by Kiki Leach
“When have I ever gone into work this early, Nicole?”
“I don’t know, I just never see you when you wake up.”
“That’s because you sleep until noon every day, until you have to go to ‘work’ or one of those lame acting classes. Watch out.”
He moved past her and went into the bathroom. He looked at himself in the mirror for a long moment, rubbing the stubble down his face to his chin and neck, and reached for his razor, nearly tipping the orange cup it had set in into the sink. Nikki walked in and lay back against the wall. He saw her in the mirror and rolled his eyes a little.
“Can I help you with something, Sanger?”
“What was that noise coming from your room yesterday?” she asked. “It got louder and louder, like a dying animal had made its way under your bed.”
“I had a woman tied to it with an apple in her mouth. And she wasn’t dying. She was aroused.”
She made a pained face and rattled her head. “You really are disgusting.”
“Vanessa said something similar.”
“Whatever she said, it was right.” She crossed her arms and leaned her head, staring at him as he dumped water and cream on his face and began shaving.
He became annoyed at her overall presence, but remained concentrated. “Why are you up so early?” he asked.
“Audition. It’s for a small role in an indie film and they don’t pay much, but it’s a start. All the greats started somewhere.”
“All the greats had talent, which you lack.”
“You’re such a dick, Maurice. You always have been. It’s like if no woman is Vanessa she doesn’t deserve any kind of respect from you.”
“I respect you, Nikki,” he said, rinsing the remainder of shaving cream from his face. “I respect you as a woman and as my roommate.” He pat his skin down with a dry towel and then turned to look at her. “I just don’t like you very much, and never have.”
“Why is that? After all these years, I’ve never understood what your problem is with me.”
“I think you’re a moocher and a user. And a slight phony too, but that’s beside the point. Since we were kids, you always seemed to only do for those who did for you, no more, no less. You never went out of your way for anyone because you wanted to.”
“That’s not true.”
“I think it is. I think you’re only staying in Vanessa’s house because you’re too damn lazy to buck up and get a real job like the rest of us and support yourself. And I think that you refuse to do that because you’d have to admit that you suck at acting. This ‘dream’ you’ve had ever since you ‘came out of the womb’ as you always put it isn’t going to happen overnight, but still you’ve managed to convince yourself and whatever idiot is paying for these worthless classes that you’re the next Meryl Streep. You might be better looking, you might have a much better body and great tits, but you don’t have the talent. There’s a reason she’s up there winning all of those awards, and why you’re always in your pajamas watching from home.”
She reached up and smacked him hard across the face. He clinched his jaw and flared his nostrils as his face reddened a little.
He exhaled deep and swallowed hard. Her eyes welled.
“You’re such a misogynistic pig.”
“I’m gonna let that slide because we’re friends.”
“We’re not friends! You just stood here and told me that not only am I talentless, but I’m a moocher who lives off my friends, and you don’t even like me as a person.”
“I never said I didn’t like you as a person. I just think you could be a better one, is all. And that’s what friends do, tell each other the truth.”
She wiped her face of a fallen tear and stepped back. “Is that how it is? We tell each other the truth? Like say, you’re never going to get another shot in hell with Vanessa because she sees you for what you truly are? And she realizes after trying time and again to give you the benefit of every doubt imaginable that you really are nothing she’s ever wanted? You’re not the dream, you’re not even the fantasy. A white picket fence in Connecticut, two dogs in the yard, with two newborn babies in a crib. That isn’t you, it never will be. So what makes you think that staying here long past your expiration date like a carton of clumpy, sour milk will ever change that?”
Maurice sat back and thought of the harshness of her words. There was a part of him that knew there was a possibility that Nikki was right, he was wasting his time in believing Vanessa would ever come to him on her own. But a bigger part of him, a much bigger part of him didn’t want to believe it. That part wanted to believe that it was possible. That she would come to him; that she would one day see him as the man he genuinely was, not the one he always pretended to be to mask his truth. That’s the man Nikki always saw, because it was the only one she ever cared to get to know.
“Are you waiting for an apology?” she asked after realizing he’d had no response.
He arched his brows, appearing surprised. “Are you?”
“Not in the least. Not from you.”
“Same here. It was evident you meant what you said.”
“So did you, Mo! Don’t act like some kind of victim of unwanted torture.”
He grunted. “Nicole. I was only giving you my opinion on how I saw things, I wasn’t trying to be an asshole.”
“I didn’t know it was something you had to try so hard at.”
“It’s almost as easy as you getting a real job.”
She mumbled something unintelligible under her breath.
“Flat out,” he continued, “I think the way you sometimes treat Vanessa can be trashy. You seem to put yourself and your problems above hers more often than not. The way you treat me is…” He shrugged.
“Justified,” she retorted.
He breathed out harshly and glared at her. “It can be unreasonable from time to time.”
“Unreasonable? What’s unreasonable is that you think I’m just some talentless hack who’s been wasting my time all these years and using my best friend in the process because deep down I know I’m never going to make it.”
“It’s not unreasonable to think it,” he answered. “Because it’s a fact. I think you could make it if you really wanted it, even being as talentless as you are. The least talented people in entertainment are often the ones who make the most money. If you remember, my dad used to represent some of those people in court. Worst talent in the business, but there was never a limitless supply of checks coming in from all over the globe because he managed to make their unreasonable cases, reasonable. But in your case, the only check I ever see coming in is the one from the barista shop. And maybe from whatever sugar daddy you’ve got on your payroll.”
She shook her head and turned from him.
“Overall, I think you’re scared,” he said. “No matter what you seem to project, I see right through it. You’re afraid of failing big, so you don’t even bother to try. Instead, you audition for indie films that no one will ever see, and for plays in small clubhouses that people wouldn’t go to for free, let alone pay for.” He paused. “When I took you to the clinic, I thought you were at your bravest. Not because of what you had done, but because you were so damned determine to do it all on your own. It was the first time I had ever seen you step up and take charge of anything. You didn’t want a child, and so you took care of it in the only way you saw fit. You want a career in the spotlight, and you’re doing it half-assed.”
No matter how she felt about him in that moment or any other, ultimately, Nikki knew he was right, at least part of what he was addressing to her. She was in fact afraid, terrified almost to the point of shaking. She was afraid of not living up to who her parents were in show business, not living up to the legacy of two multiple Tony winners. She couldn’t sing, and she couldn’t dance, but she had passion. Where had it gone? She knew, but couldn’t bring herself to admit it out loud to anyone.
Maurice dropped his towel on the counter and moved over to her.
“I’m not telling you this to be in asshole.”
“Yes you are. But I’m still going to that audition. And maybe on the way home, I’ll look for a steadier job just to shut you up. But if this entire spiel was your very own way of getting me so pissed off I’d move out so that you could play pretend with Vanessa?” She leaned forward and gave him a devilish grin. “Tough shit. She doesn’t want you. And after this little ‘pep talk’, I’ll make sure she’ll never look twice at you again.”
She raced from the bathroom and slammed the door to her room, quickly getting dressed to make it across town to her audition in Brooklyn.
Maurice remained in the middle of the bathroom, confounded.
Part Five
Back at the office, Vanessa had just finished up a phone call with one of her more important publishers in Milan and was now working on bylines for the upcoming issue when she heard a familiar voice chiming in her doorway.
“BONJOUR! Bon apres-midi, Mon Cheri!”
She looked up from her desk and saw Alexis standing with one hand resting on the frame of the door while the other rested on her hip. The woman looked fierce as always. Jet black hair flowing to her waist, lashes so long and thick they were often mistaken for fakes, a dress so tight you could see what she had had for breakfast, and a kind of bright red lipstick that was once only reserved for prostitutes; now, it was making its debut on the runways of New York Fashion week, and Alexis was the reason why.
As she stared at the gleefulness on her mother’s face, Vanessa’s heart dropped to the pool of acid sitting in her stomach. She felt as if her insides were beginning to eat themselves and curdled.
It’s not as if she hated her mother outright. But neither would deny that they had always had a contentious relationship. Two people had never been more like oil and water than Alexis and Vanessa, whom the latter always believed loved her sister more anyway, which was part of her problem. It wasn’t true, Alexis loved her children equally. She just had an interesting way of showing it, meaning little to almost none at all. It probably didn’t help that Felicia was more like Alexis than Vanessa ever wanted to be. She had more drive and ambition to be more in life from the very beginning, to run the magazine anywhere but into the ground; whereas Vanessa lived to get by until she had no other choice but to change course.
She pushed her glasses to the crown of her head and loosened her sleek ponytail. Alexis was bound to give her a headache, no need in adding to the torture with a tight scalp.
“You’re back earlier than I expected.”
She smirked. “Are you disappointed, daughter?”
“Only slightly.”
“As am I. Though I am glad to see that you haven’t burned the place down,” Alexis continued, stepping inside.
“Give me time,” she said. She got up from her desk and stood before her mother, crossing one arm over the other and leaning aside. “Let me guess. You were already in flight when you called me last night?”
“Perhaps.” She tapped Vanessa’s shoulder with the tip of her clutch bag and winked. She admired her from head to toe and lifted her head. “I see you’ve straightened your hair.”
“I had my hair straightened before you even left town, Mother. But since you were too preoccupied with everything and everyone else but me before your flight out, you just didn’t seem to notice.”
“May I tell you what I didn’t miss, Vanessa? The snippy attitude.” She moved around the room, admiring the décor. Or at least tolerating it. “Nor have I missed this office of yours. I have always hated these windows in place of plain white walls that you could decorate anyway you pleased. Instead you chose this. I’ve always felt your office was too open to your employees and passersby.”
She spun around with her arms still folded. “And I always felt yours was too cold and closed off. Maybe our offices reflect who we are.”
“Or perhaps I only value my alone time.”
“At work? It’s the one and only time you shouldn’t be allowed to be alone.”
“Says the girl who threw a hissy fit and needed to go home in the middle of the day. Maybe some alone time would have done you some good.”
“Are you really going to give me a hard time about that?”
“No.” She slid back on top of the desk and crossed her long legs. She knit her brows a little and lowered her lids, trying her best to appear as the caring mother. “How are you taking things today?”
“A lot better than I did last night… and yesterday afternoon and morning. I’m learning to deal with it, it’s not like I have any other choice.”
“Are you going to this reunion?”
“I don’t know. Especially now that Joan’s backed out of being president due to having a baby and appointed Sheila in her place.”
“My God, girl. You have the worst luck of anyone I’ve ever known.”
“Thanks, Mother. As if I didn’t know that already, I needed to hear it straight from your lips.”
She went back around her desk and plopped down in her chair.
“I didn’t mean I like that,” Alexis replied, getting up and turning around. She reached out for the chair behind her and pulled it closer to sit down. “I have wanted you to escape those people ever since high school. Sheila was a terrible influence from the very beginning and Nathan did nothing but cloud your judgment. He was similar to a hallucinogenic, always in your thoughts when there were more important things in life to focus on.”
“Like this magazine?”
“For starters. And now here we are, a place I never wanted you to be again. These people are going to come back into your life and make a mess of it all over again.”
“They’re not going to make a mess of anything. I’m not going to let that wench get to me.”
“Is Nathan coming with her?”
She shrugged. “I don’t know. But I don’t think that crow will pass up an opportunity to flaunt him in my face again, so I’m sure he will make some sort of appearance that weekend. Showing off is probably one of the only things Sheila’s ever been good at. No, wait, if that were the case, she wouldn’t have gotten Nathan in the first place.” She lay her head back on her chair and breathed out. “I was determined to get some work done today. It’s the whole reason I sent Samantha in my place to the photo shoot, and now I can’t stop talking about this nonsense once again.”
“Just a second.” Alexis stiffened and scrunched her brows together. “You sent who, where?”
“Samantha, my new assistant. I sent her in my place to the shoot.”
“For God’s sake, Vanessa! You don’t send assistants to an important shoot like this in your place. They are there to assist you! You needed to be there with her as the editor-in-chief!”
“And miss out on all of this fun we’re currently having here?” she spewed. “What’s the big deal, anyway? It’s not like she’s going to be forced to do something drastic, like ask the models what they didn’t have for breakfast.”
“Can this girl even take notes? Has she ever worked at a magazine before this? She was hardly the most competent when I talked to her on the phone.”
“Which time was that? The first or the fifteenth?”
“Don’t get smart--”
“I’m not. But you can be a little intimidating at times, especially over the phone. Look, Mother, this girl is extremely intelligent. A lot more than the last few you managed to hire for me. She worked at a newspaper as their top staff writer and has a 4.8 GPA from Brown. And she never once thought of running in the midst of my meltdown yesterday. She got things taken care of before I even left and I came in this morning with no harrowing messages from our publishers, or photographers. Isn’t she exactly the type of assistant you wanted for me?”
“She sounds all well and good on paper, Vanessa, but is she really ready to handle what this magazine is all about?”
“If she can handle me losing my mind in front of everyone, she
can handle this. Relax. It’s only a photo shoot, she’s not a practicing midwife delivering a baby for the first time!”
“She may as well be. This is one of our biggest shoots of the year and you send a novice to handle the task.”
“Mother!” She pushed back in her chair and widened her arms. “What the hell are you doing here? Did you come here to work or to bitch me out for the millionth time about how much I suck at my job?”
“I am doing no such thing, little girl. And that language and tone is uncalled for.”
“So is your attitude,” she muttered, staring down at her desk.
“What was that?”
“Nothing.”
“You are not too old to get snatched, Miss Thing.” Alexis exhaled sharply and tossed her hair back over her shoulder. “This magazine has a reputation to uphold.”
“And that reputation will continue to be in check. She can’t do much damage, she’s only there to video the whole thing and take notes. Calm down.”
When the phone at her desk started ringing, they both stared down at the receiver, panicking.
“See there?” hissed Alexis. “You see? You spoke too soon. It’s a disaster already.”
“I think a part of you hopes that I fail so that you can just scream to everyone who told you that you should hire me, ‘I told you so, I told you so!’”
“That is not true, Vanessa.”
“It is, but it doesn’t matter. With or without your support, I’m going to keep making this magazine into an even bigger success than when you started it.”
Vanessa leaned forward and glanced down at the caller ID as the phone continued blaring off the hook.
“I need to take this,” she said.
“Tell them to wait, whatever it is they have to say to you can wait.”
“I would love to do that, Mother, except I don’t want to.”
She picked up the phone and heard whistles coming from the other side. Along with heavy breathing.
“Hello?” she asked. There was no answer. “Hello, hello, hello?!” She exhaled and clucked her tongue. “I know this is you, Nicole. I can see your number flashing across the screen.”