by Nora Roberts
“I want to exercise our option.”
Her heart began to beat again. “Well, I can drink to that, too.”
“I wanted to talk it over with you before I called your agent.”
“I fired my agent, so you can deal with me direct.”
“Fired him?” Duncan pursed his lips, then nodded. “Smart move, but you’ll want representation.”
“They’re not exactly beating down my door, sugar. I’ll get to it when the time comes, though.”
“I’d say it’s come. Reed Valentine would like to schedule a meeting and arrange for a professional demo, in studio, in New York, when it suits you.”
She couldn’t feel her hands. Or her feet. She realized dizzily that all she could feel was the sudden, ferocious hammering of her heart. “Reed Valentine? Valentine Records? A meeting? With me? Why?”
“Suddenly you’re full of questions.” With a laugh, he toasted her again. “Yes, Reed Valentine of Valentine Records wants a meeting with you because he was very favorably impressed with the tape you put together.”
“You sent it in? You sent it to Reed Valentine.”
“I told you I was going to send it to a connection of mine.”
Valentine Records. Now she couldn’t feel her own lips. But she could feel the abrupt lurch of her stomach. “I didn’t expect—I never thought …”
“Didn’t you think I meant it, Cat? I don’t play games like that.”
“No, I don’t—God, I can’t breathe.” She pressed a hand to her chest as if to push out air, but couldn’t find any. “I can’t get my breath.”
Alarmed, he reached for her. She’d gone dead white. “Hey. Sit down.”
“No. Yes. No. I need some air.”
She shoved the wineglass into his hand and bolted for the balcony doors. Her head was light, as if she’d swallowed the whole bottle of champagne in one gulp. She couldn’t get her breath because the air was trapped somewhere under her diaphragm.
She clutched the rail and leaned out, staring blindly at the slow-moving river.
“Isn’t this what you want?”
With her back to him she squeezed her eyes shut, felt the tears pressing hot behind her lids. “My whole life. It’s all I’ve ever wanted in my whole life. Just a chance, just one chance to prove I could be somebody.”
When her voice broke, she bore down hard. “I need a minute here, Duncan. Okay? Just give me a minute here.”
Instead he went to her, turned her to face him and saw her eyes were drenched. “I thought I knew how much it meant to you.” He said it gently, as gently as the hand that brushed the first tears from her cheek. “I didn’t. I should have found a better way to tell you.”
“No, it’s perfect, it’s fine.” She was terrified, down to the bone, of what he was offering. Of him. Of everything that was pounding and beating inside her. “If you’d just leave me alone for a minute. I need to pull myself together.”
“No, you don’t.” He gathered her close. “You need to let yourself go.”
Her breath hitched once, then shattered on a sob. She clung, pressing her face into his shoulder, holding on to him, to the feeling, to the gift. “This is everything to me. Everything. Even if they change their minds, hate what I do, kick me out on my butt, this is everything. The chance. I’ll never be able to pay you back for it.”
“There’s nothing to pay back. Cat—”
“It’s everything,” she said again, and framed his face as she drew back. “Everything. I’m so grateful, Duncan.” She let everything she felt pour out into the kiss. “Let me show you.”
“Cat, I’m not looking for gratitude.”
“I have to give it.” She kissed him again, hypnotizing them both. “Let me give it.”
Chapter 19
She’d been like a witch, Duncan thought, casting spells. Now, in the clear light of day, he was still weaving under them.
He’d wanted to tell her he loved her. Wanted to ask her to belong to him. But it hadn’t seemed fair when she’d been riding an emotional roller coaster already.
He preferred to play fair. When possible.
He could wait until night. Until the air was soft and quiet, and they were alone with the river. In any case, that would give him several hours to figure out how to tell her. What words he should use, what tone.
He wished he could be certain of her, but some odds were impossible to figure.
He imagined the ring he’d dashed out that morning to buy after seeing his grandparents off was going to weigh heavily in his pocket all day.
The best way to make the time pass, he decided, was to fill it with work.
* * *
Cat had prepared all morning, had thought it all through. There was only one possible answer. Duncan Blade had given her something she’d been working for all of her life. And he’d done it with no strings attached.
The only way to repay him, as far as she could see, was to get out of his, quickly, cleanly. No harm, no foul, she told herself as she climbed the steps to his office.
Her knees were shaking. She stopped, cursing herself as she steadied herself again, as she forced herself to admit she wasn’t being noble. She was running.
She couldn’t handle what she felt for him. Why the hell should she have to? She didn’t know how to be in love. She’d never be able to make it work, never be able to cover her stake if she gambled here.
Smarter to cut it off clean now, before she got in any deeper, before she started to let herself believe she could be a real part of his life.
More, it would be cowardly to wait another week, until the end of her current contract, to tell him she was skipping. The decent thing, the professional thing to do was to give him time to book another act.
She wasn’t going to pay him back by messing up his business. Or his life.
It was just her bad luck she’d gone and fallen in love with him.
She’d wanted to convince herself it was just gratitude, but hadn’t even come close. She wanted to believe she would survive whole and intact when they parted company. But she knew better. It was her doing. She’d opened herself up for it, and now she had to pay the price.
Suddenly the thrill of attaining a lifelong dream didn’t have quite the shine it should have.
But Cat Farrell stood by her word, she faced her responsibilities and she handled herself through good times and bad.
Then she stepped to his office and saw him through the window. Her needy heart collapsed in her chest.
Oh God, he was so perfect, she thought. What had his mother said? A beautiful young man, in every way. It was perfectly true. It wasn’t just the looks, the charm, the snazzy clothes.
He was kind and he was caring.
He wasn’t some kick-it-up trust-fund baby, cruising around on his family money. He worked, and worked hard, and had put his personal stamp on every inch of his boat.
He had integrity, he had ambition.
Dangerous Duncan. Heartbreaker, she mused. You’ll forget my name before the season’s over.
She drew in a breath, tossed back her hair and sauntered into his office. “Got a minute, boss?”
He leaned back, set his paperwork aside. “Oh, I think I can make one for you. How’re you feeling?”
“I’m still flying. Did you see your grandparents off?”
“Yeah, they’re going to spend a day in New Orleans, then fly to Boston to visit my sister and my cousins. Play with the babies. They’ll catch up with my uncle Caine and aunt Diana, then Grandpa will harass my cousin Ian for a while about why he’s still single—a fine young lawyer like him. There was talk about scooting up to Maine so The MacGregor could devil the Campbell side of the family for a bit.”
Cat’s eyes danced. “It keeps him young.”
“Then he’ll forever be eighteen, because he’s never going to stop.”
“Family’s his heart.”
“Yes. You learned to understand him quickly.”
“I learned to love him
quickly. Love all of you. Love you so much it makes me shake inside. I have an invitation,” she added, and worked up a smile. “An open invitation to visit Hyannis Port anytime I like. I’ve seen pictures of that castle he built there. Very cool.”
“Then we’ll make a point for you to see it in person.”
Not until she was certain she could bear it, Cat thought. Which would be approximately never. She stretched out her legs, crossed her ankles and prepared to give the performance of her life.
“I don’t want to interrupt your work for long, but there’s some business we need to talk about.”
“Fine. I was going to catch you later, but now’s as good a time as any.” He flipped open a file folder and took out her contract. “It’s a standard option clause, with a guaranteed five-percent salary increase when activated. Everything else remains the same as it did in the original agreement. If you’re shaky about signing papers without representation, we can hook you up with a lawyer here in New Orleans, or in one of the ports going back to Saint Louis.”
“I’m not shaky about signing papers, Duncan. I never sign anything without reading it all, top to bottom. Including fine print and bottom line.”
“Smart. Then you’ve already read these, but you might want to read them again.”
“I don’t have to. I don’t want to sign.”
He held the papers out between them for several long seconds before he lowered them carefully to the desk. “Excuse me?”
“I don’t want the option enforced. I’m not interested in another run. As far as I’m concerned, when we dock in Saint Louis next weekend, I’m a free agent.”
“Take off the glasses.”
“It’s bright in here.”
“You want to talk business, you look me in the eye.”
There, she thought, was that quick shift in his voice. Satin to steel. Because he was right, because it was cowardly to hide behind shaded lenses, she slipped them off, swung them by the earpiece.
He took his time, studying her face, looking for the tells every gambler recognizes. If she was bluffing, he mused, she was damn good at it. “You want to negotiate new terms?”
“That’s not what I said, and I say what I mean.” She lifted her shoulders, let them fall. “I’ve got fresh fish to fry, sugar, and you to thank for it. There’s no point in me spending another six weeks singing in a riverboat lounge when I could be in New York.”
“I see. If you read your contract, Cat, you’ll know that I have a right to exercise this option clause. You’re obliged to honor it.”
Well, she hadn’t thought he’d make it easy, had she? “I hoped you’d let me out without a hassle—for old time’s sake.”
“Hope springs eternal.” He rose, walked to the mini-fridge and took out a bottle of water for each of them. It felt as though someone had opened his chest and given his heart a bare-knuckled punch. “But this is business, and has nothing to do with the fact we sleep together. Want a glass for this?”
She snatched the bottle out of his hand before she could stop herself. And the little snip of temper eased one of the knots in his stomach. She wasn’t quite as cool as she wanted to be.
What was her angle? he wondered. What was the deal?
“Okay, no favors. Fair enough.” She took a long drink. “So, sue me.”
“Let’s just see if we can handle this like professionals first.” He made his voice deliberately snide and watched her color come up. Nerves, he decided. Feelings. They were there. So he would use them. “You want to get to New York and follow through with Valentine. I can’t blame you. When we hit Saint Louis, you can go—” He held up a finger before she could speak. “I’ll get an act to fill in for a week. Then you meet the boat in New Orleans, and fulfill the rest of your contract. Everybody’s happy.”
“I don’t like that deal.”
“Take it or leave it.”
“Leaving it,” she said, and got to her feet.
“Sit down.”
“Don’t tell me what to do.”
“Business is concluded. Now it’s personal, and I said sit down.”
She cocked a hip, lifted the bottle and watched him steadily as she drank. “Is that what this is about, Duncan? Is your ego bruised or something?”
“Do you really think I’m going to let you walk out?”
“Yeah, because if you try otherwise, I’ll bruise a hell of a lot more than your ego. Look, it’s been fun, and I owe you a lot. But it’s moving-on time.”
“And that’s what you do best? Move on?”
“Yes.” Regret flickered in her eyes before she could stop it. “Sorry, I’ve got to think about number one here. But I won’t forget you, sugar.”
Then she made a mistake. She flashed a sassy smile and patted his cheek.
The smile faded quickly when he grabbed her wrist.
“You’re trembling. Sugar.”
“No, I’m not.” She couldn’t quite manage to swallow, so shrugged instead. “It’s cold in here, that’s all.”
“Like hell. Why are you shaking?”
“You’re hurting me.”
“No.” His fingers barely encircled her wrist. “I’m not, but you’re doing your damnedest to hurt me. Why?”
“I don’t want to hurt you, Duncan.” Emotion had her voice wavering. “I don’t. Damn it, let me go.”
“Not a chance. You want to dump me? You want to move on? No harm, no foul? You’re a liar, and you’re not as good at it as I’d expected you to be.”
“I guess you don’t have much experience being the dumpee, do you?”
His brow lifted. “Ah, now. There. There it is. You break it off and run before I can?”
“Let’s just call it even.”
“No, let’s not. Let’s just lay the cards on the table and see what we’ve been holding. I love you, and you’re going to marry me.”
“What?” If he’d dashed the cold contents of the water bottle in her face, she’d have been less shocked. “What? Are you crazy?”
“You’re exactly what I want, exactly what I’ll have, so get used to it.”
“The hell with that. Who the hell do you … I can’t get my breath.” Struggling for air, she rapped her fist between her breasts. “Damn it.”
“Funny, you had the same reaction last night when I told you about Valentine. Something you claimed to have wanted your entire life.” He took a step closer while she panted. “See something else you want, Cat?”
“No. Get away from me. You’re a lunatic. I need air.”
“You’re not going anywhere.” He took her arm and pushed her into a chair. “We have a tradition in my family.” Out of his pocket, he took a coin. “Heads you marry me, tails you walk.”
“Oh sure, oh right.” Thoroughly dizzy now, she dropped her head between her knees.
“Agreed then.”
“I did not.” Her head shot back up just as he flipped the coin. He snagged it, and watching her, slapped it onto the back of his hand. “Heads. I win. You want a big, splashy wedding, or something quieter?”
She stayed exactly where she was. She had her breath back now and the blood was no longer pounding in her head. He was angry; she could see that. Beyond the cocky, go-to-hell grin was pure temper. “Duncan, sensible people don’t decide to get married on the toss of a coin.”
“My parents did, and so will we. You don’t plan to welsh on a bet.”
“I don’t make bets—”
“As a rule,” he finished, then, putting his hands on either arm of the chair to cage her, he leaned down. “I love you.”
“Get out,” she managed, but weakly.
“I love you,” he repeated. “That’s it for me. I always knew it would be. Time, place, the woman. When it hit it’d be over for me. It’s over for me, Catherine Mary. You’re the one. Now tell me you don’t love me.”
“I don’t.”
“Don’t what?”
“Oh, get out of my face. How the hell am I supposed to think with you
pushing at me?”
“Just say it,” he murmured, and brushed his lips over hers. “And make me believe it.”
“It can’t work.”
“That’s not what I asked you.”
“I was doing you a favor.”
“Thanks. Now tell me.”
“Back off, Duncan. You’re crowding me.”
He smiled, stepped back. Because he’d already seen the answer in her eyes. “Okay, on your feet is more your style.”
Because it was, she rose. “I want my career.”
“So do I.”
He meant it—she could see it. Somehow a miracle had happened and the single thing she’d dreamed of was as important to him. And so was she. That, she realized, was beyond miraculous.
She jammed her hands in her pockets. “I don’t need any house in the ’burbs or a white picket fence.”
“Please, that image has always petrified me.”
It made her laugh, one quick gulp, then she let out a breath. “Do you mean it?”
“Absolutely. I used to have nightmares about white picket fences.”
“Duncan.” At a loss, she pressed her fingers to her eyes. “I’m trying to be straight with you.” She dropped her hands, looked into his eyes. And everything she wanted was right there. “I need you to be straight with me because you can do more than break my heart. You can shatter it.”
Tenderness welled up inside him. “I told you I’ll never hurt you. I keep my word.”
She took a breath, found it came easier. “You’re sure this is what you want?”
“Dead sure.” He took the ring box out of his pocket. “Guess what I’ve got here?”
“Oh God. You work fast.” She glanced down at her hands. “My palms are sweating. Only happens when I’m really nervous.” Absently, she rubbed them on her shorts. “Okay, sugar, you asked for it. Just remember I gave you every chance. I love you, and that’s it for me, too. I guess I started heading that way when you tried to roust me at the gangplank. You looked so sexy and dangerous.”
“Funny, I was thinking the same thing about you.”
“Nobody’s ever gotten inside me this way. I’ve never wanted anyone else inside me this way.”
“Then we’re starting on even ground.” He took her hand again, opened the box.