to be more involved with the church to have friends.”
“Now, I’m curious about what happened,” I said, leaning on an elbow to gaze at her. “I don’t peg you as a singer. Your father never mentioned your singing abilities, either.”
“That’s because I don’t have any singing abilities. The choir teacher told me that God gives everyone special talents, but he wasn’t sure that singing was one of mine. He was actually confident that mine wasn’t singing.”
I laughed as the sad light from Amber’s eyes faded away. She giggled, too, as the waiter appeared at our table with our plates of food.
“We better get the kids,” she said, rising from the table. “I’ll be right back with them. We don’t want any hungry kids at bedtime screaming for a snack as usual.”
“No kidding.”
I found my eyes lingering on the tightness of Amber’s skirt. It clung to her hips perfectly, hugging the curve of her legs and waist. The curve of her ass caught my attention, too. By all definition, I was already committing sexual immorality by wanting Amber for myself. I was looking at her with one thing only on my mind, so I was damned to hell already.
She returned a few moments later with Lily and Ethan in tow. Lily rushed up to the table to take a seat in the booth next to me. She glanced at the dipping sauces for her chicken tenders before looking up at me.
“Dad, why don’t you sit over there with Amber?”
The question startled the both of us. Amber paused in depositing Ethan in the booth across from us. He squirmed anxiously in Amber’s arms, clearly wanting to sit next to Lily as well.
“Why can’t I stay here?” I asked.
“Because the dipping sauces are on this side,” Lily explained impatiently. “It’ll be easier for Ethan and me to share if we are sitting next to each other.”
I looked up at Amber helplessly. It was clear that this was a losing battle, so I slid out of the booth to let Amber set Ethan next to Lily. She tucked in a napkin around his lap to keep his pants as clean as possible.
Amber slid back into the booth across from Ethan. The side of her leg brushed up against my own beneath the table. It sent a fiery sensation up my leg. I waited for Amber to pull away, realizing the mistake, but she didn’t move her leg like I anticipated. I forced myself to enjoy my plate of chicken fried steak instead of the sensation of Amber sitting so close that I could feel her leg up against mine.
It took all my resolve to not reach down, grab hold of that leg, and run an appreciative hand up the muscled thigh.
“Can we play some more?” Lily asked, once the plates were cleared from the table. “A little more before you pay, Dad?”
I glanced over at Amber who shrugged her shoulders. “Only a few more minutes,” I said. “I don’t want to be around here much longer.”
Lily beamed a happy smile at me before sliding out of the booth with Ethan right behind her. The two of them dodged through the dining area, avoiding other people before disappearing into the play area again.
I handed the waitress my credit card in passing when she stopped by with the ticket. I half-expected Amber to pull away, but she remained seated next to me. Her hands were cradling her cup of tea as she gazed out the window, lost in her train of thoughts again.
It was instinct to let my arm slide across the back of the booth. The soft curls of Amber’s hair brushed against the skin of my hand in the process. Her eyes fluttered shut at the gesture. She leaned back against my arm then, taking in a deep breath. I should’ve pulled away. A small voice in the back of my head warned me to pull away, but I was enjoying the feel of Amber in the booth next to me
. I enjoyed having a beautiful woman next to me.
I reached for Amber’s hand, resting on the table. Her hand twitched in response when I slid my fingers through hers. I gently tugged her hand down to the seat between us. Her fingers felt delicate, threaded through mine. I was bigger than her in every sense, and a surge of protectiveness went through me. It didn’t matter what happened between Amber and me. At the end of this month, I wanted to help get her back up on her feet.
She couldn’t spend the rest of her life floating away in her thoughts. That’s what had landed her in trouble in the first place. That was what landed me in trouble in the first place, too.
Chapter 10
Amber
The rest of the week passed by in a snowy blur. It was cold outside, a bitter cold that seeped in through your bones if you were out for too long. Gage kept the house pleasantly warm, despite the below-freezing temperatures. The temperature between Gage and me, though, was more like sweltering heat.
It was the type of heat that burned my skin when I thought about the night before, while lying in bed, listening to the sound of Ethan and Lily chatting away down the hallway. I could smell freshly brewed coffee along with the scent of sizzling bacon in the air. Breakfast smells.
All awkwardness had fallen away after eating at the restaurant. Holding Gage’s hand had felt so natural, so comforting. That was the only type of physical contact we had, though. Afterward, Gage kept his distance while I tried to keep mine. My divorce was a dark cloud looming over my head already. I didn’t want another scandal haunting the Roselynn name by getting involved romantically with a man that my father trusted as a close friend and business partner.
I had volunteered to make dinner the night before, after Gage spent the entire week cooking delicious meals for us. After the kids had eaten, I had made it a point to clean up the kitchen before losing motivation. I had bent over the kitchen counter to wipe away some leftover food when Gage’s body had brushed up against my backside intimately as he reached for something in the cupboard above my head.
His close proximity had nearly undone me right then and there. I had fallen back into Gage’s chest without even thinking about it. It felt natural to rest up against him, and I half expected him to pull away from it. Instead, Gage’s hands had fallen to my shoulders to massage them gently. It had felt so good to be wrapped up in the perfect domestic scene. The dream that I had wanted with Scott three years ago.
That was when a splash of icy water had come crashing over me. I ripped myself away from Gage to hurry into the bathroom. What was wrong with me? The question repeated itself in my head. This was my dad’s best friend. No matter how many times I tried to repeat that to myself, it never seemed to sway the urges I could feel building for Gage. I had gone to put Ethan down for the night despite his protests, before settling down myself for the night to hide away from Gage.
He’s not your husband, Amber. What are you doing playing house?
This wasn’t what I had wanted in the first place. It was my father’s brilliant idea to save him the trouble of the media chasing after me. He had enough headaches to worry about back in D.C. until my mother was back in the states to deal with the mess I called my life. I didn’t even want to imagine what my parents’ reactions would be if they knew how I felt for Gage, and how he felt in return. That simple return of affection solidified it in my head that Gage felt it, too, but he was trying to hold back for his own personal reasons.
I kicked back my sheets and blankets to grab one of my sweaters to tug over my sleeping shirt. I walked along the carpeted hallway to descend the stairs slowly, preparing myself to face Gage after running out on him the night before. I found Ethan perched on a booster seat at the kitchen island with Lily alongside him. Both of their plates had bits of pieces of scrambled eggs and slices of cooked bacon. The smell of it made my stomach growl hungrily in response.
My eyes landed on Gage as I leaned in to kiss Ethan on the top of head. He stood in front of the stove, spatula in hand and dressed in a pair of sweat pants and a sweater as well. He glanced over his shoulder as I greeted Lily with a warm smile.
“Morning, Mama,” Ethan said. He held out a piece of bacon for me to eat. “This is for you.”
“Thank you, baby,” I said, taking it with a smile. “Did you finish your breakfast?”
He held up his plate full of crumbs with a pleased smile. “I like Gage’s breakfast.”
“No more oatmeal,” Lily added, making a face at me. “How do you like that stuff?”
“Lily,” Gage started, in warning. “You used to eat it, too, as a toddler. Don’t even start with that.”
Lily rolled her eyes when Gage turned back around to grab a pot of coffee from the kitchen counter. I bit back a laugh, even though I still felt uneasy with Gage’s presence in the kitchen.
“Can we watch TV now that we are done?” Lily asked, hopping down from her seat. “Come on, Ethan. Let’s go watch TV for a little bit in the living room.”
I helped Ethan from his booster seat before the both of them were already off to turn the TV on. I heard it click on a few seconds later, followed by the sound of their laughter from the living room.
“Thank you for getting Ethan dressed,” I said as Gage turned back around to hold out a cup of coffee to me. “I didn’t even hear him get up this morning. It must’ve been early.”
Gage shrugged his shoulders. “It wasn’t a problem. I was already up for the day anyway, when the two of them decided to get up.”
Our fingers brushed when I reached for the coffee cup. Sparks went up my arm at the simple touch. I nearly dropped it to the kitchen island, but managed to hold onto it by a miracle. Gage was studying me intently as I took a sip with a long sigh.
“Amber,” he started, rubbing at the back of his neck. “I wanted to apologize for last night. It wasn’t appropriate on my part. I shouldn’t have reached for the cupboard with you right there.”
I grimaced when hot coffee scorched the back of my throat. “Don’t worry about it, okay? Let’s just forget it happened.”
“Are you sure?”
“Positive,” I said. “I don’t want to make anything awkward between us while I’m here, you know? The kids are having so much fun together. I’ve never seen Ethan so energetic and happy.”
“Lily is enjoying the company, too,” Gage said. He turned the burner off on the stove, setting the frying pan in the sink. “It makes me wonder if I made the right decision in waiting to expand my family.”
“Things happen for a reason. You can’t linger on the past.”
I caught sight of the snow trickling down outside. There was something beautiful about the winters in the mountains. I couldn’t describe it, no matter how hard I tried to, when Scott asked me what the appeal was. “It’s fucking cold up there, Amber. What’s so special about winters in the mountains?”
Everything. Everything was special about the winters in the mountains. It was peaceful and quiet when your heart was turning from the chaos and stress of life.
I loathed the idea of returning back to Colorado Springs once my mother was back from Fashion Week in France. I didn’t want to face the cameras, or the constant presence of people in the house. I enjoyed the serenity in Gage’s home.
It was a few hours later that Lily noticed that the snow was sticky and heavy enough to build a snow man in the backyard. Side by side, Gage and I bundled the kids up to protect them from the snow before bundling ourselves up. We spent the next hour dodging snowballs and pushing around large balls of snow to create a snowman. I draped my scarf around the neck of the snowman as Lily and Ethan sang Frosty the Snowman.
I couldn’t remember the last time I ever felt so happy. It’d been at least three years. The only light in my life had been Ethan. That was it.
I watched as Gage picked up Ethan to place him on his shoulders as they ran away from Lily. She pelted them with snowballs, laughing happily as she did. The sight of Ethan’s grin warmed me from the inside out. H
e had followed me to Gage’s house without batting an eyelash, and now seeing him so trusting of Gage brought on a swell of emotions. Tears filled my eyes as I rose from my position on the back porch. Not willing to cry in front of Ethan or Lily, I walked around the house to regain my composure.
Why couldn’t it happen with Gage? He had always been the one thing that I’ve wanted since day one. I deserved it after all the shit that Scott put me through.
Maybe I didn’t, though. I had my choice to marry Scott, even though I knew the truth about him. I had pushed away all those doubts because I blindly believed that Scott would change for love. The cold air stung my cheeks as I walked down to the edge of the driveway to let the sobs pour out. I reached up to touch my cheeks through gasps of air. My tears were frozen to my cheeks. Not surprising with the cold air, but because all I ever did anymore was cry. I was sick of it, too.
I had worked hard for three years to try and create that picture-perfect family for Ethan. That was my punishment, knowing that I failed to give Ethan something that I had grown up with.
Snow trickled down from the thick clouds above. It was only a matter of time before I had to return back to reality. I had appointments to attend with the lawyers that my father hired to negotiate custody and my divorce. The thought of losing Ethan terrified me. The last thing I wanted was for Ethan to grow up believing it was okay to yell and hit others when he didn’t get his way.