Time stood still. Lizzy held her breath.
Daniel lowered his head a little and crossed his arms, his lips pinched.
“I don’t know, Lizzy.” He shook his head then looked out the window.
Lizzy prayed silently.
He finally turned back but avoided her gaze. His body had sagged. “I didn’t want you to know all the terrible things I did. But then the way I treated you yesterday, maybe nothing’s changed.” He lifted his face slightly. His eyes had lost their spark. “I can’t do this, Lizzy. You shouldn’t have married me, your father was right. I’m no good for you.”
“No, Daniel.” Lizzy gripped his arm. “We can do this together. Now I know, I can help. And we can ask God to help. I’m not letting you go that easily.”
Tears welled in his eyes and he wiped them away with his hand. “I don’t deserve you, Lizzy.”
Chapter Twelve
The next few weeks passed quietly. Lizzy and Daniel spent their free time talking and sharing more of themselves with each other. They went for long walks along the beach, where the gale, whipping off the North Sea, invigorated them and breathed life into their marriage. They huddled in cozy nooks of quaint old pubs they discovered in nearby villages, and they went to church.
Lizzy was frustrated, though. She prayed daily that Daniel would find God. Really find God. He said the right words, and did the right things. They even prayed together sometimes, but there was no depth to his prayers, and she sensed he still didn’t really know God. Not the living God she knew and had experienced first hand. She tried to talk to him about it, but he always skirted around the main issue. She never once got the feeling he’d ever cried out to God or wept for forgiveness. Maybe he’d done it in private, but she didn’t think so. She continued to pray for him.
One day as they were out walking, she suggested they take a holiday. Her heart lifted when Daniel agreed, and so they made their plans.
“What a lovely feeling, to be heading away for three weeks,” Lizzy said as Daniel pointed the Ford Escort southeast on the M1. “It’s going to be so good to see Sal again.” She glanced at Daniel and sighed wistfully. “Maybe not so good seeing my parents, but we should be able to cope with one night.”
“Mmm. I don’t want to think about it. I’m not looking forward to seeing your old man, and I guess he’s not looking forward to seeing me either. It’s surprising they asked us to stay after you turned the offer of the wedding down.”
“I think Mother talked him around. I feel really sorry for them both, especially Father. He’s so caught up with what people think and putting on a show to all their friends and neighbours, he can’t see there’s more to life. I’m not sure how I managed to escape from it, but I’m glad I did.” She leaned back in her seat and looked out the window.
“They wanted me to marry this guy called Terence Allsopp. His family are just as bad, maybe even worse. I couldn’t imagine being married to him and living like they all do in their big fancy manor homes.” She turned her head and looked at Daniel. “You know, I think I’d be happy living in a tent in the middle of a desert as long as we loved each other enough.”
Daniel laughed and threw his head back. “You never cease to amaze me, Lizzy. I can’t see you living in a tent anywhere, let alone in a desert.” He glanced at her. “Do you even know what a desert’s like?”
She grinned, and her eyes lit up. “Maybe not. I was just making a point.” She paused for a moment, as she pictured her and Daniel trying to put up a tent in the middle of a sandstorm in a hot desert. “Maybe not in a desert, but you know what I mean. I don’t want a huge house. I just want a house that’s a home, with lots of children running around playing happily because they feel loved. That’s really all I want.”
“And just how many children are you planning on?” he asked playfully. “Do I have a say in this?”
She laughed and her eyes sparkled. “Oh, I don’t know. Maybe a dozen?”
He chuckled and shot her a cheeky glance. “And we’re not even Catholic!”
Lizzy settled back into her seat and relaxed as the miles slipped by. She tried not to think about the night ahead, and instead looked forward with anticipation to seeing Sal and to the cottage by the sea they’d booked for their holiday.
“Here it is…” Lizzy said hours later as they reached the stone pillared entrance to Wiveliscombe Manor, the impressive manor house she used to call home. Nothing seemed to have changed. The gardens looked immaculate as ever. Not a single dead head on the roses that filled the circular garden beds, nor a stray weed in sight. Everything in its rightful place. Her chest tightened as images of their last visit flitted through her mind.
“Let’s stop for a moment, Daniel.” She reached out and grabbed his hand. “I’m not sure I’m ready for this. Are you?”
He shook his head. “Don’t think I’ll ever be.”
“I wish we could just drive on, but we’ve got to do it.” She turned her head and sighed heavily as she looked at the house. “I guess we’d better go.”
Daniel put the car into gear, and they slowly made their way up the long gravel driveway towards the house.
Having pulled up in front of the house, Lizzy climbed out and was stretching her arms when she saw her mother walking towards them.
“Elizabeth, dear, how good to see you.” Gwyneth reached out her hands and studied her daughter carefully before pulling her close and hugging her. “And Daniel.” She turned to look at him, and hesitated. Her smile grew warmer and she reached out her hands to him.
“Mrs Walton-Smythe. How are you?” He shook her hand gently.
Lizzy rubbed her arms and looked around. “Where’s Father?”
“He’s in his study. He’s finishing some business, and then he’ll be out.”
“I hope he’s going to behave,” Lizzy said, rolling her eyes.
“He’s trying his best to accept the situation, dear. Come on, let’s go inside.”
Daniel carried their bags and followed Lizzy and Gwyneth into the entry.
“I’ve put you in your old room, Elizabeth. I hope that’s suitable.”
“That will be fine, Mother. Is Jonathon at home?”
“Yes, he’s home for the holidays and will be joining us for dinner. He said he’s looking forward to catching up with you.”
Lizzy turned and saw her father standing at the foot of the spiral staircase. Was he pleased to see her or not? Why can’t he just relax and be normal for once? Why does he always have to put on an act?
“Father. Good to see you.” Okay, I have to play act as well, it seems. She walked over and kissed his cheek.
“Elizabeth.” Why can’t he smile?
Roger turned his head to Daniel. Lizzy held her breath and prayed silently. He held out his hand.
“Daniel.” Lizzy took note of the look that passed between them. It definitely lacked warmth, but at least they’d shook hands.
“I think I’d like to freshen up before dinner, if that’s okay,” Lizzy said, mainly to her mother. “It was a long drive.”
“You must be tired, dear. But you’re looking good.” Gwyneth smiled, and stretched out her hands to Lizzy again. “It’s lovely to see you. But run along, and I’ll call you when dinner’s ready.”
Daniel closed the door behind them, and placed their bags on the floor. “Just as well it’s only one night. What’s wrong with the man?” He sat in the plush green armchair and rested his feet on the matching footstool.
“So this is your bedroom. It’s almost as big as our apartment.”
Lizzy glanced around at the furnishings and old fashioned wallpaper, and the image of herself as a young girl seated at her dresser brushing her hair flitted through her mind.
“I don’t miss it, Daniel. It wasn’t a happy home. Mother tried, but it was always uncomfortable when Father was around.” She’d opened her case and was pulling out some fresh clothes.
“We don’t have to get dressed up for dinner, do we?”
; “Probably best to put on a clean shirt. Don’t worry about a jacket.”
“Good. I wasn’t going to.”
“Don’t start, Daniel. Please.” She sighed, and walked over to the chair. She sat on his lap and wrapped her arms around him. “We’ve just to get through tonight. That’s all.” She leaned her head against his, and then stroked his hair. “We can do this. I know we can.”
Lizzy held Daniel’s hand as they entered the dining room a short while later. The table was laid beautifully. She would have been surprised if it was any different. Her mother directed them to their seats in front of the fireplace. Not that it was on. Jonathon sat opposite, beside his mother, and her father sat at the head of the table in his normal place.
“You’ve excelled yourself, Mother,” Lizzy said as Gwyneth served up a roast dinner with all the trimmings.
“Thank you, dear. I’m a little out of practice, now that it’s just your father and me.”
“It smells wonderful, Mrs Walton-Smythe,” Daniel added.
“Please call me Gwyneth, Daniel. Mrs Walton-Smythe sounds so formal. And I am your mother-in-law,” she said as she placed several roast potatoes on his plate.
“Thank you, Gwyneth,” he replied, smiling at her.
“So Daniel, how’s married life?” Jonathon asked.
Daniel glanced at Lizzy and squeezed her hand before answering. “Your sister is an amazing woman, Jonathon. Married life is good.”
Her father had said nothing apart from grace, which had sounded stilted and lacked any real thankfulness. Lizzy glanced at him. He held himself straight, and his jaw was clenched. Oh God, please let this dinner go smoothly. She had a feeling, though, that a miracle might be needed for her prayer to be answered.
Lizzy’s whole body tensed when her father put down his napkin after wiping his mouth, and looked directly at Daniel. His superior manner sickened her to the core.
“What plans do you have, Daniel, for bettering yourself? Being a hospital orderly is hardly a job to aspire to.”
Lizzy glared at him. Why are you doing this, Father? She waited for Daniel’s reaction with dread in her stomach. She glanced at him. His eyes had narrowed, and his chest was heaving. Her heart went out to him. Daniel, please don’t. Please don’t react.
“I happen to enjoy my job, Roger. It might not be as financially rewarding as some, but it’s what I do.” His knuckles had whitened as his grip on his knife and fork tightened. “I resent your insinuation that it’s not an acceptable job for your daughter’s husband.”
“I didn’t say that. But I do wonder if you’ll be able to support her and a baby when she stops work. She is my daughter, after all, and I have a right to be concerned. Do you not agree?”
“Lizzy’s my responsibility now, Roger. You have no need to worry yourself.”
Lizzy smiled inwardly. Go Daniel! Not many are brave enough to take on Father! And you’re controlled. Thank you God.
The conversation continued, a little strained, until Jonathon asked Daniel how the mood was in the north.
“Thatcher’s definitely not popular. Things are getting tough. Jobs are disappearing.” He glanced at Lizzy. “Not as bad where we are, but you can feel it. I think there’s trouble ahead.”
“You’d be used to that, wouldn’t you, Daniel? Coming from Belfast,” Roger said, his voice full of contempt.
Daniel lowered his knife and fork and placed them neatly on his plate before looking Roger in the eye. “There’s nothing wrong with standing up for what’s right. It’s the likes of you, all of you who lord it over everyone else, thinking you’re better than them, that’s the problem. The upper class disgusts me.”
Roger’s nostrils flared.
No! Please don’t start!
“How dare you speak to me like that. Don’t forget you’re in my house!”
“I don’t care where I am. I’ll speak my mind. I’m not going to be put down by the likes of you.” Daniel pulled himself up in his chair, the vein in his neck pulsating. “Who said you were better than anybody else? You’re just an arrogant high brow aristocrat who doesn’t have a clue.”
Lizzy gasped as her father pointed his finger at Daniel.
“You’re not welcome at this table. Remove yourself immediately.”
“With pleasure.” Daniel stood and pushed his chair back. “Are you coming, Lizzy?”
Lizzy’s pulse raced. Oh God, why did this have to happen?
Daniel breathed heavily, and his eyes had darkened. What should she do?
“I’m sorry, Mother. I’m going to have to go.” Lizzy stood and placed her napkin neatly beside her plate. As she left the room with Daniel, she struggled to keep her anger at bay. Why couldn’t he have just let it go?
“Why did you do that?” Lizzy asked Daniel back in their room. “Just one night! One dinner. That’s all we had to get through. You should have just let it go.” She stood inside the door with her hands on her hips.
“He goaded me, Lizzy. I didn’t mean to have a go at him.”
“Well, it’s done now. Either you apologise or we’ll have to leave.” Her chest heaved and her eyes bulged as she glared at him.
Daniel held her glare and pursed his lips. “I’m not apologising, so I guess we’re going.”
Lizzy’s heart fell as Daniel grabbed his bag and started throwing his clothes into it. She shook her head, and tears began to roll down her cheeks. Why couldn’t they have got through just one night?
“Can’t you find father and apologise? Please Daniel?”
He stopped packing, and looked at her. “You can stay if you want, but I’m going. Please yourself.”
Tears streamed down Lizzy’s face as she watched him open the door. “Wait Daniel. I’m coming.”
As Daniel put the car into gear and spun the wheels on the gravel, Lizzy struggled to fight back her tears. She glanced back and saw her mother standing under the portico with outstretched arms. Her father was nowhere to seen.
Lizzy fell back in the seat and threw her head against the head rest. How did this happen? Tears streamed down her face.
“Where’s the closest pub?” Daniel demanded as he skidded to a halt in the gravel at the end of the driveway.
Lizzy shook her head and pulled herself up. “No Daniel. Don’t go out drinking. Please.”
“Don’t tell me what I can and can’t do. Just tell me which way to go.” He sat with his arms draped over the steering wheel, peering both ways.
Lizzy breathed deeply. Her body shuddered as she tried to control herself and think logically. She didn’t like the sound in his voice one little bit. Where was the Daniel she’d been planning their dozen children with just hours before?
“We could drive on to Sal’s. It’s not that far, and I’m sure she wouldn’t mind.”
“No Lizzy. I need a drink. Which way do I go? Just tell me.”
Lizzy sighed and inhaled deeply. “There’s a pub about two miles down the road on the right that has some rooms.”
Daniel put the car into gear, and turning right, he drove until they reached the Red Lion Hotel where they took a room for the night. He was still angry. He’d hardly said anything since they’d walked out, and he had that rigid look on his face she’d learned to detest.
“I’m going down for a drink. And don’t try to stop me.” The look on his face made her wince. She knew it was no use saying anything.
“Wait. I’ll come with you.”
Daniel stopped in his tracks and turned around slowly. Lizzy inched back, feeling for the bed. What made her say that? Her heart thumped.
“Well, come on then.” Daniel pursed his lips and grabbed her hand.
The downstairs bar was already noisy. Daniel led Lizzy into the lounge area and left her at a corner table while he went and got their drinks. He returned with three - a squash for her, and two pints for himself. This didn’t bode well. She refrained from commenting. Any wrong word could tip him over the edge.
She still had half a glass left by
the time he’d skulled both. Lizzy’s heart fell when he came back with another three drinks.
“Don’t.” He said as their eyes met.
Lizzy’s body tensed. This wasn’t going to end well.
After the next round, Lizzy said she needed to go to bed.
“Come with me, Daniel? Please.” She hated pleading with him.
He walked her to the bottom of the stairs, and then pulled her tight and kissed her aggressively. His beer breath and wet lips revolted her, but she responded, not wanting to aggravate him further.
His eyes were already glazed, and his words slurred.
“I’ll be up soon. Be ready for me.”
Lizzy pushed back her tears as he slapped her on the bottom. Once back in her room, she fell on the bed and sobbed.
The noise downstairs kept her awake. Lizzy turned on the light and checked the time. It was past ten o’clock, so last drinks would have been called a while before. That wouldn’t have stopped Daniel from stacking them up, though. She sat up in bed and stared at the smoke stained wall. How did it all go so wrong? It was always going to be hard, but they’d agreed not to let her parents get to them. Easier said than done. This wasn’t supposed to have happened. And on the first day of their holiday. A tear rolled down her cheek and landed on the bedcovers.
She got out of bed and poured herself a glass of water from the jug on the dresser. What am I doing here? She leaned against the wall and closed her eyes, her hands resting on the baby growing inside her. She longed to feel it move, to know it was real.
The airless room was suffocating. Why wasn’t Daniel here with her? Why couldn’t they have helped each other deal with it? Wasn’t that what marriage is about? Helping and supporting each other? Not running off and leaving the other partner in despair and turmoil, while you go out and drink yourself silly. Maybe she should have stayed downstairs with him. Oh Daniel. Daniel…
She laid back on the bed, and sobbed into the pillow. She wanted him to come back, even though he was drunk. It had to be better than being in this horrid room on her own.
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