“Shel, wait!” Josh chased after her.
Raven held me closely as we listened to the soft roll of the tide. The fire crackled softly, creating a nice lull, and I rocked gently in his arms. It was like the ocean water had brought him back to me after it had carried him out, threatening to never return him. But it did, and I would be forever grateful.
“Are you happy?” He picked up my left hand and stared at my fingers.
“More than you’ll ever know.” I wiggled my fingers, allowing the golden light of the fire to catch the facets of my ring, cascading a shimmer against us.
“What about you?” I turned my head slightly and glanced at him.
He smiled. “You have no idea.”
“Were you planning to ask me in the cafeteria?” I was dying to know.
“No, not at all.” He ducked his head and I felt a surge of warmth on the back of my neck. “I had just picked up your ring and talked to your dad.”
“You talked to my dad?” I shifted my body and looked directly at him.
“Well, yeah. I had to do the respectable thing and ask him for your hand.”
Raven never ceased to surprise me. “I can’t believe you asked him.”
“Is that a bad thing?”
“No.” I smiled. “You did good.” I couldn’t wait to give Dad a call and tell him I was engaged. I had no idea that he knew, but I was dying to know if my mother knew. I’d have to ask Luke later. We had told Raven’s mom, stopping by there for dinner after he proposed to me. She was ecstatic and couldn’t wait for us to get married. It was a great feeling.
“Good.” He nodded and I relaxed against him. “I was actually planning on proposing here.”
“Here?”
“Yeah, right here on the beach for your birthday. But I couldn’t wait.” He shrugged. “So I figured, ‘what the hell? I’m going to do this right now.’ And so I did.”
My eyes watered and I covered my face. Every part of my body tingled with excitement. Just hearing what he had planned made my heart swell and my body rise to a new height. Raven had to be the most thoughtful guy I’d ever met. I sighed, letting a tiny whimper escape.
“Are you crying?” He pulled my hands away from my face. “Why are you crying?”
“I…I’m just so happy.” Tiny sobs escaped my lips. “And I’m…”
“You’re what?” He used his thumb to wipe the tears from my yes. “Tell me. What’s wrong?”
I shook my head. “It’s nothing.”
“No. I can tell something is up.” A look of concern formed in the crevices of his eyes as they searched mine for the truth.
Hesitating, I glanced away. He deserved to know what I was thinking, feeling, but I was afraid to tell him. What if it scared him and he decided that he didn’t want to marry me? What if all of this was a mistake? The destructible thoughts continued to plague my mind.
“Lexi. Please.” He lifted my chin. “Please don’t shut me out.”
Funny you should say that.
I sighed and pulled at the fear looming inside, gathering it, determined to take control. If I was going to marry him, I had to be honest with him. I didn’t want to enter into a marriage with any reservations. “It’s just that sometimes I feel like you shut me out.”
His head jutted back and a look of surprise hit him. “Really?”
“Yeah,” I quietly admitted.
“Can you give me an example?”
I pressed my lips together, garnering the courage to say it. “Every time you’ve told me that you don’t want to be with me.”
“Oh, Lexi.” He pulled me close, wrapping me tightly in his arms. “I never meant to shut you out. It had nothing to do with you. It was all the shit — all my baggage — I’ve been learning to deal with.”
Wiping my nose on my sleeve, I sniffed. “I understand. I’m just really scared it will happen again.”
He pulled away, looking me directly in the eye. “I promise I’ll never shut you out again.”
I wanted to believe him; to let go of all the fear telling me he would hurt me again. Even though I had said yes to his proposal, and was willing to give us a shot, because all I wanted was to be with him, I still worried. “How can I be sure?”
“Lexi.” His chest rose and fell in long strides. “Because things are different now.”
“Different how?”
“It’s hard to explain.” His eyes narrowed and his lips parted. I waited for him to speak, but he remained silent.
I closed my eyes, knowing he wasn’t ready to let me in completely. Why wouldn’t he open his heart fully to me? Why didn’t he trust me?
“Lexi. Please, just believe me.” He tucked a few stray stands of my hair behind my ear.
I connected my gaze to his. “Raven, if we’re going to get married, we have to trust each other. Even with our deepest secrets. That’s the only way we’re going to get through the tough times. I promise to be here for you, no matter what. That’s what a relationship is all about. It’s the foundation a marriage is built on. Don’t you want that for us?”
“I do.”
“Then just tell me.”
He stalled for a moment, shifting to the right. I eased out of his hands even though he didn’t want to let me go. I knelt in front of him and took his hands in mine. “With me, Raven, you don’t have to be afraid.”
“I’m not afraid, Lexi.”
“Then what is it?”
“I…” he looked behind me, staring into the ocean. It seemed as if he was lost in the movement of the waves, allowing them to lure him away. Further away from me. After a long minute, he reconnected his gaze with mine. “I just don’t want you to reject me.”
“Oh, God. Raven, why would you think that?”
“Because my entire life I’ve been nothing but a big reject. I don’t need you rejecting me, too.” He jerked his hands from my grip.
“Babe, you’re not a reject.”
My heart sank, pulling me deeper into the sand. I pressed a hand to my chest, trying to steady my breathing. All of this had to do with him being the product of a gang rape. No one deserved to go through that torment. Not him. Not his mom. Why did life have to be so hard? “I would never reject you. I love you, Raven. Can’t you see that? Your mom loves you, and so does your family.”
“I know you do and that’s what Dr. Galen has been helping me to see. Don’t get me wrong, my mom’s been great and so has my family. It’s just…when you know you were created by someone taking advantage of your mother and the pregnancy wasn’t wanted, it’s a tough pill to swallow. Not to mention, her initially not wanting to raise me.”
“I’m sorry. I wish there was something I could do to change all of that.” There was no way I’d ever fully be able to understand what he experienced daily. Thank God Dr. Galen was helping him process through his tough issues, because I had no idea how to help him stop believing that lie.
“Yeah, me too,” he whispered, his voice heavy.
“Have I ever done anything to make you feel rejected?”
“You didn’t want to tutor me.” His eyes glazed over and I swallowed hard.
Jab me one, why don’t you?
“Okay.” If I was demanding him to be honest with me, then I had to do the same. “I’m not going to lie to you. I was basing everything on rumors, but once I got to know you, I wanted to help you. The only thing I was afraid of was falling for you. And once I realized that I couldn’t stop the inevitable from happening, nothing about your past mattered to me.” I pressed a hand to his face. “None of your mistakes matter to me. All that matters is that I have your love. All I want is to trust you and know that you’re never going to hide things from me.”
He shook his head and I retrieved my hand. “Lexi, I’ve done things I’m not proud of.”
“I know and you don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to, but when they affect our relationship and our future, I think I have a right to know. Otherwise, how can I help you and how can we stay strong?�
��
He twisted his mouth to the side and his eyes wandered off. “I guess you’re right.”
“Just… please don’t shut me out. That’s all I ask.” I placed my hand on his and he laced his fingers through mine.
“Shutting you out is the last thing I want. And I’m working on it. Just give me a little time.”
“Okay. But how can I be sure you’re not going to run away from me or back to the life that wants to destroy you?”
“Because I’m releasing the demons that have been tormenting me all these years. Dr. Galen has shown me things.” His expression turned lighter and his eyes brightened. “He’s helped me identify why I...why I used women,” he shook his head, the disappointed returning, “why I turned to drinking and drugs when I felt abandoned and rejected. It was all because I was seeking attention — a need to feel wanted.” He let out a slow, audible breath. “But I’m a different man now. I’ve changed for the better.” He smiled as he revealed his inner most secrets to me. It was as though the burden had been lifted from his chest and he could finally breathe. The air felt lighter, fresher.
I glanced up at the midnight sky, thanking God.
“Raven, it’s wonderful that he’s helped you understand what has caused you to do the things you’re not proud of and how to finally get rid of these demons.” I smiled and wrapped my arms around him. There was no question about it; I had seen a change in Raven. The way he acted, carried himself, and his outlook on life. He had changed.
He pressed a tender kiss to my lips. “You still want to be with me?”
Tears flowed down my cheeks. “Always.”
“Good, because we’re not done with that list of yours.”
“List?” I wiped the tears away once more.
“Yeah, that list we’ve been working on since we fell for each other.”
I rested my arms around his neck. “Oh, that list.”
“Yeah. That list.” Sexiness laced his voice and my body tensed.
“What did you want to mark off?” I bit my lip, hoping he knew what was on my mind.
“I figured we could mark something off my list, too.”
“You have a list?” Was there something Raven hadn’t done? This was news to me.
He cocked a brow. “I may have done a lot of things, but that doesn’t mean I’ve done everything.”
I rolled my tongue across my bottom lip, eager to feel his lips all over me. “What’s the first thing you want to mark off?”
“Sex on the beach.”
Ha! “Seriously?” I looked around for Josh and Shelby. Some of the lights were still on in the house and I wondered if they were still in the hot tub. Maybe they were having sex, too. “We won’t get caught?”
“If anyone walks by, just lay still, like we’re asleep.”
“I don’t think we’ve ever had motionless sex before.” I giggled.
“Then I guess I haven’t made passionate love to you.” His eyes darkened and a hunger circled the center — a hunger for me.
“Then I guess you need to show me.”
“I will.” He slipped his fingers through my hair and drew my face to his. His lips lingered on mine and my eyes fluttered closed. I was ready to sink into The Raven’s trap; allow him to carry me off to the sea and never return.
Slowly, he laid me against the blanket and covered us with the throw Josh and Shelby had left behind. I melted into the warmth of his caress. Hot and cold shivers struck me and I knew I was sick with his love, but it was a sickness I wanted for the rest of my life.
“Damn, Lexi, I could never stop loving you.” His hands roamed freely over my body and I closed my eyes, relishing in every stroke of his touch. I was forever caught in The Raven’s trap, soaking up every bit of him.
His lips on me.
Feeling me.
Connecting with me.
Touching me softly.
And I let him go on and on, touching me like I needed to be touched. And I gladly returned the favor, skimming my hands over his body in slow, deliberate strokes. I took in every part of him, showing him all the love I had for him. I was sure the passion we were creating was lighting up the beach for miles and miles, but I didn’t care.
His love was good.
His love was genuine.
And I was glad that his love came back to me. And the best part — it wanted only me.
Σ
Chapter 12
“Get up! There’s a beach that’s calling us!”
My eyes darted open just in time to see Shawn dive onto our bed. He’d burst into the room Raven and I were staying in without even a warning.
“What the hell, dude?” Raven pulled the covers over me. “Can you knock next time?”
I hoped I hadn’t flashed him. After last night on the beach, it seemed Raven and I couldn’t get enough of each other. We hung out with Shelby and Josh for a while in the hot tub and then finished our night with endless lovemaking. I was a little spent, to say the least.
And totally nude.
I blinked a few times, looking for my phone. “What time is it?”
Shawn propped himself on his elbows, not getting up from our bed. “Almost noon.”
“When did you get here?” Raven sat up in the bed, keeping the covers over his hip area. I caught a glimpse of his butt and my cheeks heated. He was totally nude, too. And Shawn was in here like it was no big deal.
Awkward.
“I left Houston around five this morning.” He ran a hand over his face, like he was tired. “We were ready to get the hell out of my aunt’s house.”
“Why were you at your aunt’s house?” I asked, keeping the covers pulled to my neck.
“I had to drop my mom off. That was the deal. If they were going to fund my way down here, then I had to take my mom to her sister’s house in Houston.”
“Dude, you should’ve come with us.”
“Nah, it’s alright. Kyle came with me, so it wasn’t that bad. It’s just that my aunt is nuts. She was preaching the whole time about us going to hell for coming out here. Kyle and I were ready to leave last night.” He sighed and took a few deep breaths.
“Where is he?” Raven reached toward the floor, picked up his boxers, and then slid them on, not giving one thought over exposing his butt to Shawn and me.
Embarrassing. I inched further into the covers. I guess they were used to seeing each other naked in the locker rooms, but I was right there. Shawn had to have known what we were doing last night.
“He’s in the kitchen, eating with Josh and Shelby.” Shawn nodded with his head. “I thought we could hit the beach today. Cook out. Drink a little beer.”
“Beer?” I eyed Shawn. Although I didn’t want to be a party pooper, Raven was skating on thin ice. They’d most definitely do a drug or alcohol test at his next appointment.
“Just a few, Lexi.” Shawn got up from the bed. “Don’t worry, your boy knows his limits.” He patted Raven on the back.
“That’s right.” Raven puffed his chest in the mirror, flexing his muscles. Shawn joined in, showing off his biceps. I had to admit, the scene was divine. Raven’s fine carved torso made me want to trace every indention with my tongue and squeeze every muscle with my fingers. I could never get enough of his body, especially when it was on mine.
I cleared my throat and looked away. He was doing a good job of distracting me. Even though I didn’t mind Raven drinking, I was concerned over what could result from it. What if they found out? I knew he wasn’t an alcoholic or a druggy, but his actions had the school on high alert. It was his own fault, but he was under their scrutiny if he wanted to play football and stay at the university.
“I brought a canopy and thought we could set it up.” Shawn relaxed his arm. “Kind of like we do when we tailgate.”
“Yeah, that’s cool.” Raven stopped showing off his muscles. “We’ll beach bum it and just chill.”
“That’s what I’m talking about.” Shawn stepped up to Raven. They both made a deep whoopi
ng sound and then slammed their chests against each other, like they did when they were on the field, proving their manhood and testing their strength.
Men.
“Alright, see you on the beach.” Shawn darted out the room, shutting the door behind him.
“Raven?”
“I know what you’re going to say.” He held up his hands in surrender.
“You promised.” I eyed him, trying to keep calm. The condition I set was that he wouldn’t get drunk and definitely wouldn’t do any drugs. He promised me, claiming that he just wanted to get away and show me a good time.
“I’ll be good.” He jumped on the bed, pinning me between his arms. He whimpered and his eyes drooped, like a puppy dog. He knew how to hit the soft part of my heart. I decided to go easy on him. After all, we were there to celebrate my birthday and my senior year.
“Don’t get me wrong. I want you to have a good time.” I stroked his messy hair with one hand. Even with bed head, Raven was damn hot. “To have a week here to remember.”
“And that’s all I want, too.” He tucked my messy hair behind my ear. “Lexi, the last thing I want is to get kicked off the team.”
“I know. I just think you need to be extra cautious.” He traced the dove on my neck, the one he gave me for Christmas. Goosebumps covered my skin and I shivered from the warmth of his touch.
“I thought we didn’t have to be cautious anymore.” He pressed soft kisses just above my breasts and a whimper escaped my throat.
“If you’re talking about sex, then no.” I dropped the covers, wanting to feel more of him. His eyes widened and a snarly expression crossed his lips. “But if we’re talking about you being on your best behavior, that’s another story.”
“When it comes to you, Lexi, I’m not sure I can be on my best behavior.” He rose up, supporting himself with his arms, and rubbed his body against mine. His muscles flexed against me and I hooked my legs around him, pressing him into me. “Then again, I don’t think I want to.” His intent for me was obvious and so was mine.
I wrapped my arms around him and pulled him close to me. “Good, because I don’t want you to.”
The Winning Side Page 13