Off Screen

by Josephine Traynor

  “Makes perfect sense.”

  “I mean, this woman before me is hot, but the girl underneath is smoking.”

  In the hour and a half that we’ve been here, we’ve eaten, and the place is starting to fill up. It’s well-known if you don’t get here early, you could spend most of your night waiting to get inside. The topic of conversation seems to be the mean things we did to each other.

  “Oh, I knew that was you,” I say. “I had to shower whenever we wrapped for the day. Had to get you off me.”

  Harrison looks hurt from the comment.

  “It was overwhelming to have my tormentor lingering on my skin. Broke my heart just a little more every shower,” I say.

  We agreed on honesty, but even my mood has shifted with this revelation.

  “But not anymore. My life has never been better. With each day, with each touch, with each—” I press my lips to his “—kiss, that sadness fades, and hope fills its place.”

  “I think I’ve had enough of this place and there are things I want to do to you to you that need privacy,” he says. “And the first thing is removing that wig so I can see you in that fucking knockout of a dress and then have my way with you.”

  I reach for my bag, and his fingers caress the side of my thigh as he gets out of his seat and I take the offer of his outstretched hand. We make our way down the stairs and across the dance floor. We are about halfway through the room when Lydia steps directly in my path.

  “Stop right there. Do you know this guy is dating someone?”

  Her finger is dangerously close to my face, and I fear she’s going to possibly strike me. I’m impressed by her gumption to confront the woman who’s supposedly cheating with a taken man.

  “Lydia!” I call over the music, and she pulls her stare from Harrison to me. I lift my finger to motion for her to be quiet. Lydia can see that it’s me and shrieks, dragging me in for a hug. She’s still hugging me to her side and sticks the finger that was pointed at me at Harrison. “I was so going to kick your arse.”

  We all laugh, and a familiar form stops behind Lydia and puts his arm around her waist. It’s Kit. He doesn’t even look at me as she turns and gives him a kiss. It’s Kit kissing Lydia, and my head is a jumble of how this happened. I’m stunned at how these two are even together, and she’s never mentioned anything. I look to Harrison. The smile has gone from his face, and he’s moving nervously on his feet. When Lydia and Kit break, she goes about introducing us.

  “This is my boyfriend, Christopher.”

  Christopher? He told me his name was Kit.

  “This is Harr—” she starts, and Kit cuts her off while she turns to see the person poking her in the back.

  As if trying to clear the awkwardness by coughing, Kit looks between Harrison and me before saying our names. Lydia turns and has missed the awkwardness completely. “And this is my star client—”

  “He knows who I am,” I practically spit the words and I finally realise what was going on between Kit and Harrison a few weeks ago. It all falls into place. Harrison used Kit to pretend he was interested in me. My mind races at the thought of how heartbreaking it would have been if I was attracted to Kit in a romantic way. How his ruse could have ended up breaking my heart.

  Finally, Kit looks to me, and as much as I want to punch them both in the face, I don’t to save Lydia the embarrassment.

  “Really? How do you two know each other?”

  Hearing him mutter “Oh shit!”, I have nothing to gain by lying to Lydia. “How are you, Kit?”

  “Kit?” Lydia asks as she turns to him. “You’re Kit?”

  The unusually quiet Harrison comes back into the conversation saying he can explain. He might have answers, but I don’t want to hear them. Lydia calls out my name as I duck behind Harrison to get away from all of them. Tears prickle my eyes before a hand wraps around my bicep. Clawing at his hand to get him off me, I’m instantly back to where the feel of him disgusts me.

  “Don’t you touch me!” I forcefully push his hand away and spin.

  We bump into each other, and he grabs my arms to steady me. I flinch as he holds me, and Harrison drops his hands and asks me for a chance to explain. Over his shoulder, I can see Lydia and Kit are having a heated argument, too.

  “I should have told you.”

  “Told me what? You had one of your friends pretend to be interested in me?” Waiting for him to answer, I know I’ve hit the nail on the head. That’s exactly what he’s done. “What else are you not telling me? Hmm? I’m so humiliated. Thank God I didn’t have any feelings for him.”

  “You didn’t?”

  I glare at him while my brain struggles to contain the anger coursing through me. It’s bad enough to be made the butt of a joke, it’s another to toy with your emotions and make you believe that someone’s interested in you. The thought of the time Kit and I spent together was all for Harrison’s enjoyment. We were his puppets. My anger turns to hurt, and I need to get away from the cause.

  “So much for wanting to have no secrets between us. Not only have you fucked with my relationship with you, but you have fucked with my manager’s! How am I supposed to work with her knowing she’s with someone who plays cruel and heartless jokes on people and their vulnerabilities?” My throat constricts, and my voice is eaten by the music. “What else are you keeping from me?”

  “What else have I not told you? I’m in love with you.”

  Choking out a sarcastic laugh, I step forward to close the space between us. “Don’t you dare utter those words to me now. You were the one who asked for truths. Was it another one-way street? Truths for Harrison but not for me? How do you expect me to believe anything that comes out of your mouth now?” He tries to invade my space by stepping forward, but I hold both hands up to stop him coming closer again. “Don’t. Were you ever going to come clean about what you’d done?”

  His handsome face has never looked so ugly. The trust I had been building in him dissipates instantly.

  “I was trying to find the right way. The right way to say that I only did it to get information about you.” Even he balks at how bad that sounds. “Nothing was meant to happen. I was so worried you’d start dating someone and that my chance would be completely gone.”

  The setup, the putting of us in the same cabin, this has all been one big game to him. The more I think about it, the more I can feel myself dissolving into anger. My brain goes blank, and I can’t think of any words I want to say.

  “I’m sorry.”

  Hearing his voice snaps my brain back into action. “So am I. I’m really sorry I thought we could have ever been friends.”

  Lydia appears from behind Harrison and tells him to fuck off. It’s obvious that she had no idea what happened between the three of us. “Come on. Let’s get out of here.”

  Having her by my side gives me a little comfort knowing she chose her friend over a man.

  Thankfully Harrison doesn’t follow when Lydia leads me to the front door. Each step, I feel my steely resolve slipping. He’s made me look an absolute fool the entire time. It’s when I get into the taxi, he appears at the door.

  “Please don’t leave. We can work this out.”

  The words get stuck in my throat, and Lydia speaks for both of us, “Fuck off, Harrison. Why don’t you and Kit have a beer over what you’ve done?”

  “Riley. Please. I know I fucked up. Please. What happened to ‘if they both truly want each other, why can’t they work it out?’”

  The car pulls away just as the first tear courses down my cheek. I really want him, but I just can’t see how there’s any coming back from this. I doubt I’ll ever be able to trust him again.

  Eighteen

  Harrison

  If I’m in agony, I can only imagine how Riley feels and I go to the only person I know to give me advice on how to fix the situation. I’ve been blocked from her calendar, and all her social media accounts have gone dark.

  “You knew this day was going to come. E
ventually, she was going to find out,” Clara says.

  Grateful that she took my late-night call, I ask her again on how I can fix it. I found Kit and told him I was going to make things right for all of us before heading home to contact Clara.

  “There’s no Band-Aid for this,” she says. “You’ve made a gaping wound, and the scar this is going to leave a huge mark that might never be fixed. I can’t give you a solution to this because Riley is the one in control. Do you think I should call her?”

  “No. Yes. I don’t know. I’m worried, you know, that it might cause more trouble. If you do call her, she’s going to ask if you knew, and I’m not expecting you to lie for me.”

  “I wouldn’t lie but I also wouldn’t reveal confidential information. If you are trying to process what to do, put yourself in her shoes. How do you think this would have been for her? To find out the two men she allowed to get close enough to think there was a future, were actually in on a joke. No wonder she’s questioning you. You need to give her time. She’s calling the shots. I’ll ring you tomorrow. Get some rest.”

  Easier said than done. The only word I seem to be capable of is fuck since she left me behind. It’s what I say when Riley ignores my calls. I swear when it says the number is disconnected. She’s blocked me. It’s what I say when Kit tells me it’s going to work out for the best. It’s the word that keeps repeating as I try to sleep but only think of her. I’ve avoided the idea of going to her door as I’m trying to give her as much space as she needs. My thoughts are saturated with Riley, and I know the best way to get out of my own head is to help others, so I head to the hospital. Amy chews me a new one the second she sees me.

  “You messed up. What did you do to her?”

  Amy sits horrified as I recap the night to her. Choosing to skip the manicure, Amy avoids me the whole time I visit with the kids. Even though Riley has been here once, she’s left her mark everywhere. The drawings are pinned around the walls. I stand staring at the photos of Riley and Toby stuck above his bed, and I can’t take it anymore. I need to see her. My feet feel heavy with each step, and Amy stops me before I leave.

  “Come into my office.”

  “Are you going to beat me?”

  Narrowing her eyes, she turns on her heel to allow me room to pass. “Haven’t decided yet. You need all the help you can get. I have a plan on how to fix this.”

  Amy’s plan is agony but it’s all I can do. It involves giving Riley the space she requested and waiting until we are back on set to try to make one last-ditch attempt to apologise. Amy started talking about how I might have to accept that there’s no going back from this. I’ve never been a praying man, but I must have made up for a lifetime over the last two days.

  The sun’s not even in the sky when I pull my car into the lot next to Riley’s. As per routine, she should be in hair and makeup. The area is a buzz of stagehands fixing our honeymoon scene. Waiting for them to carry a mattress through, I can see Riley’s door is open. I’m almost in the room when Lydia blocks me from entering.

  “It’s bad luck for the groom to see the bride,” she says, and I know she’s saying it to stop anyone from in the room overhearing our private situation. With a shove to the chest, Lydia follows me out into the hallway and closes the door behind me. “Don’t you come anywhere near her. Not only did you manage to screw your own relationship, but you fucked with mine and Christopher’s. I guess it’s a blessing in disguise. I don’t want to be with a man who does things like that to people.”

  “Look. I’m sorry. I was desperate.”

  “Desperate shouldn’t mean stooping. How can you even show your face and expect her just to accept it? This is so typical you. Do whatever the hell you like without consequence and act dumb when questioned about it. She doesn’t want to see you, and remember, this is all because of you.”

  Allan’s obviously heard I’m on set and comes to check on me and hands me a script when I retreat to my dressing room.

  “Been a few changes in there. Interesting. How are you doing? You seem surprisingly settled.”

  Assuring him that I’m good to go, he nods and seems happy with my answer.

  “Well, start prepping, and we will get the show on the proverbial road as soon as possible. Just do what you did out at the cabin and you will be out of here by lunchtime.”

  We get our call about thirty minutes after that to say we are ready to start shooting. The scene we are shooting first is where we have no words, it’s just me undressing her. The more time is slipping away with me being able to see her, the more anxious I feel. My hair has been done, I’ve completed my fifty push-ups to make sure my muscles are pumped and looking as good as they can when I see Riley pass my door to go to set. Lydia keeps a close guard, and there’s no chance of getting any time with her without everyone hearing what I have to say. Allan directs me where to sit on the edge of the bed and positions Riley before me. My gaze is trained on Riley, begging for her to look at me.

  “Okay,” Allan says and backs away to call a closed set.

  Lydia murmurs an “Are you okay?”, and Riley clears her throat and assures her that she is.

  “Action.”

  I skim my hands over the fine mesh of the dressing gown that covers her glorious frame underneath. She’s wearing the corset she was caught in. She shifts her weight and settles into my touch as I run my hand up her thigh.

  “Slow down,” Allan instructs. “Go back and do it again.”

  We’ve been shooting for twenty minutes, and Allan is just not happy. “What is going on here? What’s happened? Riley, have you checked out already? You have to act like you are relishing his touch, not that he’s got a steel wool pad running over your skin. And you, Harrison, are you going for robotic? Get it together.”

  “The longer we take,” I start as she gives me a pointed stare.

  Finally, she looks at me. It’s a death stare, but she’s looking at me. Allan calls “Action!”, and she rests her hand on my neck. The scene needs me to take her clothes off before we jump to the next scene where we are meant to be in the afterglow of our passion. Her kiss catches me by surprise when she tastes my lips. The robe slips off her shoulders, and I let it pool to the floor. Allan affirms that he likes how my fingers dig into her hips over her small underpants. Riley deepens the kiss, and I give as much as I can. The kiss might have started off like a Jordan kiss but it’s morphed into the ones Riley’s given me in the last week. There’s no way she would kiss me like that if she hated my guts. She’s forgiven me.

  Allan instructs Riley to keep running her fingers through my hair and then asks me to stand up. My body has to bump against hers for me to lift and place her on the bed. Her hands course over my chest causing me to break from the kiss before stopping at the waist of my pants. Turning, I give Allan the money shot of my arse as I lift Riley and do as the scene needs.

  “Cut. Wardrobe. Hair.”

  Dammit. I can’t get a minute with Riley to myself. The hair stylist comes over and messes my hair while they undo all the eyelets on the corset. She lowers the modesty strip across her breasts before running a brush through her hair to make it look like we’ve just done the dirty. The last thing they do is spray down my body to give the illusion of a light, sex-induced sheen. When Riley is more covered, the stagehands are permitted back in. Normally, everyone is buzzing. Today, it’s all very solemn. This is going to be hard enough without an audience.

  “Alrighty. We are good to go. Riley, spoon into the nook of his arm. Perfect. Don’t move.”

  Allan calls “Action!”, and I wait for Riley to set off the scene. My lines are heartfelt, and I really do mean every word about how I promise to fulfil the vows our characters said during their ceremony. Rolling to my side as the scene dictates, lying face to face is where I notice her eyes are tearing up.

  “I know I’ve let you down in the past. I’m sure to let you down again, but I mean it when I said that I’m sorry.”

  The tear falls, and Allan asks someo
ne what the hell is going on. Lydia tells him to just let it play out.

  Riley shakes her head. “I can’t.”

  “We can. I can rebuild your trust, I just need a chance.”

  “Why should you get another chance? That’s all our relationship has ever been. More and more chances. What you did to me was up there with the ultimate of betrayals.”

  When I wipe the tear from her face, she leans into my knuckles before her beautiful face crumples. Lifting her head, she kisses me again with more passion than before.

  My hope builds as I slip my hand to cup the back of her neck and kiss her.

  Pulling back, she bites her lower lip.

  “I love you,” I say. “I’ve always loved you. We can work anything out. Say you’ll be with me.”

  “I can’t be with you.” She moves back onto the script, but it still stings even if those lines are meant for my character. “You have to let me go.”

  Sending a silent prayer, I hope she’s just in character and not saying these words to me. “I won’t ever be able to let you go. I’m in love with you. We can fix this. Say you’ll be with me.”

  “Say you’ll be with me? What script did you guys get?” Allan makes no attempt to hush his voice this time.

  “I love you,” I say, staring into her eyes.

  “I love you, too, Harrison.” Riley gives me the kiss that has ended all kisses for me.

  “CUT! Harrison? His name is Declan. Did that corset cut off the flow of oxygen to your brain?” Allan is in my face, and it gives Riley a chance to get off the bed.

  Lydia holds open a robe for her to put on, and Allan continues to stay in my face. I climb out of the bed to follow after her, but I can’t because Allan blocks my path, and it gives Riley a chance to gain some distance. For some reason, the crew is approaching her to give her a hug.

  “Hey, hey, I don’t know what script you two were going off but I like it. I can work with everything you’ve given me,” Allan says.