by Cacey Hopper
Instead I just lay there; watching the sunlight as it attempts to peek though a tiny crack in the curtains. Although I’ve woken up feeling calmer than I have in days, there is still something bothering me. An unfamiliar feeling simmering just below the surface, buried deep inside of me. A feeling I’m not familiar with. It takes me a long time to figure out just what it is. It isn’t fear. I’m safe now and so is Jason. V is probably long gone by now, possibly in another country already.
I’m not completely exhausted any more, so that can’t be what’s bothering me. I’ve slept more in the past two days than I probably needed too. Sadness is a part of this mystery feeling, I’m certain of it. Sorrow from knowing my mom isn’t out there somewhere, simply living her life without me. She is gone, really gone, forever. So yes, sorrow certainly has a lot to do with the strange feeling that aches deep down in my chest.
But the pain throbs harder than ever when I think of him, my dad. Why had he done it? Lied to me all these years, about everything? Would it have really been that much harder for him to tell me the truth about what happened to my mom and who he really was?
No matter how hard I try I can’t make sense of it all. And suddenly the mystery feeling has a name: betrayal.
I pretend to sleep in as long as I can, but when the clock finally reads ten I figure I’d better make an appearance before my dad comes looking for me. Mostly I just want to see if Jason is up and feeling better today. I’m not sure what’s next for us. At this point I just want to go home and forget all about London.
I dress in another new outfit from the bag on the floor, a dark red top and nice, new jeans. However, I toss the new brown suede sneakers back in their box with a frown. It takes me a minute, but I find my old Converse piled in the corner with my dirty clothes. They are really looking worse for wear now, but I think they have proven their luck ten times over.
Before I can leave the room, there’s a soft tap on the door. I steel myself to face my dad once more, but when I open it only Jason is standing there.
“Hey, can I come in?” he asks, looking a little anxious. Maybe it’s because my dad and Rodriguez are in the living room, both talking nervously on their cell phones. My dad is pacing, which is never a good sign.
“What’s going on?” I step back to let him my room.
He shuts the door behind us. “I’m not sure, but I think it has something to do with V.” He paces over to the window and peeks through the curtains. I know what he’s doing, checking the streets for unfamiliar vehicles or people. I have done the same thing twice since getting out of bed.
“Where do you think he went?” I ask.
“No idea,” he says, striding back over to me. “Before I forget,” he reaches into his jeans pocket and pulls out a small envelope and hands it to me. “This came for you this morning. Don’t worry, I grabbed it before your dad could see it, just in case you didn’t want him to. Someone stuck it under the door early this morning.”
As soon as my fingers touch the paper I get a strange feeling inside. I can’t tell right away if it’s a good feeling or not. My fingers tremble slightly as I tear the envelope open. Inside is a single page, with a single sentence: “In case you ever need help translating Latin.” The signature reads Peter O’Malley, and there is a phone number below that. Instantly I feel a wash of relief that Peter is okay. The last time I’d seen him one of the Things had been hauling him off behind the café where we’d met. Clearly he’s fine now.
I sink down onto the edge of the bed, still staring at the paper in my hand. I can feel Jason’s eyes on me, so I look up at him. For the first time I realize just how whole and healthy he looks this morning. I can’t help but stare a little.
“Is there something you want to tell me?” He nods toward the note.
I sigh, thinking of all the help Peter had given me, his connection with Halcyon and probably my parents. None of it adds up right now.
“There’s a lot I need to tell you.” I cringe at my own words, I sound like my dad now.
“I have time.” He sits beside me.
“What about them?” I nod toward the door to indicate my dad and Rodriguez.
“They won’t miss us. They’re still trying to figure how to get the necklace returned to the Royal Family,” he says with a shrug.
I fold up the paper and stick it in my pocket, suddenly unsure where I should start.
“Who is that from?” he asks, not waiting for me to begin.
I hesitate. “A friend of my mom’s.”
He recoils in surprise. “What does she have to do with all of this?”
“I’m not entirely sure yet. She was…what my dad is.” I explain slowly.
“A Halcyon agent?” he clarifies. “You kind of hinted at it yesterday.”
I nod.
“She was?” he continues. “Did she retire?”
“No.” I look away. “She’s dead.”
“Kit, I—”
“No it’s okay.” I stand up and pace the room because I have to put some distance between us. After everything that has happened the last thing I want to do is fall into his arms sobbing. And as long as he’s close to me, it’s too much of a temptation.
“Don’t say anything,” I insist. “It’s fine, really. She’s been gone for a long time, this is really no different then what I’ve always believed about her.”
Moments tick by while we both wait for the other to speak. I’m still staring out the window when he finally does.
“I’m glad you know the truth now,” he says quietly.
“I’m not,” I say.
“How can you say that?”
“Really, Jason? Are you so much happier now that you know your father is a criminal?” I turn to face him.
He gets up and crosses the room to me, dragging a hand through his already messy hair. “We’re going home this afternoon,” he states, ignoring my statement about his father.
“Good.”
“When we get back everything is going to be different,” he stresses, looking deep into my eyes.
I nod and look away. He’s right about that.
“But we’ll get through this. The same way we got through this past week, okay?”
I look up at him, wanting to believe it will be that easy.
“Together?” His eyes search mine earnestly.
“Together.” I sigh. But it’s impossible to ignore the feeling that goes surging through me then; once again, my spidey sense is tingling.
When I finally leave my room, it’s just thirty minutes before we have to leave for our flight. Ignoring the curious glances I get from my dad and Rodriguez, I walk right past them. After pouring a cup of coffee and grabbing a muffin I sit gazing out the window in silence as I eat. It is another rainy day in England, and even after all that has happened here I can’t help but feel a little sad about leaving. I’m not sure how long it will be before I manage to get on a plane again, and this past week wasn’t exactly what I had expected from my first European vacation.
After a few more minutes of awkward silence Rodriguez announces our car is downstairs waiting for us. He and my dad gather up their luggage. Jason and I are only carrying backpacks, so we wait by the door. I’ve still managed to completely ignore my dad as we step into the elevator when Jason suddenly remembers he’s forgotten something in the room. Rodriguez says he’ll take Jason back to the room while my dad and I continue on down to the lobby. As soon as the elevator starts to move my dad speaks up.
“I know you’re angry with me, Kit,” he says, his voice calm, but firm.
I continue examining the pattern on the carpet.
“But I want you to know whenever you’re ready to talk I’m here.”
I give a snort of derision at this. Honestly I think I’m done talking about everything that has happened. The more I learn the more I realize just how much of my life is a lie. And what a liar my dad is. There isn’t much more I can take.
The elevator dings, signaling we’ve arrived at
the lobby, but my dad presses the button to keep the doors closed.
“You need to know something,” he says, turning to me.
I don’t speak, but I at least look up at him this time.
“I’m so sorry for all of this. I never, ever meant for to you to be hurt by all these secrets, I swear, Kit.” He sighs. “Making the decision to not tell you the truth about your mom’s death right away, well, it was the hardest decision I’ve ever had to make. But please believe me when I say, I only did it because I wanted to protect you.”
The honesty in his voice, the look in his eyes, they pierce me to the core. Even then, I still can’t bring myself to forgive him. At least not now, when it is all too fresh in my memory. He’s still watching me with a helpless expression as I press the button to open the door.
We step out into the lobby without exchanging another word or glance. I know I’m being a bit cruel, but at this point I just can’t help it.
The four of us remain quiet for the duration of the trip to the airport. I try not to look surprised when we’re led out to a private jet parked on the tarmac. I shoot a confused look at Rodriguez who only mouths, “Halcyon.”
I’m beginning to feel more and more confused about this mysterious organization by the minute. Still, I mount the steps behind Jason and wonder what they do to afford this luxury. Once settled on the plane my dad and Rodriguez set up in the back with their laptops. I guess they have important work to do, because they’re busily talking in quiet tones and making phone calls. I’m struck again by how completely unfamiliar my dad looks to me now. Sure, he still looks like a businessman, typing emails and making reports, but now I know what his true identity is. I wonder if I’ll ever be able to look at him again without seeing that deadly glint in his eye as he pointed the gun and V and threatened to kill him if he touched me. Shuddering, I turn away from the two Halcyon agents and back to Jason.
Jason and I take two seats side-by-side. He busies himself closing all the shades, perhaps thinking it will make the flight easier on me. Before we take off, my dad stops by my chair to squeeze my good shoulder and ask if I need anything. I shake my head and he goes back to his work. Jason isn’t as easily convinced and reaches over to take my hand as the engines of the plane hum to life. You would think after all I have been though this past week that flying wouldn’t bother me anymore. But it still does, and I grip Jason’s hand gratefully. This is a different kind of fear, a familiar one, so I both welcome it and loathe it at the same time. I don’t think I’m able to take a full breath until the wheels touch down on the tarmac at New York’s LaGuardia airport.
There’s a surprise waiting for me at the airport in the form of Alexa. She squeals my name loudly as soon as we walk through the gate and launches herself at me. She’s talking so quickly I can only make out a portion of what she’s saying. “Sorry—my mom and dad took my phone—grounded! I was—freaking out!”
She finally calms down enough to realize we aren’t alone. To my surprise she throws her arms around Jason’s neck as well then pulls back and punches him in the shoulder.
“You idiot!” she exclaims, but she seems so happy to see him that I don’t think she means it at all.
The three of us walk out to the drop-off and pick-up area outside while my dad and Rodriguez follow behind. There are two more black cars waiting for us.
“Kit,” my dad says, interrupting Alexa’s tirade about the unfairness of her parents. “I’ve got to head up to the office with Rodriguez to speak to our boss, will you be okay until tonight?”
“Sure.” What am I supposed to say? Besides, I still don’t want to talk to him.
“Alexa’s staying with you tonight, just in case I’m home late,” he continues. “The driver of your car, his name is Agent Vaughn, he’s going to stay parked outside the house until I get home.”
“Okay,” I mumble, watching him walk away. A ripple of understanding moves through me then, I’d been given a security detail, also known as a highly-paid babysitter. And then I wonder if anything will ever be the same again.
On the ride home Alexa is clamoring for details, but I’m far too tired to even get started. Jason fills her in on as much as he can while I lean heavily on his shoulder. She hangs on his every word, as he tells her all details she missed out on once she had her phone taken from her and we lost contact. Jason breaks the news about my dad as coolly as he can, but Alexa seems to feel the same way about it as he did.
“Kit, your dad is a secret agent?” she exclaims as though this is possibly the best news she has ever heard in her life.
“I guess so.” I shrug. I can’t see why everyone else thinks it’s so great.
I notice that Jason leaves out the details regarding my mom and her death, and for that I’m grateful. I know I’m not capable of getting into that right now. After all, I’m not even sure how much of this we are supposed to be telling Alexa. The Halcyon agent behind the wheel doesn’t say a word though, so maybe it’s okay.
When the car finally comes to a stop I feel a pang of anxiety when I realize we’ve reached Jason’s house. After all we have been through I don’t like the idea of being parted from him once again. He has his own parental issues to deal with though. His dad will probably be going to court and then jail because of what had happened with the jewels. I add that to my pile of things to feel anxious and worried about, which is growing by the minute.
Jason gives me a reassuring smile, as though he knows exactly what I’m thinking. “I’ll call you later.” He throws a quick glance at Alexa before leaning over to kiss me quickly.
“Bye,” I say and he gets out.
I watch him hurry up the driveway to his house, before finally turning to meet Alexa’s questioning gaze.
“So, are you two back together or what?” she asks, looking as though she might burst any moment.
“I’m not sure.” I rub a spot between my eyes, feeling a headache coming on.
She doesn’t ask again, and I’m grateful to not have to answer any more questions. We pull up in front of my house just moments later. Unlocking the door and disarming the security system, I step inside my home. I stand in the foyer for several minutes looking around. It feels strange, almost unfamiliar, even though I haven’t been gone that long. Then I realize the house hasn’t changed at all, it’s me who is the stranger.
Without another thought I trudge up the stairs, Alexa trailing behind me carrying my backpack. Sitting on my bed, I start to unpack my bag. I take out the books I should have returned to Jason but hadn’t. Holding them in my hands again I have fight off a feeling of panic that seems to go along with just touching them. I set them aside.
Alexa is hanging up the green dress that I had left in a pile on the floor before I left for London. That day now feels like a century ago. I start to apologize for leaving it in a crumpled heap, but she cuts me off.
“You might as well keep it.” She sticks it in my closet. “You never did tell me what shoes you wore with it.”
I waggle a green Converse at her, not able to keep the smile from my lips.
“You didn’t!” she gasps in horror.
At some point we find ourselves back downstairs, eating lunch or dinner, I’m not sure, since my internal clock is so messed up. My dad comes home soon afterward and Alexa suddenly excuses herself to go to the bathroom.
“I’m off work for a week, so—” He cuts off, looking at me expectantly.
Ignoring him, I get up to take my plate to the sink. I know he wants to know if I’m ready to talk now that we’re home. But when I start to open my mouth none of the things I want to say should ever be spoken aloud. So I just nod silently, for what seems like the hundredth time. He seems to understand my reticence and excuses himself to his office.
I’m still standing at the sink, staring into the running water when Alexa returns.
“So, how do you feel? Do you want to go somewhere or just stay in?” When I don’t answer she continues. “We could get some ice cream, watch
movies—”
Her words are cut off by the sound of my plate smashing as I throw it forcefully into the sink.
“Or we could just smash plates all night, totally up to you.” she finishes as though nothing happened.
I shoot her a wry grin over my shoulder.
Alexa stays over and that night I tell her more about what happened in London, the things Jason had left out because he didn’t know them. I tell her all about V, Peter, my mom and Jason. I hadn’t planned on being so forthcoming about every single detail, but once I start speaking the words just come out in a torrent. It feels almost cathartic to speak the truth out loud, but in the end I’m left remembering all the secrets my dad has kept from me, and how many more lies are yet to be unraveled. I know there is more to my mom’s story. And to get the rest of that story I am going to have to break my silence and actually speak to him.
Alexa listens to my tale, silent for once in her life. Thankfully she doesn’t fall all over me sobbing when I share all the harrowing moments of the last week. She just shakes her head silently.
The hour is well past midnight and closer to dawn when Alexa falls asleep on my bed. Sleep is the furthest thing from my mind, so I sit in the window seat staring out into the darkness. I know I need to sleep, but I’m not willing to face the nightmares I know will come. I don’t even bother to look at the time when I pick up my phone and dial Jason’s home number. His cell phone had been smashed in London, so it’s my only way of contacting him.
“Hello?” he answers, sounding as wide awake as I feel.
“Hey,” I say quietly, not wanting to wake Alexa.
“How are you?” he asks.
“Fine,” I lie. “How about you?”