by Ruby Cruz
“Well, it’s all about the reputation. I’ve got the intimidating wealth, the intimidating aunt, the intimidating brother. And that’s just my family. In school, I sort of got the reputation of being somewhat of an ice queen.”
“You? I don’t see that.”
“Just call me Queen Elsa of Arendelle. Seriously, it’s true. I was so terrified of the reaction from my family if I got pregnant or acquired an STD that I was too afraid to have sex. Ridiculous, right?”
“I don’t think so. Most people don’t think about the consequences when they do hookup with someone.”
“Anyway, there I was, just about to start my junior year at Princeton and George Wickham showed up at my dorm.” Ana leaned back. “I’d had a terrible crush on him as a kid. He was quite a bit older than me, not as old as Will, but old enough. I’d thought him so cool and mysterious. Looking back on it, he’d always been sort of a wild child. You know the stereotype: leather jacket, motorcycle, different girl on his arm every week. When he showed up at my dorm, I nearly fainted. I’d been so caught by surprise. The last time I’d seen him before that was at my parents’ funeral.
“At the funeral, he’d had an argument with Will, that I remember, but of course I was supposedly ‘too young’ to know the details. I was a teenager, it’s not like I was a baby. Eddie had stepped in, pushed them apart when it looked like they would have a fistfight right in front of my parents’ coffins. I’d never seen Will so angry, but he wouldn’t talk about it. Just threw George out, told him not to return.
“Then he showed up in my dorm, and I was like a pre-teen again. I’d never thought George had ever even noticed a little nobody like me. Turns out all he ever noticed were the dollar signs in my trust fund, but I was too star struck to realize that.”
“What did he say when he showed up?”
“Well, first off, he said he’d gotten into some trouble, needed some money, and that I was the only person he could turn to. I suppose he was telling the truth at that point. After all, he really did have no one left. I never knew about his gambling problem before that. He told me some story about needing a job, that his old hospital had gone through some layoffs and he was having trouble finding something that suited him. I was so naïve, I wanted to believe him, despite the fact that most nurses can get a job almost anywhere. When I told him I was opening the center and when I did he was welcome to have a job there, he played it perfectly, telling me I was his guardian angel, that he would do everything he could to make sure the business was a success.
“So I gave him what money I could out of my allowance, took some money out of my savings account. Not so much that Will would notice, but enough to cover what I thought were his expenses. You see, I knew Will would be angry if he found out, especially after what happened at our parents’ funeral. He was always so overprotective of me. In a lot of ways, he was more like a dad to me than an older brother with all his rules and restrictions. Being with George was my rebellion against all that.”
“Some rebellion.”
“Tell me about it. After I gave him the money, he hung out more often, would show up at my dorm at random times, said he just wanted to hang out, that I was the only person who cared about him, that I was the only family he had left. God, he really knew how to play me. Anyway, eventually he made his move and I was so infatuated that I fell for it.”
“He took advantage of you.”
“Yes, I can’t deny that. I was the inexperienced schoolgirl with a crush. Like I said, a total stereotype.” Her face bloomed red. “He was my first.”
“Really?”
“Really. I’m not ashamed of it. I mean, of him being my first. I mean, think about it. It was so much better than doing it with some random guy at prom or with a college guy who’d just blurt out his conquest on social media. I felt safe with George and…he really did make me feel special.”
“Even though he was totally using you.”
“That’s the thing. When he was with me, he didn’t treat me like that. He was sweet and funny. His manipulation was very subtle. He would say that I was the most important person in the world to him, that if I really loved him, I would hang out with him instead of going to the movies with my roommate or calling Will on the phone. For six months, he slowly isolated me from my friends, from my brother, and I made him the center of my universe.
“Before I knew it, he was the only person I ever spent time with, the only person I talked to outside of class. I skipped classes just so I could spend more time with him. My grades began to plummet, but I didn’t care. It was me and George Wickham against the world. And then Will found out.”
I knew the rest of the story, about how Will had found Ana and George in Vegas during her spring break, about how George decided to dump her when Will threatened to cut off her funds if she stayed with him.
“After George left,” she continued, “I didn’t know how I’d go on. It was like he’d broken something inside me I couldn’t fix. Will helped me as much as he could, took a week off from residency so he could take care of me, then Eddie spent some time with me, too. I think they were afraid I’d do something stupid like try to commit suicide, but I wasn’t depressed so much as utterly disappointed in myself and worried that everyone else in my life was disappointed in me.”
“People have tried to hurt themselves for far less reasons than a bad breakup.”
“Yes, but I could never do that to Will. To lose our parents and then to off myself because of some stupid decisions I made - that just seemed too selfish. Better to punish myself by staying alive and wallowing in my misery.”
“So Eddie helped you through part of it?”
“Yeah. I mean, he was great. After the initial fallout, he was the one who helped put me back together, got me back on track with my courses, helped me cram for finals. I have no idea how he pulled that off while being in the military, but he did, driving up from North Carolina on weekends to just spend a few hours checking on me, Skyping me before finals to help drill me on the material. I probably wouldn’t have graduated on time if it weren’t for him.”
I remembered what Eddie had told me long ago about his feelings for Ana. Judging by the way she talked about him, I guessed that she had no idea how he felt, that she dismissed his attention as being something akin to brotherly affection - after all, he was Will’s oldest friend.
“Anyway, long story short - be thankful you’re not just another notch in George Wickham’s very long belt.”
“That’s all due to your brother.”
“Yes. As much as I disagreed with the methods of his interference in your relationship with George, I do agree with his sentiments whole-heartedly.” Ana gave a wry laugh. “You know what’s ironic? If it hadn’t been for George, you and my brother probably would never have met.”
“How’s that?”
“Will moved to New Jersey to be closer to me. He’d been all set to stay in the city and open up his practice there, but after all that stuff happened with George, he started looking for a position closer to me. Meryton was the first opening he found.”
~
Later, after Ana and I arrived back at the house, I found Will in the suite. He was sitting on the couch, his expression pensive and brooding. “Hey,” I greeted. He stood immediately and crossed to me, but I waved him off. “I’m not an invalid. You don’t have to treat me like one.”
“I know you’re tough, believe me.” We settled next to each other on the couch.
I snuggled into him, finally feeling relaxed that I was with him. “How did the meeting go this morning?”
His expression clouded. “Things are complicated.” He sighed. “I don’t even know where to begin.”
“Try me.”
He began to say something, but stopped himself. “Can we table this for now?”
“Um, sure, if you want.” I thought of the snatch of conversation I’d heard earlier between Ana and him. “But you will talk to me about what
ever’s bothering you, right?”
“Of course. We just haven’t spent as much time together as I would’ve liked. With your classes beginning again next week, we’ll hardly see each other.”
“I know.” I reached a hand up to smooth a lock of dark hair from his forehead. His hair had grown slightly longer than he usually kept it so now the ends curled slightly. The style made him look younger and softened his overall severe appearance.
“I need a haircut,” he stated. “I haven’t had a chance with everything going on.”
“I like your hair.” I kissed his temple where the curl had met his skin and let my lips linger on his cheek. “Very rugged.”
“Really?” His voice lowered, became gruffer.
“Yes.”
As he settled his head on my shoulder, I fought the nagging suspicion that whatever was on Will’s mind had nothing to do with my coming classes.
CHAPTER TEN
Groping for Answers
At the wake later that evening, I felt a sense of dèjá vu settle over me as people filed past the coffin and we greeted the various dignitaries and acquaintances. Dr. DeBourgh looked distinctly older this evening, as if she’d aged a decade since the night before.
I was pleased to see Luke had arrived trailing his roommate. As they approached us, Colin reached me first and pumped my hand eagerly, nearly knocking me over with his enthusiasm. “Miss Bennett, how pleased I am to see you, and with the esteemed Dr. Darcy. I am so sorry for the loss of your grandfather. He was a pillar of the community and a wonderful man with many contributions to society. He will be greatly, greatly missed.”
“Thank you,” Will responded with a great measure of sincerity.
As Colin spouted more of Walter DeBourgh’s virtues, Luke pulled me aside. “How are you holding up?”
“I’m okay.” I glanced over to where Ana sat with her aunt, who was much more distraught this evening than yesterday. “Better than some.”
He nodded in understanding and continued to scan the room. “So, where’s the hot neighbor?”
I nudged him with my elbow. “Don’t you think it’s inappropriate to be scoping out guys at someone’s wake?”
“I am not scoping out guys. You’ve said he’s decidedly hetero. But it doesn’t hurt to look. From what I hear, Walter DeBourgh wasn’t above scoping out the eye candy when the opportunity arose.”
“Still, I’m having a hard enough time seeming respectable without you virtual stripping all the eligible bachelors in the room.”
He rolled his eyes at me. “Okay, fine.”
“Besides, weren’t you dating that advertising exec?”
“Paolo? Yeah, we went on a couple dates, but we’re not exclusive. I can still look.” He stopped his scan of the room when his eyes landed on Chase. “Well, hello there. That must be the neighbor.”
“How did you know?”
“He’s exactly as you described him: blond hair, dreamboat eyes, chiseled features, like a Hollywood legend.”
“I never said he had dreamboat eyes and chiseled features.”
“You didn’t have to. I could hear it in your voice.”
“You’re ridiculous.”
“I’m not the one rocking an Ace bandage and crutches while wearing Armani.”
“Ouch. Someone got the claws out.”
He exhaled slowly. “Sorry. That was catty of me.”
When he went quiet, I asked, “Is everything okay?”
“What? Yeah. Of course.”
I didn’t get a chance to push him further because Colin interrupted. “Luke, Dr. DeBourgh seems to have an opening. We must pay our respects.”
Darcy and I watched Colin pull Luke to where their employer was holding court, and then we resumed greeting people I had never met before or knew only by name and/or reputation. I had no idea one person could know so many people.
After catching Will rubbing a weary hand over his eyes, I asked, “How are you holding up? Do you need a break?”
He shook his head. “I’m fine. Besides, I’m not the one you should be worried about.” He allowed his gaze to shift to his aunt, who was currently sobbing into Marjorie Hammond’s shoulder while Ana rubbed her back.
“I can’t imagine what that must be like. I mean, I was so young when my dad left, and I was never close to Mom’s parents.”
“It’s horrible,” Will admitted, his expression going dark. “Doesn’t matter how much time you’re given, if it’s a slow death or a sudden one, it’s horrible. Losing someone you love, it’s the worst feeling in the world.”
“I’m sorry. I didn’t think. Your parents…”
“Have been dead a long time. But I still miss them. They would’ve liked you.”
“Really?”
“My dad especially. You’re a lot like him: pragmatic, stubborn…but you’re like my mom also. Kind, generous, nurturing.”
“Okay, that’s a little creepy, but I’ll go with it.”
The corner of his mouth tipped up slightly. “You know what I mean.”
“Then I’ll take it as a compliment.”
~
The wake passed without further incident, a blur of faces and names I could never hope to remember. Darcy made sure to keep me close, almost as if he didn’t want to leave my side. Near the end, he allowed me to rest my ankle in a quiet corner, and I was glad for the respite. Spending the day on my feet hadn’t been the smartest move, as my ankle felt swollen again and throbbed dully.
Luke joined me in the corner, at first to keep me company, until I saw the troubled look on his face again. “Hey, what’s bothering you?”
“It’s Paolo. He got a little pissed when I broke off our date to come here.”
“Really? He seemed so cool.”
“I know. I think it’ll blow over. It’s not like I have to attend the wake of my boss’s father every day. I think he was just disappointed I had to leave town, especially since I’ve been traveling the last few weeks. But it’s not just that. Do you know what’s going on with the company? Colin’s been particularly close-lipped about things, which you know means Armageddon must be coming.”
“Will hasn’t said all that much, and Ana basically told me that with their grandfather’s death, things are getting shaken up at the executive level. I doubt any of that will affect your job.”
“I hope so.” Luke absolutely loved his position as a research nurse in the New York office, so I could see why he was worried.
“Has Dr. DeBourgh said anything to you about changes being made?”
He made an incredulous face. “Right. You think Her Highness would talk to one of her lowly subjects about this? The last time I spoke with her face-to-face was at that dinner at her place six months ago, and that was only because your boyfriend invited me on your behalf.”
“But I thought you still handled all the tenants in her building.”
“Colin has had to manage most of that since I’ve been on the road so much. I still do repairs when I can, but I’ve been too busy to do most of the work since we’ve increased recruitment for the new clinical trial.”
“Are you worried she’s going to kick you out of the apartment?” Part of the original agreement for Luke living in the fabulous Chelsea brownstone was his job as superintendent for the building, and it sounded like he couldn’t fulfill his duties as of late.
“I don’t know. I haven’t heard anything either way. Let’s just say I’m glad I won’t be traveling the next couple weeks.”
“I’m sure it’ll work out. And if not, maybe Paolo’s looking for a roommate on the Upper East Side.”
Luke blushed, which was very unlike him. “We’ve only been dating a couple months.”
“Hey, when you know, you know.”
“I can’t argue with that.” He glanced over to Darcy, who had caught my eye. The air between us heated up. “Will you stop that? I feel like I need a cigarette now just watching the two of you.”
/>
~
After the wake, Luke and I had plans to get a drink and catch up more. As I waited for him to bring his car around, Will accompanied me outside. He took me by surprise when he directed me into the shadows and pressed me against the wall. His arms pinned me, and he assaulted my lips with his, then dragged his hands down to twine in my hair and caress the skin of my neck.
“I’ve wanted to do that all evening,” he managed to murmur when he stopped kissing me to nibble at my ear. I felt lightheaded, hot, and wanted more than anything for him to continue until we were both spent and sated. But I couldn’t.
I pushed him away gently, my eyes flickering around the parking lot where people still lingered and milled. His eyes glittered. Multi-colored lights reflected from the parking lamps and headlights. “What is wrong?” I whispered, my voice barely audible. When he reached for me, I resisted. “This isn’t you.”
“What part?” He pressed his hips against mine.
“Stop,” I insisted, my voice serious. His face became impassive, and I could literally see him shutting down before my eyes. “What is going on with you? Ever since we got here you’ve been acting strangely. Is it Luke? I know sometimes you feel excluded when we’re together.”
“No, no, of course not.” He stepped away from me, the passion apparently dissipated.
“Well, then what? You’ve told me you and your grandfather weren’t close.”
“We weren’t.”
“Then what is it?”
He seemed on the verge of answering when his aunt’s voice rang out. “William? The car is here. If you’re done groping Nurse Bennett in full view of everyone, I would appreciate if we could get home. It’s been quite a long day.”
I closed my eyes, willed the heat to dissipate from my face. “Go,” I ordered.
“Lizzy, I’m sorry. We’ll talk later.” He kissed me again softly, then turned to join Dr. DeBourgh and Ana by the waiting limo. Luke drove up behind them in his rental car.
When I eased my way into the passenger seat, he commented, “Now I definitely feel like a cigarette after seeing that display.”
“Something is wrong with Will.”