by RS Black
I didn’t care.
And yet as I thought it I knew it was a lie.
I did care.
Too much.
Pandora was getting under my skin; she was getting to me. Nothing ever got to me.
I slid my thumb up to the base of her neck, her sobs so heartfelt and full of pain that I wanted to do it. Wanted to break my oath for the first time ever, wanted to take away her misery.
I closed my eyes.
“Look at me, Pandora.”
Her eyes were puffy and her nose swollen when she finally glanced up. I dropped my hands. I couldn’t harvest her, not yet. Not until I knew for sure.
“You need to sleep. You need to get away from this. Go away and get your head on straight.”
She curled her fists into her temples and shook her head. “Go where. Get away from what? It’s always here.” She tapped her head. “You saw to that. I can’t ever leave and I can’t ever escape. I killed them all, even that poor woman.” Her voice fractured.
“No, you didn’t. I think you wanted to. But at the last second you left her alone to attack the others. I took her far away from here. She’s safe, Pandora, and so are you.”
The relief was instantly evident in her eyes. At the bar the other night she hadn’t been this savage. The keepers’ souls were altering her so profoundly that for a moment I really did believe War might be right. Maybe this was the time I’d lose.
She buried her face into my neck and I sighed.
But for now, Pandora was still here. Which meant there was still time. Still some way. I’d implanted that chip in her head for one reason: to try and figure out if she’d truly given up on herself. So long as she gave me hope that she’d fight, then so would I. And if that took betraying everything she held dear, then so be it. I was ruthless in my desire to win this game at all costs.
Always had been and I always would be.
Whether she knew it or not, I was on her side and I rooted for this demon in a way I’d never rooted for another soul in my long, ancient life.
All games had to be played to their conclusion. But the rules of any game could be tweaked. And that’s what I was going to do now. I tilted my head to the side.
“What are you doing?” she asked warily, attempting to shove me back. She was strong, but I wasn’t letting her go just yet.
“You need to feed. You just dumped everything on the ground.”
Her nose curled up as she glanced at the grisly scene surrounding us.
“I’m losing my mind,” she hiccupped. “I’m not me anymore.”
“That’s because mortal blood is weak and inefficient for what you are now. Take from me, creature, and then I order you to leave for a few days. You’ll know when we need you again.”
“Why are you doing this? I can’t figure you out. One second you’re narcing on me, the next you’re helping me. I don’t trust you, Dean. I just don’t.”
“I’m not asking you to and I don’t need you to. But you need to do what I say; if you don’t you’re going to lose yourself, Dorrie.”
Her twilight-colored eyes turned frosty with rage. “I’ve already lost myself! Look at this. Look!” She pointed to the piles of carcasses.
I shrugged. “They are nothing and never were.”
“You just don’t get it.” She laid her head on my shoulder as if exhausted, which in all likelihood, she was. “They used to be to me.”
I adjusted her face so that her mouth was inches from my vein. “Having a conscience can be incredibly overrated.”
She laughed. Just barely and so low that unless she’d been right by my ear I wouldn’t have heard it. Pandora was on the verge of a mental collapse and no matter what I thought of her or this situation, I couldn’t let that happen.
The Queen hadn’t yet fulfilled her purpose, and until she did, it was my job to make sure she survived the in between.
I palmed her head, rubbing her silky hair between my fingers. Just that slight nudge was enough to make her open her mouth and sink her fangs into me.
Clenching my jaw, I sat absolutely still beneath her feeding. It wasn’t exactly unpleasant to be gnawed on.
I’d never allowed a soul to feed on me before her. Now twice she’d done it.
Life was merely a stepping stone to death. Death was mercy, it was hope, it was the shining promise of a better tomorrow. Because with life came chaos, anarchy, rage, fear, injustice, soullessness. Death was a clean slate. It was renewal. A chance to set things right. It’s why I fought so hard to ensure the balance.
But what I gave her now, it was life, and I wasn’t sure I should do it, and yet, I wasn’t sure I shouldn’t either. I trembled as she drank harder, my body alive with raw volts of currents and the comingling of our power.
I felt the very life and essence of Pandora rush through me. The dark stain of her souls, the vitality of a spirit that screamed out for justice, and the innocent terror of a creature who had no hope for tomorrow.
As I peered into her soul, she peered into my own.
I know what she saw.
I, who’d existed since the dawn of man—my story was endless, volatile, and bloody. I felt her tremble beneath me, felt her revulsion even as she craved more and more.
Weakly, she pushed me back and I felt a violent surge of relief. Every time I allowed her to feed on me I was exposed.
I did not like it.
She wiped her mouth and sighed. “Thank you.”
Her face was peaceful again. Her eyes not so manic or frantic. Pandora was back. But for how long this time?
“You should go see Grace.”
My plan would continue as before. I set my jaw, ignoring the small voice murmuring that I was part of the problem, but only because she didn’t understand.
She frowned. “Grace is dead. Probably has been many months since.”
I licked my front teeth and gave her a look that spoke louder than any words could have.
Hissing, she sucked in a sharp breath. A look of disbelief, shock, and hope scrawled across her features. “You mean she—”
There wasn’t a chance for me to nod back; Pandora had traced far from me before even finishing her sentence.
I stared at the blank space where she’d been.
Pandora had taken several liters of my blood. And though I felt a little light-headed, I wouldn’t die from it. I sighed, resting a forearm on my knee.
“She will break, you know she will,” a soft, feminine voice whispered on the breeze.
To my right stood Wrath, dressed in chain mail armor from her neck to her ankles. Her literal mane of flame snapped and crackled around a face so lovely it’d made da Vinci weep to see it.
Starlight trapped within eyes of deepest blue stared back at me.
Lilith smirked. She sat on the edge of a dilapidated green dumpster, one leg curled beneath her ass while she honed her twelve-inch sword—Nox—to a deadly razor’s edge.
One touch of the sword to flesh would not only bring death, but the end of days.
“And then you can have your day in the sun.” I stood, glaring at her.
We’d been lovers once—two, maybe three millennia ago. But that’d been a passing phase and now I mostly just wanted to punch her in the face.
She snorted. “What are you doing, Dean? Cavorting with your chess piece; so unlike you.”
Full lips curved into a flirtatious smile.
“What do you want, fire head?”
She chuckled. “Ever the gallant gentleman. I’d forgotten how much fun you were, Death. But no, I’m not here to renew our fuck buddy status. I’m just, yanno, checking up on things.” She shrugged, causing an ember to snap out of her hair and land on my shirt.
Incinerating the entire bit of fabric on contact.
“Ohh.” She mock shivered. “Sorry ’bout that. Hope that didn’t cost you a small fortune, but knowing you, I’m sure it did.”
I brushed the tattered scraps off me and sighed. “You can put Nox away. I promise you
, you won’t need her anytime soon.”
She laughed, revealing a pristine set of straight white teeth. “You sure? Because it really doesn’t look that way to me. And, I know, I know”—she rolled her eyes—“you’ve got about a million and one chess pieces all in play. Believe me”—she stopped sharpening the blade for a moment to glare at me—“I’ve visited every last one of them.”
“Sorry. Not sorry,” I muttered.
She snorted. “Doesn’t really matter. Famine and Pestilence can see the writing on the wall, and surely you—Death of all creatures—can feel it. The scales tipping in my favor. The end of days comes nigh.” Her already beautiful face transformed into one so glorious, so perfect, that for any creature other than a Horseman to look upon it would stop their hearts instantly. Even a High-Caste Demon Lord was no match for us.
But as powerful as we were, there were always checks and balances. We could orchestrate, we could connive, and plan, and plot, but we could never actively participate until called upon to do so by the One far greater than us.
Lilith could end all of creation with one swipe of her blade, but that day was not here yet, and so long as I had my way, it wouldn’t be here for at least another eternity or two.
“You do know that I won’t let you win, right, Lili? Never gonna happen.”
Her blue eyes twinkled. “That why you’re gettin’ all chummy? Letting her drink your blood. I would ask if you know what you’re doing, but I’m pretty sure you do. What do you think He thinks about all this, though, hm?”
I clenched my jaw. “I won’t lose. You’ll never gain the upper hand.”
“We’ll see. But the wind rings with song. I’m closer than I’ve ever been, surely you know this. Let her drink from you, Dean, it changes nothing. In the end, she’ll topple. She’s just not strong enough to stop this. No one is. And don’t tell me that you’re not just the slightest bit excited at the thought of seeing our baby sister again? Sin has been so lonely. Why would you deny her to us?”
Sin, the Scarlet Woman’s true name, was my sister. In truth, none of us were related. We’d not been born of a mother as mortals were, but we’d all been crafted by the same hand.
And of the lot of us, Sin led the hardest life, cursed to roam the lands as nothing more than a thought. I did miss her, every day of my life. But she was a power too unpredictable to release into this world. As much as I knew Sin loved me, she would always side with War. It was in her nature to do so. Disease and Famine did their own thing, their allegiance never certain from one minute to the next, but War wouldn’t need them if she had Sin on her side.
“You swing that blade, and you end us too. Does that not bother you?” I tried reasoning with her once again.
She snorted. “Do you speak of emotion? To me?” Her laughter set my teeth on edge. “My, my, you’re starting to sound like the ants you tend to.” With a humorous sigh, she sheathed her blade and hopped to the ground.
“You can’t interfere, War. You know the rules. This is my match.”
“Oh, I know the rules.” She gave an unconcerned shrug. “But I wouldn’t need to, anyway. That last keeper is a real doozy. She’ll break her, Dean, and then I”—she stepped forward—“will break you. Have fun”—she glanced down at my feet—“cleaning up her mess. Again.”
The echoes of her laughter bounced through the alleyway like the heavy toll of church bells.
Chapter 15
Asher
I was back at the carnival, lying in bed. In the same bed Pandora and I had shared so many times. The fairgrounds were nearly empty, and everything was quiet. The sun was starting to rise and all I wanted to do now as surround myself with her. With this place. This trailer where the memories had been good. When we hadn’t known the future, hadn’t been able to see beyond tomorrow.
In this room my little demon was still alive. Her guitar sat unmoved in the corner. Her sweaters lay scattered on the floor. Her ridiculous shoe collection was gathered in piles around me.
What did I do?
It was the million-dollar question.
I’d known what Pandora was. I’d known that when I decided to involve myself in her life. When I decided to forsake everything I was for her.
I was a being possessed by Greed.
Greed for blood.
For power.
For vengeance.
And now for her.
I’d gotten to that rave in time to see her face contort with her orgasm. To see her take the life from that incubus. She’d taken that keeper’s soul without hesitation, without even a moment’s pause.
And something inside of me had snapped.
What I’d fought for, we’d fought for—it was all going away. It was more than the Triad merely owning her mark. They owned her.
And I didn’t know if it was because she felt lost, or hopeless, or scared, but she’d stopped fighting them. She’d stopped fighting for herself.
Pandora had given up.
Had given herself over to the inevitable and at this point, I wasn’t so sure she wasn’t right.
Because though I’d held my lover in my hands and our bodies had fused as passionately and as furiously as they always had, we couldn’t have been farther apart.
So I’d snapped at her in anger, my pain leaking over. I hadn’t meant to say it. Hadn’t thought to say it, but the resentments of the past year, at the Triad, at her people, at her fate, it’d all come out in a dizzying rush and when I’d said those words to her I’d seen her face crumple.
Seen her fracture and I knew now it was too late.
Not only had I rejected and betrayed her, I’d severed any possible chance at helping her to retain her humanity.
Dean had been wrong to send me to her, but maybe I’d been more stupid for going. For thinking I even stood a chance in hell against the machinations of beings so ancient I was little more than a child compared to them.
The day after tomorrow Bubba and I would go to Adam and tell him to gather up any and all berserkers to us. War was brewing. The end was coming.
And I was broken...
~*~
Pandora
I stared at Grace’s cave.
All was quiet at this time of night.
The only things that moved were scorpions and the occasional rattler searching out prey. She should have died months ago.
But the old bat was hanging in there.
The world was drowning in fire, teetering on the brink of destruction; what exactly was there to hang on to?
I clenched my fingers.
I could trace inside to her room, look her in the face. I could talk with her again. Hold her one last time and ask for advice.
But there was really none to give and I knew it.
Everything that was to come hinged on my decisions. Decisions so far out of my control that I felt dizzy with hopelessness.
Dean’s blood strengthened my body and mind. I felt at ease again. Clear-headed. I knew what I had to do.
I needed to trace out of here.
Needed to remain strong and stoic and see this through to the bitter end. I’d burned all bridges. There was no one left who truly understood or trusted me except for Luc, but I’d not given him a choice. Not really.
I should leave.
I closed my eyes. I was Atlas with the weight of the world crushing me to dust.
Selfishly, though, I didn’t do what I should have done. I moved through the tunnels of that cave with my mind, reaching out to her.
She should be dead. So why wasn’t she?
There was only one answer that fit.
Because Dean was allowing her to remain alive Which meant he’d sent me to her either A. to entrap me, or B. for purposes of his own I’d yet to fathom.
All of which told me I should not be here, but never once did I cease in my search for her.
I found her a moment later.
The fragile wisps of her mind reached out to me delicately.
She sensed me immediately.
>
“Pandora?”
I shuddered to hear my name. “I’m here.”
“Have we truly lost you, dear?”
I stayed silent for so long I felt her panic. Why had I never realized how loved I really was?
Strange that now, of all times, I should suffer that revelation, but I did. I’d never been as alone as I’d thought.
I couldn’t speak like this with just anyone, only those hovering between life and death. Like Luc, and now Grace. Here I could say what I couldn’t say aloud. I was safe from the device in my head. I could actually be honest here. I could tell her the truth. Reveal to her what I’d revealed to Luc. A stupid, desperate idea with no chance at success, but something at least to give her hope that I hadn’t given up on myself the way everyone else believed I had.
“No,” I whispered softly. “I’m still here, but barely.”
“What’s your plan?”
I shrugged. Luc’s mind was so fractured and delicate, I wasn’t certain that I could depend on him to do what needed doing. And even if he had been, I wasn’t sure I could justify it. There wasn’t much I was certain of anymore.
Needing to change the subject before I drowned in the futility of my situation, I asked, “Why are you still alive, Grace? I thought you’d died.”
Her laughter echoed through the chambers of my mind. “In such a rush to end me, are you?”
I snorted. “I’m sorry. I seem to have grown rather blunt in the last year. What I meant to say was—”
“I know what you meant to say.” She cut me off. “And I’m sure you know why.”
“Dean.” It wasn’t a question. I knew he was behind this.
“Of course.”
“Kindness isn’t a trait known by him, so what exactly does he want?”
“I’m not sure you could call what’s happening to me a kindness, Dora.” The reedy thread of her voice was weak. “As to what he wants—”
“Me.”
I could almost feel her shake her head. “I’m not sure it is you he wants. But he certainly wants to know what you’re up to.”
“And in exchange for learning my nefarious scheme, you get what?”
“An eternity of peace.”
Of course.
I glanced down at my booted feet, staring at the red, dusty desert. It was why he’d sent me here. Because Grace had once been a confidante and even now, after all the hell we’d gone through together, I was closer to her than I was to almost anyone else in the world.