by J. R. Gray
“It wasn’t my friend. A stranger. Someone she was playing with, I think.”
Stark settled back into his seat. “What did the event make you realize?” It was hard not to be a therapist. He’d always struggled with not analyzing people he was in relationships with. He guessed there were worse things, like never wanting to leave his apartment.
“It made me realize I’m going to end up alone, and I’ve spent the last five years relying on Cheri to act like my Dom.” Stark frowned, and Scotty backtracked. “Not in a sexual way. In an emotional one, but she’s not going to always be there. She is going to meet someone eventually and then where am I going to be?”
His frowned deepened. “I’m sure she’ll always be there for you.”
“To what end? I can’t expect her to always live with me. To be there to listen if there is something going on with the person she’s met.” Scotty dropped her head, letting it hang from her neck like she couldn’t carry the weight of it all anymore. “And look at you. I blew you off, and here you are letting me break down in your kitchen. What does this all say about me?”
“It says you’ve been hurt. We share that, so I have a unique insight.” He came around the island and took a seat in front of her. “What about before made you have a panic attack?”
“The idea of public submission.” She pulled away from him. It was a crushing blow. “I know, stupid right?”
He put a hand on each of her arms and turned her back toward him. “Not at all. I have a hard time leaving my apartment. I can’t judge at all.” It was an admission he didn’t mean to give.
“But…” She wrinkled her nose and he wanted to kiss it. He was sure at this point his feelings were stronger than hers, but he could hold them back and enjoy the ride if that was all she allowed.
“I met you out?”
“Did you notice the restaurant is right next to my building?”
“Oh.” She looked at him, no studied him. It was all sinking in.
“But you were at the club…”
“One of the few places my brother-in-law drags me to.”
She looked confused again. “But…you’re not married.” She looked around as if some clue on the truth would jump out at him.
“He’s my wife’s brother.” The words still tasted like vomit in his throat.
Realization dawned on her. “Wait, you said you’re a psychiatrist. How do you see patients in person? They can't all be online”
“I have a home office, and like I said some of the consultations I do are video calls. Some of my more private clients don’t want to be photographed coming here, or can’t always come into the office.”
She nodded in return. It was make or break. He’d let out some of his secrets and she might run.
“So this has something to do with your wife and why you stopped being a Dom after she died?” She’d put it all together.
“It does.” He hedged, still not sure how much of his crazy he should spill before she knew him better.
“How did she die?”
“She killed herself—or near enough. I haven’t always been completely a recluse, but I’ve never been as social as she was. Maybe, I should amend that. I also killed her.”
“What do you mean?” The confusion was written on her face.
“She wanted to go out, I didn’t. Like so many nights before, we fought about it. She wanted to keep up the room I rented at the club, and I was ready to let it go. When you’ve been together that long arguments tend to bring up a lot of past grievances. So it snowballed, and Maggie had had it. She said she was going out even if I wasn’t coming. I told her to stay and she safed out.”
“What happened?”
The tension in the room could have been cut with a knife. No matter how many times Stark had said the words to himself, he still struggled to get them out. “She drank way more than she should have, knowingly I assume, and drove into a wall.”
“And you think it’s your fault?”
“How could I not?”
“Because no matter how bad a fight you two got into it doesn’t mean you’re to blame for her going out. You could have both been out that night, or she could have walked in front of a bus the next day. Things happen, the world is unpredictable. You can’t blame yourself.”
“I’ve tried to tell myself.”
“Is that why you won’t leave your apartment?” she asked after a few moments.
“Is what why?” He wasn’t sure he was following her logic, and he’d already over shared. He didn’t want to give any more of himself. It was hard enough.
“Because you’re worried you’ll die?” She cocked her head to the side.
“No, I’ve never feared my own mortality.”
“Then what?” She sat forward, almost eager. It made Stark want to pull back.
“I’d rather not discuss my psychosis.”
A frown formed on her face. “You want me to keep talking about my issues, but you don’t want to open up? You’re not the therapist here. If you want me to open up, you have to, too.”
Stark berated himself. “You’re right, of course.” He’d learned so much from submissives over the years, more than he’d ever learned from Dominants. And Scotty was even more than that. She was a pillar of strength. What he would give to be her master…
“Let’s hear it.”
“It’s silly really.” And he knew it was, but no matter how many times he told himself it was silly, he still couldn’t bear to go out.
“I’m not going to laugh.”
“I can’t bear to be in all the places she and I used to go. It’s all tainted. I moved, changed all my habits, but everything still reminds me of her. If I could afford to I might have moved out of the city entirely.” It had been a battle to get the words out, but once he’d started they poured out of him. “At first I just avoided the places we liked to go, but as I closed off, the city closed in on me. Stupid things would bring on panic attacks. The train, the way the wind blows down Central Park West. Jesus.” He scrubbed a hand over his face, awash with the memories he fought so hard to keep at bay. “I even started seeing her in stores. I saw jeans she’d like, or a pair of sunglasses she’d have worn.” He shook his head and turned away from her. He knew how stupid it sounded. Who in their right mind let a dead woman take their entire life away?
She placed her delicate fingers on his neck and pressed, gently, guiding his face back around to hers. “Thank you.” She brushed her lips over his. “I don’t find you silly. There aren’t many of us who know this level of pain when it comes to another person.”
“No, well, there aren’t many of us who can’t move on.” He looked into her eyes hoping to see some understanding there, and there was.
“Have you ever had someone who stayed on your mind when you didn’t want them there? And I don’t mean because you love them any longer. Well, that’s Tanya. As much as I try she’s still there, and she haunts me.”
“I’m not sure I love Maggie any longer, but she’s surely controlling me.”
She laughed without humor.
“I have an idea.” He scooped her up and carried her toward his bedroom.
Chapter Twenty
Not to the bed like she’d expected, but to the bathroom.
“You’re not into bathroom kink, are you?” Scotty was not okay with those. Hard limit.
“Hear me out. You need to relax. You’re carrying the stress in your shoulders. Even if you never see me as a Dom, you need to let me do this for you as a friend.” He set her on the edge of his massive tub and reached around her to get the water running. He knelt in front of her and waited. For a moment she wasn’t sure what he was waiting for.
“I’m not going to safe, if that’s what you’re waiting for.”
“Is that your ‘I don’t need anyone to take care of me but I’m going to allow you to do this’?”
Scotty bit down on her lip, trying not to laugh. “Maybe a little.”
“You know, this is pa
rt of having a Dominant.”
She shook her head. “It’s not what I’m used to.”
“Well, I’m sorry for that.” He started to undress her. She leaned into his touch, closing her eyes. He was so soft and gentle. He found the hem to her slacks and unbuttoned them slowly, taking his time to study her body as he did. She felt like the most beautiful woman in the world as he touched her. He didn’t touch her more than he needed to, but she felt as if he only saw her in those moments. As he took off each piece of her clothing he folded it and placed it on the nearby counter. Different than how Tanya would have done it. She would have tossed Scotty’s clothes on the floor and then walked over them. Something that always drove her crazy. When she was naked he helped her into the tub. The water burned her skin lightly, but she knew once she settled in it would soothe her sore body.
By the time she was sitting back in the water, she’d started to unwind. She hated to say it, but he was right. Maybe this was what she needed. He came up behind her and slipped a rolled up towel under her head. She smiled, not opening her eyes.
He brushed his fingers down her neck and leaned in to whisper, “I set your tea here.”
“Thank you,” She murmured.
He didn’t leave her, he started to rub her shoulders. Lightly at first, but when Scotty moaned he increased the pressure. She loved submitting, there was never any doubt about that, but she was starting to realize she also loved to be worshiped. She didn’t want to be treated like a piece of furniture, she wanted to be treated like this, then whipped and fucked. Was that too much to ask? When she got a chance, she was going to have to ask Cheri if there was a term for this. Because she needed to see it out.
But then a part of her brain whispered, Maybe you have it right here?
She didn’t cling to the words because she was scared they’d run away, but she let them stay there, in the back of her mind because they felt good.
“This is what you needed.” He massaged his fingers over her scalp, playing with her hair.
“Yes…Sir.” She added the last at the end, and his fingers tightened in her hair.
“You—”
“Yes…Sir?” She liked how the word tasted, again. It was different being here with him like this. She’d done this, and her nerves were raw but not spent.
“You’re not getting me tonight.” There was a light tug on her hair. “You’ve been through enough, and I want to see if you still think this is a good idea in the light of the day.”
“I understand.” She was disappointed. A release would have helped her let go of the day.
“Don’t be disappointed. I’m sure you need to sleep, as you have to be in the office tomorrow.”
Scotty didn’t want to move. She wanted to stay here. The prospect of going home to an empty house wasn’t comforting when she felt as needy as she did. She had to break free from this funk. This wasn’t who she was. She turned and looked back at him. His eyes were kind, but he wasn’t aroused. Scotty was better than this. If she wanted a man to want her, he would want her. Submission was a cat and mouse game. He would chase her because she wanted him to.
She got to her feet, bending to pull the drain, making sure her ass was in his face in the process. He groaned and she stood, raising her arms over her head as she turned. She was going to have to go all out to win this battle.
“I should be going then. Early morning.”
His eyes drifted down her body and he groaned again. “Damn.”
“Did you not notice when I got in here?” She smiled.
“I was too focused on getting you comfortable…” he trailed off licking his lips. “How early did you say your morning was?”
Chapter Twenty-One
He was screwed. Utterly, completely, and entirely fucked to be more clear. At least he had been fucked. Twice. He wasn’t sure how Scotty was out of bed and awake. It was before six, and Stark wouldn’t even think of getting out of bed for hours. He never saw clients before nine, unless it was an emergency.
“Are you sure you don’t want me to make coffee, or tea even?” he said when he saw a hint of her toweling herself dry.
“I don’t have time, but thank you. I’ll get some at the office.” She walked out already mostly dressed, much to Stark’s disappointment. But once her gaze locked on him she smiled and sauntered toward him.
“Thank you for letting me stay, Sir,” she purred as she came near.
Stark sat up and grabbed her by the arm pulling her on top of him. She squealed and fought him.
“I have to get to work.”
“You have a minute. Now sit nicely, kitten.”
She did as she was told, waiting.
“Good girl.” He teased his fingers down her arm. “I know what that was last night.”
“Oh?” She put on an innocent look.
“Don’t play with me, kitten. You wanted to stay the night.”
She bit her lip in that cute way she did when she didn’t want to admit something.
“Be honest.”
“Yes, I was lonely and wanted to feel sexy and in control,” she said softly.
“In control?” He found the thought amusing. “You feel in control when you submit?”
“I do. More so than anything else in my life, well, except practicing law.”
“I like that it makes you feel that way.” He brushed her hair out of her face, feeling too sentimental. “I need to see you again.”
“Okay. When?”
“You get to work. We can discuss.”
* * * *
She’d left Stark’s apartment, but she lingered on his mind all day. His first patient showed up and he had a hard time not daydreaming. His patient went on and on about his usually fascinating narcissism, and it didn’t hold a candle to thoughts of Scotty. He was falling hard, and it was entirely one sided he feared.
When he saw his last patient before lunch and could finally pick up his phone, he found a message waiting for him.
Scotty: My day is dragging how’s yours.
Stark: Much better now.
Scotty: Was it so bad?
Stark: I couldn’t focus.
Scotty: Why not?
She seemed so concerned. He found it almost comical to admit the real reason. He wasn’t going to do it at first.
Stark: My mind kept wandering back to you.
Scotty: And mine to you, since I’ve been bored to tears.
Stark: You bent over my bed like a good little kitten.
Scotty: You have a way of making me purr.
Stark: Hence being unable to take my mind off of you.
Scotty: I like it that way…Sir.
She typed just the way she said Sir, with the little pause before it, as if she was teasing him with it. Using it as a lure to reel him in. He pressed a hand into his growing hard on. Fuck, he might have enough time to really edge himself if he started now. He had about an hour before his next client was showing up.
Stark: You wicked tease. I’m going to have to punish you for distracting me.
Scotty: So telling you I’m wet at work just thinking about it would be bad?
He groaned and let his head fall back. She was going to be the death of him, and he might just be okay with it. He was already desperate for their next encounter. He could be her secret. This he was sure of. If staying out of the public eye made her feel more comfortable, then hell, he could handle it. It wasn’t like he was a big fan of going out anyway. It was a win-win.
He knew how women felt about unsolicited dick pictures, but they had been in bed just hours ago, and she was telling him she was wet. So he went for it—mostly—by snapping a picture of himself holding his bulge through his slacks.
Stark: This is what you do to me.
He sent it before he could think about it and went to make tea with a tent in his pants. She didn’t reply right away.
Scotty: Have you had that all morning?
Stark: On and off.
Scotty: Fuck… Now I can’t sit sti
ll.
He got himself out and took another photo and sent it to her.
Scotty: I’m in a meeting.
He almost said sorry, but he wasn’t.
Scotty: I want my red lips around it.
He grinned to himself. She liked public play just as much as he did.
Stark: You’ll take it like a good girl.
Scotty: Yes, Sir.
Stark sent her a video of him stroking himself.
Stark: I want to fuck that pretty little ass of yours.
Scotty: Please, you’re killing me.
Scotty: I’m trying not to whimper.
Stark: Tell me one of your fantasies so I can fuck my hand until I can fuck your mouth.
Chapter Twenty-Two
She was screwed. Stark had discovered her ultimate fantasy. Of course she’d told him about the club, but there was so much more to it. Any way he could take control over her and make her feel like this in public had her not only getting hot and red, but dripping wet. She wanted him to stop so she could focus on the meeting, but she also needed him to continue.
Scotty: Please stop.
Stark: No.
Scotty: I’m turning red.
Stark: Good. Now tell me.
She glanced at her watch and then laid her head back against the rest and looked at the ceiling as people started to get up and leave the conference room. She had another fucking meeting in twenty minutes, and sitting with soaking wet panties was not going to work with this client. He only respected a bitch, and she couldn’t show weakness.
Scotty: Give me a minute.
She ran to her office. Not pretty in heels, but she had a lot of excuses. Once behind her locked office door she could breathe. She was glad they had offices with doors that closed, unlike the bullpen they put the first and second years in. She pressed her face into the cool oak door. It helped a little with the heat in her cheeks. She took a few calming breaths, knowing she had to refocus for the meeting when her phone buzzed again.
Stark: I’ll be calling your office if you take longer than a minute.
He was killing her. She’d never been so needy in her life.