“Exactly.”
“Tell me about San Diego.”
“There’s not much to tell…Dad transferred there shortly after…”
“Did you like it?”
“No,” I answer quickly. “It was…different from Oklahoma. We lived in a small suburb before. We had a yard where my dad would build a fire in the summer and sometimes we even camped out in it. The houses were kind of close together, but not on top of one another. That night…my friend lived only a few blocks away.
“San Diego was the complete opposite. We were in the city, in a small two bedroom house with the neighbors on top of us. There was no yard, just a small patch of concrete. It was always busy…and loud.”
“But you stayed. How come you didn’t go somewhere else for college or even after you graduated?”
“I couldn’t. My dad was convinced that, as ironic as it sounds, that living in a city was far safer for me than living anywhere else. He said that as long as our neighborhood was good and I stuck to that area then nothing like what happened could happen to me again. I know it sounds crazy coming from a cop, but I think in his mind it made sense.”
“But you miss Oklahoma?”
“Not where we lived, per se, but that type of area, yes. I could never go back there, though. When we were still there, my dad had to avoid driving past the spot where he…or I would have a full blown panic attack. Even just driving on the same street.”
“Yeah, I was the same way.”
“Really?”
“I couldn’t go near that section of town, not even within a few blocks of it. All my social workers were made aware that they couldn’t place me in homes anywhere near that area.”
“You ever wonder how your life would be different if…”
“I used to, but then I started to wonder if I would have gone into the Army and met Alec if I hadn’t. What if we never started Dark Water Security? What if we hadn’t helped everyone that we’ve helped over the last few years?”
“I hadn’t thought about it like that.”
Chapter 29
Luke
“Boy!”
The fire on my thigh has me jumping, moving as far away from him as possible. When I open my eyes, I’m shocked that the darkness is gone. It’s always dark down here. He never comes down here. He’s down here now…with a bright light on. And he’s not alone.
“You have a new roommate,” he cracks the belt against her bare skin.
I barely glance up, but it’s hard not to. He has a girl hanging from the pipe on the ceiling. She’s crying, screaming at him to stop. He’s already hurt her so badly, there’s blood dripping from cuts on her stomach, legs, and arms. What did he do to her?
“Let her go,” I beg. “You don’t need her.”
“Oh but I do…” He smiles. “She’s here because of you. If you had done what you were supposed to, she’d be at home in her warm bed right now.”
“What?” Her head raises until her tear-filled eyes land on me.
“That’s right girly, he’s the reason you’re not at home right now. He’s the reason you now belong to me. He’s the reason—”
“STOP!”
“Don’t want her to know that this is all your fault? That if you weren’t such a fuck up that this wouldn’t have happened to her? That—”
“PLEASE! Just let her go! I’ll do anything!” I beg.
“Too late.” He laughs at me. “She’s your problem now.”
Without saying another word he slashes the rope that was holding her up causing her to immediately crumble to the floor. As soon as the door closes, I rush to help her.
“Don’t touch me!” she screams. “This is your fault? You’re the reason he took me?”
“I…I’m sorry.”
“I HATE YOU!! You’re a monster just like he is!”
I wake up when someone touches my arm and immediately I flip them over, pinning them to the bed. I haven’t been working out constantly to let someone get the upper hand on me again. Never again.
“Luke…LUKE!” it’s not until I hear Emily’s voice that I finally open my eyes and realize that she’s the one I’m on top of.
“Shit, I’m sorry,” I quickly roll off of her and sit up on the edge of my bed. I can’t believe I just hurt her like that; I’ve never done something like that before. Though…when was the last time someone tried to wake me from a nightmare? I usually wake up before they get really bad.
“You okay?”
“No, I’m not fucking okay!” I snap. “I should be asking you that! I just fucking attacked you!”
“You didn’t attack me, Luke.”
“Yes, I did,” I growl. “What are you doing in here anyway?”
“I heard you…screaming.”
Fuck.
“I’m fine.”
“Luke—”
“Go back to bed, Emily.”
Without saying another word, I grab the pair of sweatpants off the floor and pull them on as I walk out of the room. I don’t look back, but I know she’s still sitting on my bed watching me leave. I head down to the gym, needing to lose myself in the only way I know how. The nightmare was so fucking real…her response so real. I’ll never forgive myself for being the reason she suffered the way she did.
More than an hour passes before I finally step off the treadmill. My body is sore, my muscles screaming from being overworked and I’m dripping in sweat but at least I no longer hear her screaming how much she hates me. I mentally start to sort through my day, before I remember that I now have a house guest.
“Shit.” I wonder what excuse I could use to lock myself in the office for the day. It’s not her fault, but the memory of the nightmare is so real that I don’t know that I can stand the idea of seeing her today.
“You okay?”
“Fuck!” I gasp and turn around, not realizing until then that she’s standing in the doorway. “How long have you been standing there?”
“How long have you been on the treadmill for?” she counters.
I grab a towel off the shelf and wipe the sweat from my face, chest, and stomach before tossing it in the hamper in the corner of the room. I don’t look up. I can’t look at her without hearing the words she screamed at me in my nightmare. Some version of that same nightmare has haunted me more times than I can count since I found out who Emily really is.
“Go back to sleep,” I grumble as I walk past her.
“You don’t have a door on your gym,” she points out.
“No, I don’t.”
“I used to watch you when you worked out…before, I mean.”
“Why?”
“It was the only time I could see you,” she admits. “I tried to memorize everything I saw…so that when we were laying together, I could picture you.”
“Em…” she shouldn’t be thinking of me like that. Not now. I don’t admit that I used to do the same thing; I used to try to watch her when we were in that room.
“Was your nightmare about…then?”
“Let it go.”
“I still have them…the nightmares, I mean. Not every night, but they’re still there. Usually, they come when I least expect it.”
“Is that why you slept so little when we were at the resort?”
“Yeah, sometimes I can wake myself up before it gets too bad. I find it better to just stay awake after…”
“I usually come in here.”
“You have a beautiful view.” You can just barely see out the windows, but the moon lights it up just enough. It’s only then that I look up at her. She’s looking out the window, over the large field, but suddenly I can’t take my eyes off of her. She’s wearing the t-shirt I left for her, but apparently decided against both the shorts and pants I offered. Her long legs could go on forever, but it’s her pebbled nipples that have my attention.
“I’m going to shower.” I need to get away from her.
“Luke…”
“What?” I snap, harsher than I mean to.
> “We could talk about it…”
“About what?”
“Your nightmare.”
“No.”
“Why not?”
“Why not? Why the fuck do you want to talk about it, Em? Why do you want to relive that time?”
“Because if you’re anything like me, you relive it every. Single. Day. You can’t tell me you don’t.” She cuts me off before I can argue. “If you didn’t, you wouldn’t be locked away up here where no one could possibly get to you without you knowing.”
“I’m not locked away,” I grumble. “Besides, it doesn’t mean we need to talk about what happened.”
“We can’t ignore it, either.”
“Why the fuck can’t we? I just attacked you in my bedroom, Em. I’d think the last thing you’d want to do is fucking talk about it.”
“You didn’t attack me.” She has the nerve to roll her eyes. “I startled you and you reacted. End of story.”
“No, not end of story. I could have hurt you!”
“But you didn’t.”
“Let it go.”
“No.”
“Yes.”
“Why are you so against talking about your nightmare? I’ll tell you about mine…usually, it’s that he has you, that he managed to take you when I was sleeping. Some nights you’re the one hanging from the pipe like I was. Some nights it’s about when you were upstairs—”
“Enough!” I scream. “You want to know about my fucking nightmare? Fine…it’s when you find out the truth that it was my fault that he took you. And you scream over and over again how much you hate me. Happy now?”
Chapter 30
Emily
He pushes past me and heads down the hallway to the bedroom. I only wait a few seconds, trying to put together what on earth he meant, before starting after him. By the time I reach his bedroom, he’s already in the shower but I don’t let that stop me, walking right into the steam filled room.
“What do you mean it was your fault that he took me?”
“What the fuck are you doing in my bathroom!?!?” he pokes his head around the shower door. I’m leaning on the double vanity across from him, trying not to think about the fact that he’s naked behind the door.
“I wasn’t done talking.”
“Well, I was!”
“What did you mean that it was your fault that he took me?”
“Exactly what I said.” he slams shower door closed trying to end the conversation without giving me an answer.
“Tell me why you think it was your fault he took me.”
“Em…don’t do this.”
“Tell me,” I demand.
“You were my motivation. I had given up. I was done trying, done fighting, done with fucking everything. I had completely given up.”
“Luke…”
“That night, I lost another fight one that apparently had cost him quite a bit of money. But I didn’t give a shit. I was so fucking tired of it all; I was done. But then he told me that anything that happened that night was because of me. A few hours later, you were...Anyway, he said you were my motivation.”
“I remember.” None of the details of that night have ever left me.
“You remember that?”
“Are you kidding? I remember everything he fucking did that night,” I grimace at the memory. “I remember you begging him to stop hitting me, I remember him touching me, the way he smelled, the way he—”
“You’ve known this entire time that it was my fault? I thought you…blocked it out or something from the drugs he gave you.”
“It wasn’t your fault he took me—”
“How can you fucking say that? Didn’t you just hear what I said? What you said?”
“He was a sick fucking bastard, but he’s the one who grabbed me when I was walking home that night. He’s the one who drugged me, who tied my hands and ankles together in the back of that disgusting van. He’s the one who hung me from a pipe like a piece of meat and then beat me. He did those things, not you, Luke!”
“But if I had just done what he wanted. If I hadn’t had given up…”
“Maybe he wouldn’t have come that night, but maybe he would have done it anyway at some point. He was fucking crazy! He’s the one who punished you even after you won the fight, remember?”
“How do you not hate me? All this time, you’ve known that I’m the one responsible for your worst nightmare becoming your reality.”
My heart breaks for the guilt he must have been carrying around all these years. I can’t believe he thought I blamed him for what happened. I knew that night, when I was hanging from that cold pipe, that nothing that had happened was his fault. I need to somehow convince him that he needs to let the guilt go; he has absolutely nothing to feel guilty for.
I know I should say something, but I can’t have this conversation with a closed door between us. Realizing what I need to do, I quickly strip off the shirt and panties I had slept in, leaving them in a small pile on the floor. I take a deep breath and slowly open the door, stepping into the large shower with Luke. I’m instantly reminded of the only time I’ve ever showered with another guy… the night…
“What are you doing, Em?” he’s not able to hide the surprise in his voice.
“You want to know why I don’t hate you?” I step closer to him, wrapping my arms around his neck. He simply nods, I think too surprised to say or do anything else. As tempting as it is, I don’t let my eyes wander from his face. His intense brown eyes meet mine, as his hands slowly come to my hips. I can feel his tense muscles my arms, tension that I want so badly to relieve him of.
“I don’t hate you…because you’re the only reason I survived. I never would have survived if it wasn’t for you, Luke. You…you held me together, you made me believe that I could live through what was happening, you were my motivation. When I felt like giving up, I looked at you and figured if you could last as long as you did, then I could too.”
“Em…” he wraps his arms tightly around my waist, tugging me closer to him until there’s no space between us. “I thought you’d hate me if you knew the truth; you should hate me.”
“It’s not your fault, Luke,” I say against his neck. “Just like it wasn’t my dad’s fault. It’s his fault; he’s the one responsible for his actions which is why he’s rotting in a jail cell right now.”
“How can you forgive me so easily?” his soft voice reminds me so much of the nights he held me, comforting me.
“Because there’s nothing to forgive. We were both dealt a shitty hand, but we survived and we did so because we had each other. Nothing will ever change that, Luke.”
Chapter 31
Luke
As if we planned it, we both pull back at the same time and put a little space between us. I quickly turn off the water, open the sliding door, and grab us both a towel. Emily takes the towel, quickly wrapping it around her beautiful body. Her cheeks turn the slightest shade of pink when she catches my eyes wandering, but there’s no way I’ll apologize for that. Not after I just had her pressed against me reminding me just how amazing she felt in my arms.
Wrapping the towel around my own waist, I take her hand and lead her back to my bedroom. A glance at the clock and it confirms it’s barely dawn. Despite what I said earlier, I actually want to fall back to sleep—only this time I want to do it with Emily in my arms. The bedroom is still dark, but the soft nightlight from bathroom provides just enough light for us to see each other.
Silently, I pull back the comforter on the bed and gesture for her to climb in. In true Emily fashion, she does what I least expect her to. She drops her towel on the floor before sitting down. I can’t hide the groan that escapes me when I see her naked in my bed, something I’ve thought about thousands of times over the last decade. I may not have been able to see her the night we lost our virginity to each other, but it never stopped me from imagining it.
I follow suit, dropping my towel before sliding into the bed next to her. Wit
hout warning she slips closer to me, wrapping herself around me like we used to. My arm naturally falls to her back, cradling her against me.
“I’ve missed this,” she whispers.
“Me too.” More than she’ll ever know.
It doesn’t take long before Emily’s fast asleep in my arms, but I on the other hand, can’t fall back to sleep at all. For the first time, I feel…at peace. Not only has the guilt that I’ve been carrying around for so damn long slowly started to lighten, but the girl that I’ve spent more than a decade dreaming of is finally back in my arms. I know some may think it’s odd that we’re sleeping next to each other, completely naked, but for so long we were practically naked around each other. Em was the first girl I ever saw naked, the first girl I ever slept with, and the first girl that I ever fell in love with. Who am I kidding? She’s the only girl I’ve ever loved.
I must have fallen asleep at some point because when I finally do wake up again the bed is empty. And the worst part is, the other side of the bed is ice cold, confirming that it’s been empty for some time now. For a brief moment, I wonder if it was all a dream, if Emily really didn’t sleep here in my arms all night. But when I slide out of bed and realize that I’m still naked, I know that I wasn’t dreaming. The two damp towels still on the floor further confirm that she really was here last night. I quickly toss on a pair of sweatpants and go in search of my missing bedmate.
I expect to find her in the kitchen, preparing coffee or breakfast, but it’s empty. Then I laugh at myself and realize that she’s probably in the office working already, but once again I’m wrong. I search almost every other room, the only thing stopping me from panicking is knowing the alarm on the house is still set. Even with her computer skills, she can’t hack into my system and turn it off.
“There you are.” I breathe a sigh of relief when I finally find her. Turns out I was half-right. She was already working, just not in my office.
“Morning.” She smiles up at me from the loveseat. “I really wanted to go outside and work there, but I didn’t know the code to the alarm.”
Luke (Dark Water Security Series Book 1) Page 18