She kept her head low as she passed him. The only person she wanted to look in the eye right now was Daniel O’Connor. She uttered a few words of apology as she left her haven.
Daniel knew it was too late. From the very moment he’d entered the doors, the familiar aroma of fermenting beer and cigarette smoke calmed his mind. The four pints he’d downed in quick succession hardly touched his throat, and now he’d lost count. In the back of his mind, he knew he had to be somewhere. He stood to leave, but staggered and fell. Johnno helped him up and ordered another.
The taxi driver dropped Lizzy outside their apartment block. She’d thought about looking for him, but had no idea where to start. And how degrading would that be? No, she’d go home and make herself dinner and wait for him to come home. And then have it out with him.
But he didn’t come home that night or the next. By Sunday morning she was ready to go out and find him. She couldn’t wait any longer.
She telephoned all the hospitals in the area. No Daniel O’Connor had been admitted in the past forty-eight hours. She telephoned the police. No accident involving a Daniel O’Connor had occurred. He was not in their custody, but she was told she could lodge a missing person’s report. She thanked the constable politely and then slammed the phone down.
She took a shower, dressed herself in the maternity jeans and smock she’d recently bought, and left the apartment.
Chapter Eighteen
Lizzy didn’t know Daniel’s favourite pub. There were so many, how was she going to find him? Plus, she was on foot. Daniel had the car. Her blood boiled. How dare he do this to her! Not only had he lost his job, he’d lied to her and disappeared with their car. Not normally an angry person, this time she’d had enough. Enough of his pathetic promises, of his insipid excuses. What was it about men? First Mathew and his pathetic reasons for breaking up. And now Daniel, unable to keep a promise, and wanting to blame everyone apart from himself for his problems. His weakness of character appalled her. Why couldn’t he stay off the drink and face his problems head on like most normal people? What was wrong with the man? How had he so easily forgotten their agreement to talk about their problems?
She needed to calm down and think rationally.
Standing on the pavement, she wondered which way to go. The light drizzle dampened her hair and clothes but didn’t dampen her resolve. She would find him, even if it took all day. A decision had to be made. Okay God, we’re in this together. You need to help me. She took a deep breath and turned left towards the river.
Lizzy felt uncomfortable and conspicuous walking past the neglected semi-detached houses that lined the streets leading to the dock area. What had drawn her here she wasn’t sure, but she’d trusted her instincts and believed this was where God had led her. It was the kind of area she imagined people went to if they wanted to hide, and she guessed that Daniel was indeed hiding.
The street looked dreary. The front gardens, if they could be called that, were overgrown with weeds that flourished in this damp climate. Gates hung off broken hinges and were left half open. Some of the places looked completely derelict, not fit for human inhabitation. She hoped Daniel wasn’t inside any of them. The smell was different, too. Maybe it was the mixture of diesel and rotten fish drifting up from the trawlers docked nearby, but whatever it was, it was pungent and stung her nostrils. The drizzle had increased to a steady downpour, and although it was summer, she shivered in the biting wind that blew down the desolate street.
She pulled her coat closer, and increased her pace. She passed a Chippy that was already doing a fair trade, probably not surprising since it was close to midday. The smell of frying fish and chips reminded her she should eat, but not there. Definitely not there. Just past the Chippy, the first pub came into sight. It was as she expected. A run down establishment that had seen better days. She really didn’t want to do this, but she had to.
Lizzy strode to the door and pushed on it, only to find it wouldn’t budge. Stepping to the side, she peered through the windows. Empty. She looked at her watch and remembered. Opening time was twelve pm on Sundays. Only ten minutes to go. But what were the chances of Daniel coming here at twelve anyway? He could go to any number of similar establishments in this area. Or maybe he wouldn’t be at any of them. But there was no way she’d give up before she’d even started.
Maybe she should get something from the Chippy after all. She turned around and walked the short distance. The looks she received as she entered made her feel she didn’t belong. Was she really that much different? Lizzy looked around at the waiting customers and thought that maybe she was. She stopped herself immediately. Wasn’t that the kind of attitude she despised in her father and that she’d vowed to never emulate? But she had to admit that sometimes she struggled to see people as God saw them. She smiled at the shopkeeper, and ordered a packet of hot chips.
She just wished her voice hadn’t given her away. A young lad sitting backwards on a plastic chair jeered at her. “Listen to her - poshness in our presence…” She cringed as his mates joined in laughing at the lad’s apparent wittiness.
Walking out the door with her bag of chips, she wished she could find a place she really belonged.
Like worms coming out of woodwork, at twelve o’clock on the dot, men appeared from all directions and converged on The Sailors Tavern. From her position outside the Chippy, Lizzy watched closely. What was the attraction? Didn’t they have families? What made these men, who on the whole looked clean and neatly dressed, flock to this dismal, uninviting, run down building? She really didn’t understand. She watched for several minutes. Her heart pounded inside her chest. She couldn’t eat any more of the chips. The grease made her feel ill, or was she just nervous about seeing Daniel and what she’d do when she did?
But Daniel wasn’t amongst them. Her shoulders sagged as the stream of men petered out within minutes of opening time. Had she really expected to find him so quickly? She breathed heavily, and threw the remainder of the chips into the bin, then strode down the street to the next pub.
From a distance, The Hairy Hog had a similar appearance to The Sailors Tavern, although as she got closer, it did seem to be in slightly better condition. The outside walls looked recently painted, and unlike The Sailors Tavern, the colourful annuals trailing over the sides of the window boxes gave the place a much cheerier feel. As she approached, the raucous laughter flowing out from the public bar stopped her in her tracks. What was she doing? What made her think she could go in there and look for Daniel?
Lizzy retreated to the safety of a small park opposite the pub. Maybe she could sit there and watch and wait without submitting herself to the humiliation she’d feel if she entered the public bar. Maybe Daniel wasn’t there yet and she’d be able to catch him before he went in. The bench seat provided a good view of the main entrance. Her eyes darted left and right, checking out every tiny movement that caught her attention. How long could she sit there? She rubbed her back and stretched. It was useless… she’d have to go in, she was just wasting her time otherwise. She pulled herself up and walked back across the road. Her heart pounded as she opened the door and walked in.
The air was heavy with cigarette smoke and the stench of beer. She squinted her eyes to get her bearings. Had she imagined it, or had the din slowly decreased? She became aware of eyes following her. She walked slowly past the row of bar stools where men perched, leaning on the bar with a pint of ale in one hand and a cigarette in the other. And then she saw him.
It was obvious he hadn’t seen her. She stopped directly behind his stool and glared at the back of his head. A general hush descended upon the bar. Daniel stopped mid-sentence and turned around, only to look directly into the eyes of his wife.
Chapter Nineteen
Lizzy’s eyes bore into Daniel’s. There was no need for words… he knew he was in trouble.
“Lizzy! What are you doing here?” He jumped off his stool and grabbed her arm. He needed to get her out of there.
&nb
sp; “Get your hands off me, Daniel.” She jerked her arm out of his grip and glared at him. She leaned in closer and hissed at him, “What are you doing here, more to the point?”
“Alright, alright. Let’s go.” He skulled the rest of his drink and stubbed out his cigarette. He glanced around at his drinking companions, and rolled his eyes to their jeers. He walked with her past the row of men who slapped him on the back as he passed.
Outside, Lizzy breathed in the cool damp air and crossed her arms. “What do you think you’re doing, Daniel?” Her eyes narrowed. “I know about your job. Why didn’t you tell me?”
Daniel hung his head and shuffled his feet. “I didn’t know how to tell you, Lizzy.”
“Look at me, Daniel.” She waited until he lifted his head and his eyes met hers. The eyes that had caught her attention not that long ago were now bloodshot and fidgety. “Two whole weeks! Two whole weeks you’ve known, and you didn’t tell me!” She leaned in closer to his face and wagged her finger at him. “And then you just disappear.” The harshness in her voice surprised her. She took a step back. Her heart raced, and she knew for the baby’s sake, if not her own, she needed to calm down.
“We need to talk about this, Daniel. But not here. Where’s the car?”
He hesitated and then looked around. “It’s down one of these streets. Not sure which one.”
“What do you mean? Not sure which one! This is our car, Daniel, and you’ve just gone and left it lying around somewhere? Unbelievable!”
“At least I didn’t drive it, Lizzy. That would’ve been worse, wouldn’t it?” She jumped back and almost slipped as he stepped forward aggressively towards her.
She ignored him. It looked like he’d been sleeping rough. His clothes were filthy and his body odour mixed with the stench of stale beer and cigarettes made her sick. His shirt hung over his pants, half tucked in and half out, and his two day old beard made him look like the drunk that he was. She couldn’t believe he was her husband. He disgusted her.
“Let’s go find it,” she said angrily. She grabbed his arm to make sure he didn’t disappear. She felt his resistance as he tried to pull away from her.
“I’m coming. You don’t need to drag me.”
They found the car two streets away, parked outside a derelict semi-detached house. Although it wasn’t the street she’d walked down earlier, it could have been. She was surprised the car was still there, and appeared to be undamaged. She didn’t even ask him if he had the keys. She’d brought her own set, and walked straight to the driver’s side. She gave him no opportunity to drive.
He slumped into the passenger seat, and was silent the whole way home. She was concerned about how they’d get into the apartment without being seen by any of their neighbours. In the end, she decided she didn’t care. She walked in front of him up the flight of stairs, and opened the door to let him in.
“I think you’d better get straight to the shower. How long since you’ve eaten?”
He shrugged dejectedly. “Can’t remember.”
Lizzy shook her head and breathed deeply. She’d need every inch of patience she could muster not to lose her temper.
“I’ll make something, though you don’t deserve it.”
“Thank you.” He looked up. “And Lizzy, I’m sorry.”
Lizzy pursed her lips and took another deep breath. She stared at him before turning and walking into the kitchen.
Daniel allowed the warm water to run over his body, its soothing effect slowly clearing the fog in his brain. As his mind cleared, the sudden realisation of what he’d done hit him hard, and he wondered how he was going to get out of it this time.
He turned the water off and climbed out of the shower. Looking at himself in the mirror, he saw the dark stubble on his chin and rubbed his hand over it. Maybe he should he keep it? No, Lizzy probably wouldn’t like it, and he couldn’t afford to make anything worse at the moment. He opened a drawer, pulled out his razor, and proceeded to shave it off.
He felt much better, but hesitated before opening the door and facing Lizzy. He hoped she’d calmed down a little. He stretched his neck and shoulders, and breathed deeply.
Lizzy was making coffee when Daniel entered the kitchen. She glanced at him. He looked almost normal again. His eyes had lost their redness, and he’d shaved that horrible stubble off, thank goodness. He also smelt much better.
He came around behind her, and before she could do anything to stop him, his arms were around her, and he was kissing the nape of her neck. She was tempted to allow him to continue, but her resolve was strong, and she turned around and pushed him away.
“Daniel, not now. We need to talk. This is serious.”
“Oh Lizzy. Come on. I’m sorry.” She side-stepped when he tried to grab her again. She almost gave in when she saw the playful look on his face.
“No Daniel. Stop it. Sit down. We need to talk about what happened.”
She put the plate of toasted sandwiches on the table and grabbed the mugs of coffee she’d made and sat down. She needed to eat, but she needed to talk to him more. She took a bite of her sandwich and washed it down with a mouthful of coffee. She used those few moments to settle herself. It was going to be more difficult than she thought it would be now he was home, clean and freshly dressed. It had been easy to say the words out loud when he wasn’t sitting in front of her. When her anger was at its height and she could have almost killed him. She prayed for strength to carry her plan through.
She took another sip of coffee and placed her mug on the table and leaned back in her chair. “I know you lost your job, but I don’t know why. I can guess, but I think you should tell me.”
She sat, poker faced, as Daniel relayed to her about how he got caught with the bottle of spirits in his locker at work, and how he believed he’d been set up.
“They wouldn’t have sacked you if that was the only time, Daniel. Have you been caught before?”
He nodded and lowered his head.
“Yes. I was never drunk, though. I just had a swig every now and then to keep me going. It didn’t hurt anybody.”
“Maybe not, but it’s against the rules. And you would have known that.” Lizzy shook her head and took a deep breath. “Daniel, we can’t go on like this. I know you’ll say you’re sorry and you’ll promise you won’t drink again, but how many more times can you say that? You need to sort yourself out, and I don’t think you can do it with me around, so I’m going away for a while.”
She saw the look of shock in his eyes but continued. “During that time, you need to make a decision. I don’t believe you can do that on your own, even if you want to. The only way you’re going to be able to do it, if you decide you want to, is to get proper help.” She paused and took a breath. Her hands shook and her heart pounded in her chest. He leaned back in his chair and crossed his arms. His eyes had narrowed and she felt his anger building. Not a good sign, but she had to continue now she’d started.
“You need to get help, either with AA or the Salvos at one of their Rehab places. I won’t come back until you’re sorted.” She gulped. There, she’d done it. Her heart beat even faster as he rose from his seated position and towered over her, hand in the air.
“You’d better pack your bags then and get out of here before I throw you out. How dare you speak to me like that!”
She stared him down. “Daniel. Don’t.” Her voice was firm and determined.
He lowered his hand, glared at her, then turned around and stomped out.
Lizzy slumped in her chair and sobbed. Her heart ached. What had she done? Oh God … She grabbed a tissue and wiped her eyes. Maybe I should have been easier on him. She sniffed and then lifted her head. No, I believe You led me to say that. I have to trust You to work in his life, Lord. Please go with him. Keep him safe, and bring him to yourself, I pray. And Lord, work in my life too. Help me to grow and trust You more.
She recalled the verse from Romans she’d read recently, and claimed it as her own: ‘And we
know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.’
Lord, I trust you to work this out for good, in whatever way you will. Amen.
Note From the Author
Hi, it’s Juliette here. I hope you’ve been touched by Lizzy and Daniel’s story so far. Their story continues in Book 2, “Facing the Shadows” which follows on the next page. I know you want to see what happens, but I’d really appreciate if you’d consider leaving a short review on the first book before you read on. Your see, reviews help people decide whether to buy a book or not, so if you could you spare a moment or so to leave a review, that would be greatly appreciated! It doesn’t need to be long - just a sentence or two about what you thought of the book would be fine. Here’s the link to Book 1. Just scroll down down to where it says “Leave a Customer Review”.
Lastly, I fully realise that some readers will have found Lizzy and Daniel’s story disturbing. If you’d like to read more about how women handle being caught in an abusive relationship, and why they simply don’t leave, check out my post on the issue here: http://julietteduncan.com/lizzy-and-daniel/
Best regards,
Juliette
PS. Hope you enjoy “Facing the Shadows”. Click to the next page to read on!
BOOK 2 Facing the Shadows
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Copyright © 2015 Juliette Duncan
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The Shadows Trilogy Box Set: A Christian Romance Page 12