by Cynthia Dane
Even above the pulsing rhythm of the club music, I hear James whistle nice and high. “Some would say you are living the dream. Know how many men wish they could pin down a Domme and make her beg for a change?”
I wince. “Imagine how many of them think the same thing about us.”
“Hey, I don’t doubt it. Everything is a power play in love and war. Especially kink.”
We both put down a five and draw more cards. I win the pot with a seven to his three. “You ever done it before? Submit to a woman?”
A card falls out of James’s hand. “Noooooo, I have not. Never even thought about it. Although…” The card, a four, twists back and forth in his hand. “I told you about Austin, right?”
I laugh. “One too many drinks and a man named Stone.” James didn’t tell me about his gay experimentation until we knew each other a good five years or so. And then he only told me when he was so plastered he didn’t know what was coming out of his mouth. Don’t blame him. A lot of guys around here would probably turn their noses. Not me. Who cares what a man does with another man. We’ve got enough gay Doms as it is – people can get over themselves.
Also, Eva. Though sometimes I think she’s more serial killer than human.
“Anyway, that guy was definitely a Dom. And yours truly was so high on life that he was going to do whatever the other guy wanted. Use your imagination from there.”
“Oh, I have.”
“It wasn’t bad. The submitting, that is. That was to a man, you know? Shit, doing that with a woman is totally different. I would only consider that if…” He stops, shaking his head.
“No, what?”
“Well… if I were in love with her. And since I have Gwenny, I doubt that will happen.”
I release my last card. A King. The only way James could beat me is if he has an Ace.
Instead, he has another four.
As we count up our cards to see who is buying the next round of drinks, I think about what he said. Am I the same way? Would I submit for love?
How much do I love Katie, exactly?
Put the kink aside. Think of us as we are in normal, everyday life. Yeah, we still have abrasive, dominant personalities that will clash. We would probably need to keep separate residences for time-outs, but is it so hard to believe that we could essentially live together? Make love? Do business? No, it’s not. Some concessions would have to be made, such as who is making decisions for a day, but at the end of it a glass of wine and a kiss to those heavenly lips would be enough to placate me. Maybe a bath, too.
Now put the kink back in.
I want Kathryn, both as she is to the world and as she is to me. I don’t want to make her submit every day. Maybe once a week… every two weeks. Once a month. However often she is comfortable with. I’m a busy guy who definitely gets his rocks off to a woman submitting to him, but for love, I could go without here and there if Kathryn wasn’t in the mood. I’m sure I’d still be getting laid. Well.
Kathryn isn’t going to be happy with that, however. I can’t blame her. I’d be miserable the other way around.
I tell James my desire to debut Katie as my sub. He looks at me, wide-eyed, as if I told him that the Queen of England had called me up asking me for domination services.
“Yeah, right.”
“Obviously, she’s worried about her image.”
“No shit!”
I put my head in my hands. “Is it really impossible for two assholes like us to be together? Happily?”
“I dunno. Look at the Andrews. They’re both assholes.”
“I don’t want to become Ken Andrews.”
“I dunno, he’s got that hot wife Lana. I bet she gives and takes really good. I mean, I know for a fact. I’ve seen them on that stage.”
The empty stage is enticing tonight. Mostly because I think about dragging Katie up there and making a show out of her. I’ve never performed before. Least of all here, in front of friends and business acquaintances. It’s not unheard of, for sure. James has done it, the Andrews do it all the time, and let’s not forget the Warrens who are regulars on a stage these days. This is very much a place where business and pleasure mingle, and then are completely separated. Unless you act so uncouth that you make legitimate enemies, nobody is going to care if you spanked a girl and got your cock sucked in front of everyone else here.
If you care, you shouldn’t be here.
James and I have our last round of drinks in silence. I’m contemplating the world and my place in it. Not just existentially – okay, really existentially. But I’m focusing on my relationship to Kathryn. How much do I want her? Just how much? I’ve pushed her boundaries as far as I have because it turned me on and made me feel like a stronger man and Dom. Watching her transform from wary woman to glorious submissive has been one of the most enchanting experiences of my life.
In turn, I’ve barely compromised a thing.
No wonder she’s irate.
I thank James for the drinks and go to pick up my coat from the checkroom. A server goes out and hails a taxi for me, and it’s waiting by the time I go upstairs to the street and appear on the curb. I tell the driver my condo building and sit in the back, sinking into the seat and wondering what drinks I can make at home.
It’s gonna be one of those nights.
Drinks. Let’s be real, probably porn. My hand and my dick. It’s gonna be a wild night of me drowning my thoughts and fantasizing about Kathryn. God help me.
I see her before me, getting ready to kiss me, grab my cock, and love me until I can’t physically love anymore. Fuck my hard cock. Fuck my attraction to her. Fuck my needs.
Fuck her.
“Do you want me, Ian?” That’s what she would say as she sidles up next to me and starts nibbling on my ear. “Do you want me to take you to the edge and back?”
Yes.
Kathryn submitting to me is about her letting go of control and being reassured that she does have a place in the world, that she does have the ability to transcend what she’s facing and make a name for herself. If I submit to her… what is it about?
Do I want to know?
I lean forward and tap the driver on the shoulder. Once I have his attention, I give him the address to Kathryn’s place. It requires whipping a U right in the middle of the busy city road, but he does it expertly, ensuring a nice tip from me.
The same doorman from before waits for me. When I approach his desk, he says, “Sorry, but Ms Alison is still requiring everyone to be buzzed up first.”
“That’s fine. She’s not expecting me anyway.” I put both hands on the desk, not trying to lord myself over this smaller man, but definitely making my presence known. “However, do tell her that it’s Ian Mathers. And she knows why I’m here.”
“Certainly, sir.” The doorman gets on the phone. I can’t hear what he’s saying over the traffic outside and the rabble of other residents and their visitors in this lobby.
Just as well. If I’m denied entry, I don’t want to hear his side of the conversation anyway.
“Ms. Alison has requested your immediate presence. You may go up.”
The elevator opens. Here we go.
Chapter 24
IAN
This time I know to expect a presentation when I arrive. What I don’t expect is the kind of Kathryn Alison I encounter.
She’s clearly been lazing about her apartment all day. That much is evident from what she’s wearing: pink, baggy T-shirt that outlines her braless breasts and black cotton shorts showing off the shape of her ass. Her arms are crossed. Her hair is a sloppy bun on top of her head. No makeup. No jewelry. It’s Kathryn at her most casual.
She’s intimidating as fuck.
Her demeanor is what does it. Her stature. Standing tall and firm, Kathryn isn’t going to back down to anything I do or say tonight. I am in her domain. I am but a pawn to her Queen.
My mother taught me well, after all.
“How nice of you to stop by, Ian.” Although her voice is soft, there’s still a harsh, belittling edge. I do not doubt that many men out there would quake to have it directed at them.
I may be one of those men.
“Kathryn.” I’m not going to show weakness.
She’s fighting back a smile. “To what do I owe this pleasure? Because I am sure that this is a pleasure call.”
Deep within the Domme’s domain, I find myself battling being snarky to save face or deferring to whatever she wants to do or say. If only it were so easy to pick one. I’m a Dom. I’m an alpha male. I’m supposed to be able to make these decisions on the fly and be wholly confident in them. Besides, that’s what Kathryn expects from me, regardless of her plans for me.
I wouldn’t want to disappoint her, now would I?
“My offer still stands, Kathryn. I want to do right by you, but I also have things that I want. I want you. That is without a doubt.” I square my shoulders to match her stature. “Whatever you want, and in return, whatever I want.”
“Hmm. A noble offer, but I have yet to get the feeling you really want what I offer.”
I take off my coat and toss it over a chair. “And what do you offer, my darling?”
“You know what I offer.”
“Not really.” I approach her, slowly, as if I’m getting ready to tear a thorn out of her paw. No, I don’t think she’s wounded. Especially for feeling the way she does. Damn if I’m not being cautious, though. “I know you offer domination, but I have no idea what kind. What are you into, Kathryn? Humiliating men? Stripping them of their privileges and making them beg for shame?” My tie comes next, sliding off my neck and landing on my coat. The buttons of my shirt struggle against my fingers. “Or do you want them to lick your boots?”
She looks at her bare feet. “I’m not wearing any boots.”
“Fine. Kiss your toes.”
Her grin is infectious, but I don’t replicate it. That sounds dangerous. “What do you want from a Domme, Ian? Or have you even thought about it? You can’t come in here and assume I tap your ass a few times, jerk you off until you can’t come anymore, and call you a man-whore. What I do isn’t devoid of humanity any more than yours is.”
“I know.” Unbuttoned, my shirt opens to show her my physical vulnerability.
She steps forward, arms still crossed, chin still pointed up. “Do you love me, Ian?”
An earnest question.
“I mean… truly, madly love me?”
I brave touching her arms. She doesn’t shrug me off and call me a bad boy. “I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t.”
For all my misgivings, my apprehensions, and my inability to process what may happen tonight, my heart is incredibly still in my chest. It’s not afraid. If my heart and my body aren’t afraid of what Katie will do to me, then why should my head be?
This Kathryn has been with me all this time. Lurking. Waiting. But there.
If I can’t trust her, then I can’t trust anyone.
“I’m not doing anything unless you want it. What it is you want… that’s up to you.”
“That’s easy.” I don’t need her to tell me to take off my shirt. I can see it in her icy blue glare. You know, the same one keeping my cock hard in my pants. “I want to feel so in love with you that nothing else in the world matters.”
The moment my shirt hits the chair, I’m sinking to my knees, eyes up and meeting hers. Kathryn takes an unexpected step back.
I take her hand. Her left hand. My finger entwines the one next to her pinky, the one rumored to have a path directly to the heart. “I’d ask you to marry me, Kathryn Alison, but I know I can do one better. I want to entrust you with my body, my soul, and my heart. Just as you have given me yours time and again. It’s only fair.”
She opens her mouth.
I interrupt her.
“And I want it. I want to show you how much I love you. I want to worship you.”
Her wide eyes narrow. Is she happy? Is she disappointed? It’s hard to tell from down here.
“Since you can’t possibly buy me a ring that impresses me, I suppose this will do.” Kathryn puts her hand on top of my head, petting me like a loyal dog. “Get up. I’m making love to you, not turning you into my pet.”
Did you hear that?
I’m getting what I want.
Chapter 25
IAN
The moment I’m on my feet again, Kathryn kisses me, her strength pushing through my body as she takes my face into her hands and works her fingers down my neck. I’m stirring. Not merely from lust and my desire to have her, but from the thumps in my chest, coming from my stupid heart in love.
“Did you leave your ego at that door?” she asks, nails biting my skin. “Are you in control of your alpha tendencies? Because if you’re not, I will make your life hell tonight.”
Oh, boy. “I did. I am yours.” As long as she keeps touching me, she can do whatever she wants. Well, within reason.
She’s looking at my chest, at my golden zipper sticking out because my dick is about to burst from my pants. “I’ve thought a lot about what I want to do to you. You may be surprised. I don’t want to punish you for anything… unless that’s what you want.”
“Not tonight.”
“No, not tonight. Tonight is about something else.” She unzips me, tortuously. Heaven forbid she go for it like if we were being vanilla. “Tonight is about sharing something very tender and wholesome.”
She’s not smiling. She’s 100% serious.
“If I feel your sincerity tonight,” Kathryn continues, opening my trousers and placing her hand against my cock still hiding in my boxers. “Then I will not only give your family the money you need, but I will give you myself.” Her lips press against mine. “Forever.”
Death is about to claim me. Did she say she would be mine… forever? Does that mean she would also… you know…
Debut for me?
“I am serious, Kathryn.”
“No. Mistress.”
I swallow. “I am serious… Mistress.”
“That’s the spirit.” She kisses me again, harder, squeezing the back of my neck and holding me to her, as if I’ll make my escape any moment now.
No.
She’s letting the world know that I belong to her. We may be the only ones in this apartment, but fuck me, the world will know I’m hers.
And she mine.
Let it be known that even though I walked in willingly, I am still who I am. When the woman I love – let alone lust after – pulls on my tongue and snakes hers around it, I am going to damn well try to turn the tables. I don’t mean to do it. I’m perfectly content letting her run the show, but damnit, she tastes so good, and I want her to feel how much I want her!
She pushes away, finger beneath my nose.
“Don’t.” I’m further scolded with a click of her tongue. “You don’t get to do that tonight, Ian. I’m the one in charge. If you can’t behave, I’ll have to restrain you. Understand?”
It’s weird having your own words thrown back at you. I bet she loves this.
“I understand, Mistress.”
“Excellent. Now try not to touch me. You can touch me when I think you’ve proven yourself worthy.”
The words are different now.
The intent isn’t.
We Doms play a lot of games with our subs. It’s a part of their training, their servitude, and as a way of expressing love and adoration. When a Dom says “try not to touch me,” that means they’re testing you. Not just your boundaries, but your self-control. Very rarely does a Dom not want to be touched. It’s more like they want a reason to restrain and punish you later.
So when I clamp my hands on her hips the moment she starts kissing me again, I know I’m being a bad boy. I don’t care. I deserve what’s coming to me.
“I think you did that on purpose.” Kathryn pushes away, walking to my pile of clothes and picking
up my tie. “Are you being insubordinate on purpose, Ian?”
“No.”
“No, what?”
I grimace. “No, Mistress.”
She clasps my hands behind my back and knots my tie around them. It’s a loose knot. I could easily break free, but I choose not to. I want to see where this is going.
About five million different directions. Fifteen, if I count the money she’s promised me.
“That should keep those grabby hands off me. What, do you think I’m some idol you can grab off the mantle? You men. Men.” I’m shoved back, her disgust overplayed by holding a kernel of truth. “Men like you think you can have whatever you want. You do the bare minimum to get us, and you do the bare minimum to keep us. Did you think I would be satisfied submitting to you and having boring vanilla sex for the rest of my life?”
For the love of mercy and all the good in this life, she pinches both my nipples.
“Well, do you?”
“No…” Okay, this hurts a little. I’m not used to pain. I’m not used to a woman grabbing my chest and giving me a purple nurple like this is second grade. “It’s not right or fair to you.”
“To me? You’re right.” She releases me, but the soreness remains. To say I feel knocked down a single peg is an understatement. This is starting to feel too real. “Other women may be satisfied with kowtowing to you for the rest of their lives, but I deserve better. Don’t I?”
“Yes, Mistress.”
I’m not on autopilot. Katie truly deserves better than being made a man’s plaything. She’s strong. She’s independent. She’s opinionated and doesn’t give a fuck if you disagree. For a man to take her and reduce her to nothing more than a happy little sub nodding her head and sucking cock is, well, wrong. They would break her spirit. They would take the great thing about her away from this world.
When I realize I probably came off sounding like that kind of man this whole time, I want to punch myself in the face.
“Do you know why I so eagerly suck your cock?” Nails trace trails down my abdomen, dipping into my navel, and playing with the tops of my pelvic hair as it spills from my boxers. My cock rushes with heat, with anticipation. Of course, I don’t get a touch. “This may shock you, but there’s little in the actual act itself that’s fun for a woman like me. What gives me pleasure is giving you pleasure. When I’m down here…” she points inside my pants, “I feel like I’m the only woman in the world who matters to you. That’s an addictive feeling, Mr. Mathers.”