by July Dawson
The details sounded right. Mary Beth had been Kate's best friend; Kate had gotten a Jetta for her sixteenth birthday. We'd all teased her because she wanted a convertible and her father found the safest possible convertible for his little princess. I knew I should be processing the sadness of Kate’s admission, I felt lonely for you, but I was focused on the facts.
"Rebecca invited me in, said you weren't there. You were late at swim practice. I was embarrassed, I was going to go, but you know how she is. She loves to give advice."
"I know," I said. “I know.”
"Especially to girls," she said. "She is a font of love advice. As you might expect for someone married four times, right?"
"Five, now. The Tuscany misadventure."
"Oh. I guess we've all fallen out of touch."
I was trying to remember that day. All that I remembered now was the news crews that had parked in front of the house that night, and waking up in the morning to Mitch making coffee. Mitch was red-eyed and refused to talk; he’d taken the coffee and a box of cereal away to his study. I had known things were bad when my father’s lawyer, Mr. Bevor, crossed the entryway and disappeared into the study.
Then it clicked. I remembered the afternoon, before I came home, before the swam of news media and the chaos and the sound of my father crying down the hall while I lay sleepless in bed.
Swim practice. Naomi and I had been volun-told to switch the lines at the end of practice, resetting them for the open swim hours that night. I'd tackled Naomi into the water, the two of us enveloped by white bubbles for a second of peace, then surfacing in each other’s arms. It had been much like the way I’d played in the ocean waves with grown-up Naomi, pressing my nose against hers, droplets of water warming between our bodies. I felt an ache remembering the boyish happiness of that afternoon. I’d come home both excited and with a sense of consternation; I was so comfortable with girls usually, and yet I couldn't figure out how to kiss Naomi for the first time.
That was why I hadn't been home when Kate arrived.
"I'm sorry I wasn't there," I said. "I wish I'd seen my dad myself."
"I'm sorry I didn't tell you," she said. "I was trying to protect you, Rob. It was a mistake. But I was seventeen."
"I know." I thought about how I would have responded, the desire to clear my father's name blooming powerfully. I knew that I would have done anything, no matter how stupid, if I'd believed there was hope for Mitch Delaney then. "I was seventeen too. I would have made mistakes myself."
"I was standing in the kitchen with your grandmother. She made tea for us both and told me about how she fell in love with one of her husbands, I don't remember which one. And your father came in. He wasn't drunk. Not one bit."
"But why wouldn't he fight to clear his name?"
"I think Rebecca is right. I think he was protecting someone."
"Yeah, but who? Why?" I threw my hands up in the air. "I get it when I was seventeen. But why the hell wouldn't Mitch have told me what was going on?"
"Maybe he didn't get the chance."
I thought of Mitch’s quiet urgency in the dim sum restaurant. I hadn't given Mitch much opportunity to speak.
"I'm glad you told me now," I said, by way of reconciliation. It bothered me to see Kate looking distraught. "You did what you thought was right. I'm not mad at you."
"Good.” She lunged forward suddenly to hug me tight. For a second, I was surprised by her slender arms around my waist. Then I squeezed her back. "I've never been able to stand having you mad at me."
"Me either," I said, "Even though I gave you plenty of reasons to be mad in high school."
She tilted her head to look up at me, the corners of her almond eyes crinkling. "We're older and wiser now."
"Older, anyway," I said. With all the mystery surrounding my father— then and now— I needed to get wiser in a hurry.
Kate pulled my shoulders down hard and planted her lips on mine. My hands tightened automatically on her waist, holding her body against mine, as her soft, warm lips parted against mine.
I took in Kate's eyelashes resting against her chiseled cheekbones, the little scar above her eye from a lacrosse accident that no one else would have noticed, and even though kissing her was wrong, I couldn't push her away. I couldn't hurt her all over again.
She let her hands slip away as she took a step back. "Just to see if it still feels right.”
I nodded, because I didn't know what to say to that. I didn't want to disappoint her. But there was only one girl in Newport for me. Even if that girl didn’t exactly like me at the moment.
But like and love are two different things.
A pained look crossed her face. "I hope you find what your family needs," she said stiffly. "I hope you all are... safe."
"You be safe too," I said.
The words seemed like so little between us after all our history.
Kate nodded and headed for the door. Her shoes were soundless on the rug, but she left the door open behind her. I could hear her clicking away when she reached the tile.
God. Damn. It.
I felt like I'd made a mess of that. Of Kate's feelings. Of what I owed Naomi.
I felt like I'd made a mess of the last ten years.
31
Naomi
"Alice, what are you doing?" I asked as my sister crowded into the dressing room with me. Alice accidentally hip checked me as she turned to hang an armful of dresses. I put my hand out on the wall of the dressing room, catching myself.
"I want to see these on you. You can't keep refusing to come out." Alice dangled a slinky, floor-length silver dress in front of me. "Are you nervous with Liam here?"
"No. Are you?" I let my current sheath of black satin slide down my body and stepped out of the shimmering pool of fabric. Pretty. But for someone else.
"What do you mean?" Alice demanded.
"Do you still have a crush?" I started to hang the dress back up, but Alice took it impatiently out of my hands.
Alice jerked her head at the dresses still hanging neatly that I hadn’t tried on yet. "Oh, my god, Naomi. That would be so weird when you and Rob are obviously going to get married."
"I wouldn't jump that far ahead," I said. Sometimes I did think about marrying Rob, but only to remind myself of what couldn't be. It wasn't the wedding I imagined. Being the center of attention like that, in a white dress at the front of a church with hundreds of eyes on us, sounded like a nightmare. But I liked the thought of being married to Rob, of waking up next to him every morning, watching him dress in his Navy uniform, kissing goodbye as we got in cars to drive to work. Besides the logistical issues, though, Rob was not the marrying kind. "Too bad we don't have more sisters. Like Seven Brides for Seven Brothers..."
"I'm getting bored out here," Liam called.
Alice looked at me wide-eyed. I shrugged back. Who knew if he had overheard us?
"Delaneys are awfully prone to boredom," I said, unlatching the dressing room door. "Alice, go entertain him. I'll come out and fashion show, I promise."
When I stepped out of the dressing room wearing the form fitting dress, Liam whistled. "That one. Definitely."
"I haven't even tried the others--"
"Let's take them too. Spend my brother's inheritance. You know he loves getting dressed up, you might as well indulge with him." He glanced over me thoughtfully. "Then let's go to the Mac store."
"I thought you hated shopping." I said.
He half-shrugged. "Whatever the mission, I am in one-hundred-percent."
As the three of them drove back to the Delaney mansion later, I kept reminding myself that I couldn't bite my lip. Not when I was wearing a smooth neutral lipstick that cost more than the contents of my entire makeup pouch. I had the perfect smoky eye and an up-do that Liam had suggested. Another Delaney boy who was full of surprises.
Looking at myself in the mirror at the salon, I’d thought that I looked pretty. Like the kind of woman who shouldn’t have big, crazy worries.
/>
But here I was, on my way to a gala and still sick to my stomach. I couldn't shake worries that the fundraiser would be a flop or worse, that I was inviting harm to the Delaneys with Rob's desire to please me. I had urged him to cancel the gala, offering to return to my old plan. "I'm not going to let you out of my sight for a barbecue anyway," he'd told me. "What's the difference?"
"Relax," Alice said without looking away from the road.
"I can't. You should've let me drive."
"You do enough of that with Rob."
Alice took the turn for the road that led to the Delaney home too quickly, jouncing me back and forth in my seat. I grabbed at the door handle. "I definitely should have driven."
"Stop being nervous about the gala. You're going to love it," Alice promised.
"This was supposed to be a simple thing--" I broke off as we turned down Rob's long driveway. White lights were strung along the trees that lined the drive, bright against the falling dusk. I could still see the gorgeous pink flowers waving alongside the house despite the growing dim of the evening. Alice pulled up in the stamped-concrete circle of the drive, right in front of the house. Two young valets in gray vests waited to take the car key, smiling.
"Do you mind dropping her bags off inside?" Alice asked.
"This makes me intensely uncomfortable," I said.
Alice put her hand on my shoulder, looked into my face with a false expression of sympathy. "Do try to bear up under the hardships of luxury."
Rob stood in the doorway, imposing and gorgeous in his Navy dress whites. The doorway emphasized his size. He was tall and broad-shouldered. The whites were crisp over his body, belted at his narrow waist. The high collar of his whites emphasized his broad, masculine jaw. I could never look at that hard, lean body now without thinking of how soft his lips were when he kissed me.
"You're totally going to get married," Alice said behind me. "It would be a waste not to. Look at him. He’d be wearing that on your wedding day."
I shook my head to myself, the spell broken, and ran up the stone walkway to Rob. I felt awkward in my new heels, and I teetered slightly as I reached the entryway. Rob reached out to catch me, his big hands wrapping around my slender biceps. "You all right?" he murmured.
"It must be the uniform. Makes me feel fainty."
He grinned. He ran his finger under my jawline, tilting my chin up towards him. "You make me feel fainty, too."
I smiled at that, although I felt strangely sad. Alice hadn't meant to depress me with all the teasing marriage talk, I knew, and yet it was hard to want what I knew was impossible.
I should have walked out of the house the minute I saw Rob Delaney, left the towels running in the washing machine and returned to my ordinary life before he could make me crave something else.
"What's wrong?" he asked, a frown wrinkling the skin between his deep blue eyes.
"Nothing," I said. "The house looks lovely. I can't believe you pulled this all together so quickly."
"It wasn't that quick," he said, and though his patter came lightly and easily, he was still looking at me far too closely. "I've been planning since you volunteered me--"
"You totally volunteered yourself."
"And then I've been working on this in every quiet moment that we didn't spend under siege. Also, I hired a really great event planner." This last in a confessional tone.
"Ah, I see."
"Come look," he said, taking my arm in his and tucking it through the crook of his elbow. He patted my hand. "You look lovely, but I worry I'll smudge you. I think I like you better in jeans."
"That's what I told Alice," I said, and then regretted giving away that I'd been thinking of what would please him.
But as we walked through the foyer, which was filled with cocktail tables draped with long, gauzy linens in shades of blues and greens, decorated with flickering candles, I realized he'd spent time thinking of what would please me.
"Rob," I said, "This is amazing."
A waiter stopped to offer them a tray full of canapes. I glanced down at the beautifully arranged seafood and murmured no thank you. Rob waved to another server, who headed our way.
"There are chicken tenders for you," he said.
I laughed out loud. "Who knew it would be chicken tenders that would make me feel like the princess of the ball?"
"You are the princess," he said, "And this is your ball."
He took my hands in his and drew me close. The band was playing softly, the music almost sad, as we waltzed together across the floor. I rested my cheek against his warm chest, letting him lead for once. This moment was brief, I knew it would end, but it was perfect for now.
As the last few notes of the song played, Rob said, "I'd like a drink. Come to the bar with me?"
I twined my fingers through his in response.
We were standing at the bar, watching two white-coated bartenders pour our drinks when I saw Alice at the edge of the ballroom, looking anxious. "I'll be right back," I promised Rob, squeezing his fingers before I let go.
"I'll be waiting."
I was walking away towards Alice when I heard Rebecca's low, honey tones behind me. I rolled my eyes. Of course the jealous grandmother would poach Rob the second I walked away.
"I'm so glad you and Kate are rekindling your friendship," Rebecca said.
I stopped dead, waving to catch Alice's attention, hoping the few intervening dancers between Rob and me would hide me while I eavesdropped. Alice's eyes met mine and then widened; I wondered what she had seen in my expression. Alice hurried through the crowd, holding her champagne flute high to avoid being bumped by the dancers.
"We've been friends a long time. Just fallen out of touch." Rob's voice was cool.
"Out of touch?" Rebecca's voice was mischievous. "You should go after her. Tell her how you feel--"
"That's enough," Rob said.
"Don't tell me you don't still love her," Rebecca said.
I could almost feel Rob's irritation from here. I turned and saw him take a long sip of his Scotch. His eyes were on the tile, not meeting Rebecca's triumphant gaze.
Alice leaned in close to me. She smelled like powder and lipstick and hair spray when she stood so close. "I need to talk to you."
I knew, then, deep in my heart that things were going hopelessly sideways with Rob. There was a cold weight of dread in my stomach as I followed Alice into the dim, cavernous quiet of the garage.
Alice shut the door behind us, and the sound of music and laughter faded. "I don't want to ruin your night. But I can't--"
"It's the cats' night," I said. "No worries."
Alice hesitated, rubbing her hand over her rogued cheek. I knew my sister well enough to know that whatever the bad news, Alice would ultimately deliver it bluntly, and she did.
"Rob kissed Kate."
"They used to do a lot more than kiss, I'm sure," I said. My voice sounded surprisingly strong, given how my head was suddenly spinning.
"This afternoon." Alice said.
I nodded. "Did you see it?"
"No," Alice said. "I heard about it. You're...taking it well."
"Who told you?"
"Rebecca."
"Okay," I said. "Thank you for telling me."
"Mi--"
"I'm fine," I promised, cutting her off.
Fine. Fine involved my knees trembling under that beautiful dress, hands that shook with anger, and a faint distant rushing of sound of blood through my ears. Sometimes in my life, I had looked at a magazine photo of a beautiful woman, impeccably dressed, and wondered how anyone could be sad when they were so lovely. It seemed like life shouldn’t handle someone so beautiful quite so roughly as life sometimes handled me.
But now I thought of the slick pages and I thought of how I'd looked in the mirror a few hours before, all done up for the gala. And I knew that money and beauty aside, everyone felt equally fucked-up on the inside.
Alice reached to hug me, her eyes sad, and I side-stepped. "I'm fine. I
need to be fine for all of tonight. To get through the gala. Later, okay? We'll go back to my house and I'll cry into my tulle."
"I'll be there when you're ready," Alice promised.
"Just... give me a minute here, would you?"
I knew Alice didn't like it, but Alice went reluctantly up the steps to the door to the garage. For a second, lights and noise filled my sliver of the garage; then it was all muted again. I was alone in the murky light. The band played faintly in the distance.
I was grateful that I didn't feel like crying. Not yet. What I mostly felt was pissed off. And embarrassed. Because Rob had said don't fall in love with me and I had said it to him, too, but only one of us had ever really been in danger of getting lost in this relationship.
I smoothed my hands over the dress that hugged my curves and took several long, slow breaths. I could do this. I would go back in there, be gracious and smiling and calm and avoid Rob as best I could. I could thank everyone who came and do my part with the fundraising. This night was never supposed to be about me.
The door opened, and I thought it was Alice. I turned impatiently, about to scold my sister for worrying about me when I just needed a second to breathe.
But Rebecca stood at the top of the steps, wearing a gray dress that contrasted with her tanned skin, looking, as usual, like a model for the AARP magazine.
I crossed my arms over my chest and waited for Rebecca to say something awful. I didn't doubt that Rob had kissed Kate— as much as I wished I could— but I did know that Rebecca had wanted to make sure I found out. That was about as contemptible as Rob kissing another woman.
"I'm sorry," Rebecca said.
I cocked my head to one side, perplexed, waiting for whatever terrible thing Rebecca would say next.
Instead, Rebecca said, "I love Rob. I do. But you deserve better than Rob."
"Ha." My voice came out rough.
"I admit," Rebecca said. "You're not the one I want him to marry. That doesn't mean that he deserved you either, though. Rob believes in that stupid curse. He needs someone who won't give up on him when he does one stupid thing after another... and that, dear, I guarantee he will."