Formatted by E.M. Tippetts Book Designs
This book is dedicated to my mother Diane Brinkman. Even though she wasn’t here physically she was still with me throughout this entire journey. Thank you mom for always believing in me and pushing me in this direction. You knew it before I did. I love you.
I GRUMBLED incoherently into my pillow as my alarm woke me for the fifth time. I wanted desperately to stay in bed; the word exhaustion couldn’t even begin to describe how I felt. Resentful thoughts of my parents, keeping me awake all night, crossed my mind in that moment. I should get completely drunk and pass out like they do. I might be able to get more than three or four hours of uninterrupted sleep that way. Today would be a long day. That’s all my days are; always very long and very stressful.
I slowly rise up to a seated position on my bed and stretch my achy arms towards the ceiling feeling that familiar twinge of a hard day’s work. I had to pull a double shift at the café yesterday, and when I got home, my father was ranting about the woodpile.
“Hardly any firewood in that stack. Get your lazy ass out there and get to work. You know you got to earn your keep round here.”
Earn my keep. He said things like that to me all the time. Funny thing is, I am pretty sure I have gone way above and beyond earning my keep for a seventeen year old girl. Neither he, nor my mother, currently held a job and neither had for a while. They couldn’t stay sober long enough to keep one. I had paid all of our bills solely since I was fourteen. I bought all of our food, all their booze and cigarettes; everything all on my own. I would like to see them survive without me. It had been this way for years with no end in sight.
I couldn’t say what I was really thinking last night, he was already swaying back and forth as he stood. His eyes were glossed over and bloodshot, and he stank of cheap beer as he glared down at me, so I knew better than to smart off. All that would do would land me a well-known hard backhand to the face or possibly worse. “Yes sir,” I grabbed his work gloves as I headed out the door. His drunken glare followed me all the way out to the backyard. I hated it when he looked at me like that. I chopped and stacked until the pile looked like it would appease him or until the next time he thought to bitch about it. Glancing at the clock, it was 2:37 am I had to be up at 7:00 am for the breakfast shift. I groaned loudly; they were still drinking and being loud inside the house. Unfortunately this was my life.
I pulled a pair of faded jeans on, sleepily stepped to my small closet and plucked my extra work shirt off the hanger. Adding laundry to my mental checklist of things I need to get done as threw my hair up in a messy bun. I went to the bathroom, brushed my teeth, and washed my face. I didn’t have time for a shower since I had silenced my alarm so many times, so this would have to do. Stepping out of the bathroom, I listened for any movement or sound but didn’t find any; the house was silent. I hoped they were still passed out so I could sneak out and not have to see them. I slowly stepped down the old squeaky stairs; over the years I had become a pro on what stair made noise and which didn’t. I successfully made it to the kitchen where I poured myself a glass of orange juice. The house smelled so badly like stale cigarettes and despair but that was the norm, nothing around here ever changed unfortunately. I put my head down and begin to tie my shoes.
“You need to buy me more cigs this is my last one.”
My mother’s raspy voice broke the beautiful silence, startling me as she lit the end and threw the empty pack into the trash. She looked like hell as she stumbled by me. Her blonde hair, that matched my own, was a tangled mess and her blue eyes were dull and bloodshot. I resembled my mother in every way physically, minus my height. Where my mother was short I was taller like my father. I hated that I looked like her.
More damn cigarettes? I had just bought them four packs yesterday. It was such a disgusting, expensive habit that I hated supporting.
“It will have to be after work, I get off at two thirty today.”
She turned around and started walking back towards me pointing at me with the lit cigarette in her hand. A cloud of smoke surrounding her and curling in the air like small wispy ghosts.
“You be smart to watch how you speak to me little girl. You will go and get them now. I can’t wait all damn day.” I sighed, giving her a curt nod as I walked out the front door to my car. I fished my cell out from my pocket and dialed the café. Dee answered after about five rings.
“Hey Dee I might be a little late, I have to run some things back to mom.”
“That is fine Ashton, it’s pretty slow. Take all the time you need.”
Dee was the other waitress at the café, where I had worked for the past three and half years, and pretty much my life saver. She knew how my parents were. Everyone knew, it was a small town, but Dee was the only one who actually gave a damn while everyone else just turned a blind eye. She had watched me grow up since I was pretty young and I had run to her countless times when my parents got to out of control. Whenever I needed a safe place to go, she was there for me. Her husband had died before I was born and she never remarried. To her, I was like the daughter she was never able to have and I loved her like a mother figure the best way I knew how. When you grow up the way I had, “love” is something that’s always been difficult for me to accept and to offer. The way people showed “love” makes me sick to my stomach.
We lived in a small town off the northern coast of Maine. Dee said my parents had moved here when I was just a baby, but no one ever knew where we had originally come from. It was all I knew. This town was all I knew; I had never been out of it. Not once.
When I brought the items my mother had requested back to the house, she was already passed back out on the couch. I sat the bag by her on the floor, and quietly snuck back out and made my way to the café. I enjoyed the morning shift; all the free coffee I could drink, plus it kept me away from the house and my parents. Normally, I didn’t see them in the mornings. They were usually dead to the world, after partying all night, and I preferred it that way. The less contact I had with them the better. When I walked in, Dee was leaning against the counter talking to the owner Fred.
“Hey guys, sorry I’m late.”
Fred gave me a warm smile as I walked passed. “Not a problem. Thanks for hanging back and covering that shift last night.”
I went to the back and put my phone and keys away, and grab a small black waitressing apron, along with my pad and pen. I headed back out to the front to start taking orders. As I was walking past Fred stopped me.
“Hold on a minute; this came to the office here but it’s addressed to you.” He reached out and handed me a large manila envelope. I immediately recognized the emblem in the corner. Frantically, I started tearing it open; my hands were shaking and I could barely read the letter.
“What is that? Ashton is everything okay?” Dee asked, always the concerned one. With the biggest smile on my face I handed her the letter that just changed my life.
“Everything is more than okay now.”
Her face fell as she quickly read the papers. “Boarding school, are you serious?” She looked up at me from the papers with large confused eyes.
I had sent my application to the boarding school a month and a half ago. Summer was winding down; school here would start in two weeks. When I hadn’t heard back, I just assumed I didn’t get in. I couldn’t believe it, I was getting out of this hell and finally away from everything that was bad in my life.
“This school is over two hundred miles away, you’re going to go live there for your senior year?” Dee had a sad look on her face as she continued to scan the papers. “Why didn’t you tell me Ashton?”
I reached down and grabbed her hand, holding it tightly in my own. “I’m sorry Dee, I have to get out of here. I need more than
this life that I was dealt. You know I can’t stay here. I won’t survive them….” I trailed off already feeling my throat getting tighter. I hated talking about the dark things in my life, it was easier just not to.
“I know honey I’m… just going to miss you so much that’s all. When would you be leaving?” “Orientation is next week, school starts week after.”
“I see you got a full scholarship. Always my smart girl.” We smiled at each other.
“Boarding school huh? They’re going to have you on a pretty short leash kiddo.” Fred said with a smirk as he leaned against the counter.
“Boarding school will be a breeze compared to living at home with Cassie and Abe. I would much rather be on a short leash there, than be a personal slave and punching bag here.”
“So, since you had this mailed to me here, I’m assuming your folks don’t know anything about it, do they?” Of course they didn’t know if they had known that I had planned on leaving they would have done anything in their power to stop me, I was their meal ticket.
“Ashton, didn’t they have to sign papers or something since you’re still a minor?” Dee always had me all figured out. Okay, yeah, so I had forged mom’s signature on a couple of the forms. So what, I had been doing it for years.
“It’s not a big deal Dee, I promise. Besides, I will be eighteen in a couple months. After that, they will never have any claim on me again.
“Well kiddo, guess you couldn’t stay here and work for me forever. Just know that you always have a job here if you need it.” Fred put his big arm around my shoulder and squeezed. I had worked at Fred’s place since I was fourteen and I was grateful to him for this employment. It had kept a roof over our heads and food on the table. Not many places in town would take a chance on hiring me. I was a Becker, and in this town the name Becker was pretty much a curse.
“Thanks Fred, that means a lot. No offense, but let’s hope that I never have to.” I said with a wink. He chuckled as I slowly slid out from his embrace trying not to make it awkward. I didn’t do the whole touching thing.
“So when are you going to break the news to your parents?”
“I am not sure. Guess I should do it soon.”
I couldn’t tell them that I wouldn’t be telling my parents anything. I was just going to pack up my stuff while they were passed out and drive to my new life; or as far as my old beater car would get me. I still couldn’t believe I was finally getting out. Everything was going to be okay and I wasn’t about to let them, or anyone else, stop me from my new beginning.
“HUSTLE IT up Ingram, let’s go!”
Coach barked at me again. He was on my ass tonight for sure. I was trying to push my hardest, but my legs were being traitors and my head was pounding. Why did I let Zach and the guys talk me into going out last night? I knew better and now here I am, wishing I was dead. Practice is almost over; just another thirty minutes and I can go home and try to get some much-needed rest.
As I was walking into the locker room, coach called to me from his office. I stood in the doorway and leaned against the frame, waiting for the ass reaming that I knew was headed my way.
“You hung over Ingram?” I paused, trying to read his face before giving my answer, but he was looking down at some papers on his desk and not at me.
“Yeah Coach I’m sorry it won’t happen again.”
“You’re damn right it won’t happen again. You’re the captain of this team Charlie, you’re supposed to be a role model. Straighten up or you won’t be on my team anymore. You got that? You are a hell of a player, but you can’t be drinking anymore.”
I nodded “I got it.”
“Good.” As he motioned with his hand for me to leave I was dismissed.
In the locker room, I pulled my pads off and started to get changed. Out of the corner of my eye I could see my best friend Zach, and the shit-eating grin on his face.
“Fuck you dude. You should have stopped me from getting into the tequila.”
The entire locker room ignited with my team’s laughter. I just shook my head back and forth. I couldn’t remember the entire night, and the fact that I woke up half naked, next to a completely naked Jaimie… Zach’s younger sister, was unsettling. It wasn’t fair and I didn’t want to hurt her. She and Zach were pretty much like family to me; but last night, I had gotten completely wasted and she kept rubbing her giant boobs up against me. At the end of the night, I guess I caved and gave her what she had been wanting.
Dammit! Old habits die hard.
I finished getting showered and changed, telling Zach I would meet him at my truck. I was throwing my gear in the back when I felt a small pair of hands wrap around my stomach from behind.
“How was practice sexy?” I didn’t need to turn around to know who it was. I took her hands gently off of me and turned around. Jaimie stood there with two of her friends, a little ways behind her.
“It was long, and I’m ready to get out of here if your slow-ass brother would hurry up.”
I knew my voice was coming off in a harsh tone but I wasn’t in the mood for her games right now. From the look on her face she could tell. As usual that didn’t stop her, she didn’t care. She never did. She smiled up at me and batted her eyes.
“So about last night, it was amazing. Do you want to come over tonight and pick up where we left off?”
“Jaimie listen, you know I was drunk as hell. I hardly remember any of what happened. You know this…” I pointed between her body and mine “is not going to happen. We shouldn’t have done what we did and I’m sorry. We are friends have been for a long time. We can’t hook up again, okay? I don’t like hurting your feelings.”
“You said that last time baby, and the time before that too.” She giggled and tried to glide her hands up the front of my t-shirt.
Now she was pissing me off. Just as I was about to lose my temper and say something I would regret, so she would get it through her thick head, the gym doors swung open and Zach, followed by a couple other guys from the team, came walking out. She took a couple steps back from me and whispered “until next time,” winking her eye.
UGHH!! I was so over this entire day.
I climbed into the driver side of my truck and Zach got in the passenger side. On the short ride to his house, he was silent and I was glad. I did not feel like talking. I dropped him off at his house and turned towards home.
My mom was playing solitaire at the kitchen table, like almost every night when I came home from hockey practice. I hung up my jacket and walked over kissing her on the top of the head.
“How was practice tonight sweetie?”
“It was fine. I’m just really tired.”
“I made you a plate from dinner; it’s in the microwave. I bet you are hungry.”
“As always, you are my savior mom. I’m starving.” I pushed a couple buttons on the microwave and walked upstairs to my room. I pulled my shirt off and threw on some sweats. My phone chirped with a text. I glanced at it before tossing it onto my bed. I had forgotten about my dad coming to visit; more blocked it out than forgotten. I didn’t text him back. I went downstairs and inhaled my plate of food, feeling so much better. Mom was first to break our comfortable silence.
“Your dad will be here Thursday to see you.” I nodded.
“Yeah he just texted me.” She nodded and that was the end of that conversation. There wasn’t much left to say on the topic.
I bid my mother ‘goodnight’ and went up to my room. I plugged my phone in; deleting the text from him and one from Jaimie. One more year I would be out of here, I won’t have to deal with any of this bull ever again.
My dad had left our little family five years ago; so it’s just been mom and me, toughing things out together since I was twelve. We had always gotten by. She had a good job with the city, and I worked in the summers cutting grass or small construction jobs when I wasn’t busy with hockey stuff. The relationship between father and son had been rough since he left, our so called bonding al
ways seemed forced and I hated seeing his smug face. Plus, all he ever did was push me to go “pro” since pee-wee hockey. I knew it had always been in the cards for me to head in that direction, but I pretty much wanted to say “fuck it”, just to spite him. I was a reflection of him; he always told me if I did well, then he did well. I would never do that to my mom though. Everything I did was for that woman; she was my rock, always had been. I never needed or wanted anyone else close to me. I had whored around and slept with more than my fair share of girls, but never had a girlfriend or a real relationship. I planned on keeping it that way. I had enough on my plate without a girl giving me headaches. I lay down and closed my eyes. I am not sure when it happened exactly, but along the way of my eighteen years, I had become a person I didn’t really care for. I felt like I was fake and just going through the motions every day. Soon, I would be getting out and maybe then I would be able to redefine myself and become a person I could be proud of.
THE DAY I received the acceptance letter, my escape plan automatically sprang into action. I have been planning my get away for so long that it practically came natural. I had my emergency cash saved for gas and the little food I would need for the trip. All I had to do was pick and choose my time carefully. There was not a whole lot of things that I would be bringing with me, mostly just the necessities. My upbringing had been a nightmare. I didn’t have many knick knacks or memorabilia that I would be bringing to my new destination; just a lot of emotional damage and bad memories as baggage. I had packed my two large duffle bags and hid them under my bed. On this specific evening, my parents had been drinking most of the day away and were being particularly obnoxious.
“Abe take me out tonight” my mother yelled. “I want to go dancing.”
My father was watching TV through half raised eye lids, a cigarette burning out in his hand as he sat reclined in his chair. He didn’t answer my mother and that only seemed to agitate her more.
Getting Out Page 1