'Good Lord, child, there are always other options. Becoming a courtesan because you wish to is one thing, but becoming one because you perceive there are no other avenues of opportunity—'
'But there were no other avenues, Lady Charlton,' Desiree insisted. 'Please do not ask me to tell you why, but you must believe me when I say that my...choices were exceedingly limited. Had there, been anything else that I could have done—'
'You would have done it. Yes, I can see that. But I also see that you are very disturbed about this whole affair and I know in my heart that there must be a reason for it,' Lady Charlton said gently. 'Will you not tell me what happened, my dear?'
The offer was more tempting than Desiree cared to admit, but she knew she had to resist. She barely knew Lady Charlton. And while there was compassion in her eyes now, what would happen once she discovered what had taken place in Steep Abbot on that fateful night? How was Desiree to know that the lady would not misunderstand what had happened, and that she would not lay the blame for Lord Perry's seduction attempts squarely at her door?
'I really would prefer not to discuss it, Lady Charlton,' Desiree said quietly, but firmly. 'You have been...very kind to me, and I am more grateful than I can tell you. But it is best that I say nothing. It can have no bearing on the matter.'
'On the contrary, my dear, it can have a considerable bearing on it. Once you enter into the life you have chosen, there will be nothing anyone will be able to do for you. You will be forever lost to respectable society.'
Desiree gazed at her hostess in despair. 'I am already lost to a portion of it, my lady. This will simply remove me from the rest.'
It was clear from the expression on Lady Charlton's face that she wanted to help. But Desiree also knew there was nothing the lady could do. What she was doing right now by giving her a temporary home was consideration enough.
'Well, I shall not push you for a confidence,'
Lady Charlton said finally. 'I know there is a great deal more to this story than you are telling me, and I hate to think that nothing can be done about it. But you are not a stupid girl, Miss Nash, nor an impulsive one. I am sure you have given this a great deal of thought and I respect the right of any young woman to make up her own mind. But I want you to know that if you ever feel the need to talk, you have only to ask.' Lady Charlton leaned forward to place her hand over Desiree's. 'I give you my word that nothing you say shall leave the confines of this house, or reach my nephew's ears, if you should not wish it to.'
It was a sincere offer genuinely made, and it touched Desiree deeply. She would not have expected such kindness from a woman who was all but a stranger to her. 'Thank you, Lady Charlton. My gratitude for the compassion you have shown goes beyond what I am able to express in words.'
'Well, never mind,' Lady Charlton said brusquely. 'You're a sweet child and I hate to see you throw your life away. Though I suppose if you have to throw it away, you could do a great deal worse than Sebastian. He's a bit of a rogue but he has a good heart and he would never hurt you, which is more than I can say for some of his acquaintances. Speaking of Sebastian,' she said, pressing the napkin to her mouth, 'he told me to tell you that he would call for you around eleven. I have an appointment at half past ten, so I will not be able to keep you company until he arrives, but please feel free to remain downstairs until he does. If you have nothing else with which to pass your time, there are magazines and a small collection of books in the drawing-room. Then, this afternoon, I think we shall pay a call on Mrs Abernathy to see about some clothes for you, and perhaps this evening, enjoy a little conversation over dinner.'
'Thank you, Lady Charlton, you are being very kind.'
'Nonsense. To tell the truth, Miss Nash, I'm looking forward to the pleasure of some company for a change. My husband has been gone these twelve years and sometimes I find time grows heavy on my hands.'
Surprised to hear a woman like Lady Charlton admit to feeling lonely, Desiree said softly, 'Have you never thought about remarrying?'
'Oh, the thought crosses my mind every now and then, but the plain truth is, I cannot think of anyone who would have me. I am far too independent for my own good,' Lady Charlton admitted with a chuckle. 'I like being able to come and go as I please, and, since I am wealthy enough to look after myself, I have no need of a man to do it for me. But that is not to say that I would not enjoy a gentleman's companionship from time to time. Perhaps to go to the theatre with, or to ride out with on a fine afternoon. Speaking of which, do you ride, Miss Nash?'
'I do, though it has been years since I have had the opportunity to do so.'
'Well then, you may ride my mare whenever you wish. Sebastian is a fine horseman and I am sure he will wish to take you riding in the park. I have a lovely little mare, but I don't get out very often, so I'm sure she would be glad of the exercise. Now, Miss Nash, eat up. You've a busy day ahead.'
At the conclusion of breakfast, Lady Charlton left to prepare for her outing. Not wishing to return to the solitude of her room, Desiree made her way to the drawing-room, where there were indeed an interesting selection of books and magazines to peruse. Taking one from the top of the pile, she sat down upon the blue velvet settee to wait for Sebastian.
It had been a long time since Desiree had had the opportunity to study any fashion magazines, and as she flipped through the pages of a recent copy of La Belle Assemblie, she was alarmed to see how dreadfully out of fashion she was. Indeed, she was so engrossed in her study that she did not even hear Sebastian come in.
'Now, here is something new for Miss Desiree Nash,' he teased softly from the doorway. 'The erudite teacher of Greek, Latin and philosophy at Mrs Guarding's excellent academy studying fashion plates at eleven o'clock in the morning. How terribly decadent.'
Startled, Desiree lifted her eyes from the page— and then started to laugh. 'I fear you have caught me out, my lord. I must confess myself guilty. But I would not be telling a lie if I said it is years since I have had time for such idle pastimes.'
'You refer to the study of fashion as an idle pastime?'
'Of course.' Desiree's eyes twinkled. 'You and I both know that my time would be much better spent reviewing the words of Sophocles, for what is education but the constant learning and re-learning of that which we already know? Seneca was right when he said that diligence is a very great help, even to a mediocre intelligence.'
'Hmm, somehow I doubt you possess a mediocre intelligence, Desiree,' Sebastian observed dryly. 'But we all decide for ourselves what is important. I venture to say that most of your pupils are far more conversant with the pages of the magazine you hold in your hands now than they were with any of Seneca's wisdom.'
Desiree sighed and set the magazine aside. 'I daresay you are right, my lord.' She looked up into his eyes, and then away again. 'Have you been to see...the house?'
'The house?' he repeated blankly.
'Yes. Where we were to have gone...last night.'
'Ah, yes, the house. Actually, no, I haven't,' Sebastian admitted. 'I have been engaged in other pursuits entirely.'
'I see. So you have no idea how long the repairs will take?'
'It is hard to say. Sometimes these things can drag on for weeks.'
'Weeks!'
'You sound alarmed, Desiree. Does the idea of staying here for that length of time bother you? To be honest, I had a feeling you might prefer it.'
'Well, yes, I do. That is to say, your aunt is a most charming lady and I am enjoying her company very much,' Desiree said quickly. 'But in all fairness, I cannot continue to impose upon her. Surely you understand?'
'It is my understanding that she is very pleased to have you. Did she not tell you as much this morning?'
'Yes, but she is a polite and gracious woman. She would hardly be so rude as to ask me to leave.'
'She would if she did not like you,' Sebastian said briefly. 'Aunt Hannah is not one to suffer fools gladly. I have seen her send more than one foppish dandy off with a flea in his
ear. But she does get lonely, and I know she is delighted at having someone in the house with whom she can discuss matters of intellectual diversity.'
'But she knows why I am here with you, Lord Buckworth,' Desiree said, not so easily convinced. 'And knowing that, how can she feel easy about having me under her roof? Her friends in society will surely begin to wonder. I think it would be best if I were to go to the...place you have chosen for me and live there as best I can until the repairs are finished.'
Seemingly at a loss, Sebastian sighed and sat down on the settee beside her. He had not wished to go into it at length, but since she seemed to be pushing him to move things along, he had no choice. 'Desiree, I may as well tell you, I have been giving... considerable thought to our situation.'
'Our situation?'
'Yes. About that of you becoming my mistress.'
Desiree started. 'But I thought we had already settled the matter.'
'Yes, we had, but given the information I am now in possession of—and which I was not at the time I made my offer—I wonder if you might be interested in employing your services...elsewhere.'
'Elsewhere! Lord Buckworth, I am not prepared to go as mistress to anyone else, if that is what you are suggesting!' Desiree cried.
'Good God, that's not what I'm suggesting at all. I was talking about finding you employment of a more respectable nature altogether.'
Desiree blinked. 'You were?'
'Of course. In fact, some very good friends of mine have just had another child, and they are interested in speaking to you about the position of governess to their eldest one, who is now five.'
'A governess?'
'Yes. I think it would be an excellent position for you. I know you would get on very well with the family. Jeremy is a fine fellow, and his wife, Regina, is equally good-tempered. And Mary is possibly the most well mannered five-year-old I have ever had the pleasure of meeting.'
Not wanting him to see her despair, Desiree quickly rose. 'My lord, I thank you for your efforts, but I fear I cannot possibly entertain such an offer.'
'But why not? It is not unlike what you were doing in the past, Desiree,' Sebastian pointed out. 'You will once again have an opportunity to instruct young ladies, albeit not in the areas with which you are most familiar. Given their ages, I doubt they are ready for the complexities of Latin, though they might find Greek mythology amusing.'
Desiree bit her lip in dismay. This was all so very difficult. It would be so much easier if she could just tell Sebastian the truth, for without doing so, how could she tell him that she could not be employed by any honourable people for fear of the scandal that might arise?
'My lord, I cannot, in all good conscience, accept such a position,' she told him regretfully. 'For one thing, I have no letter of reference, and it goes without saying that they will ask for one.'
Sebastian's surprise was genuine. 'Mrs Guarding did not provide you with one?'
Desiree hung her head. 'No.'
'I see.' He was silent for a moment, thinking. 'Well, that should not present a problem. Either myself or my aunt would be willing to vouch for you, and that will be good enough for Jeremy.'
'My lord, I repeat, I am most appreciative of your offer, but I'm afraid I must decline.'
'But why?'
'For reasons that I... cannot make known to you, at this time,' Desiree answered, turning away from him.
His frustration evident, Sebastian walked towards the fireplace. 'Desiree, I find myself at something of a loss here. I am of the opinion that you do not truly wish to become my mistress, and yet when I endeavour to find something else for you to do, you persist in turning it down. Why?'
'Because there is little else I am qualified for— any more.'
Sebastian groaned in exasperation. 'Damn it, woman, you cannot keep throwing out statements like that and not expect me to ask questions.'
'Yes, my lord, I can.' Desiree turned back to face him. 'I have told you all that you need to know about me, and if I choose to keep certain facts to myself, that is my right. You cannot condemn me for that. But if you have changed your mind and do not wish me to be your mistress, you have only to say so.'
'I beg your pardon?' he said in bewilderment. 'What did I say to make you believe that?'
'The fact that you are looking so hard to find alternate employment for me.'
'The reason I am looking for alternate employment is because you are the granddaughter of the late Sir George Owens,' Sebastian pointed out bluntly. 'It has nothing to do with whether or not I want you to be my mistress. You have family in London. How would it look were we to encounter one of them at the theatre one evening?'
Desiree shrugged her shoulders. 'I have no idea how it would look. I have no reason to believe that any of them would recognize me. I have not been presented to society, so how would they know who I am?'
'Trust me, Desiree, they will know,' Sebastian told her. 'If they are anything like your late grandfather, they will make it their business to.'
'Well, whatever the case, the fact remains that there is really no reason for me to trespass on your aunt's hospitality any longer,' Desiree said quietly. 'And with that in mind, I shall begin to make enquiries into alternate accommodations, and then make my preparations to leave.' She rose and gave him a tremulous smile. 'It goes without saying, of course, that there is really no reason for you and I to have anything further to do with one another. But I did want you to know how...grateful I am for everything you have done.'
'Desiree, please, I wish you would reconsider my offer to place you in the home of my friends,' Sebastian said. 'And if you are adamant that you cannot, then at least tell me what manner of position you did have in mind, and I am sure that in time I will be able to find something suitable.'
She glanced up at him and quickly shook her head. 'Thank you, Lord Buckworth, but the answer is still no. You and your aunt have already done far more than was necessary. I think it best if I just say...goodbye and be on my way.'
And Desiree did just that. Before she—or Sebastian—had a chance to change her mind.
After the awkwardness of her meeting with Sebastian, Desiree was forced into an even more embarrassing situation in the afternoon, when Lady Charlton insisted on taking her to see the modiste. Desiree had fully intended to tell Sebastian's aunt of the discussion she had had with her nephew that morning, of course, and that she would shortly be leaving her home. But Lady Charlton did not arrive back until shortly before they were ready to leave, and she then spent the entire way there telling Desiree about the new furniture she was having made.
And once they reached the modiste's, of course, it was too late. Mrs Abernathy was at her most attentive from the moment they entered the shop until she quickly ushered them both into the private salon in the back. 'Now, Lady Charlton, how can I be of service to you today?' the woman enquired.
'Miss Nash is the daughter of an old acquaintance of mine, Mrs Abernathy,' Lady Charlton said without preamble. 'Unfortunately, we have not had occasion to see one another since her mother died, but now that she is out of mourning and back in London, I am delighted that she has come to spend some time with me. And naturally, when she expressed a desire to have some new clothes made, I thought of you at once.'
'Well, I think we can make the young lady look very nice indeed, ma'am,' Mrs Abernathy said, obviously satisfied with the young lady's credentials. She studied Desiree's drab outfit for a moment, and then snapped her fingers in a way that had her assistants scurrying in all directions. 'I think an apricot sarsenet would go very nicely with the young lady's complexion, as would an apple-green silk.'
And so Desiree spent the next two hours being measured, fitted, turned and draped with every colour, shade and texture of fabric available. She was not given a single opportunity to speak to Lady Charlton alone, and that in itself caused Desiree great concern. She knew that at the rate the bill for the clothes was mounting, the money Mrs Guarding had so kindly given her would be gone before the
day was out.
It was not until they had left the shop with two dresses for immediate use and the rest promised for later in the week, that Desiree finally had an opportunity to express her misgivings.
'Lady Charlton, it was very good of you to say that I was the daughter of a friend, and I am exceedingly grateful for everything you have done. But please, you must cancel the order for the other things. These dresses will be fine, and I do not have enough money to—'
'Do not worry about money, Miss Nash, that is no longer an area with which you need concern yourself,' Lady Charlton told her candidly. 'My nephew will wish to see you well and fashionably attired and he is the one paying the bills now. And you certainly cannot go abroad in London society dressed like a schoolmistress—'
'But that is just it, Lady Charlton,' Desiree interrupted, feeling worse with every word the woman spoke. 'I shall not be going about in society. Lord Buckworth has thought better of his decision and we will not be proceeding with our.. .relationship. As such, I think it would be best if I were to leave your house at the earliest opportunity.'
'What?' Lady Charlton glanced at her in bewilderment. 'But...when did all this come about?'
'This morning when Lord Buckworth called to see me. He explained his feelings of reluctance with regard to his original plan, and he presented me with the offer of another position,' Desiree told her carefully. 'One as governess to some friends of his.'
'And did you not accept the offer?'
Desiree stared into the distance, seeing neither the bustle of people nor the crowded shops around them. 'I did not, for reasons that I could not explain to him, or to you.'
A thoughtful expression descended on Lady Charlton's face. 'Miss Nash, as I told you this morning, I am well aware that there are things you have not told us. I consider myself to be a very good judge of character and I believe that you left Mrs Guarding's employ for reasons that were disturbing and perhaps even embarrassing to you.'
'Lady Charlton, I—'
'Hear me out, Miss Nash. I can well understand my nephew's reasons for changing his mind about you and the relationship the two of you were to have, and I for one, am glad. I do not think you will be surprised to learn that he and I spoke of you last night, and it was then that he informed me of your connection with the late Sir George Owens. I also knew that Sebastian was going to approach you about the position of governess to Lord Jeremy and his wife and I thought it an excellent idea. But now to hear that you have declined it again leads me to believe that it has something to do with your reasons for leaving Guarding's. Because it is evident that it has nothing to do with looking after children, which I assume you enjoy doing.'
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