by Cynthia Dane
Obviously two switches can make great partners. Just look at these two assholes.
Lana crumples on the stage, her husband’s hand gently caressing her spine. I can’t hear what he’s saying. Nobody can, aside from Lana, who grins and whimpers something in return.
It’s cute. It’s sweet. It’s what I always see between these long-term partners who are so in love. A part of me is jealous. I want that with somebody. The coziness. The love. The feeling so comfortable that the idea of having sex in front of the whole room isn’t even an issue.
All around the room are submissive women. I don’t see a single Domme. Either the women are hooked up with men domineering over them, or they’re stag and searching for someone to make nice with them. It’s a common night at The Dark Hour. Only before now I hadn’t really thought about these submissive women and what goes through their minds.
Because that’s supposed to be me. I stood up that date with Ian because I’m too scared to know what goes on in the head of a submissive woman.
Submissive men are easy. They’re giving up the power that society already thrusts on them. Who am I kidding? They still have that power. Even when I’m calling them boys and squeezing their balls, outside of our bedroom the world will still treat them as above me. Submitting to a man… why would I want to give up even more power?
I’ve fought so long and so hard to make people take me seriously.
And yet I can’t help but imagine that being Ian and me, his hands laying claim on me as he takes me to a higher state of consciousness that I’ve never experienced before. I’ve never been in subspace. It looks so blissful, and yet I’ve been so scared to try it for so long.
I don’t give up control. It’s too dangerous.
And yet… Ian…
Tears that I can’t control stream down my face. I don’t know why I’m crying. I don’t know why I’m looking at Ian’s name in my phone, wishing I had the courage to call him and apologize for standing him up. I wish I had the courage to explain why I’m so scared.
Perhaps I don’t have the courage because I don’t trust myself around him. The moment he puts his hands on me, I’ll want to do whatever he says, even if it goes against everything I usually want from my life.
All of this is teaching me that I’m not as strong as I’ve always thought. I feel powerless. Even without the stupid bet, I…
I’m coming undone. I need to leave.
Chapter 21
IAN
Does it feel good being stood up? No. Am I mad? A little. Am I over it? Mostly.
I’m mostly mad that I was made to feel like an ass in one of the nicest restaurants in town. At least I didn’t get the private room. Instead I had them seat us – me – in the far corner where I could stew in my indignation in peace. When a half hour passed and I hadn’t heard a peep from Kathryn about being late, I feared the worst. After one hour, I went ahead and ordered dinner, piling up on alcohol and looking around the room for familiar faces.
The night wasn’t a total bust. I saw James Merange and one of his business partners, and we had a good hour-long row about some of the latest scandals coming out of Wall Street.
And when we had a lot to drink and his partner left, we started talking about what two Doms are wont to talk about. Women. Subs. Sex.
I haven’t told anyone about Kathryn. None of it. So I didn’t tell James, but I did tell him I had been there for a date and was stood up. He was aghast, if only because men like us aren’t used to being stood up. Unless it’s a fellow rich person who doesn’t find dinners like this out of the ordinary. Men like James have always preferred dating “commoner” women because he likes to impress people. Although he’s been with Gwen forever, don’t let it fool you – she was a bartender he picked up one day. Just like that. Boom. In love with a gorgeous girl who could charm any guy out of his pants. I mean, Gwen’s blond. Don’t think I haven’t thought about it.
Since apparently I have a thing for blondes.
Beautiful, cunning blondes who remind me of Kathryn. Fuck me. I’m a basic male at the end of the day.
I haven’t heard from her, and I don’t care. She’s made her decision. Do I wish she was less rude about it? Obviously. Do I want an explanation? Kinda. I know she’s not dead or otherwise indisposed, because I would have heard about it. In fact, I heard on the grapevine that Kathryn was hanging out at The Dark Hour last night, sulking and watching the Andrews get their freak on.
Whatever.
I’m having a quiet evening at home. No work, no appointments, just me and Saoirse, who is having her seven o’clock crazies and mauling her favorite toy in the middle of the living room.
It’s the kind of night where I dim the lights, pour myself a glass of whatever, and either sit in front of the computer or the TV. Long week. Time to decompress before my appointments this weekend.
Looks like it’s me, the cat, some brandy, and a website about felines and their weirdness. Don’t judge me. I like fluffy cat videos as much as the next asshole.
Alcohol is barely in my mouth before someone buzzes my door.
Anyone who is able to go straight to my door is either on a list – like my father or Valerie – or someone who knows how to push over the doorman. Sometimes a total random will slip through, but for the most part, I can expect to recognize a friendly face when I open my door.
Suffice to say, I am not expecting to see a beautiful blonde draped across my doorway.
“Ian,” Stephanie May purrs, her tits spilling from her skimpy dress and her smile costing at least $10,000. “Long time no see. You haven’t returned my call, but I know from the news that you’re a busy, busy man.”
It’s true. Stephanie called me a few days ago to congratulate me on my win with the council. I didn’t respond, because I was still a bit embarrassed about what happened, and because I was so consumed with Kathryn that other women weren’t even a consideration.
Well, looks like Kathryn isn’t happening. Stephanie is here instead.
I move away from the door so she can enter. The door closes, and there’s Stephanie, pushing herself up against my wall in the most tantalizing way. I’m not dumb. This woman came here for one thing. I guess even me calling her the wrong name while fucking her couldn’t override the power of other things.
I know what things.
“Can I get you a drink?” I hold up my brandy. “Or should we cut to the chase?”
Stephanie approaches, her long, thin legs a treat to behold. She plucks my glass from my hand and sips it, sure to wash her tongue all over the rim. I’m suddenly reminded of the fantastic way she sucked my cock… what was it? Two? Three weeks ago? I can’t keep track of the time.
You know, this might not be a boring night after all.
“I’m sorry I haven’t been very… reachable recently.” Stephanie rubs her hand on my chest, plucking apart buttons before I have the chance to touch her at all. “Busy, you know. Been filming a movie out of state. But I’m here now.”
Her voice sounds so sweet. So approachable. So… submissive.
I guess she liked the taste she got after all. I flash my best domineering smile, my thumb wiping some liquid from the corner of her mouth.
“You’re a surprise.” I walk away, taking my now empty glass to the kitchen. Stephanie’s eyes follow me. “Didn’t think I would hear from you again after what happened.”
That rattles her a bit. “Don’t worry about it. You’re not the first man to do that.”
Women say that a lot. I’ve been saying that a lot. Damnit, Ian, what is it with you and fucking up during sex? And why does it always come back to Kathryn?
Don’t do it, man. Don’t think about her right now. Remember what happened last time? Yeah. Yeah.
“It was rude.” I approach her, my hand dusting her bangs out of her face. She really does have a superstar’s visage. Beautiful jaw line. Wide eyes. Cheekbones to die for. Her glistening browns will often get covered
up with blue contacts, but right now I’m enjoying how lovely she is just as she was born. Classic beauty. Don’t think she’s had any work done – yet. And I hope it stays that way. “It’s rude for any man to do. I’m sorry that happened. Willing to give me another chance, are you?”
“About that.” She’s smiling, blushing a little. Stephanie thinks she’s playing coy, but she’s a terrible actress around me. That’s fine. I don’t want an act. I want the real thing, real reactions. That’s especially important to me in a sub. “I’ll give you another chance, but only if you do something special for me.”
“Oh?”
Her bashful smile turns into a look of sheer determination. “I want more of what you were offering me that night. I think I like it.”
“You make a beautiful, natural submissive.” I’m not lying. I’d love to see her obey my commands. Not just suck my cock and bend over for me. I want to hear her call me sir and respond to the way my hand smacks her skin.
And so much more.
“You think so?” She flutters her eyelashes at me. “I think I’d like to try it out… sir.”
Ah, there it is.
I put my hands around her cheeks and go in for the kiss. This will be easy. She walked right into my place and is practically throwing herself at me. Everything I want.
Almost.
The door buzzes again, and we’re interrupted. Stephanie implores me to not answer it, but once again, if someone made it to my door, it means it’s probably important.
I tell Stephanie to hang tight. Hopefully this will only take a minute.
No.
It will take all night.
Because it’s Kathryn Alison, looking at her feet and squaring her shoulders for a fight.
Chapter 22
IAN
“We need to talk.”
No man likes hearing those words, under any situation. Even if he’s the one uttering them himself, he still doesn’t want to have to say them. Those words? They don’t mean anything good.
Especially coming from a woman who turns your heart upside down when you see her.
I’ve almost forgotten about Stephanie. She’s leaning against my couch, buffing her nails and probably thinking about work and my cock. I’m too distracted right now to fantasize that it’s 100% my cock.
“Of course.” I open the door wide, catching Stephanie’s attention. She frowns as Kathryn shuffles in. Does Katie realize how submissive she looks right now? Downcast eyes. Slouched back. Hair hanging limp from her otherwise tight bun. Most people would still think she looks impeccable, but I know the difference between the usual Kathryn… and this one.
“Oh,” she says, meeting Stephanie’s gaze. “I didn’t realize you had guests.”
“You and me both,” Stephanie mutters. She puts her buffer away and crosses her arm. “Who are you?”
Kathryn is taken aback. Now, the Katie I know would start swinging her balls all over my apartment, putting this woman in her place once and for all. She’s a Domme. That’s what they do. Except this Katie is looking at Stephanie with the saddest eyes I’ve ever seen. No, not sad.
Scared?
“This is Kathryn Alison,” I say, knowing full well what spot I’ve put myself in.
Stephanie knows it immediately. Her eyes widen, staring down Kathryn as if she’s an interloper come to destroy half the clan. “That’s Kathryn.”
Katie sucks in her lips. “Yup,” she says. “I’m Kathryn. That Kathryn.”
Fuck. Now we all know it, and Stephanie is looking none too pleased about it.
“I think it’s best if you leave,” I tell Stephanie. Nope. She’s really not pleased about a damn thing.
“Me? I was here first.” Yet she’s off my couch, clutching her purse to her side and looking like she’s ready to take off at a moment’s notice. “Tell her to wait in line.”
“I’ll go.” Kathryn turns around too eagerly. Without thinking, I wrap my arm around her front, my fingers digging into her back as I tuck her safely into my embrace. She shudders.
This is the first time we’ve touched since we last had sex. And so much has happened since then.
“No. Stephanie was seeing herself out.”
I say it softly to Katie, but Stephanie hears a certain tone in my voice. It makes her bristle, and I know I ruined any chance of seeing her again like this.
That’s fine. Not like I knew there was another chance until she showed up tonight. Life goes on as it has before.
Except not really. Kathryn is in my arms, tiny convulses spreading into me from her wary body. I don’t know what’s going on with her, but I know this isn’t a pleasure call.
I tighten my grip on her. Both to keep her here and to reassure her that she’s safe.
“Fine.” Stephanie stops, her lips curling into a menacing smile. “See you. Farewell, Kathryn. You don’t have to worry about this guy forgetting your name.”
I don’t turn to watch the door close. I hear it, and that’s enough.
“Katie.” I loosen my grip, hands going to her shoulders. I’m already taller than her – barely – but she feels so much frailer and smaller tonight. Has something happened? Is someone hurt? “What’s going on?”
A spark erupts in her eyes. Just like that, she’s looking at me, her back straightening and her forehead reaching up toward mine. There she is. That’s the Kathryn I know.
“I’m sorry about the other night. I should have told you I couldn’t make it.”
“Don’t worry about it.” My fingers graze her chin. She does not shudder or sneer. “But I somehow doubt that’s your whole reason for coming here. You would’ve called me just for that.”
“You’re right. I came here for another reason. The real reason we have to talk.”
I gesture to my couch. Saoirse scrambles out from beneath and trots into my guest room turned library. She has a bed there she likes to curl up in around this time of night.
“I didn’t know you have a cat.”
“Even men like some feline companionship.” I gently push her toward the couch and think of offering her a drink. Probably not the best idea. “What’s on your mind?”
She shrugs me off and doesn’t continue. While she doesn’t look like a girl in trouble anymore, she does look like someone in need of a kiss and a stiff drink. I offer neither. Women like Katie aren’t reassured with those things unless it’s established to go ahead. I have no such establishment.
“Ian.” Her voice is firm, unwavering. Standing before me is Kathryn Alison, untouchable in her gray pantsuit. “We need to talk about that bet.”
“It’s fine,” I say. I haven’t really thought about it that much. Especially with everything else going on. “We were drunk.”
“No, no, we need to talk about it.”
“All right.” I once again offer the couch, but she declines.
“I didn’t show up on Wednesday because I was afraid. No, not afraid. Too nervous.”
“About what? It was a date.”
“A date with certain expectations.”
“What expectations? I didn’t anticipate anything except some dinner and maybe some, you know…”
“Exactly. That’s what I was nervous about.”
“Why? I wasn’t going to force you to do anything.”
“I know that, but you have to understand my point of view.”
“All right, what’s your point of view?”
She looks at me as if I’m an idiot. Okay, so maybe I am. If I can’t read her right now, I must be an idiot. That’s fine. I can handle being an idiot.
What I can’t handle is worrying about her.
Finally, Kathryn leans against my couch, in that exact spot Stephanie was in only a few minutes ago. “It’s not the sex, Ian. I’m a big girl and can obviously handle casual sex. It’s the… type of sex.”
“Is casual sex not a type of sex?”
“You know what I mean.”
I also don’t have time for this kind of bullshit. No mind games. Just tell me what’s going through your head, Katie. I don’t want to misjudge you. I don’t want to misinterpret something you’ve said. Just tell me what’s on your fucking mind.
“I wasn’t ready to submit to you.”
“What?” I’m on the verge of laughing. Holy shit, was she going to go through with the bet? “I didn’t expect you to do that at all.”
“Really?”
“Why the hell would I?”
“The bet…”
“Fuck that stupid bet. Like I said, we were drunk. What, were you going to hold me to it if I lost?”
“You weren’t?”
“No!”
“Shit…”
I put a hand on her shoulder, ready to shake with laughter. “I know that’s not who you are. So, I don’t expect you to ever do that.”
“But I…”
“Hm?”
Kathryn turns away, blushing. What have I done to her this time? “I’ve been thinking about it a lot. Submitting, that is.”
Well now.
“Not only because of the bet, but also because I’ve been thinking about you a lot in general.” She glances at me. “Don’t let it go to your head.”
“Which one?”
“Shut up.”
At least I got an eye roll out of her. I’ll take that over this indecisive Kathryn any day.
“I’m being serious, Ian. I know you’re a Dom. At some point even in a casual relationship, you’re going to want to push my boundaries. I have to be prepared for that.”
To admit that I haven’t thought of this is an understatement. I really haven’t. Why would I? As far as I was concerned, we would go along our merry way, having sex when we felt like it. Regular, non-kinky sex outside of maybe some dirty talk. Yet she’s not too far off. I probably would want to push her boundaries in the heat of the moment. Spank her ass while I take her from behind. Shove my cock down her throat and call her filthy names when she’s giving me head. Edge her. Just because I’m not tying her up doesn’t mean I’m not being a Dom in any given situation.