“So what about our Da? Caleb says he’s found God too.” Grace narrowed her eyes. “Seems to me it’s just a crutch for people to lean on when they can’t sort themselves out.” Grace faced Lizzy, her eyes widening as she reached out her hand and touched Lizzy lightly on the arm. “I didn’t mean you, Lizzy. Sorry. But people like our Da, and even Caleb and Danny with their drink problems. They should be able to sort themselves out without leaning on a God that probably doesn’t exist. I think they’re just fooling themselves.” Grace leaned against the bench and folded her arms.
“Everyone’s entitled to their own view, Grace.” Lizzy took a stool beside her. “But for many, faith in God is real, and it changes their lives. It’s just unfortunate that religion has given God a bad name, and turned a lot of people away from seeing the real God. But nobody can force anyone else to believe.” Lizzy lifted Dillon onto her shoulder and gently patted his back.
How does she talk so calmly?
“Believing comes from an open heart, Grace, and a desire for truth. Then, and only then, does everything start to make sense and God can be seen for who He really is.” Lizzy’s eyes lit up. “A God who’s real, and loving and caring. But He never forces Himself on anyone. It’s a personal choice, and religion has nothing to do with it.”
Lizzy reached out and squeezed Grace’s hand. “Sorry if I’ve preached to you, Grace - I didn’t mean to come over like that.” Lizzy’s smile was genuine and warm. If Grace couldn’t see that Lizzy really meant what she said, his sister really must have blinkers on.
Grace remained silent, seemingly lost for words. She picked up her mug and took a sip before replying.
“It’s okay, Lizzy. You’re right, I’ve just been turned off religion by all I’ve seen, even from when I was little and our Da would come home drunk and beat Mam. Mam believed, but look what good it did her.” Grace’s breathing quickened. “Our Da basically killed her. And all the religious hypocrites make me sick. I guess I’ve turned my back on religion and God, as I can’t see that any good has ever come of it.” She paused and steadied herself, then looked firstly at Lizzy, and then at Daniel. “But I do sense something different in you two. You seem genuine, Danny, but I’m not ready to even consider it. And don’t ask me to go see our Da with you. I won’t go.”
Daniel chuckled. His sister was fiery, that was for sure. “Don’t worry, sis, I won’t.”
“Good.” Grace collected the empty mugs and placed them in the sink. “We’d better check if Caleb and Caitlin are ready to be picked up,” she said, effectively changing the topic as she wiped the bench and tidied everything away.
Grace collected Caleb and Tara from the hospital and dropped them at their home so Caleb could get his car. Imogen’s injuries weren’t life threatening, but the doctors wanted her to stay in hospital overnight, so Caleb planned to return with a change of clothes for both Caitlin and Imogen.
On her way back, Grace briefly stopped in at the Prosecutor’s Office to tell them she wouldn’t be back in that day, and possibly even the next. She had so much work to do, but needed to spend time with her family, especially after this accident. Grabbing some files, she squeezed them into her briefcase. She’d stay up all night if needed. Sleep was overrated.
The accident, though unfortunate, had provided more time to spend with Daniel and Lizzy. Such an odd couple, but somehow it worked. She could probably enjoy their company, but not if they begin preaching. Lizzy’s words had touched a chord, but Grace didn’t want to go there. She had everything she needed. A good job where she was highly in demand, her apartment and car, a few good friends, and enough money to do whatever she wanted. She lacked nothing, not even male company. Any number of young men were at her beck and call, and she did occasionally call, but not often. It didn’t pay to let any of them think they had a chance. After her one serious relationship had ended badly, she now kept any interested men at arm’s length.
Grace pulled up outside the local store to grab some supplies - she’d have to play hostess with Caitlin out of action, and she wasn’t prepared. Most nights Grace would grab a take-out meal on the way home from work, or eat at her desk. By the time she finished each night, she was in no mood to cook. Besides, she didn’t know how.
Entering the store, Grace grabbed a trolley and began to walk the aisles. What do you feed your siblings and their partners? Meat and veg? Frozen pizza? The more she looked, the more confused she became. She picked up some frozen meals and then promptly put them back. Party pies, sausage rolls, frozen pasties….? Her pulse quickened. Have to get something... After ten minutes, all her trolley held were drinks and crisps. I can’t do this. She glanced at her watch. Too long already - have to order in. Her heart rate immediately steadied as she strode to the checkout.
“Having a party, love?” The middle aged woman behind the register glanced quickly at Grace as she rang through the bottles of Coca Cola and Fanta and the packets of crisps and sweets Grace had piled up.
“Kind of. Just a family gathering.” Grace fidgeted with her purse and took out enough cash to pay the woman. She couldn’t wait to get out of there. Reaching the car, Grace placed the bags on the front seat before climbing in and speeding off. She’d never get sick of the sound of her sports car, nor the heads it turned. She’d never fit into a normal life. Ever.
Moments later, Grace pulled up in the underground car park and headed upstairs, hesitating a moment to steady herself before opening the door. She’d need her wits if any of them started talking about God again. She steeled herself and opened the door.
“Grace, here, let me help with that.” Daniel jumped up and took the bags out of Grace’s hands as she struggled to get in.
“Thanks Danny.” She’d half expected to see Aislin and Alana there, but breathed with relief when they weren’t. Not that she didn’t like them - she hardly knew them, but she wanted to spend more time with Danny & Lizzy. Something about the couple intrigued her. Maybe it was how well they got on. Rarely had she seen a relationship that worked, and where both partners were happy, but Daniel and Lizzy really seemed to like each other. Grace smiled to herself. Yes, that was it - they actually liked each other! And it was contagious. She felt immediately happier around them, even if they did talk about God. She’d just have to overlook that for now.
“Aislin and Alana not here?” Grace asked Daniel as she began to unpack the bags.
“No, just us. Lizzy’s having a lie down with Dillon - the accident took it out of her. She’s still feeling a little shaken.”
“Maybe she should go back to the hospital.”
“She won’t go.” Daniel pinched his lips together.
Grace stopped unpacking and leaned back against the bench, folding her arms. “I really like Lizzy. Make sure you look after her, Daniel.”
“Planning on it, sis. Learned my lesson big time, and I’m not going to blow it.”
“Glad to hear it.” Grace gave a soft laugh. “Let’s grab a drink and have a chat before everyone gets here. I’m going to have a gin and tonic… oh dear, maybe that’s not a good choice, and I should just have coke.”
“It’s okay, Grace. If you want a G and T, have one. I’m learning to deal with it. Can’t allow my problem with drink to affect everyone else.”
“You sure?”
“Have what you want, Grace, it really is okay. But I’ll have coke.”
Leaning forward, Grace kissed him on the cheek. “Proud of you, Danny. If only our Da had your strength when he was younger.” Lowering her eyes, Grace pushed down the growing ache in her chest. “Everything would have been so different if he hadn’t drunk.” Grace’s voice caught, and tears stung her eyes. Again. Quickly turning, she grabbed some glasses from the shelf above as she tried to regain control.
“Grace, what’s the matter? Look at me.” As Daniel placed his hand gently on her shoulder and turned her slowly to face him, she fought hard to push back the unwanted tears.
“It’s nothing. Really Danny, it’s nothing.” Grac
e stood stiffly and turned her head away, wiping her face with the back of her hand. Drat Daniel for having this effect. She hadn’t shed this many tears in years, but just being with him revived memories she’d shoved to the back of her mind, never to be thought of again. But now they threatened to be her undoing.
As Daniel wrapped his arms around her, she lost control and convulsions racked her body. Her eyes burned from tears she’d refused to shed until now.
Daniel held her tight. “Grace, whatever it is, it’s okay,” he whispered quietly as she continued to sob uncontrollably.
Grace nodded, but it wasn’t okay. How can it ever be okay? The ache in her heart wouldn’t leave. But she could never talk about it. Aunt Hilda had made her promise. Had threatened her…
Drat you Daniel. Drat you! She pounded his chest.
Daniel grabbed her hands. “Whoa Grace! What’s going on?”
She raised her head slightly. “Nothing.”
“Right.”
Grace slowly straightened and pulled herself together, wiping her face with a tissue Daniel gave her.
Daniel pulled back and lifted her chin. She avoided his eyes.
“If you don’t want to talk about it now, Grace, it’s fine. Lizzy and I are here for you, whenever you’re ready, okay?”
Grace shrugged and turned her head. Her insides churned and her head hurt. I’ll never talk about it.
She closed her eyes and inhaled deeply. Never again would she let this happen.
Moving away from Daniel, Grace headed straight for the drinks’ cabinet and took out the bottle of gin. With her back to Daniel, she poured a measure, and then just a little more, before adding the tonic.
Daniel had grabbed a coke and was seated on the lounge. “Come on, Grace, come and join me.” He held his hand out, his eyes soft and caring. How was she supposed to hold it together? No, she needed space.
“Come outside, Danny.” Out there she could hide.
Leaning on the railing, Grace concentrated on the city lights. Breathing in the cool night air, she allowed the G and T to do its job. She had to regain control. She refused to let the others see her like this. The hardened, cool-headed lawyer no-one got close to, a blubbering mess? No. No-one would see her like that.
The doorbell rang. Grace downed the last of her drink and walked inside, pausing in front of the hallway mirror. Her face had lost its flush, but her eyes were still slightly puffy and red. No time for eye drops, she’d just have to get by. Lifting her chin, she took a deep breath before opening the door.
“There you are!” She flashed a warm smile at Caleb and Tara. “I was beginning to wonder where you were!” She inched back to let them through.
“Took a bit longer than planned, sorry Grace. Immi didn’t want Tara to leave and I had to tear her away. Was a bit awkward.”
“I should have brought Tara back with me. Sorry Caleb - I didn’t think…” Grace looked up at Caleb apologetically before bending down and giving Tara a cuddle. It was true - she didn’t think often enough when it came to things like that.
“No problem, Grace.”
A moment later Lizzy reappeared with Dillon in her arms.
“Feel better, sweetie?” Daniel asked, reaching out for Dillon.
“Heaps, but my neck’s a bit sore.” Lizzy rubbed her neck and moved her head from side to side.
“Hope it’s not whiplash, Lizzy,” Grace said, standing up and joining her. “Might be best to get it checked.”
“You may be right. I’ll see how it is in the morning.”
The doorbell rang again. This time it was Aislin and Alana, without their partners who’d been conveniently delayed at work. Although she felt a little guilty, Grace was relieved they hadn’t come.
“Come in girls. Good to see you.” Grace hugged each girl in turn and then offered them a drink.
Now they were all here, she’d take control and ensure her walls stayed up. Because that’s what she did. Even with family.
Daniel kept an eye on Grace all night. The small peek she’d allowed him into her real self had been unsettling. He’d seen an inkling the previous night, but he’d put most of that down to the excitement of meeting up again after all this time, not something deeper inside. Out of all his siblings, Grace had been his favourite. Sure, he and Caleb were close, and often it’d been left to them as the two eldest to do all the things Da should have done, but it was Grace he’d had the most connection with. They understood each other, even as children.
Daniel looked at her now. Talking with Lizzy, Aislin and Alana, Grace was confident and in control. Not an inkling of the breakdown he’d witnessed earlier in the evening. His heart ached for her. Grace, what’s going on?
Soon after, Caleb suggested they call it a night. Daniel was last out, and hung back to have a word with Grace.
“I’m going to see Da again tomorrow. Come with me, Grace. ” He took her hand and held her gaze.
Grace shook her head, her lip twisting into a sardonic smile. “Sorry to let you down, big brother, but there’s no way I’ll ever see that man.”
Daniel held up his hands. “Sorry - just thought I’d ask. Don’t get all snarly.”
Leaning forward, Daniel placed his hands gently on Grace’s shoulders. “Grace, don’t let whatever the problem is destroy you. Something’s causing you pain. I don’t have all the answers, but I know Someone who does, so please talk to me when you feel able.”
Grace’s eyes welled. Daniel pulled her close. “Promise me?”
Grace held herself erect and didn’t respond.
Lying in bed that night, Daniel held Lizzy tightly. His body craved sleep, but his mind was once again active. His heart ached for Grace. It must have been horrible to be sent away as a young child. They’d never talked about how they all felt when Mam died. It wasn’t the done thing. With no parents to care for them, they’d been told to be grateful they had family willing to take them in. They could have all been sent to a children’s home. Might’ve been better if we had…
Daniel knew how he coped. He’d turned to drink. What had Grace done to survive those years? What had happened to her heart and mind? A twelve year old girl needed her mother. Had Aunt Hilda understood that and helped her, or had she just told Grace to ‘get on’, the most common way local folk had of dealing with life? Would she ever let her guard down long enough to allow him, or anyone else, into her tightly walled life? Would she open her heart to God’s love and healing?
Daniel nuzzled Lizzy’s neck. “We need to pray for Grace.”
“Mmm. Yes, we do.” Yawning, Lizzy wriggled and stretched, then pulled herself up slowly and turned on the bedside lamp. “You really feel for her, don’t you, Daniel?”
“I do, Lizzy. I’ve never felt like this before. It’s like God’s opened the eyes of my heart, and I can feel her hurt. I just want to help her, Liz.”
Lizzy squeezed his hand. “I know. And I think it’s wonderful. God’s working in your life, Daniel, I see it with my own eyes, and it makes me so happy.”
Daniel pulled her close and kissed the top of her head as she leaned into him.
“I’m sure He’ll use you to help bring Grace to Himself, when she’s ready,” Lizzy said, peering into his eyes.
Daniel slumped and let out a slow breath.
“I know, but I want her ready now.”
Lizzy chuckled quietly.
“I know what that’s like!”
“Let’s pray for her, Liz.”
They joined hands and prayed that the Holy Spirit would soften Grace’s heart and that she’d be open to God’s healing touch. They prayed she’d hand over all the hurt from the past to Him, and learn to live in the freedom of new life in Jesus.
Lizzy hugged Daniel and wiped the tears rolling down his cheeks with a tissue.
“What about your Da, Daniel? Are you going to see him again?”
Daniel leaned back and took a deep breath.
“Yes, I am, Liz. God’s been pricking my conscience all day, eve
r since I walked out of his room. I think I’m ready to forgive him.” Daniel gulped. Never had he expected to hear those words come out of his mouth. “I’ve finally understood what you and Paul have been telling me all along. That absolutely everyone’s a sinner, and that no-one deserves God’s forgiveness. And that it doesn’t matter how old they are, what they’ve done, what their life was like before, God’s love and forgiveness is open to them. So, if Da has asked for my forgiveness, I need to let go of the hate I have for him, and try to see him as God does. A sinner, just like me, who’s been forgiven. I don’t think it’ll be easy, but I’m prepared to try. It hit me today when I was talking with Caleb, that Da’s already paid for all the bad things he did. He lost his family, and he lost his health. He basically lost his whole life.”
Daniel turned his head and gazed into Lizzy’s eyes.
“I’m so glad you stood by me, Liz, and that you didn’t give up on me. If I’d lost you, I think I would have killed myself. But because of you, I’ve got new life in Jesus, and I’ve got the most beautiful wife and son a man could ever wish for.”
Lizzy wrapped her arms around Daniel and held him. His body relaxed, and now he’d finally made the decision, he felt at peace with himself and with God.
Chapter Ten
Daniel stirred in his sleep. Was someone calling? He turned over. Must be dreaming.
“Daniel.” There it was again. Someone was calling out and knocking on the door.
Daniel sat up, immediately alert. Caleb, and he sounds distressed. Lizzy stirred. He peered at the bedside clock. Five am. What was Caleb doing, waking him so early? Dillon wasn’t even awake yet.
Slipping out of bed, Daniel pulled on his robe and tiptoed to the door, opening it quietly before slipping out.
Caleb stood in the hallway, rubbing his arms and bouncing on his feet.
“What’s up, Caleb?” Daniel whispered, pulling his robe tighter.
The Shadows Trilogy Box Set: A Christian Romance Page 35