“What do you want?”
“The high card.”
Epilogue
Lydia
The second I sit on the therapist’s sofa in the waiting room, I’m instantly on edge. My personal relationship with Riley has been tested since she started dating Harrison, and it’s now spilling into my professional thoughts for her. As much as I dislike therapists, there are things I do need to get off my chest.
Seeing Harrison Harvey come out of the therapist’s office and motion for me to join them has me seeing red. “Christ. Had I’d known he was here, I wouldn’t have come.”
Riley asked me to join her for a session with her counsellor to talk about what happened a few months ago between her, Harrison, me, and a guy Riley knew as Kit but to me was Christopher.
The fact that my star client is now dating the man who tried every day to ruin her career, boggles my mind. I love and support Riley like she’s my kid sister but I don’t have to agree with her choices, especially when they impact on my life. I’ve never been more humiliated to find out Harrison had set up Riley with the man I went on to date. The part that stings the most, I developed feelings for Christopher and I thought he felt the same about me.
“Please stay. I know this feels like an ambush,” Riley calls, and her therapist tells me she’s glad I came.
Harrison and Riley did couple’s therapy as part of their contract for Restless Times, but I stayed well out of it.
“That’s exactly what this is,” I say, and Riley rushes to me with her hands out to motion for me to stay. “You know my feelings on this one, and I vaguely remember this one.”
My finger is pointing right at Harrison Harvey. Jerk. Bully. Not only has he hurt Riley repeatedly but he was a big helper in breaking my heart. Some of the things he did to Riley while they worked together on Restless Times were funny, others were downright mean. I guess I’m being a bit hypocritical when I would get a giggle at some of those things when they weren’t directed at me.
“I know your feelings about me and I understand them completely. I’m going to ask for two things and then I promise, you can take over as head of the I Hate Harrison Harvey fan club.”
“Hey. I’m the president of that club,” Riley says, and I fight my upper lip from curling into a smile at the smartarse remark when I remind myself that I hate him. Against all my better judgements to get out of there, I take a seat opposite Harrison.
Riley takes her seat next to him while Clara sits next to me.
“We can wait a little but don’t see why we can’t get started.”
Deep down, I knew they had feelings for each other long before they were on the set of Restless Times. They were just incapable of getting their egos out of the way to voice it. Riley told me they still go to counselling to help get past their issues, and so far, it seems to be working. I’m happy for her, I just don’t trust him. My question of why we are waiting falls on deaf ears when Clara kicks off.
“Thank you for coming.” Clara bangs on about how this is a safe place and I can leave at any time.
It’s the pleading look on Riley’s face that keeps me seated. I’ll do the right thing by my friend even if I don’t want to hear a word Harrison’s got to say.
“Harrison and Riley wanted this session to help clear the air. Harrison?”
“I can apologise until I’m blue in the face.”
“Can you make it purple, then I know you’ll pass out, and that would be fun to watch.” While I sneer at Harrison, the glance Riley shares with him is not lost.
“Lyds.” Riley takes over from Harrison. “I know Harrison hurt you. He hurt me, too. He’s trying to apologise so we can all move on. This was my idea. I’m not losing you as a manager and I’m not breaking things off with Harry.” She continues on about how she hated both Harrison and the man she knew as Kit for being set up. “I had a session with Kit, Harrison, and Clara to get past it. I don’t like it but I’ve been able to forgive them.”
I’ve never seen Riley be so collected.
“The way Kit looked at you that night,” she says. “That was not the face of a man who was in this for a game.”
My skin bristles at the comments about Christopher. The sweet, kind, and attentive man who made my heart feel things I never thought I would, morphed into a game-playing, inconsiderate and hurtful jerk doing Harrison’s bidding to mess with my friend’s head and heart. The thing I have been struggling to get past is the kind of person Christopher is to have done it in the first place.
“I was the one who put him up to it,” Harrison starts. “I pretty much held it over him.” Raising his hands, he shakes his head. “I know. I already know. Abhorrent. Cruel.”
“Dick move is what I would have said,” I offer to his list of self-deprecations.
Nodding, he agrees. “I want to make amends. I want to try and fix what I broke. Kit’s a good guy who went along with someone else’s silly mistake. The second he realised what was going on, he wanted out.” Harrison looks to Riley and voices his apologies again. “Thank you, for giving me a chance to love you. You could have easily said no. I’m grateful for my second chance.”
Clara must know some kind of funky voodoo or have a magic stick going on. There was a time when these two couldn’t even mention each other’s names without foaming at the mouth. Now they are apologising and speaking in a normal conversation. They really have worked all their hate out. Blinking hard, I start to wonder if I’m dreaming. Waiting for them both to finish, hearing how they have been able to work it out and get through it does the opposite of what they intended. It enrages me more.
“It’s all well and good for you. You have exactly what you wanted. It’s always been no matter the cost, as long as Riley or Harrison are happy.” The words fly out of my mouth, and I direct my attention to Harrison first. “It’s typical of you to ruin things for others. How am I supposed to believe anything you say? Damned if I know how Riley does it.” Turning my gaze to my next target, I continue. “You might be able to get over everything he’s done to you, Riley, but I can’t. I’ve been trying to get over it for the past three months but I just can’t. I never wanted to be in this position but I’m terminating our services at the end of our contract. That gives you enough grace to find another manager. I’ll even help you find someone else.”
“What? No. I don’t want anyone else.”
“And I don’t want my nose to be rubbed in the fact that my heart has been broken and you two just get to go on your merry way. There has always been collateral damage wherever you ventured. It’s only now that you are starting to see it. I can’t watch anymore. I never wanted to make this a me or him thing, but that’s just the way it’s fallen.”
I’m losing the battle to stop the welling tears from spilling over. My voice shakes as I try to get my point across. Both Harrison and Riley start to protest immediately when Clara tells them to stop. Allegedly, it’s not their turn to talk.
“You messed with my heart,” I say. “Christopher made me feel like I was the only woman in the world. I’m surrounded by beautiful people all day, and to have someone single me out … To make me feel … I don’t know … Special … Even if it was fake from his side, my feelings weren’t. I was falling for him.”
“My feelings weren’t fake.”
The knock at the door causes me to jump in my seat and my breath hitches when I realise Christopher overheard everything I said.
Clara asks me if she wants Christopher to sit next to me, and I shake my head. I don’t want any part of this. Clara may as well have moved when Christopher takes the single-seater to my right to sit between me and Harrison.
“Harrison asked me to have a drink with Riley. One drink then turned into three. That’s all. Nothing more was ever going to happen. He had nothing to do with you or me. Those feelings, the words I said to you, they were all me, all real. You’re not the only one with a broken heart.”
There’s not holding the tears back, and I lower my chin to my chest.
“You just upped and left,” he says. “I didn’t even get a chance to explain.”
Scoffing, I lift my head and zero my attention in on Christopher. “And you thought this was the best way? Share the humiliation with my employer?”
My relegating Riley to colleague status clearly hurt, because she gasps. Clara inches the box of tissues to me before offering them to Riley, who I now see is also crying.
“I would take any way I could. If you tell me right now, there’s no way you have any feelings for me or could ever, then I’ll leave it right here, right now. I’m not interested in giving you any more pain.”
I cut my eyes to Harrison as he clears his throat.
“Before you answer,” he says softly. He looks wary of what I might do. “If Riley and I, the biggest enemies, can work it out …” Her hand moves over his. “There’s no reason why you can’t. You have to want it more than not.”
His words hang in the air and help me make my decision.
“I want it. I want something with you,” I say, looking straight at Christopher who gives me that beautiful smile. The sight of him so happy makes my throat constrict as I say, “But I can’t.” Blinking through the tears, I see Christopher’s smile fade as my words sink in, I get to my feet. “I can’t do any of this.” Turning to Clara, I thank her for her time. “This is not a reflection of you. You clearly can work wonders if these two—” I track both Harrison and Riley with my finger “—are capable of loving each other.”
“Lydia,” Christopher starts as he gets to his feet.
“Please don’t follow me. My heart is already scattered through all the places we went. I need to take my wounded heart home.”
The hurt on Christopher’s face has haunted me for the past three days, but it’s today that’s extra painful. Right now, I should be laughing with Riley as we finish off our Saturday morning ritual of talking, exercising, and eating. My morning has been a slow one. Tea in the sunshine on my balcony, entertainment magazines, and my notepad of things to follow up tomorrow. Thankfully, Christopher, Harrison, and Riley have all complied with my wishes. No one followed me. I’ve had the space and time to process everything. Riley has sent me a few texts today saying she doesn’t want me to flick her as a client and to contact her when I’m ready to talk.
The front door buzzer echoes through my townhouse, and I set my now-spilled tea down on the cover of one of the magazines. I raise my finger to press the button on the intercom when I see who it is. Fucking Harrison Harvey. The noise of the buzzer sounding again makes me jump.
“What do you want?”
“Just to talk.”
My laugh is devoid of any humour. “No. Harrison Harvey doesn’t just want to talk. There’s always a price to pay where you are involved.”
When he says it’s about Riley, I press the button to let him in. Looking down at myself, I make a quick run to my bedroom and pull on something more appropriate than my dressing gown. I’ve made it back to the door by the time the elevator has arrived.
“Beautiful home you have.”
“I know. What’s going on with Riley?”
I motion for him to move to the balcony while I wrestle with my instincts of getting a second cup from the cupboard. I don’t want him to feel comfortable in my home, but manners make me pour him a cup. When I return with his and a fresh one for me, Harrison snickers as he points to my empty cup, which hides his face on the top magazine in the pile.
“That wasn’t intentional,” I say. “What’s going on with Riley?”
Letting out a sigh, he offloads about how she hasn’t been the same since the therapy session. She’s been withdrawn and feels like she needs to fix this.
“Riley is in no way guilty of any of this. You are.”
Nodding, Harrison gives no resistance. “And I’ve cost her things she never thought were on the table. Her friendship with you. I’ve offered my amends. I’m not telling you anything she hasn’t already heard. I told her that I would not come between you and her. I’m here to ask you how we can get past this. For Riley’s sake.”
“Riley might trust you. I don’t. I will forever be questioning your motives even if she doesn’t.”
“What have I done lately that makes you suspicious of me?”
He’s got me on the spot, and I have to really rack my brains for an answer. If anything, he’s been a dutiful boyfriend.
“People can change. I’m not here to prove anything to you. The only person I care about making sure trusts me is Riley. I love her. I love her with all my being. I know she loves you, and she knows I’m here. We don’t have to be besties, but I would like to be your friend. As for all of this, you’re not the only one who lost out. Kit—Christopher—might also be an actor but he wasn’t acting when he was with you.”
The mention of his name is another stab at my still-aching heart.
“He had no idea you were connected to Riley. As far as he knew, he was falling for someone, too.”
While Harrison sips on his tea, I have nothing to come back with.
“We are having a dinner party next weekend. Christopher will be there. I’m telling you that as a friend, so you can decide. Riley and I would like for you to come.”
My tongue feels heavy in my mouth, and when I don’t say anything, Harrison thanks me for the tea and when he drains it, he places the cup next to my used one to cover his face even more on the same magazine.
“There. Much better. Please consider it.”
It’s in that moment that I really do think he’s changed. Harrison was notorious for getting what he wanted when he wanted, no matter how he got it. I’m devastated at the loss of my relationship with Riley and have really been hoping to work it out.
Harrison gives me a nod and tells me he will see himself out. Hearing the door click, I hug my knees tighter to my chest. My phone chimes with another message, and I let one leg drop to allow me to reach my phone. It’s a message from Riley asking if she needs to come and help hide Harrison’s corpse. Feeling like I’ve had the first laugh in a long time, I press the button to ring her back. We talk like we were never apart, then she asks if I’ll consider going to dinner.
“Depends. How many other people are going?”
She assures me there’s only a handful of people. “Kit’s a good guy. My feelings for him might have been misdirected when they were intended for Harrison, but if Kit made me feel just a tiny bit of what you feel for each other, I’m just heartbroken that you’re going to throw it away.”
“I can’t trust him.” My voice cracks, and I thought I was past falling apart at the mere mention of him.
“Me, too. With Harrison. When I went to the cabin and he came after me, I had no intention of ever seeing him again. If Kit didn’t have feelings for you, do you think he would try and contact you?” He’d sent me at least two messages a day begging for me to talk to him until the therapy session. “Do you think he would have turned up to Clara’s if he didn’t care? I’ve seen the way he looks at you. It’s the way Harrison looks at me. Just because you can’t trust him doesn’t mean you can’t try again. It’s a question of: Do you want to try again?”
“And what if I get hurt again?”
“But what if you don’t? What if he turns out to be your one? You’ll only know if you try. I almost threw away the love of my life because I didn’t work at it. Some people have super easy relationships. Some don’t. Harrison and I started off in the super hard, but now it’s easy.” We both laugh when she recommends a good therapist. “Harrison and I have weekly sessions, and she’s on both our speed dials. I’ll support you in your decision, I just don’t want you make it alone.”
We talk a bit more about things, and she asks me if I can still be her manager.
“If you want me to be.”
“Always. I’m here any time you need.”
Hanging up the phone, I feel better than I have in a long time. I roll the phone in my hand, take a deep breath, and press down on the number I’ve been avo
iding, and he answers before the first ring can finish.
“Lydia.”
“Christopher. I was hoping we could have a chance to talk?”
He keeps the small talk going, and I’m instantly at ease with him. Riley’s right. I’m never going to know unless I try. In order to move forward, I have to put things behind me. Can’t believe Riley and Harrison are the voice of relationship advice, but if it’s to be with the man I’ve fallen in love with, I’ll take it.
Acknowledgments
Writing a book is never a solo effort. There are countless questions, time of others that is used to create the words I hope you’ve enjoyed. These people have helped in a huge way and are listed in no particular order.
Ashleigh – I don’t know where I would be without you. You are the most amazing mentor and I can’t thank you enough.
Elaine – your support is unwavering – thank you so much.
Aubrey – Your suggestions, your time, and your support is so valuable to me. Thank you for being in my life.
Aria Peyton, Lauren Firminger and Angela Marie – for always wanting to sprint.
Rachael Northcott, Ryleigh Sloan and Mellie Callahan for your beta insights.
About the Author
Josephine Traynor is very good at keeping secrets - she’s been a closeted writer for years, but only got brave enough last year to show her writer friend a small chunk of what she’d written.
She’s a mother of two small boys and only told her husband about her book when it was completed. God knows what he thought she was doing on the computer for all those hours!
Josephine’s a lover of tea and has a thing for all things that smell like vanilla. She loves a good book that makes her laugh and has heaps of character growth. She aims to write books that inspire, cause sore stomach muscles and have memorable characters for all the right reasons.
Josephine Traynor is not her real name. The pen name is derived from Josephine being her favorite girl's name, and Traynor is inspired by Will Traynor from Me Before You by Jojo Moyes. His message from that book was for everyone to be brave in this world and to make their mark. Josephine is now living her dream of bringing her imaginary friends to life and having readers fall in love with them. She’s doing this for her, her dream is to be a published author, what’s yours and go after it.
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