“I know, but do you really want be here for me? After everything I put you through, what I did...” He shook his head, the disgust evident. He wasn’t proud of what he’d done but he had to forgive himself for it, just like I had.
I sighed as my body sunk deeper into the carpet. How could I make him see that I was willing to forgive him? “Raven, if I didn’t want to be here, I wouldn’t be. I’m here because I love you. I didn’t have to go the hospital to see you, but I wanted to. I care for you, more than you realize.”
“Yeah, well, that’s only because you thought I was dead.”
My heart dropped to my stomach, recalling the torment I’d experienced when Delaney rushed into my room — when I thought the unthinkable. I clutched a hand to my chest. Destroying himself was killing me in the process. “Raven, please. Yes, I rushed to the hospital to make sure you were okay, but when you told me everything was a lie and that you still loved me, I knew there wasn’t a place I’d rather be than with you.”
“But I’m so messed up.” His voice shook and his eyes glistened in the dim light.
“No one’s perfect. I’m certainly not. But together, we are stronger. You even said it yourself.”
A meek smile spread across his lips and he let out a slight laugh. “Did you just steal my line?” My heart melted at his expression. Seeing him happy was all I wanted.
“Maybe. All I know is that when you’re hurting, I’m hurting, too.”
He sat up and leaned forward, clasping his hands together. “I never intended to hurt you. I’m sorry.”
I hesitated to broach the subject, but I had to know. I had to glean the real reason why he left me. Was it something my mom said? Did he really want to be with me? If I was going to give him another chance, I had to know that he wouldn’t disappointment me. My heart couldn’t handle it. It was barely functioning as it was, still on the verge of breaking down. It was taking everything I had to keep it together.
“I know you didn’t, but help me understand why you sent me that text.”
He took a deep breath and pressed his lips together in a firm line. For several seconds, he didn’t speak, only twiddling his thumbs against each other in a rough movement. It was as though each thought tormented him and he didn’t want to relive them.
“If you don’t want to talk about it right now, I understand.” I got up and he grabbed my hand.
“Come here, baby.” He pulled me onto his lap and held me tightly in his arms. It felt like it had been forever since I was in his strong arms. Warmth surrounded me and I reveled in the comfort of his embrace. Only he could impart that security I needed to ease my fears, even though he was the one causing them.
Trust.
I wanted to trust Raven so badly, yet he continued to do things that made me it hard for me to do so. I needed to trust that he cared enough about me. About us. That he wasn’t going to run away from me every time someone told him he shouldn’t be with me.
“I’m so sorry.” He stroked my hair. “I’m sorry that I nearly drank myself to death. That I was with those girls. That I was at Jared’s house when you asked me to never go there again. I’m sorry that I allowed your mom to get to me. That I let her convince me that I wasn’t good enough for you. But you have to understand, it’s not easy for me. When I look at you,” he lifted my chin, aligning my eyes to his, “I see this innocent and perfect woman that deserves a man that’s just as perfect. One that isn’t broken and shattered. A man without a tarnished past and with a bright future. And when I look at myself, I know I’m not that man.”
Tears fell from my eyes. Hearing him talk that way about himself crushed me on every level. “Don’t say that.” I pressed a finger to his lips, halting any response he may have had. “You’re more than you realize. You just need to believe in yourself instead of letting your past dictate who you are. We all have faults, we all make mistakes. All I’m asking is that you stop making bad choices. Instead, choose me.” My shoulders lifted in anticipation.
He wrapped his hand around mine, kissing my finger gingerly. His eyes closed and his chest caved inward as he kept his lips firmly pressed to the tip of my finger. Slowly, his eyes opened. “You haven’t asked for a life like this and you’re here, regardless. Why do you keep coming back, Lexi?” His voice cracked, making him sound like a man at the end of his rope. I’d use all my strength to pull him back in and keep him from falling off.
I cupped his cheek. “Because I care about you, Raven. I’m in love with you. Can’t you see that?”
“Even though I’m not good for you?”
“Quit saying that. You know that I’m better with you.”
“I think it’s the other way around.”
“Then stop leaving me and just let me love you.” I pressed a soft kiss to his lips. He stared at me intently and in the depths of his eyes, I saw it. The love and remorse. It was all there. And once again, I was willing to do anything for him. As long as he wanted to be with me.
“You’ll take me back?”
“I never gave you up.”
Σ
Chapter 3
I woke up a few hours later in Raven’s arms. Being held by him seemed to relinquish every worry and ebb the pain in the center of my heart. I just hoped that I did the same for him. More than anything, I hoped he was being honest with me. That he truly loved me enough to be with me. I lifted from his chest, trying not to wake him. His white dress shirt was unbuttoned, revealing his rippled torso. Damn, he was so sexy. It took everything in me not to rub my hands all over him.
His eyes opened slightly and he gave me sleepy, seductive smile. “Hey.”
“Hey.”
“What time is it?” He glanced at his bare wrist.
I turned and glanced at the clock on the night stand. “A little after five.”
“I guess we feel asleep.” He ran his fingers through my hair and all the familiar sensations that once consumed me reappeared. His eyes took me in fully, making me tingle in all the right spots. My heart rate picked up, thrashing against my rib cage. I took in a deep breath, trying to steady the flow of my blood.
“It’s easy to do. Being next to you is so comforting.” I traced a finger along the crease separating his pecs. His muscles twitched beneath my touch and heat consumed me. Raven’s body was made for worshipping and I would make him my king. No questions asked.
“I missed sleeping next to you.” His hand slid behind my neck and his fingers dug into my hair. He drew my face to his and kissed me in a way that made every bad memory evaporate and begged for me to believe him. I wanted to — more than anything. I loved him too much and couldn’t be without him.
Our kiss grew deeper, filled with intent and need. And I found myself lost within his addictive trap once more. A trap that I would willingly lock myself in and refuse to be released from, as long he allowed me.
His kiss told me that he loved me.
That he needed me.
That he couldn’t be without me.
And I soaked in every part of it.
Our tongues slid against each other in a perfect melody that wrapped around my heart and soul. I couldn’t get enough of him. And it was obvious he couldn’t get enough of me. His hands dropped to my waist and he picked me up as he stood. I hooked my legs around him, pressing my body against his. An electric hum reverberated off us and rippled through the room, intensifying our connection.
He laid me on the bed, his mouth never separating from mine. His body pressed against mine and I went limp, reduced to a heap of boneless flesh and skin. Flesh and skin that was acutely aware of every sensation flowing through it. Feeling the entire length of his body on mine was sheer pleasure. It not only comforted me, but made me feel secure and safe.
His lips dropped to my neck and I whimpered as his mouth took possession of my body. My hands dove into his hair as his lips suckled on the nape of my neck. I was ready for him to take me, over and over again. Until I had absolutely nothing left to give.
I ease
d his shirt over his shoulders, exposing his bare chest. He quickly shucked it off and I took advantage of his weakened state by rolling him on his back. Even though I’d seen this heavenly sight many times, I allowed my mouth and tongue the pleasure they’d been dying for and traced over every indention that wound to the one thing I wanted most. I unzipped his pants and slid them down, eager to satisfy the need in him. In a quick move, Raven took the upper hand by flipping me onto my back.
“Ah. So you want control.” I ran my hands over his tight butt. It was firm and muscular, and I pressed him against me, showing him I wouldn’t mind controlling him for one night.
“Whatever you want, baby. I’ll give it to you.”
I hooked my legs around his waist, positioning myself in perfectly alignment with him.
“Oh, God, Lexi,” he moaned in pleasure as he rubbed his perfect, athletic body against mine.
Kill me now.
The friction was driving me insane. I felt his arousal between my legs and shuddered, unable to control myself. I needed him inside me — where he belonged.
Resting his weight on one arm, he used his other hand to trace the curves of my body. I writhed underneath the sheer pleasure of his touch. My back arched, unable to restrain the emotions that begged for release. With pro-like moves, he stripped off my clothes and tossed them to the floor.
“Ten days without you is too long,” he breathed heavily in my ear. Goose bumps shot down to my toes and my body revved up with an animalistic desire for him.
“You have no idea,” I whispered, praying this moment would never end. I needed Raven to show me how much he loved me.
Prove his love to me.
Make love to me.
My body wouldn’t take no for an answer.
“I want you so damn bad.” His eyes bore into me and the room seemed to fade away. All that existed was him and me. Raven knew how to make me his world when he wanted to. I felt the trembling in his arms and knew he was in no condition for sex, despite his tantalizing words and physical need. I didn’t want to deny him, but I didn’t want to be selfish either. Fighting against my bodily needs, I knew the right thing to do.
“But you need to rest.” I stroked the sides of his hair, trying to calm myself. But being naked with Raven, it was nearly impossible. It was pure bliss looking at him with his clothes on, but without anything was divine torture. “You’re weak.” My voice faltered and I knew I was the weaker one.
“Baby, I’m never too weak to make love to you.”
Oh God. I want him.
Not disagreeing with him, I kissed him greedily. My mouth dragged along his skin and I quickly became the one drugged with his love. I indulged sinfully in his taste, his touch… my desire for him. Our bodies moved in a perfect rhythm that only we could make, each thrust and rub bringing me closer to Raven. To a place I never wanted to leave. What I experienced with him was pure ecstasy. I was completely and totally addicted to his love. The Raven’s trap was more than an addiction; it was my way of life.
***
Raven and I slept, wrapped in each other’s arms, until late the next morning, exhausted from the events that transpired over the last ten days. Looking back on everything, he was right about one thing. I never imagined I’d be dealing with issues like this. But I was willing to do whatever I needed to because it was the choice I’d made. No one else. Not my mother, not my father, or anyone else. It was mine alone. I wanted to be with Raven, as long as he wanted to be with me.
“Good morning, baby.” Raven stroked my cheek with his index finger.
“Damn, it’s awesome to hear those words.” I smiled, burrowing myself against the warmth of his hand.
“I’ll make sure to always say them.” He pressed a tender kiss to my lips and then rested his forehead against mine. He took several deep breaths, as though allowing the stress to unravel from every fiber in his body.
“Are you okay?”
He nodded and gave me a boyish grin. “Being with you makes everything better.”
“Good. Let’s keep it that way.”
He grabbed me and pulled me on top of him. Wrapping his arms tightly around me, he planted kiss after kiss all over my face. “I’m going to smother you with my love and affection until you’re sick of it.”
“I could never get sick of this.” I giggled and laughed, loving every minute of it.
“Good, because I’m not letting you go anywhere.”
“I don’t have anywhere else to go, so I guess you’re stuck with me.”
He stopped for a moment and looked at me. “What do you mean?”
I pressed my lips together, not sure if now was the right time. I hated bringing it up because it was what started the whole mess. “My mother told me that if I left to never come back.” A lump quickly formed in the center of my throat, causing tears to quickly appear. I tried to snub them away but they escaped and spilled into my hair. It made me furious that I was allowing my mom to get to me.
I squeezed my eyes shut and buried my face against his chest, continuing to fight the wretchedness of what happened. Of how she treated me. Of what she told Raven and the trouble she caused for us. Why did my mom have to be so hardcore? Couldn’t she just accept my decisions and be happy for me? Why did she insist on running my life for me? “It just sucks.”
“Don’t cry, baby.” Raven quickly blotted my tears with the pads of his thumbs. “You can stay here with me.”
“Are you sure?” I sniffed.
His lips formed a perfect smile. “Of course I’m sure.”
“Yeah, but it sucks the way they treat me and the way they treated you. It’s not right, Raven. My entire life, my mother has controlled me. Told me what I can and can’t do. Dictated how I would live my life and my dad has just let her do it. It’s not right. I can’t live like that anymore. If my parents don’t accept you, then I’m done with them.”
“I know, Lexi. It’s not right.” He held my gaze. “I wish they weren’t that way. Because you need your parent’s support, as do I.”
“I’m sorry,” I whispered across his lips.
“It’s not your fault.” He stroked my hair in slow movements as I wept silently. I hated my mom, even though I didn’t want to. But she was leaving me with very little choice. I wouldn’t allow her to take Raven away from me. My love for him was too strong. Stronger than the relationship I had with them.
“My only hope is that my dad stands up for me.”
“Do you think he will?” He tried to look at me, but I kept my forehead pressed to his shoulder.
I shrugged. “Maybe.”
“Did he say something to you? I want to know. That is… if you want to tell me.” He sounded genuinely concerned and it reminded me of what he had told me about being there for me, too.
“Um, well, at first he wasn’t happy about me being with you. Then when he heard you were in the hospital, he told me to be careful.”
“So he was okay with you coming to see me?” Raven nudged me with his cheek, still trying to look at me.
I raised my chin, connecting our gazes. “I think so.”
“That’s good.” He smiled and his eyes relaxed. It warmed a part of me because deep down, I knew he needed my dad’s acceptance. It would make being with me so much easier. Raven had enough rejection in his life, my parents were just adding to that unwanted list and I hated it.
For several minutes, we didn’t speak. But through the gentleness of his embrace and the comfort of his words, we exchanged a deeper level of our torment with each other. I hoped that by me being transparent and open with him, he would eventually do the same. If I was willing to tell him how I felt, share my pain and anguish, then maybe he’d open up to me. This intimate moment was exactly what we needed. What I needed. He was doing what I had promised I’d do for him — being there for me. Raven was all I ever needed.
“Hey, I have an idea.” His voice shifted to an enticing lure and I quickly pushed away all the sadness, curious to know what he had
in mind. “Why don’t you put on the black teddy I bought you?”
“Oh, well, um, I don’t think I can do that.”
“Did you leave them at your house?”
I bit down on my lip, trying to decide whether I wanted to tell him what happened. “Not exactly.”
“What happened?” The muscles in his arms tensed and I hesitated for a moment.
“Well…” I swallowed the huge lump in my throat, recalling that night. My mother was bat shit crazy. She deserved to have her stuff destroyed, just to know what it feels like. “She… she, um, burned it all.”
“What?” In a swift move, his head jerked back. “What do you mean she burned it?”
“Yeah, she threw all of the bras and panties you bought me in the fireplace.” I rolled onto my back, feeling horrible about the situation. I covered my face with my hands as the tears struck once again. “I’m sorry. I tried to stop her, but I couldn’t.”
“It’s okay.” Raven lowered my hands. “It’s not your fault.”
I quickly wiped the wetness from my cheeks with the back of my hand. “I hate her,” I said through gritted teeth.
“Lexi.” His voice deepened.
“I’m sorry, but she’s a horrible person. I want nothing to do with her.”
“I understand.” He pulled me into his arms. “We’ll buy you some more.”
“No.” I shook my head. “You already spent too much money on me.”
“I like spending money on you. Unless you’d rather free-buff it.”
“What’s that?” I sniffed and looked at him, trying to figure out what he was talking about.
“You know, go without panties.” He gave a playful slap to my rear. “Makes it easier for me.” He arched a brow.
“Raven,” I laughed and shoved him away. He sure knew how to lighten the mood. “I like wearing panties.”
“Oh, come on, baby. Don’t wear any for me.” A low growl escaped from his throat as he nuzzled my neck with his lips. He definitely knew how to tease me in all the right ways. And I never wanted to go a day without it. Our flirtatious morning quickly came to an abrupt stop when his phone rang.
The Winning Side Page 3